by Kendall Ryan
“Maybe she’s changed, gotten herself cleaned up since then,” I say, my voice shaky.
Andi shakes her head. “She hasn’t. She lives in Boca now in some trailer park. I spoke to her on the phone recently. I won’t have Ella raised like that. And I doubt my mom would take her. She never offered to help with any of my medical bills, never came up to take care of me when I was so sick from treatments all the other times.”
That’s awful. My parents aren’t around either, and that’s hard enough, but to know that your mom is still alive and just doesn’t care—that’s almost even more heartbreaking.
“And Ella’s father?” I ask.
Andi looks down. “It was a one-night stand. I don’t even know the guy’s last name, to be honest.”
Wow. This situation has escalated from bad to worse. I look down at the sweet little face I’ve come to love these past couple of weeks, and I know what I have to do.
I reach for the pen and sign my name on every single page while tears roll down Andi’s cheeks, and my own eyes well up. There was never a choice not to keep her.
“Thank you so much. You have no idea what this means to me.”
I nod. “She’s a great baby. I’ll take good care of her.”
Andi sniffs and wipes her face. Then she takes the paperwork, folds it back into her bag, and hands me the check. “This is all the money I have to my name. Take it. There’s no way I’m giving it to the bill collectors.”
“Can I bring her by the hospital, maybe later this week on my day off?” It’s all I can even think of to ask right now.
Andi nods enthusiastically. “Yes, please. I’ll text you my room number when they move me.”
We sit there for another hour, enduring strange looks from the baristas, but it doesn’t matter. This is a mother and baby saying good-bye. In a way, it’s also me saying good-bye to Andi, as well.
It probably isn’t their final farewell, but it is Andi’s good-bye to all the hopes and dreams she had for this little girl. She won’t be the one to braid Ella’s hair or drop her off for her first day of school. She won’t be the one to kiss her scraped knees or talk to her about boys. She won’t be the one to watch her get married someday. But I will. And the emotion of that is hitting me hard. My life. . . Andi’s life. . . baby Ella’s life. . . all have been changed in an instant.
Now I understand why Andi did things the way she did. If she’d come to me and asked me to become the guardian of her daughter, I would have said no way. I knew nothing about babies, and would have said I wasn’t cut out for this at all. But these past two weeks have shown me that maybe I can do this. Alexei’s help has been amazing, but now knowing that I’m going to become a full-time parent, well, it changes everything.
I can’t rely on his generosity forever, especially not for the next eighteen years, and it wouldn’t be fair to him to expect that he would step into the role of dad just because we happened into his life. I have no idea if we’re even compatible long term, and trying to date while I learn how to be a mom is probably a recipe for disaster.
It’s not like he introduced me as his girlfriend when I met his family. The truth is, I really don’t know where we stand, or what we are. It’s been fun, but I guess the fun’s over now.
I know what I have to do—for me and for Ella.
I won’t saddle Alexei with my responsibilities. It’s way too much to ask. He’s practically a celebrity. He doesn’t want to be dating someone with so much on her plate, or taking care of a baby that isn’t his. Yes, we’ve had great sex, and yes, it will be hard to say good-bye to him, but I know the right thing to do is to let him off the hook. He didn’t ask for this. But I made a promise to Andi, and I will never regret signing my name on those papers.
After I finish here, I’ll drive over to Alexei’s and pack up my stuff before he gets home. And then I’ll pay the rest of the rent I owe with the money from Andi.
It’s time to go home and be a real adult. It’s time to become a single mom. It’s time to say good-bye to the man who has come to mean everything to me, the knight in football armor who rescued Ella and me, and become a real grown-up. Again.
I can do this.
I have to.
Chapter Fourteen
Alexei
Thanks for everything.
I stare at the text message on my phone from Ryleigh, wondering what in the world is going on. I’ve just arrived home from a tough day on the field, and my house is empty. Completely fucking empty. Not only are they gone, but so is all their stuff. I don’t like it one fucking bit.
