He shut his eyes tight just as his father walked into the room. “What is all the fuss about in here?”
Sebastian swallowed. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know that his father was glaring at him.
“Nothing, Father,” he murmured.
“Nothing? You’re all but shouting at poor Jamel here, and for what purpose?”
Sebastian finally opened his eyes, glancing over at the still mildly grimacing Mr. Jamel. “Apologies, Mr. Jamel.”
“Think nothing of it, my lord.”
“I was surprised that’s all,” he said to no one in particular.
His brother joined them, heading straight toward his coffee, his drink of choice which the servants knew to keep stocked when he was at home. “What’s Sebastian done now?”
Grown man or not, his brother’s smug, lazy drawl never failed to make him want to spit. And maybe knock that bored smirk off his brother’s face once and for all.
He liked his brother. He truly did.
He just wished that every now and again he wouldn’t be quite so perfect. Maybe then he would understand what it felt like to be Sebastian. He’d have a glimmer of understanding, at least. As it was, attempting to explain himself to his family made Sebastian wish he’d never woken up this morning.
He scrubbed at his tired eyes again. If he were still asleep in his bed, he would be blissfully unaware that the woman he loved had left. Fled, even. Run away like some sort of criminal.
He winced at the story she’d told her of her mother. Perhaps criminal was not the right comparison to make, even in his thoughts.
“What’s the fuss about, Jamel?” Apparently the earl wasn’t content to let the matter drop, and the ever faithful butler answered without hesitation.
“I was merely relaying the information that Miss Sally and her sister, Miss Rebecca, had already left, my lord.”
His father gave a grunt of approval. “Yes, yes. She told me last night that she planned to be off at first light.” He turned toward the side table that was lined with biscuits. He supposed the rest of the guests were still in bed after the long night of revelry, but the men of this household never had been able to stay abed long. “I don’t know what her rush was,” he grumbled. “Could have waited for Dr. Roberts to arrive.”
Sebastian shared a knowing look with his brother. It was Maxwell who spoke over the rim of his coffee cup. “I imagine you’ll survive without a physician about for one morning.”
If their father caught an undercurrent of sarcasm, he did not let on, focusing instead on the biscuit on his plate with a scowl.
Step up, Sebastian.
He leaned against the seat across from his father’s as Sally’s parting words from the night before struck him anew. Don’t just talk about being responsible. Be responsible.
Truth be told, he hadn’t stopped thinking about those chastening words since she’d run off the night before. Where she’d gone, he did not know. He’d seen her sister but either Sally had lost herself in the crush or she’d retired early.
Likely the latter since she was ready to leave at the crack of dawn.
He eased himself into the chair, watching his father eat and his brother drink as he tried to figure out what Sally would do right about now. He winced and squeezed the bridge of his nose as he thought about all she’d said about his father, about this family. What would Sally do?
She certainly wouldn’t sit here like a coward not saying what needed to be said.
“We never talk about Mother,” he said abruptly.
The sudden silence after his outburst felt deafening.
Then his father’s silverware clattered against porcelain and his brother’s cup rattled in its saucer as they quite literally dropped what they were doing to stare at him in clear shock.
“Pardon?” His father’s voice was wary. Almost...vulnerable?
Gah! It was horrific indeed to think of one’s parent as fallible and perhaps even...weak. But it would be more horrible by far to take the coward’s way out and continue to avoid this conversation.
With Sally’s words echoing in his ears, he sat up straighter, his spine stiff and his jaw set. “It occurs to me that the three of us have been avoiding this topic.” He glanced over at his brother whose typical look of boredom was replaced by a rather comical wide-eyed stare. “We’ve ignored several topics, to be honest,” he said. “As if we’ve all agreed by some unspoken truce that we would be better off living in solitude—”
“I hardly live in solitude,” his father blustered.
“You do.” Sebastian drew in a deep breath. It might have been the first time in his life that he’d stood up to his father about anything. It had always been far easier to go behind his back and have his own way. He supposed after all his youthful antics it wasn’t difficult to understand how his father might not trust him. But he could. He should. “Father, you surround yourself with this houseful of sniveling bootlickers—”
“Is this necessary?” his brother tried to interrupt.
“It is.” He glanced around. “It’s just the three of us now. It’s as good a time as any to speak the truth.” With another deep breath he tried to order his wayward thoughts. “Mother’s death hit us all hard,” he said. “We all miss her. But we’ve done her a disservice by ignoring her death, by avoiding the topic of her absence and what it has meant for this family.” He forced himself to meet his father’s fierce scowl. “What it has meant for your health.”
His father jerked back as if he’d been slapped. “Your mother has nothing to do with my ill health.”
“No, Father. With all due respect, there is no such thing as your ill health.”
He started to protest and he glanced over to see his brother’s expression morphing ever so slightly from shock to awe. He wasn’t trying to stop him, so Sebastian took that to be a sign of approval. Not much of one, but enough that it encouraged him to continue.
“I truly do not mean to disrespect you, Father, but you have heard it from Dr. Roberts and countless other physicians—”
“Miss Sally, you mean. I don’t know what that girl has told you but she’s certainly no physician.”
