“Wait and see,” Sigrid called from the front. I was in the back with the kids.
“Waiting is what we’ll be doing if we can’t get out of this madness.”
“Won’t be long now, I promise.”
I nodded and went back to looking out the window, wondering where on earth we were going. The Ritz was farther along Piccadilly, maybe there. But that didn’t seem like Sigrid’s style, she always wanted to do something a little unexpected. Then I spotted the red flag-like drapes adorning the front of the Royal Astronomical Society’s creamy building. That had to be it. The driver was even beginning to slow down. But we were on the wrong side of the road…
Then I glanced to my left and took in the green-mint, old-fashioned awning that stretched the entire ground floor of an ancient building. Each large square display window—three on the right and an equal number on the left—was decorated with intricate lattices nestled above a semi-circle. And each one had on show some sort of arrangement to do with tea.
“Oh, wow,” I whispered.
Sigrid turned in her seat to look back at me. “You approve?”
“Gosh, I’ve never even been inside before.”
“Well today you will.”
“Come on, Leah we’re in for a real treat today. We’re going to be treated like proper ladies.”
The driver jumped out and quickly helped us out onto the pavement in front of Fortnum & Mason, the exquisite department store that had plenty of secrets and goodies within. Only, as I’d told Siggy, I’d never stepped inside there before, knowing at the time that anything that was on offer was out of my budget. But all that had changed after marrying Drake.
Sigrid snapped the baby carrier back into the buggy, meanwhile I had a tight hold of Leah’s hand on the busy street and gazed up at the old building.
“I forgot to ask… exactly how many people are turning up for this?”
“Not many,” Sigrid said and started to push the buggy toward the entrance, I followed and Leah pulled forward, wanting to see in the windows. I didn’t realise how strong she become—or how weak, I’d truly become, until then—when her little hand slipped from my grasp and she bolted forward. She dodged in between passers by and out of my sight.
“Leah!”
I darted after her, the adrenaline already working its way through my body. Thankfully she had been aiming for the displays, god only knows what I would’ve done had she’d run toward the road.
A few seconds later I reached Leah’s side. She was like a little starfish, her arms outstretched at an angle, palms on the window and her face pressed up against the glass looking at the twinkling display.
“She’s okay,” said a woman I hadn’t even noticed standing next to her, a gloved hand softly placed upon Leah’s shoulder. The woman moved her gaze from Leah up to me and smiled. “I saw her run as I was walking by.”
“Er, thanks,” I replied gratefully, as I took her in. She had kind eyes, familiar. I frowned trying to work out the puzzle. Had I seen her before? Somewhere recently, I knew that for sure. But where? Just as I was about to ask Sigrid called out. “Come on!”
“I’ll be right there,” I said and peeled one of Leah’s hands off the glass.
“Going into the tea rooms?” the woman asked.
I nodded, still trying to place her. But my flustered brain, still recovering from the little scare when Leah’s hand dropped from mine, was not cooperating. The woman smiled and I realised she wasn’t going to be satisfied with just a nod. “I think so, my friend has organised a baby shower for me.”
“Oh, how nice. That sounds utterly delightful.”
The way her voice lilted up at the end was recognisable. We’d talked before. And the way her eager face, wrinkled with age, but not overly so—she must have been only about fifty, maybe even younger—was looking at me made me think she knew me, too.
“Where’s your boy?”
“My what?”
“Your baby?”
“Vi! Come on, you don’t want to keep everyone waiting.”
“Sorry, I have to go.”
I pulled Leah from the window display and almost dragged her to join Sigrid inside the store. Leah wasn’t happy about it, but as soon as she was inside her eyes lit up even more and she stopped struggling. I was grateful for that because if she’d run again, I didn’t think I would’ve been able to move.
“Vi? You’ve gone white as a sheet. Are you feeling faint? Are you bleeding?”
I shook my head.
“Then what’s wrong?”
I swallowed. Did I dare even think the words let alone say them out loud?
It just couldn’t be. The chance of it all… impossible.
“Vi, if you don’t tell me what’s going on right now, I will pinch you—”
“I think I just saw…”
“Saw who?”
The hair, the face, the voice. It was almost like looking into a magic mirror and glancing at my future self.
“I think I just saw my mom.”
Leah had enough with being patient and started struggling again, no doubt wanting to touch all the colourful items that were on display. But to me they were just a blur, a canvas of splotchy colour, all merging into one another as I stared straight, my eyes fixed on nothing in particular.
Sigrid scooped Leah up and put her in the second seat of the buggy then her face came into focus as she stepped in front of me.
“What? Are you sure?”
I shook my head.
“You’re not sure?”
“I think it was her, but I can’t be sure. I haven’t seen her since I was little.”
Always the practical one, Sigrid asked, “What about photographs? Could you recognise her from a photo. I could go out there, if she’s still there that is, and take a quick photo with my phone?”
“Maybe, I dunno.” I started thinking back to the years after she left. Dad didn’t throw photographs of her away all at once. Instead they seemed to slowly disappear from the shelves. Much like what happened to my memories of her. One by one, each moment became fuzzy, until they disappeared into nothingness and were swept clear from the storage shelves within my mind.