I look at my phone again and decide to call Ryleigh. No surprise, she doesn’t pick up. So I type out a message and hit SEND.
Where are you?
We went home. Figured it was time.
What are you talking about?
I call her again and again, but she doesn’t answer.
I just need a little space, Alexei.
Is everything okay? Did I do something wrong?
We had sex last night and again this morning, and I can’t help but think that maybe I rushed her . . . rushed us. But she wanted to take this relationship further just as much as I did, didn’t she?
Fuck.
I scrub my hands through my hair.
Space. She needs space. Fine.
I’ll be leaving in a few days for Miami, but I need to see them first. Need to look into her eyes and find out why the sudden change. As far as I know, I never made her feel unwelcome. I tried to be helpful and do what was right, just like how I was raised.
Can we meet for breakfast tomorrow?
Ryleigh doesn’t respond right away, and I wonder if she’ll deny me even that.
I sink into the couch cushion and push my hands into my hair.
Fuck it.
I’m definitely getting drunk tonight.
I text a couple of my buddies from the team, knowing I’ll need a distraction tonight to avoid putting my fist through a wall. Already, my apartment feels empty and way too quiet.
• • •
A while later, Weston and Colin are planted on my couch, fighting over some stupid video game, but it’s better than being alone right now. A half dozen empty beer bottles are scattered across my coffee table, along with a couple of empty pizza boxes.
“You really that torn up over this girl?” Weston asks.
I give him the side-eye, and Colin breaks into laughter.
“Damn, dude. If looks could kill . . .”
I gave them the gist of what happened when they arrived, but only the basic details.
Weston holds up one hand. “Hey, man, I was just asking. It’s not like you never hassled me about my relationship with Jane.”
That much is true. I didn’t believe he was capable of settling down into a monogamous relationship. He’d just had his heart broken by some chick, and Jane was . . . well, Jane. She’s as serious as they come. And she’s a close friend. I didn’t want him fucking up and breaking her heart when he was just intending to blow off steam.
Thankfully, Weston knew enough to know that Jane wasn’t some jersey chaser. She was the real deal, someone you could easily settle down with and share a life with. In fact, when I first met her, I kinda wondered if we’d cross over from friends territory into something more. But we never had that chemistry. I’ve always viewed her as only a friend.
I shake my head, clearing my thoughts, and realize Weston is still talking.
“You met her, what, a couple of weeks ago?”
I shrug. “Doesn’t matter. I can’t help how I felt. How I feel.”
He’s right that I haven’t known her long, but we spent nearly all our time together, living together from day one. It probably forced us to grow closer than we would have otherwise. I know that she sleeps curled on her side, how she likes her coffee, that she likes to sing in the kitchen while she cooks. I know what her body feels like moving alongside mine, and how she becomes incapable of returning my kisses when she comes—her soft mouth
“Fuck.” I shove my hands into my hair. This isn’t helping anything. “I need to be drunk. Right now.”
Colin frowns and passes me the half-empty bottle of whiskey sitting on the table beside him.
“Sucks, dude,” he says in consolation.
“Yeah.” I bring the bottle to my mouth and take a long swig. I’m the only one drinking out of it anyway, why bother with a glass? My entire attitude tonight is basically fuck everyone, fuck everything. I’m trying to put on a brave front and not lose it in front of the guys, but the truth is, I’m so fucking close to the edge right now.
Maybe if I understood why Ryleigh left, what I did wrong . . . Maybe. Actually, scratch that, that probably wouldn’t matter. I want her back. Her and Ella.
I know there’s a lot of shit to work out, and yeah, it’s nuts that Ryleigh’s roommate just took off, but still. I liked being there for them, feeling useful, seeing the way she looked at me. It was different from the usual hero worship I get on the field. Ryleigh appreciated me for me. Who I am at my core. The fact that I grew up with sisters and know about babies. She liked feeding me, and never let me get away with anything. She held her own, and I really like that about her.
