by J. M. Walker
“I hit you back because …”I sat up, swallowing past the disgust of his semen leaking from my body. “It’s all I know.”
“Well, my dear Jenny. There’s your answer.”
I frowned. “What the hell does that mean?”
He raised an eyebrow. “Careful. I don’t care if you’re all used up.”
I looked away. Sliding my legs over the edge of the bed, I sat there, staring at myself in the reflection of the mirror. I had become pale. Skinny to the point you could see my ribs poking out of my skin. But no one noticed.
“Do you like what you see?” Tyler crawled onto the bed behind me, wrapping his large hand around my slender throat. “I like seeing how red I can make your skin. And I know you enjoy digging your nails into mine.”
“I hate you,” was all I said.
“Fuel that hate, Jenny. One day you will need it.”
Tyler had been right. He had said those words so many years before, but I never thought anything of it.
Angel wanted answers.
I knew I needed to tell him what was going on with me. But I had no idea where to start. How do you tell your current boyfriend that your ex still comes to you in your nightmares?
My body shivered at the constant memories of Tyler beating me, yelling at me, and forcing me to do whatever he desired. It was funny, though, because in the end, I didn’t put up much of a fight. I ended up enjoying it. It was sick and twisted how I would egg him on to the point of no control. It was why I did it with Angel. I couldn’t help it. I craved his force. He would never hurt me. Not unless I needed him to. In a masochistic kind of way, I savored when he spanked me and dug his fingers into my flesh.
Buck sniffed at my feet, lifted his head, looked around, and let it drop back down on his outstretched paws.
My toes scratched at his fur, gently petting him. He had been the one thing that kept me calm. With Angel, I loved him with all of me, but he was intense. His love for me was like a living breathing thing. I could feel him before he even walked into a room.
As if Buck could sense my thoughts, he rose from his spot on the floor and moved to the empty space beside me. Angel didn’t like him being on the couch, but I didn’t care. I enjoyed having Buck’s head in my lap while I drank my morning coffee.
After everything with Eric Vega, I fell into myself. The man destroyed a part of me I never knew was there. Since my sister was taken, I became hard, cold. But Angel melted that ice and showed me that I could be filled with warmth again.
We never talked about Vega and his part in the human trafficking. He took me. Shot himself. Angel saved me. And that was it. But we needed to talk about it—it was eating us both alive like a deadly virus.
Shadows of memories threatened to consume me, and if I wasn’t careful, they would swallow me whole.
Angel did what he could to bring me away from the darkness.
The hospital had offered counseling. The Navy had offered Angel the same thing, and he asked if I wanted to go. I had told him he was all I needed. But I wasn’t even sure if that were true anymore. Maybe talking to someone would help.
“What are you doing, princess?” Angel asked, peering his head out the patio door.
“Just hanging out with Buck.” I scratched his ears, smiling when he let out a heavy sigh.
Angel nodded. “Okay. Well, I have to head into town. Are you coming with me?”
I moved to stand when I could feel the blood draining from my head. “Oh …” I wavered on my feet.
“Jay?” Angel rushed to my side. “Are you okay?”
“I … Yes. Just light headed. I haven’t eaten much today.”
Angel pinched my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “Are you sure?”
“I am.” I smiled for added measure. “I’ll go into town with you.”
“Okay.” He grabbed my hand, leading me back into his house. He called for Buck, the old dog following soon after. “We need to talk about earlier,” Angel told me while grabbing his keys.
“I know.”
Walking hand in hand to his big black SUV, he opened the door for me.
I smiled up at him and climbed into the vehicle.
It was funny thinking how in the beginning, I expected to do everything myself. Doors being opened. Bills being paid while on a date …
“We’ve never gone on a date,” I told Angel when he slipped into the SUV beside me.
“What?”
“A date,” I repeated. “We’ve never been on one.”
“Well, it’s been kind of hard with all of the shit going on.” He started the vehicle, pulling out of the long driveway and spoke again when he reached the road. “Are you wanting to go on a date?”
“Yeah. No. Maybe?” I rung my hands in my lap, my cheeks burning.
He slowed to a stop, gently taking my chin, and turned my face toward him. “Jay, if you want to go on a date, you don’t have to ask. It’s kind of a given that we’re dating.” He reached for my hand. “I love you, princess. I hope you know that.”
Curling my fingers in his, I brushed my thumb over the tiny scars on his knuckles. So much pain. So many tears and heartache. To think I almost pushed him away completely in the beginning. I thanked God that Angel was stubborn and wouldn’t give up on me. On us.
