I took a deep breath and stepped out onto the roof. It was sunset, so I knew Alucard wouldn’t be on the roof for much longer, and I didn’t feel like searching every corner of the mansion for him. I took two steps and froze, realizing Alucard hadn’t noticed me.
“I don’t care how much you love them,” he growled. “Put some damned pants on, Carl. Good lord. I feel like I need a bath even knowing about this.”
I smiled, taking a few more steps to find Carl lying on a lawn-chair, ass up…
Wearing his new, sparkly red heels.
Alucard had scooted his chair away, but there was only a small sliver of the roof that had the perfect amount of fading sunlight hitting it. And Carl was forcing him to share it.
“This is my safe space, Carl!” Alucard hissed, growing angrier. “Go be weird elsewhere!”
“Those filthy babies are in my sunroom, enjoying themselves.”
“Then go lay out on the driveway or something,” Alucard snapped.
Carl was silent for a moment as I shook my head in disbelief, trying not to burst out laughing. Alucard was so annoyed that he still hadn’t noticed me.
“I don’t want to get my shoes dirty,” Carl said.
“Sweet sassafras,” I finally burst out, mimicking Alucard’s accent. “This is beautiful.”
Alucard jumped, pointing a finger at Carl. “Why in the seven hells did you buy him those?!” he snapped, rounding on me.
“Because I done him wrong,” I admitted, my smile fading. Not losing my cheer, but making it more genuine and less mocking, remembering my purpose here. “Carl, can you go… do whatever you do with your shoes somewhere else for a bit. We need to be getting ready, and I want to talk to Alucard. In private.”
Carl looked up at me, his scaled ass glinting in the sunlight.
“You do have pants up here, right? Please tell me you brought your pants up here…”
Carl’s eyes squinted, his tongue flicking out in annoyance. He climbed to his feet, snatching up a pair of leather pants. Instead of donning them, he placed the wad of clothing over his naughty bits. “Will this suffice?”
“Well, not for general hanging out purposes, but to get to your rooms, yeah,” I said, trying not to make fun of him. He really didn’t understand our ways yet, no matter how hard we tried to explain them to him. He had finally come to the understanding that we didn’t like to see his trouser snake. But it had taken some time.
“I will take my shoes to my secret lair where I can appreciate them in privacy,” he muttered.
Alucard’s jaw dropped, shaking his head incredulously.
Carl was just so freaking weird that you didn’t have to even be snarky to tease him. Just have a basic understanding of social etiquette. Even Alex could tease him easily, and he hadn’t been around regular people for a very long time.
I held up a finger to Alucard, trying to let him know with my eyes that he shouldn’t tease him. He blinked at me, cocking his head curiously, but finally closed his mouth and nodded.
Carl muttered some more as he strutted away on his stilettos. I shook my head, wondering if I should have given him something else.
But if he was into heels, he was into fucking heels, and I wasn’t going to stand in the way.
Realizing how that sounded, I sighed. “Thanks, Carl. I’m glad you like your shoes.”
He muttered something vaguely thankful, so I let him go. I realized I was staring at him walking away, the perfect cat walk, as if he had been doing it his entire life.
I arched a brow at Alucard, and then grinned. “Can I sit?” I asked.
He grew slightly tense, as if expecting an unpleasant conversation, but nodded. “It’s your house, not mine.”
I let that slide, taking note of his tone, and took a seat on the ledge, my back to a forty foot drop to the cobblestones below, a subconscious message of vulnerability. He sat in his lawn-chair, studying me warily.
“Remember that one time we were up here?” I asked casually.
“When you held me over the ledge with one hand?” he muttered. “Yeah, fun times…”
I nodded absently. “Want to return the favor?” I asked after a few moments.
He tensed, slowly turning to look at me. “What game are you playing?”
I shrugged. “Not a game. A gesture.” I held out my hands. “Well, Little Brother?”
