"My mother wasn't home when I got home. I sat in my room, brooding, when all of a sudden, I heard the sound of a motorcycle and looked out the window to see Lloyd pull into our driveway. He sat on his motorcycle and beeped the horn, and I ran out to him.
"'Where have you been?' I cried throwing myself into his arms. 'I went to your apartment two days in a row.'
"'Just been riding around,' he said, 'thinking. I stayed at a friend of mine's place in Encino and finally made a big decision,' he said.
"'What decision?'
"'I'm leaving California,' he told me and my heart fell.
"'Leaving? Where are you going?' I asked.
"'Anyplace away from here. I got a cousin in Seattle who owns a garage I think I'll go up there and work for him awhile and just see how it goes.'
"'What about your mother?'
"'She practically threw me out of the house,' he said, 'when she found out I was bein' thrown out of school. She said I'm too much trouble for her. She can't handle me anymore. It's making her old and sick.'
"'My mother says the same thing about me,' I moaned.
"So . . . maybe you should come with me,' he said and I thought, why not?
"'Maybe I will,' I said.
For a long moment, we just stared at each other and he could see in my eyes that I was really going to do it.
"'Pack a really small bag,' he said without a beat. I hesitated one short moment and then ran into the house to stuff my backpack.
"That was the hardest part, deciding what I wanted to take with me. I mean there were some essential clothes to take and a pair of boots and a pair of shoes, but of all the things you own, of all the things you've been given, what would you choose if you could take only a very few things, and of course, nothing large or heavy?
"Suddenly nothing seemed as important as it had been. All the things my parents had given me were just things. There was one doll, my first real doll, the one I kept on the bed, a soft rag doll. I took that, but I didn't take any jewelry. I should have probably. We could have used the money if I sold it. I grabbed a toothbrush and a hairbrush and turned in circles trying to decide what else, what else mattered?
"Lloyd began to honk his horn. I scooped my leather jacket out of the closet, took one last look at my room, the room that had been my whole world for so much of my life. These walls held all my secrets, had seen all my tears and heard me whisper all my fears.
"Good-bye,' I whispered and ran down the stairs. I didn't even look back and I didn't leave my mother a note or anything,
"I stepped out, slipped on my backpack and hurried to get behind Lloyd on the motorcycle. He turned his head and smiled at me and we took off. My heart was thumping so hard and fast, I was afraid I might faint and fall into the street. I wrapped my arms around him and held on for dear life. It was mostly cloudy and very breezy that day. The wind whipped through my hair and blasted my face, but I didn't think about the weather or anything. I really thought I was free, free of all the static, free of all the hate and pain. I dreamed I wouldn't write or call my parents for years and then, when I did, they could do nothing but accept what had happened and where I was.
"It wasn't exactly comfortable sitting on the back of that small motorcycle for hours and hours. We rode through a short rain shower and it got cooler fast. Finally, we stopped at a roadside restaurant for dinner and counted up the money we had together. I had scooped up all I had in my dresser drawer, but it wasn't much.
"Lloyd thought it was warm enough for us to spend the first night at least sleeping off the road. It was still quite an adventure for me, so I didn't mind cuddling up in his arms under a small bridge. We talked ourselves to sleep, making all sorts of plans. Maybe I was a fool, but I fell asleep thinking it was all possible. He would get work; I would get work. We would be able to afford a small apartment and in time we would have enough to really live right. Finally, we were both free of all the phonies.
"'There are no Beverlys where we're going,' Lloyd promised as we drifted into our private fantasies.
"It was colder than we had expected during the night. I kept waking and I couldn't get very comfortable. Both of us looked washed out the next morning. We found a small restaurant where I cleaned up and fixed my hair. We had a hot breakfast, which made us feel a lot better.
"By this time I imagined my mother was in some kind of a panic, enough of one to have called my father. But I also envisioned them blaming each other as usual and not really doing anything about it.
"Lloyd was worried about us not having enough money to make it to Seattle and get situated. As we started out that second day, our enthusiasm had softened and thinned somewhat. I fell asleep on and off with my head against him He mumbled something about our need to sleep in a real bed that night. About two hours later, he pulled into the parking lot of a small convenience store and told me to wait on the motorcycle. I thought he was just going in to get us a snack, but when he came out, he was running He hopped onto the cycle and we took off so fast, I nearly fell backwards. He sped up and I screamed at him, asking why he was going so fast. He didn't say anything He just kept us going faster and faster. I was really frightened. A little more than a half hour later, I looked back and saw a police car closing on us.