“If you would like to go on a date, we can.” He pulled me closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulders.
“I would like that,” I mumbled against his sweater.
“I would like that too.” He kissed my knuckles. “Don’t give up on us.”
My eyes snapped up to his. “I’m not.”
“Promise?”
“Yes.”
***
(Angel)
With my eyes on the road, I still noticed the darkness in Jay’s eyes. Vega had stolen that light from her. The light I had fallen in love with. Because of that bastard, I lost a part of my girlfriend, and it terrified the shit out of me that I would never get it back. Counseling only did so much, and Jay and I were the same when it came to talking to strangers. We couldn’t even talk to each other, let alone some random person. They didn’t know us. They wouldn’t know how to fix whatever shit was going on. Jay and I would have to work through this together.
In time.
Time was all we had. There were moments where it felt like it was all we had. Too much. Not enough. There was never a happy medium.
“Angel?”
“Yeah, baby?” I kissed her head, breathing in the scent of her vanilla body wash.
“I love you.” She smiled up at me. “I do. Please know that.”
“Of course I do.” I turned to her when I pulled into the parking lot and shut off the engine. “Why would you think I wouldn’t?”
“Because …” She shrugged. “I know we need to talk about everything, but I’m not ready. I need you to have patience. And … I know I’m difficult.”
“Jay, I knew you were difficult the first time you told me to go to hell. I fell in love with you right then and there. You forced your way into my heart, and I’m never letting you go.” I cupped her cheek. “Know that.”
Her chin trembled, her eyes glassing over.
Fuck. This was unlike her. Jay didn’t cry over anything. “I will try and have patience. I will. But I need you to understand that we have to talk.” Fuck. Even I didn’t like those words leaving my mouth, but I wasn’t stupid. Communication was key. “I love you, princess. I don’t tell you that enough.”
Pulling away from me, she slid out of the vehicle and stretched her arms above her head.
I quickly did the same, coming up behind her, and wrapped myself around her middle. Brushing my nose into the crook of her neck, I snarled.
She giggled, leaning into me.
That sound. It sent a hot shiver straight to my balls. I lived for her laughter.
“Thank you.” Jay turned toward me, hugging her arms around my waist. “I love you, Angel.”
The only response I had was to kiss her fully on the
mouth. No words were said. They weren’t needed. I made a promise with myself at that point that I would show her just how much she meant to me and how much I loved her. We would get through this shit with Violet, Tyler, every fucking problem … together.
Chapter 3
Jay
THE LAUGHTER THAT LEFT my body was fake. Masked by happiness when really my chest was filled with so much hate, it squeezed and tugged at my soul. The vile men who threatened to destroy our small town would die. I would make sure of it. This anger was fueled by the fucked-up world we lived in.
When Angel and I had walked into the clubhouse, that angry darkness inside of me grew when I saw Meeka sitting at a booth by herself. Something unleashed inside of me back when Vega had kidnapped me. Maybe it had been there all along.
Everything in me told me to go to Meeka. To scream and yell, demand to know why she did what she did. I knew. Her words repeated over and over again in mind.
“I had to.”
She kept my sister from me and used me as bait. The anger tore at my soul, threatening to consume me.
“It’s over and done with, Jay,” Angel whispered in my ear. “Let it go.”
I bit back a scoff. He meant well but right then, I didn’t want to let it go. It wasn’t possible. And this hate I felt only made me stronger. It would help me battle the impending war whenever Charles Brian decided to show himself again.
Asher Donovan had been the other part of that whole operation. Angel’s brother. A man he had gone to hell and back with. It destroyed a piece of him. He had only just begun to learn how to love, how to open himself up to these new feelings, and then he found out his brother had been keeping this secret the whole time.
“Hi, Meeka,” I blurted.
Her eyes snapped up from her phone. “Hi,” she muttered. She moved to get up from the booth but hesitated.
“We have a meeting at five,” I told her. “But you and I are meeting beforehand.”
She nodded. “Okay.”
“Good girl,” Angel mumbled in my ear. “It’s about time you retract those claws of yours.”
“Fuck off, Angel.”
He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and kissed me fully on the mouth. “So much fucking sass.”
I breathed him in. Every sense of him. His taste washed over me, making my heart skip several beats before I had to come up for air. One kiss and I was done. A second kiss and I would be falling to my knees at his feet, begging like a bitch in heat.