He was on me in a blink, gripping me by the shirt and holding me out over the ledge. His face was a snarl, animalistic and savage. I met his eyes, unblinking, my hands hanging freely at my sides. “Is Grimm down there, ready to save you if I let go?” he snarled.
“I sure hope so,” I said honestly. “But I didn’t ask him to, if that’s what you mean.”
He frowned, and then grunted, pulling me back to safety before shoving me away. He turned his back and took a few angry steps, shoulders bunched up as if arguing with himself.
I straightened my shirt, waiting. I sat back down on the ledge when it was apparent he wasn’t ready to talk yet. And I waited.
“What is the meaning of this?” he finally growled.
I waited a few moments, hoping to impart some sincerity. Because one thing Conquest had reminded me of, was that although Alucard was a pretty suave, snarky guy, he was also very emotional. He really valued trust, loyalty, and respect. And I had shown him everything but respect in the last few years. Constant fighting had made me lose sight of this. As a result, he had tried to earn my respect by doing anything he could to help. And, for the most part…
He had failed spectacularly – every single time. At least, in his eyes.
He had tried managing Plato’s Cave, my bookstore, and being a vampire, had been worse than useless in almost every aspect. Not able to be present during the daytime hours, and unable to touch anything even remotely religious, which was pretty much everything. Even though the merchandise wasn’t Christian, the items I sold were deeply spiritual and religious to the patrons.
Which was anathema to a vampire.
Then, in a moment of weakness, he had bitten Tory. That had somehow transformed him into a Daywalker, but at the time, we hadn’t known that, and it could have very likely killed her.
To make up for this, he had tried to help her raise the Reds. And although they loved him dearly, he had kind of dropped the ball – epically – on a babysitting weekend of his, nearly allowing them to be killed by, wait for it…
His vengeful sister, who had tricked them into coming to Kansas City where she intended to kill all of us.
Then I hadn’t taken him to the Land of the Fae with me. And to Alucard, that was just another… nail in the coffin, so to speak. Another jab at his feeling of getting no respect.
Then, Alex had almost been taken this morning under Alucard’s watch. The last straw.
Even though he had been there time and time again to help us, in his eyes, he had failed an equal number of times. And that bothered him. Which meant I needed to make things right.
Chapter 24
Looking at him now, I didn’t know how he had lasted this long. Or how I had missed such obvious signs of inferiority and self-loathing – such a lack of self-confidence. I really was a shit.
“Little Brother,” I said softly. “Look me in my eyes.”
He flinched at those words. Because it was what he had called me when we first met. Somewhere along the way, that moniker had faded away. Likely, as his sense of self-respect had diminished.
He slowly turned, looking at me with a pained expression on his face. I smiled at him. A deep, genuine smile. Then I tossed him a can. He caught it instinctively, frowning down at it.
“Sun-kissed?” he asked, reading the generic brand of the famous drink, his tone dry and not pleased. As if his hopes had just been doused.
I nodded. “I wouldn’t have you any other way, Little Brother.”
His fingers clenched the can, almost tight enough to crush it. “Why do you keep saying that?”
I shrugged. “Should have been said mor
e often, Alucard. I’m sorry about that. Ask Gunnar. I’m kind of an asshole to those I care about. I guess I’m a twisted bastard,” I admitted.
He waited, studying me. “Again, what is the meaning of this?”
I sighed. “Callie helped me realize something. That my methods of showing my concern might not be received the same way.” He grunted.
“She’s very wise.”
“Just to clarify, I’m not a saint like her. I’m an asshole. But I can usually see when I made a mistake and smooth it over.” I paused. “If given the chance…”
“So, this is some gushy moment to help make the emotional vampire feel better?”
I laughed. “No. I just want you to know that me teasing you is a sign of respect.”
He tensed, letting me know I had hit the nail on the head. “You also tease your enemies, who you definitely don’t respect.”
I blinked. “Well, shit. There goes my whole spiel…” I muttered.
