"You're all bright young women," she said making a point of looking at Cat. "None of you has any reason to feel ashamed or inadequate because of what's happened to your parents."
"Right, sure, we're all lucky," Star said looking away. "Daddy picked me up this time, but Ariel wasn't in the car with him. She was waiting back at the apartment, supposedly preparing dinner for us. It turned out to be ordered in Chinese, which I guess was her favorite recipe.
"I could see Daddy was very nervous about my meeting Ariel. He started by trying to put the pressure on me.
"'Ariel's very nervous about meeting you,' he said. 'She knows no one can replace your mother, nor should anyone,' he added quickly. 'What I mean is you shouldn't be comparing her. They're two different people.'
" 'I'm not visiting Ariel,' I said. 'I'm visiting with you, Daddy,' I told him
"'I know. I know,' he said, 'but Ariel's sort of my companion right now and I just want everyone to get along.'
"'Companion?' I nearly laughed. 'Is that what it's called?'
"'Don't get rude, Misty,' he snapped back at me.
"Before my--parents' divorce, whenever my father used to yell at me or give me an order or sound gruff, I would never think to challenge him. When I looked at him now, dressed down, living in an apartment with a much younger woman, I had trouble thinking of him the same way. I guess I didn't respect him as much. I was certainly not afraid of him It was easy to see how hard he was trying to get me to be on his side. The one thing he dreaded was my asking him to take me home.
"'Ariel made sure to buy all new bedding for you. She's worked hard at setting up the guest room to make you comfortable. She was the one who got the television put in because she said teenagers like having their own television sets in their rooms. Then she went to the department store and bought all this stuff for your bathroom: magnifying mirrors, hair dryers, curlers, shampoos and conditioners, all sorts of woman's stuff that I would never have thought to buy.
"'She did it all on her own. I swear,' he said actually holding up his hand.
"'She's young. I'll admit, but she's
uncomplicated and she makes me feel good. I need that now, Misty. This isn't easy for me, no matter what you might think. I didn't set out expecting all this to happen.'
"Maybe he didn't, I thought, but it did happen and it wasn't easy for me either. Nevertheless, I kept my mouth shut about Ariel all the rest of the way.
"Daddy had a very nice apartment, bigger than I had anticipated and high enough up to have a great view of the west side and the ocean. There was a patio outside the living room that was big enough for two chaise lounges and a small table and chairs.
"'We're here!' he cried when we entered, and Ariel came out of the kitchen.
"My first thought was Daddy had to be kidding. She didn't look all that much older than me. I can't deny she's pretty. She has honey-blond hair almost to her shoulder blades with that soft, slightly tanned creamy complexion so perfect she always looks like she has just come from a photo shoot. I hated her smile, a smile of such disarming sweetness you'd do anything just to see that smile come out like sunshine after the rain. It made it more difficult for me to harden my heart against her.
She wore a basic black V-necked sweater with a sexy turquoise lace skirt. She was braless, but her bosom was firm and her waist was as small as mine. There were just the tiniest freckles visible on her chest, just above the start of her deep cleavage.
"'Hi,' she sang and hurried to extend her hand. 'I'm Ariel. It's so nice to finally meet you.'
"Finally? I thought. That's was when it occurred to me they had been together longer than I had imagined. Panicky butterflies were on the wing again, battering my brain with doubts, buffeting my heart with indecision. Should I smile back at her? Should I be cold and unfriendly?
"Her soft blue eyes were filled with more anxiety and fear than mine were, I thought, and it occurred to me that she might be just as much an innocent victim as I was.
"I didn't want to think that. I wanted to think of her as being a gold digger or something, exploiting Daddy at his weakest moments, taking advantage of someone else's pain and loss, whispering terrible things about my mother in his ear, seducing him with compliments. I could see from the way she looked at him and spoke to him that she had put him on some pedestal.
"'Hi,' I said without much warmth. It was neutral, as if I had lost the ability to feel one way or the other.
"'Well,' Daddy said, 'she's here. Let's show her to her room.'