“No, she’s not a trained physician.” Oddly enough, the more his father overreacted, the calmer Sebastian began to feel. For the first time in his entire life, he felt like the one who had his act together. Almost as though he were the adult here, rather than the child.
You are an adult, you dolt. He could practically hear Sally’s teasing tone and it made his chest feel lighter and the words came a little more easily. “Sally might not be a trained physician, but you would be the first to admit she knows what she’s about.”
He waited just long enough for his father to give a grudging muttered agreement. “...s’pose she’s got a good head on her shoulders, that one. The captain always did know what he was doing raising those girls.”
“And besides that, every other physician and surgeon you’ve seen has concurred—”
“How would you know?” his father burst out.
“Am I wrong?” He waited patiently until his father looked away in defeat. “Your health issues arose shortly after Mother passed and I think it’s about time we address it.”
Voices drifted down the hallway and Sebastian’s heart fell. The guests were beginning to come down. He’d finally worked up the courage to confront his father and now it was bound to end before a conversation even truly began.
But to his surprise, his brother called out to a footman. “Have my father’s breakfast brought to him in his study. Bring the coffee, as well.” He was already standing. “And most of all, be sure that we are not interrupted.”
“Very good, my lord.”
Neither Sebastian nor his father thought to question Maxwell’s commands. That was why his brother would make an excellent earl one day. It was in his blood. But to Sebastian’s surprise, his brother turned to him when they were all once more seated, his father’s breakfast being ignored in front of him and
Maxwell’s coffee in his hand where it belonged for the duration of the morning hours.
“Well?” His brother waved a hand in a gesture of ‘get on with it.’ “You were saying, Sebastian?”
His father looked nearly as stunned as Sebastian felt at the sudden shift in the family dynamic. Of course, there was no time now to sit and ponder what had changed that he was suddenly being treated as a responsible adult and not an overgrown child. That could wait until later.
He turned once more to face his father and thought again of all Sally had said about him and his father, what she’d inferred, and what she’d said about her own family. For a moment he was overwhelmed by it all. By the complexity. But when it came to Sally, little was complicated.
She was a woman who believed in her values, who lived by them, and who placed family above all others. She was so very good, so very genuine, that she gave a man something to believe in.
But his father and brother were waiting, and he didn’t suppose they were waiting to hear him wax on about the glorious Miss Sally Jones. So instead, he leaned forward and clasped his hands together as his elbows rested on his knees. “I propose we go around and air our grievances in this family.” He cast his father a sidelong look. “And perhaps our fears. If we cannot be honest and open with one another, I wonder who we can rely on.”
The silence that followed was filled with a look shared between his father and Maxwell. It seemed to be one of wary approval.
“Right, then. I’ll start,” he said with a clap of his hands which made it seem as though he were actually looking forward to bearing his innards to the two men he admired, respected, and feared the most. In actuality, he was glad he hadn’t yet eaten or he might very well have spilled the contents of his stomach on the floor. “Believe it or not, I love the army.” His father’s brows arched in surprise, although Sebastian had hardly tried to keep this a secret. “I am thriving in the military, and it has given me the sense of purpose that I have long sought.”
He had a flicker of Sally then. The girl was the living definition of purpose, and he supposed he’d admired that about her first. But it was definitely not the last of her many and myriad traits he admired.
“What is your point, Sebastian?” Maxwell asked.
“Only that while I know Father might wish for me to rethink this career, to stay closer to home and take on more duties here, I am not as reckless as he fears. I know he believes I’m off gallivanting—”
“That’s not why I wanted you back home.” His father’s interruption had him blinking over at the older man. His father shifted uneasily, but Sebastian and his brother waited in silence.
“I wanted you home because any manner of accidents could occur while you’re in the military. You could be sent off to a war, for goodness sake. You could be maimed or worse while training. You could—”
“I could be thrown from my horse while out on a morning ride,” Sebastian interjected. For once, however, he wasn’t fighting him. He was merely trying to make his father see.
Because now that he’d spoken, Sebastian saw what his father’s fears were. A quick glance at his brother showed that he saw it too.
A warmth of tenderness and concern tinged Maxwell’s typically unreadable gaze as he looked upon their father. “And your insistence that I always be at your beck and call here at the manor...” Maxwell said quietly. Almost gently.
Their father rubbed at the back of his neck and not for the first time during this visit, Sebastian noted just how much he’d aged these past two years since their mother died. Not that his health was failing or that he was sickly in any way, but he looked tired. Weary. The courage and confidence that Sebastian had always admired and often feared as a child was nowhere to be found.
“Anything could happen to you there in the city,” their father murmured.
Maxwell and Sebastian exchanged a long look. There it was. These past two years of interference and haranguing—and it was because their father was scared.
“She went so quickly,” their father said, his gaze fixed on the carpet, his eyes distant with memory. “I wasn’t expecting it at all. I’d never given any thought to what life would be like without her.” He let out an exasperated huff. “I’d never given any thought that it could happen to any one of us. To either of you.”