“Yeah…”
“I think I’m seeing how this went sideways…” I said. Alucard had been brought up in a pretty crappy home. Given the name Alucard Morningstar by his parents. He grew into that name and became a ruthless vampire overlord, doing quite well for himself. But he hadn’t liked it, and after meeting me, had seen the chance to become something better. But… my teasing had kind of had the opposite effect. It wasn’t that he couldn’t take a joke. It was that he already felt like a failure, and my constant teasing had only reinforced those insecurities, driving them bone-deep.
He sat down, muttering. “I don’t need your pity.”
“This isn’t pity, Alucard. I don’t really know what it is, but I’m obviously not very good at it. I guess it’s to thank you for always kicking ass. And apologizing for not telling you that sooner.”
He guffawed. “I’ve failed at almost everything I’ve tried. I don’t fit in like you guys. And this Daywalker shit is a constant mockery of that.”
“No, it’s really not. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve failed?” I argued hotly. “More than you have. Ten times more. Every single problem we’ve had is a direct result of my failure,” I admitted. “But you know what?” He waited, glancing up. “You’ve been there every time. To back me up.”
He shrugged. “I can kill. That doesn’t mean I’ve done well. It means I’m occasionally useful.”
“Aren’t we all?” I argued. “Stop trying to be something you’re not! I’m not as noble as Gunnar. Nor as compassionate as Tory.”
“I’m a monster,” he said faintly.
“Then be a fucking monster, Alucard…” I said, leaning forward with a dark grin.
He stilled, slowly turning to look at me. “What?”
“Stop trying to be like anyone else, and be you,” I said. “We met you when you were a monster. You wanted to be better, but you were still happy being a monster. Somewhere along the way you tried to become something you’re not. But we never asked you to do that. I’m sorry if I made you think you had to be anything different than what you are. Because I know plenty of monsters who are good. In different ways.” I pointed my thumbs at myself.
He frowned, thinking deep thoughts. “That doesn’t bother you?” he finally asked.
I picked up a pebble on the roof and threw it at his shoulder. “No, you lunatic. I knew you were a monster when I met you!”
He smiled faintly. “I guess so.”
“Listen. You tried to become more like a bit of each of us, and failed spectacularly.” He tensed, but I pressed on. “As would any of us if we tried to do the same. You think Gunnar could become like me? Completely? Or that I could become as sickeningly sweet as Tory?”
Alucard grinned. “No, but they have all changed,” he argued.
I held up a finger. “Changed within their wheelhouse. Not changed their foundation.”
He nodded slowly.
“It’s not good for you, bottling up your soul. It’s one reason you’ve been so angry lately. The only time I see you truly happy is when you forget about the crap and tease us. Or… when you’re in the thick of battle.” His eyes flashed momentarily as he looked up, eyes suddenly hungry. “You need to reintroduce yourself to the monster… And I know just the place to do it.”
He smiled wickedly. “Cut loose. Get back to my roots…” he trailed off.
I nodded slowly. “In a way, of course. Don’t let the monster take over or anything, but get back in touch with him. Hell, I’ve got monsters sitting inside me right now. I want nothing more than to open up to them entirely, but I don’t. Still, I do use them. And I’m less scared of them every day, because I know I’m in charge. We’re partners. Family. My monsters and me.”
“I’ll try. If you can promise me something.”
“I will continue to harass you. That’s not negotiable. It’s… part of my monster,” I argued weakly, grinning at him.
He rolled his eyes, but his heart didn’t seem entirely in the humor. “Just… be my compass.”
“Well, we’re all fucked if I’m the moral compass,” I muttered.
He grinned, nodding. “Well, you know what I mean. Maybe you and Gunnar both can be my compass.”
I thought about it. “I don’t think Gunnar can be counted on to be anyone’s compass. Not until we get Ashley back…” Alucard winced at that. “But I might need a fellow monster to remind him who he is when we get over there. Can you do that? I have no one else I would trust more…” I said, realizing it was the truth. Sure, Talon was comfortable with his monster, but he was also comfortable with everyone else being a bloodthirsty monster, which didn’t help.
“I… can do that,” he finally said. “We might have to hurt him, depending on what he does.”