"'Oh, yes,' Ariel seconded and stepped back as Daddy carried my small suitcase across the living room. There were two bedrooms, side by side. Mine was the second. The bathroom for me was in the hallway.
"I was surprised at how much trouble Ariel had gone to decorate the room as closely to my own room at home. There were similar white cotton curtains, a bedspread the exact same shade of pink, and some posters of my favorite rock bands.
"I looked at Daddy, my eyes full of questions. He laughed.
"'What I did,' he said, 'was give Ariel a picture of your room. I went over to the house and took it one afternoon while you were at school and Gloria was at her personal trainer's.'
"'Gloria?' I muttered. Daddy had trouble talking about Mommy in front of Ariel.
"'We just wanted you to feel at home,' he added. 'It was really Ariel's idea.'
"She smiled nervously. I didn't think that was true.
"'It's fine,' I said. Ariel then went through this ridiculous tour of the room, actually showing me hangers and drawers and then leading me to the bathroom to catalogue all the things she had purchased with Daddy's money for me.
"'Let me know if there's anything you're missing,' she concluded.
"I wanted to let her know. I wanted to tell her yes, there is one small thing I'm missing . . . a normal life. You know what that is, Ariel? It's having both your parents at home, there for you, planning things with you, giving you advice together, eating together, laughing together, talking about relatives and thinking about parties and birthdays and holidays, being there with you when you go off to college, maybe even accompanying you and saying good-bye and holding hands and looking at you with pride before they walked off together, my father's arm around my mother, the two of them feeling like they've accomplished something with their lives, dreaming of my wedding and my children. I'm missing albums, Ariel, filled with pictures of family, together on vacations, at graduations.
"Have any of that in your back pocket, Ariel?
"That's what I wanted to say, but I kept my lips glued shut and just shook my head and swallowed down my anger and disappointment.
" hope you like what we ordered for dinner,' she went on. 'I made sure to get one of everything, just in case. There's a shrimp dish and a chicken dish and a vegetarian dish and a beef dish.'
"Daddy laughed behind us. He had been hovering over us like some anxious referee, ready to leap between us at merely the suggestion of something unpleasant.
"'She tries to think of everything,' he said.
"Ariel smiled back at him. I hated that worship I saw in her eyes. It wasn't that I didn't want anyone to like Daddy so much. I just didn't want to witness someone loving him more than me or my mother, I suppose.
"That's what you kind of agreed that I thought, right, Doctor Marlowe?"
"Kinda," she said with her inscrutable smile.
"Dinner didn't go over too well. I didn't have much of an appetite, even though the food did smell good. The sides of my stomach felt stuck together like those dumb plastic bags in the supermarket. I could barely get a few bites into it. Ariel didn't seem to notice. She ate for the both of us. Mommy would curse her for being able to eat so much and keep her figure, I thought. It was funny how I couldn't help but consider Mommy's point of view about all this.
"I found out that Ariel was a secretary in one of the companies Daddy's company had bought. She was from Santa Barbara, had gone to a small business school and then had gotten placed by one of those
temp agencies into a job that developed into a longtent' position. She went on and on like someone who was terrified of even a moment of silence at the table. I learned she had an older brother who was trying to become an airline pilot. Her father worked as a mechanic for Delta and her mother was a dental hygienist.
"'That's why Ariel has such perfect teeth,' Daddy pointed out.
"She did have teeth that belonged in a toothpaste commercial, perfectly straight, milk white.
"She giggled and gave him her hand. Daddy's eyes shifted guiltily toward me and then to her and she withdrew her hand quickly. I imagined he had told her to cool it while I was there. I saw it made her even more nervous and she was off and running again, talking about her favorite foods, colors, clothes, searching wildly for something in common with me.
"I sat like a lump.
"'Well, what should I do with my two best girls tonight?' Daddy asked.
"'Maybe we should go to a movie,' Ariel said.
"'I'm tired, Daddy. You two go. I just want to curl up in bed and read a little and watch some television.'
"'Really?' He sounded like he couldn't believe his good luck.
"'Yes,' I said. I half-expected they would put up more of an argument, but they accepted my plan.
"Ariel didn't want my help in cleaning up.