“What was she wearing?”
“Blue coat, dark hair… like mine,” I answered trailing off but Sigrid wouldn’t have heard me anyway, she was already gone. I clamped my other hand onto the bar of the buggy for dear life and stood unmoving in the middle of the fairly busy department store’s entrance.
I didn’t have to wait long for Sigrid to return. Her face was set, blank even. She wasn’t giving anything away, she merely nodded and took back control of the buggy with the precious load inside. Where’s your boy? The woman’s words repeated in my mind. Whomever she was, how did she know the sex of my baby? It was of course a fifty-fifty chance she got it right, but had it all been guess work?
Automatically my feet started to move, following Sigrid through the maze of the store before she stopped in front of a large double door.
“Do you still want to do this?” she asked, pausing before reaching for the door. Beyond the wooden barrier I could hear a rustling of feet, chattering happy voices, and the clink of fine china.
How could I go in there when only seconds ago I’d just seen my mother? The mother that had abandoned me when I barely out of the cradle… much like Christine, Drake’s ex, had done to Leah. I wanted to go back out there, confront her on the street. I wished I’d had the courage to say something. Wished I’d realised who’d been before me sooner. And though it still might not have been her—the familiarity may have just been a trick of my mind, seeing what I’d wanted to see, perhaps—but even then, after all that, I was now convinced it was her.
When I didn’t answer, Sigrid said, “Vi?”
“Yes? Sorry. What did you say?”
“You still want to go in?”
I nodded. “As long there’s something stronger than tea in there.”
“Don’t you worry, I’ll find us something.”<
br />
Excited happy faces greeted us as we entered the Diamond Jubilee Tea Salon. Sigrid must’ve hired out that whole area for the private event, I thought. I barely knew many of the people personally, I could tell they were friends of Drake’s. At least there weren’t as many as the last party they’d decided to throw me. And it seemed Sigrid had invited some of her own girlfriends to even out the genders. She was always trying to get me to meet with some of her friends, always promising that we’d all get along, because I barely had any of my own.
I spotted my dad and Barbara at one table. Dad was already tucking into the spread that was laid out. Tiny little finger sandwiches, no doubt filled with very British things like cucumbers and cress, were presented on delicate stacked plates. One stack each on the big, round, dressed tables that were spaced about the large room. And to one side there was a buffet set up, too. But this was no ordinary buffet. No greasy sausage rolls in sight. There was everything one could imagine: brightly coloured macaroons that were balanced on top of each other elegantly, all manner of flavoured cakes with slices already portioned out as well as a huge display piece, and cupcakes dotted around.
There was even a cheese display, from what I could tell, huge wheels of the stuff, grapes dangling over the sides. Farther along, a block of ice the size of a small cupboard was tipped on its side and acted like a table for a huge slab of fish. From its orange colour I presumed it had to be smoked salmon.
Sigrid and Drake had certainly gone all out.
But everything considered, I was overwhelmed. All the people, all the noise… including the clamouring that was already going on in my head.
Had that really been my mother? The elusive Mandy Swanson?
Various bitter smells drifted around the room and I longed for something harsh but relaxing to take the edge off my nerves.
While I’d been standing there taking in the room Sigrid had managed to dismantle the buggy and had the baby, who was dressed all in blue for the occasion, ready and in her arms for the cooing to commence. I extracted Leah from her confines, too.
“Let’s get you settled somewhere before you fall down. We’ll let people come to you if they want to say hello or see the baby, okay?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Leah must’ve spotted Drake as she started calling for him. He heard her and turned and gave her an incredible smile. I let her go and she ran on wobbly legs to him. It still melted my heart to see them like that. He adored her so much.
Away from my dad and Barbara, Sigrid found us a table near the bar, though it looked like it only served tea. I was grateful that she’d chosen one a little distance away. The moment I said anything to them, Dad would realise something was wrong and want to know what had happened, and though he was blissfully happy with Drake’s mom, who knew what kind of memories and bad feelings would be dredged up if I mentioned my suspicious about the woman I’d just met outside?
“Okay, you hold him, I’ll go find us some hard liquor.”
“Thank you, Sigrid,” I said earnestly. She paused before leaving again and gave me an encouraging nod and smile.
The baby was getting heavier and once again I marvelled at how fast he seemed to be growing. It seemed like only yesterday that I’d seen his tiny face for the first time. As I stared at it, his mouth was closed for the moment, thankfully, and I started to analyse my feelings again. Like I did each time I saw him, held him, changed him or fed him. There was supposed to be something… like the busting overflowing feeling I experienced every time I thought of Leah. The feeling that made it seem like I would die should anything ever happen to her.
But there was still a dark void. He literally could’ve been Sigrid’s baby, and while I knew I would’ve and did care for him if he were hers, he still didn’t feel like he belonged to me.
Was I doing something wrong? Had I done something to prevent us from bonding? I know our time apart in the hospital couldn’t have helped, but surely by now as time passed and we spent time together, that something should’ve sparked.
“So, have we got a name for him yet?” Barbara said from over my shoulder. She bent over and cooed at her grandchild.
“No, not yet.”