“Sometimes that’s necessary,” I said softly.
“Yeah…”
“Alucard, it means something when I say this…” That caught his attention. “I don’t think I could possibly have more respect for you than I do right now. Even before this talk.” He frowned. I waved a hand at him vaguely. “You basically tried to become the best parts of all of us, and it didn’t break you. Sure, you failed, but any of us would have. Because you didn’t do it half-assed. You went all in, trying to become each of us. That’s hardcore, man.” He finally chuckled, shaking his head guiltily.
“I guess.”
“But you didn’t implode. I mean, you’ve been close these last few days, but that’s gotta be a record. You lasted years doing this. I might have lasted a few days.”
He nodded. “Thanks, Nate. Mind giving me some space? You’re way too gushy right now.”
I stood, holding out my arms and planting my feet for a hug. “Bring it in, Sparkula.”
“No.”
“Then no Fairy time for you,” I said, teasingly.
He sighed. “Fine. But only because I want to kill some sparkly shit.”
“Whatever you need to tell yourself,” I said, holding my arms out wider.
He gave me a very cursory hug, but I was having none of it.
I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his hips, squeezing him in a hug that only a toddler or a military spouse seeing a loved one after a long tour could replicate. “Who’s my sparkly little vampire? You are!” I whispered directly into his ear canal.
With the full force of a Daywalker vampire, he tossed me down to the ground, grimacing.
“Disgusting,” he muttered.
I grinned at him, holding out my hand.
He rolled his eyes and pulled me up, but shoved me away when I tried to go in for another hug. “Give me some space, creepo,” he warned, shooing me away.
“Deal. See you soon,” I said, smiling to myself as I turned away.
“Nate?” he called out. I didn’t turn, but I did halt.
“Yeah?”
“Thanks… Little Brother,” he said.
I nodded. “Let’s go kill some sparkly shit.”
He laughed hungrily and I left him to himself.
Chapter 25
&nbs
p; I sat beneath Kai’s tree, letting out a breath. It had kind of become a favorite spot for me. Especially over the past year or so, when we’d had hundreds of people living on the grounds. I surveyed my property nostalgically. Over ten acres, most of it wooded, including this massive tree, a labyrinth, and a walking trail through the woods.
Now that I thought about it, I hadn’t gone on a nice walk in years. I wondered if the paths were overgrown. I’d have to check. Maybe take the ATV out to see. But not right now.
I stared down at my arms, searching for the occasional golden light I had seen there.
I wished I knew how to consciously use it, or even had a better grasp on what it was. But I wasn’t eager to feel those strange cold, yearnings again. I’d had enough of that to last a lifetime. Was the power of a god still coursing through my veins, as Conquest seemed to think?
The problem was, the only ones who likely knew the answers were, well, gods, and they got touchy with that kind of conversation. A brief look at mortality after a life of the opposite.
I wondered if it was a living thing inside of me, a power, a presence. Like my brief glimpse at being a Maker – those beings that willfully partnered up with a dangerous… spirit of some kind, a force of nature that could help them do things.
Like the two men currently wanting to kill me – and each other.
Matthias Temple and Castor Queen.
I let out a breath. So many had died, all because of miscommunication.
And it was about to happen again, because I knew – after my brief encounter with the two Makers in New York City – that Matthias wasn’t open to hearing me out. He was back for blood. Even though the cause of both of his vendettas was the same guy.
Motherfucking Castor Queen.
And according to Athena, Castor hadn’t ever fully merged with his Beast as was typical with Makers, somehow prolonging his life and staying out of the radar for any gods to take advantage of him. Which was probably for the best when it came to the future of the world, but it didn’t help me out. Not at all. It just meant he was incredibly powerful.
And if I spent too long in Fae, I could return to find all my friends dead in the aftermath of their search for me. But I had to go. Ashley needed me, and I needed Pan.
War Hammer: A Nate Temple Supernatural Thriller Book 8 (The Temple Chronicles) Page 13