"'You go spend time with your father,' she said. 'That's what you're here to do.'
"Daddy and I sat in the living room. He talked about the apartment, some of the changes he wanted to make in the decor, and he credited Ariel with coming up with all the good ideas. I knew that was a lie, but lies were truly like flies to me now. I just batted them away or ignored them.
"Our conversation went back to a discussion of my schoolwork. He asked me what I wanted to do, what I wanted to become, and I felt like I was sitting in the office with my guidance counselor.
" don't know,' I said when Ariel joined us, her face full of forced interest, like it was suddenly the most important thing in the world to her to know what I wanted to do with my life. 'Maybe I'll go to business school and get a job through a temp agency and meet a nice man like you, Daddy,' I said.
"He sat there with this dead smile glued to his face as if I had just hit him on the side of the head with a rock. Ariel's hands fluttered about like two small, terrified birds, settling finally on top of each other and pressed between her beautifully shaped breasts.
"'Well,' Daddy said, 'I guess maybe you are a little tired. It's emotionally exhausting, I know. We'll do something nice tomorrow, maybe go down to the yacht club and take a boat ride and then have a nice lunch. How's that sound? We haven't done that for a while, have we?'
"No," I said. I thought a moment. 'Not for about two years, I think.'
"He forced a laugh.
"'Then it's certainly time to do it,' he said standing. "Ariel practically leaped to her feet.
"'Are you sure you don't want to go to a movie with us?' she asked.
"'No thanks,' I said. The smile on my face was like a little mechanical movement made by thin wires attached to the corners of my mouth.
"'We'll be back early,' Daddy promised. He went for his light jacket and Ariel went to the bathroom to fix her face and hair. They looked like two teenagers out on a date. I hated them for it, but I said nothing and they left.
"I remember it was so quiet in that apartment that I could hear my heart thumping. Natural curiosity took me on an exploration and I went into their bedroom and looked at Ariel's clothes. I even opened drawers and looked at her lingerie. I suppose I was searching for any trace of Mommy or myself in Daddy's life now. He didn't even have a picture of me.
"Finally, I did go to bed, watched a little television and fell asleep. I didn't hear them come home, but Daddy looked in on me and turned off the television set. That woke me but he didn't wait. I heard the door close softly and then I heard their voices through the wall. I heard Ariel's light giggles and his voice soft and low.
"They tried to make love as quietly as possible and I tried to ignore it, but I knew what was happening. Afterward, I lay there staring up at the dark ceiling wondering what Mommy was doing tonight.
"In my mind I saw her alone in her bed, confused. I guess it was only natural to feel sorrier for her at this moment. Daddy looked like he was reorganizing his life just the way he wanted it to be. He had his new romantic interest. I wondered if he was telling Ariel things he had told my mother when they were young and in love years ago. Did he use the same poetry, make the same sort of promises and vows? Maybe he even took her to the same places.
"I think the worst thing that's happened for me in my parents' divorce is my feeling that nothing Daddy says means anything anymore. His whole life was apparently a big lie. Maybe that's unfair considering what problems Mommy has, but I can't help it. It's supposed to be for better or worse, isn't it? Why should he keep any of his promises?
"I kept it all inside me. Ariel continued to be as nice to me as could be the next day. It wasn't a bad day. I enjoyed the boat. Daddy let me drive it while he and Ariel sat behind me and screamed at my abrupt turns, the water splashing over them. I began to think maybe I should just have fun and forget it all, forget trying to make sense out of it.
"I ate better at lunch and that night we went to the Third Street Promenade in Santa Monica where we walked and ate in a small Italian restaurant. Ariel and I went shopping in some of the fun stores and then we went to the music store and Daddy bought me three new CDs. He bought me another silly T-shirt, too, and a ring with my birthstone in it.
"Visiting with my divorced father was like having Christmas and my birthday all wrapped up in one trip. For now, at least, I could ask for the moon.
"It wasn't until the evening that I realized going boating had given me a tan. It was the first thing Mommy noticed when Daddy brought me back on Sunday.
"'Look at you,' she cried. 'You're sunburned. Weren't you wearing any sunscreen?'