“So, what’s the game plan?” Weston asks, a look of pity crossing his rugged features.
I squint at him. “Do you even fucking shave anymore? Just because you got engaged, dude—” I don’t get to finish that statement before a throw pillow comes sailing past my head.
“Fuck you,” he mutters.
I raise the bottle of whiskey. “I’ll drink to that.”
Colin grabs the bottle from my hand and recaps it. “Enough of that. You’ll be fucking useless tomorrow.”
He’s right. We have practice in the morning. None of us should be drinking, but I appreciate the fact that they’re here for me.
“I asked her to meet me for breakfast tomorrow.” I’ll be done with practice early since tomorrow is special teams practice with the offensive coordinator. I’m usually only there until ten or so. It leaves plenty of time to meet her before her shift, if she’s working.
“What’d she say?” Weston asks.
Just as I open my mouth to reply that she hasn’t responded, my phone chirps from the coffee table.
Colin snatches it before I do. His face breaks into a smile. “We’d better get you to bed, princess. You’ll need your beauty sleep.” I grab for my phone, but he continues holding it. “You’ve got a date with your girl in the morning.”
She’s not my girl, but I want her to be.
One step at a time. Time to get these goons out of my apartment.
Chapter Fifteen
Alexei
Ryleigh sits across from me, her legs folded beneath her on the booth. She’s rigid, and has barely looked at me. It stings more than I’d like to admit. She’s dressed in a pair of leggings and an oversized sweatshirt that keeps falling off one shoulder, her hair is up in a messy bun like she couldn’t be bothered with it, but she still looks so good that it hurts to know I can’t reach over and touch her.
She finally responded to my text late last night and agreed to breakfast. After that, Weston and Colin left, and I tried in vain to sleep. Practice was a blur, and now I’m here.
My stomach is in fucking knots, and I hate everything about this. Ella rests next to her, still strapped into the baby carrier. I wish she’d cry, scream, do something, because at least then it would match how I feel right now.
I lean in closer. “Did I do something wrong?”
Ryleigh’s eyes flash to mine. “No. Of course not. You’ve been incredible. More than I could have ever asked for.”
The waitress chooses that moment to deliver the coffees we’ve both ordered.
“Thank you.” Ryleigh reaches for her mug and dumps in a generous serving of sugar and cream.
The waitress flips open a notepad and looks at me. “What are you having?”
“Five eggs, over easy. Breakfast sausage. Two pancakes with bacon, and a side of wheat toast, please.” My gaze swings to Ryleigh, who’s stirring her coffee, staring at it intently rather than looking at me. “Ry?”
“Oh, nothing for me. Just coffee.”
I shake my head. “You’re eating. What do you want? Eggs? Pancakes?”
She rolls her eyes. “Fine. French toast, please. With a side of bacon.”
Satisfied, the waitress flips her notebook closed and saunters away.
Ryleigh’s got to get over this whole thing about me paying. I make millions, and it does me no good sitting in a bank account. I enjoy treating my friends and family. It pisses me off when she takes that away from me, and I think I’ve done everything I can to not make her feel like she and Ella are a financial burden.
I take a sip of my coffee, trying to compose myself. My chest feels tight, and I have no idea why I’m out of breath like I just ran a four-second forty.
Ella wakes suddenly, letting out a sharp cry.
Ryleigh flinches and turns toward the baby. She unbuckles the straps and carefully lifts her out. “She needs a new diaper.”
I rise to my feet and reach for her. “I’ve got it.”
Ryleigh frowns, but makes no move to pass Ella over.
I thrust my hands closer. “I said I’ve got it.” Is she really going to rob me of this too? I didn’t even get to say good-bye to Ella yesterday before they just took off.
Finally, Ryleigh relents and hands the baby to me. I shoulder the diaper bag and stalk off for the restrooms at the back corner of the restaurant.