“Oh, I really thought you would have one by now. A baby really needs a name. We can’t keep calling him the baby.”
“We can’t decide,” I said lying. Drake and I had barely spoken to each other since that night I’d accused him of sleeping with Sigrid. So getting the chance to name our own child was close to impossible at the moment.
“Bug!” Leah called to her brother as she returned to the table. Drake stiffly followed but before he could join us Sigrid managed to catch his arm and pulled him to the side. I didn’t make it obvious that I’d seen, and while Sigrid had reassured me that there was nothing going on, a sliver of doubt still existed. But she was probably just warning him about what had happened outside the department store.
“No, Leah, he’s not called Bug,” Barbara said trying to correct her. But she wasn’t having any of it.
“Bug! Bug! Bug!”
“You won’t change her mind. That’s her pet name for him.”
“Well, at least someone took the time to name him.”
I closed my eyes and willed Sigrid to come and rescue me. I needed alcohol and I needed it now. I loved my mother-in-law, but I could only take Barbara in small doses once she started to offer her advice or opinions. And I’d already had too much of “mothers” for one day. Thankfully Barbara seemed to go on her own accord. She drifted away, talking to other guests.
“Here’s we go. This is for you,” Sigrid said as she handed me a crystal tumbler filled a third of the way with an amber liquid. She sat down on my right. She nodded encouragement. “Down in one.”
Leah climbed up and then sat on the chair next to me on the other side. “Juice?” Leah asked—though it came out more like “duce”—as I knocked the glass back and let the contents spill and burn down my throat.
Definitely not juice. I gave a little cough as the harshness dragged and continued to claw on its way down.
“Would you like some juice? Or would you like to have some tea like the grown-ups?” I asked Leah.
Sigrid leaned over. “Like princesses,” she said to Leah. Leah beamed and nodded and we fixed her a weak, tepid, sugary cup of tea in a cup that must’ve cost the best part of a fifty-pound note. “The Queen opened this place, you know?” Sigrid continued.
Leah’s little eyes went wide.
“Ah that makes sense, what with the name: the Diamond Jubilee.”
Sigrid nodded and her tone turned more serious. Leah was happily occupied with her cup and saucer and finger sandwiches.
“Thanks for this, by the way. Everything looks perfect.”
“Anything for you, hun. Do you want another drink?” she asked.
“Please, it’s not like I’m breastfeeding right now.”
“Good, cause I managed to convince the manager to give me the whole bottle.”
She topped us both up and we each took little sips this time, savouring the flavours instead.
“What did you say to Drake?” I asked.
“I didn’t tell him about before. It is not my place,” she explained.
“So what did—”
“She told me to get my act together and to stop giving you the silent treatment.” Drake’s voice emanated from behind me. My skin rippled with longing as he placed his hands on my shoulders.
Sigrid winced.
“But what’s not Sigrid’s place to tell me?”
I half turned to look at him but it was difficult while also holding the baby.
“Here I can take him and let you two have some alone time,” Sigrid said and offered out her arms.
I shook my head. “It’s okay, I can manage. After all it’s the first time he’s been quiet for me for so long.”
She flicked what I read to be a stern warning to Drake as she vacated her seat for him. Perhaps they weren’t sleeping toget
her after all. And she really was on my side, doing what best friends should.
“So? What’s so bad that it has you drinking whisky in the middle of the day at your own shower? Pretty sure this is a tea party.” He was keeping his distance, being firm with me and there was no hint of a smile. It reminded me of the first day I’d seen him again, at his mother’s birthday party. He’d been all grown up, serious, and business-like.
That was not the Drake I wanted to tell this all to, I thought. I wanted the kind, understanding, loving Drake, with the soft eyes that would tell me everything would be okay. But this Drake would probably insist that I’d imagined the entire encounter.
“It’s nothing, really. Just nerves.”
His eyes narrowed. The baby squirmed in my arms. I could feel my muscles tensing up.
“Why are you lying to me?” Drake asked as he leaned forward so guests couldn’t hear.
“Please, I don’t want to talk about it here. It’s not important. Not with all these people. I’m barely keeping it together as it is, okay?”
“I don’t see why you can’t tell me.” It was then his eyes softened and the steeliness began to disappear. But it was too late, he’d pushed me too far.
“Drop it, Drake,” I said louder than I should have.
Heads turned and I could feel people staring. My tipping point.
I’d really been looking forward to the day, getting out of the house again and doing semi-normal things that new mothers tended to do. Granted my shower was after the birth but it didn’t seem to matter. It was still something.
But the moment that woman had come on the scene, laid her hand on Leah’s shoulder, everything had gotten so twisted and complicated.
Abruptly I stood, the baby still in my arms, and walked away from the table, heading toward the nearest door. Hoping perhaps it would lead to the ladies’ room. It wasn’t, the single door—presumably for the staff—led to a corridor outside the tea room.
I followed it and kept on going. Past staff, down the stairs, skirting by towering displays of all kinds of different tea until I reached the exit to the department store. My feet wouldn’t stop. I had to get outside, I had to breathe.
Loving my Billionaire Stepbrother's Baby Page 7