"'You better slow down and stop. I think he's after us,' I shouted to Lloyd, but he just went faster, trying to lose the police car by cutting off the highway at a turn. We nearly spilled and then he had to slow down because the road turned into nothing but a gravel path.
"I was surprised to hear the siren and see the police car still behind us. It caught up and pulled alongside. Lloyd finally had to slow down, cursing under his breath. When the policeman stepped out of his car, he had his gun drawn and I was so frightened, I started to cry.
"He made Lloyd get off the cycle and lay face down so he could put handcuffs on him and then he did the same to me. After that, he put us into the back of his car.
"'You're arresting us just for speeding?' I cried at him.
"'No ma'am,' he said, 'just for robbing that convenience store back there,' he said.
"Lloyd had his head down. I asked him if that was true and he nodded and admitted that he had pulled a knife on the frightened elderly lady behind the counter.
"'I thought if we just had a little more money, we. could make it all right,' he said. 'I'm sorry I got you into trouble,' he told me and I cried all the way to the police station, cried for both of us.
"I was permitted to make a phone call. That was the hardest decision: whom to call, Daddy or Mommy') I remember standing there with the receiver in my hand, staring at the numbers.
"'You can't have all day,' the female officer nearby told me and I dialed Daddy. I was afraid Mommy would just get hysterical and forget to get me help. He wasn't at home, so I called his office. He listened and then spoke like someone on a telephone in his grave. He asked me to put one of the police officers on and I stepped away.
"All I wanted to do was die before I had to face my parents again."
Epilogue
" Lloyd told the police that I had no knowledge of the robbery and I did not know what he was doing when he stopped at the convenience store, but I had to go to court anyway. Daddy hired a lawyer for me. Lloyd had someone from the public defender's office. Because of his previous record, he was sent to a juvenile facility. I was put on probation but with the stipulation that I begin to see a therapist. It was what the school recommended too.
"For a while both my parents acted as if they had been given lobotomies by my actions. I never saw them so quiet. I think they were just terrified. I was expecting them to shout and blame each other as usual, but they sat next to each other in the courthouse and agreed with the attorney and with each other that neither had paid enough attention to me and that I was reacting to their breakup.
"Finally, I thought, finally, the static will stop. "Of course, that truce didn't last long. They're both back to their old selves again, but for a short time at least, I felt re
lieved."
"Did you ever hear from Lloyd again?" Jade asked.
"I received a letter from him about a month later. The only reason I got it was I happened to be there when the mail arrived. I'm sure my mother would have torn it up if she had found it first. It was full of apologies. He said he was doing all right and at least there were no Beverlys where he was. I wrote back, but I had to do it secretly, of course. I told him to send his next letter care of Darlene Stratton, but I haven't heard from him since.
"Things are more or less back to normal at my house. My mother is on her tenth or eleventh new male acquaintance, as she calls them, but there are still frequent meetings of the MHA at our house. There seems to be more of them, too. They cackle so much and so loudly, I have to turn my music up to drown them out.
"For a while afterward, my father was a little better about keeping his dates with me. We had some nice weekends together, one trip up to Santa Barbara and one to San Diego. I even began to enjoy Ariel's company, too. She doesn't seem as worried about my behavior. I know a lot of people started to think of me as reckless and maybe even as dangerous as Lloyd. Who knows what I would do?
"Ariel's just . . . air molded into this soft, pretty person. Funny, but now I keep waiting for Daddy to hurt her and I feel sorry for her. He has started to voice little complaints about her, about the way she keeps the apartment, her inability to boil water, her vapid conversation.
"That's right, Daddy used Charles Allen's very word, 'vapid.'
"Maybe Mommy is right. Maybe all men are monsters, even daddies."
I glanced at Doctor Marlowe.
"I guess I still suffer from a great deal of anger, right, Doctor Marlowe?"
"It's a concern of mine," she admitted.
I smiled at the others.
"Recognizing your problem is the first step toward solving it," I recited.
Jade laughed and Star relaxed her lips with an impish gleam in her eyes. Cathy looked nervously at Doctor Marlowe.
"Well," Doctor Marlowe said, "this has been a good beginning. Wouldn't you all agree? Cathy?" she asked, spotlighting her.
Cathy looked at me and nodded.
"Yes," she said softly.
We heard a small rap on the door and looked up to see Emma.
"I don't mean to interrupt, Doctor Marlowe, but you told me to let you know when their rides arrived. Jade's chauffeur is here and Star's grandmother and Cathy's mother have arrived as well."
"I have to call my mother," I said.
