Byron seems to be taking it all pretty hard — the off-campus stuff and the counseling and the debate team. It doesn’t help that Mom and Dad are cross-country skiing in Connecticut this weekend, so Byron has to move all by himself. And there’s no big brunch today, like my parents have had at the beginning of every other semester.
I could tell Byron felt bad when he woke up this morning. He kept making comments like, “They’re gone?” and “They didn’t even leave a note?” and “They just left without saying goodbye?”
I was tempted to say, Join the club. That’s how they’ve treated me for fifteen years. But instead I toasted us both a bagel and made two mugs of hot chocolate.
Ever since New Year’s Eve, Byron’s been nicer to me than he’s been in years. I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did to Annie Mills, but he’s the only brother I have, so I can’t hate him forever. I don’t think we’ll ever be as close as when we were kids, but maybe that’s OK.
I hear Byron heaving as he carries crates to the service elevator.
“Byron?” I call from my bedroom.
“Yeah?”
“Can you come here for a second?”
Byron approaches my doorway. He’s wearing faded jeans and a sweat-soaked shirt. “What’s up?”
“How would you like a full-length mirror for your new room?”
“You don’t want your mirror?”
“I never wanted my mirror.”
“I’ll take it,” Byron says. “But let me know if you ever want it back.”
Byron and I lift the mirror together. Once we’ve loaded it into the elevator, I help him haul the rest of his stuff out of the apartment and into the rental truck.
After Byron drives off, I walk into the lobby of our building and check the mail. I’m thumbing through a stack of bills for my parents when I come across a handwritten envelope from Anaïs, addressed to me. I step into the elevator.
Dear Ginny,
Thanks for your letter! I’m so sorry about everything that’s been happening. It reminded me of why I had to escape to Africa. I was suffocated by Mom’s denial, by our family’s pressure to fit a perfect mold at all costs. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
I promise a longer letter very soon, but I just wanted to say that in spite of everything, you sound better than ever.
Love,
Anaïs
When I get upstairs, I put the letter back in its envelope. It’s strange to see Anaïs writing about the whole perfect-family thing. I’m starting to wonder if that’s changing, if Byron’s date rape shook everything up.
The phone rings. I make a dive for it.
“Hello?”
It’s Mom, calling from her cell phone. “We’re driving home from Connecticut.”
“But it’s only Saturday afternoon.”
“The snow is too slushy for skiing,” Mom says.
Dad says something in the background.
“Oh, yes,” Mom adds. “We’ve gotten last-minute tickets to an exclusive film screening this evening. Would you like to come along?”
“Thanks, but I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I’m getting together with some friends for dinner.”
“Can’t you get out of it?” Mom asks. “This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.”
“Nope,” I say. “Sorry.”
Mom laughs. “You really are a Shreves.”
“What do you mean?”
“You do exactly what you want.” Mom pauses before adding, “If I don’t see you before you leave, have fun tonight.”
“Thanks.”
As I’m hanging up, I think about how I’ve always felt very un-Shreves, like I belonged in a clan of plump, blond underachievers. Now that I’ve been deemed an official family member, I’m not even sure I want that affiliation. Does “doing exactly what I want” mean not thinking about other people’s feelings? Because that’s just not the kind of person I am.
Maybe it can mean whatever I want it to mean, like taking care of myself and not letting people walk all over me.
Yes, that’s much more like it.
I wear jeans, a long undershirt, and my WALLA WALLA IS FOR LOVERS sweatshirt. I excavated it from under my bed last night and threw it in the wash. I’m also wearing the violet scarf that Alyssa knitted for me. It’s so long I can wrap it around my neck three times.
I grab my digital camera and head over to Central Park. I’m meeting up with the Earthquackers at Belvedere Castle. We’re going to Pizzeria Uno for dinner, but first we’re doing a photo shoot so we can post pictures of us on the premiere issue of Earthquack. Froggy thought the castle would establish our regal status.
Most of the others are already there when I arrive. Some are climbing the stairs to an upper turret. Others are throwing ice chunks into Turtle Pond. Alyssa is chatting with Hudson. I know she has a crush on him, so I leave her alone.
“Nice sweatshirt.” Froggy bumps his hip against mine.
“Thanks,” I say, bumping him back.