Sebastian opened his mouth but shut it promptly. His throat felt tight with emotion. Even Maxwell looked pained and overset, not at all like his normal untouchable, impossibly arrogant self.
“It’s not as though we can guarantee our safety, Father,” Maxwell said slowly. “Just as there is no certainty about your future. But we cannot stop living. We cannot lead full lives if we spend all of our days with one eye fixed on the grave.”
Silence followed as each man seemed to dwell in his own thoughts.
Their father broke it by shifting in his seat to face Sebastian directly. “So...you’re an upright servant of the crown now, are you?”
Sebastian didn’t miss the flicker of amusement, nor the warmth there that he hadn’t seen in ages. “It would appear that way.”
“Well…” His father’s voice was gruff. “You’ve made us proud.”
Sebastian stared, a bizarre stinging sensation pricking the back of his eyes.
“Your mother would be quite pleased,” their father added, looking nearly as uncomfortable as Sebastian felt.
“Thank you, Father,” he finally managed to say.
The conversation continued, and following Sebastian’s lead, his brother and father each took a turn doing the very thing no man in this household had ever thought to do before.
They were honest. Open. And by the time the conversation was drawing to a close, Sebastian was certain that nothing between them would be the same. For the first time since their mother had died, he felt as though this was his family. Without her there to act as intermediary, to be the heart of their little unit, it would fall on them to keep this bond alive, to nurture trust. To ensure that their father did not wallow in his fears…
But Sebastian believed that it would happen. This was the first step, and he would make it a priority to ensure they continued as they’d started.
“Now then,” their father said with a bit of bluster as the clock chimed and the sound of guests roaming the hallways grew impossible to ignore. “If that’s all you wanted to discuss, I’d best get back to my guests.”
“Actually, there’s one more thing,” Sebastian said quickly, before he could lose his nerve.
His father’s eyes gleamed with mischief and laughter when he turned to face him. “I thought there might be.”
Maxwell eyed him evenly, his hands folded across his stomach.
“I mean to marry Sally.”
He hadn’t quite meant to blurt it out so abruptly, but if Sally had taught him anything it was that straightforward was the best way.
His father surprised him with a wide grin. “She’s a fine girl. Good head on her shoulders.”
Apparently that was his father’s favorite attribute.
“Yes, well, she’s also the kindest woman I’ve ever met,” he said. “And she’s smart, and funny, and so very honest. She’s—”
“I think we get the picture,” his brother said mildly. “But, Sebastian, are you certain?” His brows drew together in confusion. “She’s the daughter of a naval captain. I cannot imagine she has much dowry to speak of—”
“Her father is a fine man.” Their father’s interruption had Sebastian blinking in surprise. He’d expected his father to jump aboard the ‘reasons this is a bad idea’ boat. Perhaps even take over at the helm. “I’ve always admired the captain. After his poor wife’s death, he did everything in his power to be a good father to those girls.” His gaze grew distant again. “Very good father,” he added, as if to himself.
Sebastian cleared his throat. As if Sally were some sort of ghost, her voice was haunting him fully now. He could practically hear her every protest, every concern that she’d throw back in his
face.
“Father,” he started slowly. “If there were some scandal in Sally’s family or in her past…” He couldn’t bring himself to meet his brother’s scrutinizing gaze, focusing on his father instead. “Would you still give your blessing?”
His father looked at him evenly. “First, there is no scandal there to speak of. There’s nothing wrong with being a captain’s daughter. Second, if there were, that would not change the fact that the girl earned my admiration. As my assistant and as a…” He cleared his throat. “Well, I guess you could say as a friend. She does not cower, that one.”
Sebastian felt a smile tugging at his lips. “Indeed she does not.”
His father gave a huff of laughter. “Had no trouble ordering me about, I’ll tell you that.”
Even Maxwell gave a grudging grin at that.
“But most importantly…” Their father faced Sebastian fully. “She seems to be a good influence on you. I’ve never seen you so happy. So yes,” he said abruptly. “I’d overlook anything for a woman who makes you light up like she does.”
Sebastian grinned, just narrowly stopping himself before he could crow with triumph.
His brother’s words were sobering. “You still have to convince her, though.”
Sebastian’s smile faded.
Maxwell looked annoyingly smug. “I assume the fact that she took her sister and ran away from here as quickly as possible doesn’t speak well of her feelings for you.”
“Mmph.” He growled at the memory of discovering that she’d left without a word. It wasn’t like his brave Sally to avoid anyone or anything. But that’s precisely what she’d been doing for days now.
He leaned back in his chair as his heart pounded harder, realizations flooding him. What would make a strong, brave, fearless lass like Sally run?
Not the attentions of a man she didn’t care about. Of that he was certain. The only reason his Sally would flee was if he posed a danger...to her heart.
“Well?” His father was shuffling to his feet and his voice was back to being gruff and grumpy. “What are you waiting for, Sebastian? If you love the girl, go get her.”
Miss Sally's Unsuitable Soldier Page 11