"You can use the phone on my desk, Misty," Doctor Marlowe said.
Everyone rose.
"Shall we say the same time tomorrow then?" Doctor Marlowe asked.
"Whose turn is it tomorrow?" Star asked.
"How about you?" Doctor Marlowe countered.
Star shrugged, gazing at me. I dialed my mother and punched four when the answering machine began. It forwarded the call to her cellular. When she said hello, I heard laughter around her.
"I'm ready. It's time. Where are you?" I asked.
"Oh, we were just finishing. I'll be right there, honey. How did it go?"
"Peachy keen," I said. "I'm cured."
She laughed nervously and repeated she was on her way
The others waited for me and we started to walk out together.
"Misty, do you want to wait for your mother inside?" Dr. Marlowe asked.
"No, it's too nice out. I'm fine," I said.
"Okay. Bye," she said and we all stepped out.
We paused outside the door. I saw Cathy's mother studying us. She was a small woman who wore thick glasses and her dark brown hair cut very short. Jade's chauffeur looked bored and nearly asleep. Star's grandmother waved. Her modest older car with its dents and scrapes looked so out of place between the limousine and Cat's mother's late-model Taurus.
"That took a lot of guts today," Jade told me. "I hope we're all as honest and forthcoming," she added her eyes fixed on Star.
"Maybe all our stories aren't as interesting," Star said. "What about you?" she asked Cathy. "Are you going to be as honest and forthcoming?"
Cathy looked very frightened, shook her head, and hurried toward her mother and their car.
"See you tomorrow, Cat," I called.
She looked back, surprised at the use of a nickname, but a small smile on her lips.
"Cat?" Jade said and I explained why I called her that.
"Yes, that fits," she said.
"It doesn't matter. She's probably not even coming back," Star said.
"Well, it would help if you didn't try to scare the hell out of her," Jade muttered.
"Scare the hell out of her? How did I scare the hell out of her?"
"You just have that look," Jade said.
"What look is that?"
"Like you're going to eat her alive," Jade said. Star looked angry for a moment and then smiled.
"Well, from now on, I'll try to be sweet and prissy like you Beverlys," she said and sauntered off.
I had to laugh.
"She's not funny," Jade said.
"Yes she is. And I don't think she's as bad as you make her out to be."
"Oh, really?" Jade demanded sounding annoyed that I had disagreed with her.
"And I wonder what her story will be like tomorrow." Jade was quiet for a moment and then nodded. "Yeah, I wonder," she said.
We watched Cathy and her mother drive off. Cathy had her head down and her mother was talking at her. She looked like she was lecturing her. Then Star and her grandmother drove past us. Star looked out and pulled her shoulders back, her head up, pretending to be a snob. Even Jade laughed.
She continued to stand there, waiting with me.
"Don't you have to go? Your chauffeur's been here awhile."
"He can wait. He gets paid enough," she said.
"My mother will be here any minute," I said. "It's all right."
She nodded, but still hesitated as though she didn't want the conversation to end. She held on to the moment as if it was a raft in a treacherous sea.
"Doctor Marlowe's okay, isn't she? I mean, she's not what you would expect a therapist to be," Jade said.
"I do like her, yes. Do you think she's helping you, then?"
"I suppose. Now, we're all supposed to help each other, right?" Jade asked.
"Right," I said smiling.
"See you tomorrow," she said, "when Star will be the star." She laughed at her own joke.
"I wouldn't mess with her," I called as Jade started toward her limousine. She looked back at me and smiled. She's really a very pretty girl, I thought. I bet my boyfriend stories were nothing compared to hers.
I watched her get in and the limousine start away. She waved and in moments, was gone like the others.
The sun was almost directly above the house now. It was warmer, but there was still a nice breeze. I wasn't as tired as I expected I might be after talking so much. In fact, I felt lighter, even more energetic. It was as if I had truly unloaded my dark baggage of trouble for a while.
Why was it so hard to be happy? I wondered. Was anyone ever happy? Even Doctor Marlowe?
Was Daddy happier now? Would Mommy ever be happy again?
What about me?
My mother would be here any moment and we would start for home. Across the city, we four girls went off in different directions, our lives like four comets in space, traveling through the dark.
For a short while, thanks to Doctor Marlowe, our paths would cross. We would share smiles and tears, laughter and heartbreak and we would hopefully learn that we were not as alone as we had thought.
Maybe that was enough.
Maybe we really could start again, holding hands, marching out this door, together, like renewed blossoms, welcoming the sun.
Maybe.
Wildflowers 01 Misty Page 11