Cradling the baby against my chest, I head into the men’s room and find a dude at the urinals taking a piss, but no baby-changing station. What the fuck?
The guy flashes me a confused look, and I have no idea if it’s because he’s recognized me or because I’m holding a baby.
I huff out a frustrated sigh and exit, heading straight into the women’s restroom. Thankfully, it’s deserted, but even if it weren’t, I’d like to see someone try to stop me from changing Ella. She needs a new diaper. And we need a changing table.
I open the changing table and wipe it down with an antibacterial wipe from the diaper bag, then lay down a small blanket and place Ella on top.
“You okay, princess? I’ll get you cleaned up good as new.”
She makes a soft cooing noise, and my throat tightens.
I unsnap her onesie and remove the soiled diaper, wiping her carefully like my older sister taught me the first time I changed her daughter. Once Ella’s perfectly clean, I take out a new diaper and cover her.
“That’s my girl.” I grin down at her, snapping up the buttons on her pink onesie.
The words lodge in my throat. It’s a lie. She’s not my girl. And neither is Ryleigh.
But I intend to find out why, and what the fuck I can do about it.
“Let’s roll, baby.”
I lift her into my arms and head back into the dining room. Once we arrive at the table, I hand her to Ryleigh.
“She smells so much better now.” Ryleigh smiles for the first time since she arrived, and it’s not lost on me.
“She’s perfectly clean,” I say, sitting back down on my side of the booth.
Ryleigh passes me some hand sanitizer, which I gratefully accept, and then her eyebrows pinch together as she looks toward the restroom doors. “Did you change her in the women’s room?”
I shrug. “There wasn’t a changing table in the men’s. Trust me, I’m going to say something to the manager when we leave.”
Ryleigh’s eyes widen and she takes a sip of her coffee, knowing better than to argue with me about this.
A silence descends upon us, and I can’t help but want to cut to the chase—to get to the real reason why we’re here. The waitress provided a nice distraction, and then Ella’s diaper, but I need answers. Plain and simple.
“Can I ask . . . did something happen that made you leave yesterday?”
My heart starts to thump hard. “Yeah? That’s good, right?”
Ella’s still with Ryleigh, though, now seated in the carrier on the booth seat next to her. So, obviously that’s part of whatever is going on. My stomach tightens.
She pauses, running her hands through her hair, stalling for time. “Andi has cancer. She’s dying. And she asked me to be Ella’s legal guardian.”
Wow. That’s a lot to take in. Not at all what I expected. I figured Andi couldn’t handle being a mom and ran off. Fuck, this is so much worse. “What did you say?”
Ryleigh touches a stray lock of her hair that’s escaped her loose ponytail. “I signed the papers. There’s no one else. And the only other option for Ella is that she’d be a ward of the state. I couldn’t bear the thought of abandoning her.”
“I see.” My heart clenches inside my chest. Damn. Ryleigh’s so headstrong. So independent. So sweet. It’s heartbreaking. “Still doesn’t explain why you left.”
Her gaze suddenly snaps up to mine. “I don’t want to burden you. You’ve done enough.”
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched. “You were never a burden to me, Ryleigh. Neither was Ella. You guys were all I thought about when I was gone those two days. And having you both around made me realize what I’ve been missing out on, living the bachelor life. You brought meaning to my days, and even though you’re a pain in the ass,” I smirk at her, “walking into the apartment last night and realizing you both were gone . . . fuck, it almost gutted me. I want you both to come back to my pla— I mean, our place.”
Her mouth presses into a line. “I’d never ask that of you. We hardly know each other, Alexei.”
That’s bullshit, and she knows it. We know all the things that matter. I know what’s in her heart, and she knows mine. Yeah, it’s fast, but when you know, you know. Right? Isn’t that what everyone always says?
But I don’t say any of this. I take a second to compose myself, pulling a deep breath into my lungs. “I know you wouldn’t ask, but I’m offering, Ry. There’s a difference.”
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