“Virginia?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know what they say about a frog in a castle?”
“No . . . what?”
Froggy gets a shy smile on his face and rubs his nose a few times. “If you kiss him, he’ll turn into a prince.”
I glance around at the other kids. According to the Fat Girl Code of Conduct, public displays of affection are a cardinal no-no.
“Right here?” I ask.
Froggy nods.
“Right now?”
He nods again.
So I lean forward, close my eyes, and kiss Froggy Welsh the Fourth.
Right on the lips.
Right in front of everybody.
Thanks to my agent, Jodi Reamer, whose positive attitude drove this novel forward. Thanks to my U.S. and U.K. editors, Deborah Wayshak and Mara Bergman, for loving Virginia as much as I do. Thanks to Liz Bicknell, Jane Winterbotham, and all the amazing people at Candlewick and Walker.
Thanks to everyone who gave me the scoop on private schools, plus sizes, piercings, and so much more. Thanks to Jenny Greenberg, Amber Kallen-Monroe, and Juliet Siler, for reading the manuscript and offering valuable suggestions. And a special thanks to my family and friends, for always
making me feel welcome on this earth.
ALSO BY CAROLYN MACKLER
Vegan Virgin Valentine
A straight-A student, a vegan, and a virgin, senior Mara Valentine is on track to achieve all of her goals. That is until her slutty, pot-smoking, sixteen-year-old niece — yes, niece — comes to live with Mara’s family. Before Mara knows it, things are spinning out of control.
“This fast-paced . . . story is charged with sarcasm, angst, honesty, and hope.”
—Voice of Youth Advocates
“Funny and optimistic.” —Kirkus Reviews
www.candlewick.com
MORE BY CAROLYN MACKLER
Guyaholic
A story of finding, flirting, forgetting . . . and the boy who changes everything
V Valentine is the queen of meaningless hookups. But then she meets Sam Almond. Right from the start, things with Sam are different. V is terrified to admit it, but this might be meaningful after all.
“Written with humor and verve.” —Booklist
“Eye-opening . . . V’s narration is simple and accessible as she learns to be brave.”
—Kirkus Reviews
www.candlewick.com
Carolyn Mackler is the author of Vegan Virgin Valentine, an American Library Association Quick Pick and a New York Public Library Book for the Teen Age, as well as the award-winning Love and Other Four-Letter Words and Guyaholic. Her fiction and nonfiction have appeared in numerous publications, including Seventeen, Girls’ Life, Teen People, and Glamour.
Of The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things, she says, “So many of us feel like we don’t fit in, that we’re inferior to others. But things happen. Bad things happen. And many of us end up
learning the difficult but important lesson that the people we idolize may not be all they’re cracked up to be. And guess what? We’re not so bad, after all.” Carolyn Mackler lives in New York City.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or, if real, are used fictitiously.
Copyright © 2003 by Carolyn Mackler
Cover photograph copyright © 2007 by Yoshiyuki Itoh/Getty Images
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, transmitted, or stored in an information retrieval system in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, taping, and recording, without prior written permission from the publisher.
First electronic edition 2011
The Library of Congress has cataloged the hardcover edition as follows:
Mackler, Carolyn.
The earth, my butt, and other big round things / Carolyn Mackler. — 1st U.S. ed.
p. cm.
Summary: Feeling like she does not fit in with the other members of her family, who are all thin, brilliant, and good-looking, fifteen-year-old Virginia tries to deal with her self-image, her first physical relationship, and her disillusionment with some of the people closest to her.
ISBN 978-0-7636-1958-9 (hardcover)
[1. Self-perception — Fiction. 2. Assertiveness (Psychology) — Fiction. 3. Family problems — Fiction. 4. Weight control — Fiction. 5. High schools — Fiction. 6. Schools — Fiction. 7. New York (N.Y.) — Fiction.] I. Title.
PZ7.M2178 Ear 2003
[Fic] — dc21 2002073921
ISBN 978-0-7636-2091-2 (paperback)
ISBN 978-0-7636-5432-0 (electronic)
Candlewick Press
99 Dover Street
Somerville, Massachusetts 02144
visit us at www.candlewick.com
The Earth, My Butt, and Other Big Round Things Page 18