"'I'm not sunburned, Mommy, just a bit tanned.'
"'A bit. You should have known better, Misty, and he should have known better. I don't imagine his girlfriend would know any better. From what I hear, she's not much older than you.'
"Mommy was waiting for me to give her a report, of course, but I didn't offer any and that disappointed her.
When she saw all the things Daddy had bought me, it was like salt on a wound. She was off again, complaining about the financial settlements.
"This is how it's always going to be, I thought, neither of them letting me enjoy myself as long as I was with the other. I was better off not being with either of them. That's what I began to think more and more and that's why I got into trouble," I said. I looked at Doctor Marlowe and added, "That's only one of the reasons." She was happier. I wasn't putting all the blame on my parents. I was taking some responsibility.
"My next visit with Daddy didn't happen when it was supposed to and that became sort of the rule and not the exception. Once again, he claimed business conflicts. Whenever he tried to reschedule dates, Mommy made him suffer. She had her attorney call his attorney and complain about the disruption it caused in her life.
"She wanted me to side with her so she talked about it incessantly at dinner or whenever I was available. She would come bursting into my room to tell me my father had called to say he couldn't make the next weekend. He was going to be in Chicago or Boston or someplace else.
"'I have a life to resurrect too,' Mommy complained. 'I'm not going to go and change all my plans because his life is a mess.'
"'I don't care,' I told her.
"'Of course you don't care. Who can blame you for not caring? Look how selfish he is. The judge set down the rules and he's going to have to learn how to live by them whether he likes it or not,' she vowed.
"Not once did it ever occur to her that I was the one who was suffering with all this. When was it supposed to end? When does the thunder and lighting move on? Every time her phone rang at dinner, I anticipated trouble. She seemed to be on the ph
one with her attorney every single day. No matter how much they made, I thought, divorce attorneys couldn't really enjoy their work, especially if they had clients like my parents."
"You haven't heard anything until you've heard about mine," Jade piped up. Until then she had been sitting attentively, her legs pulled up under her, looking like she was almost enjoying my story.
"You poor rich girls," Star quipped. Jade threw her a look that would knock over a cow.
"I'm not rich," I said.
"You a lot richer than me," she retorted. "And you," she directed at Jade, "You're probably richer than Doctor Marlowe."
"I resent being blamed for having money," Jade cried. "Didn't you ever hear that money can't buy you happiness and love?" I asked Star.
She twisted up the corner of her mouth.
"No, but give me the chance to be
disappointed," she said.
Doctor Marlowe laughed loudly this time. We all turned to her, Cathy looking more surprised than any of us.
"It's all right, girls," Doctor Marlowe said. "I'm glad you're not alike and that you don't all think the same way. You'll have more to offer each other that way," she pointed out.
Jade looked skeptical, but not as skeptical as Star. "Just have the patience to give each other a chance," Doctor Marlowe pleaded
Everyone relaxed again, their eyes back on me.
"I was barely hanging on in school, but the worse I did, the more they blamed each other and the more static there was at home," I said. "I started to get sloppy in other ways, too, my clothes, my hair, how I ate. I hated what I looked like. I hated everything about myself.
"The thin threads that had kept me tied to my old girlfriends snapped completely then. They wanted less and less to do with me so I started hanging with a different crowd Finally, I got involved with a boy named Lloyd Kimble, who was about as different from Charles Allen as any boy could be.
"Lloyd's parents really were split up. He lived with his mother but she was out of the house so much, he was really on his own. He had nothing to do with his father. In fact, he hated him. He told me he had actually had a fistfight with him when his father tried to punish him the last time they were together. He wasn't bad looking even though his nose had been broken in a fight. He said the other boy hit him with a baseball bat. He had dark, brooding eyes and a narrow face with a nearly square jaw. He just looked tough and ready and hard. He seemed always angry and really hated all the kids I used to be friends with. He had been to family court, suspended from school, and put on probation. I kept thinking if my mother even knew I was talking to him, she would have a nervous breakdown. Maybe that was why I did it.
Wildflowers 01 Misty Page 9