“It makes me hard knowing my kiss turns you on to the point of no control,” he purred, kissing my neck.
I shivered, grabbing his hand, and led him to my room at the back of the club. I needed him to show me I could feel something besides this dread and worry.
“Jay,” he ground out, closing the door behind him.
I turned toward him, stripping out of my clothes. “I need you to fuck me.” Sex wasn’t an out. It wasn’t an excuse to ignore our problems but right then, it was all I wanted.
“Kneel.” Angel came toward me, unbuckling his belt. “I’m going to fuck that pretty mouth of yours for being so demanding.”
I lowered to the floor, tilting my head back. I waited. For him. For that control I had but didn’t want.
For the next hour or so, Angel unleashed something inside of me. He took control, dominated my body, and stole my heart. I loved him. Every inch of him. But that nagging feeling of whether he would hurt me or not kept poking me.
“No man will ever love you the way I do,” Tyler said, his deep voice whispering across my skin. “And you will never open up again. You are mine forever, Jenny, whether you like it or not.”
He was right. With his bruises on my flesh, scars on my heart, and his body inside of mine, the only choice I had was to submit. There was no other way. No out. I was trapped like a rat in a cage. Clawing and scratching until my fingers bled.
The vile man fucking me forced me to look at him. The names he called me.
Slut. Whore. Bitch. Slave.
He loved me.
My mind played tricks on me. Falling in and out of the darkness that I begged to consume me.
A hard slap landed against my cheek.
The sting should have brought tears to my eyes. The burning sensation of where his palm hit should have caused me to cry out. But it didn’t. It had come to this, hadn’t it? He hit. I submitted. He forced me to do things I never would have thought possible. And after a while, I found myself craving them. Him. Tyler Bone.
“I love you, princess,” Angel’s words whispered across my skin, followed by his hand sliding down my side to my hip. “I will show you. With every breath, every inch, every ounce of me that I love you.”
I floated in and out of sleep, listening to his words. Holding onto them like they were the life line I needed to make it through each day.
Memories of Tyler and our dangerous relationship repeated themselves every time I closed my eyes. I thought I loved him, but Angel showed me what true love was.
Our love had been strong, growing intense as each day passed. With him lying beside me, his deep breathing evening out as his peaceful dreams took over, I couldn’t help but wonder if this was real. If it was just a dream. With a click of my heels, this fantasy would end, and I would be forced to go back to a time where abuse was all I knew.
“Whatever happens, I am here,” Angel told me while we were lying in each other’s arms.
“I don’t want anything to happen,” I mumbled, curling into him, grazing my hand down his bare chest.
“I know, baby.” He kissed my temple, letting his lips linger when his phone rang. He answered it, and I zoned out.
All this time, I thought Vega had destroyed that tiny bit of strength left that I had. But I realized that it had been Tyler all along. He promised me that I would never find love again with another man. I did, but the fear of Angel hurting me burned its way into my heart. It was what Tyler wanted.
“I’m with Jay,” Angel told the caller.
At the mention of my name, I looked his way.
He pinched the bridge of his nose which I had come to know was his signature move whenever he was stressed. “We need her in, Asher.”
Meeka. My stomach twisted.
“Well, of course she’s not going to agree easily.” Angel sat up straighter. “It’s not like you’re giving her a choice … I told you to get someone you trust. I assumed it would be her but do not blame this shit on me. Fine … I know … I love you too, brother.” Angel threw the phone on the end table.
“What the hell’s going on?” I asked, a sliver of annoyance rushing through my body.
Angel cupped my nape, capturing my mouth in a hard bruising kiss before leaning his forehead against mine. “I can’t tell you everything yet.”
“It’s work related,” I finished for him. “But why does it have to do with Meeka?”
“I’ll explain when I can.” Or when he would have no choice went unsaid. “Please trust me.” He kissed my nose.
I pushed out of his embrace. “Of course I trust you, but I’m fucking sick of these secrets. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I can’t. You know that.”
“Fine. Don’t tell me,” I grumbled. “See if I fucking care.”
“What the hell is this, Jay?” He frowned. “You know I can’t tell you anything when it comes to my fucking job.”
“I know that,” I snapped. “But these girls are my sisters. When it comes to them, you have to tell me.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Why the hell not?” I threw back at him. “What does Meeka have to do with this?” Not that I overly cared but if what she was involved in effected my other sisters, I would throw her to the wolves and leave her there to rot.
“You need to trust me,” he repeated, shoving a hand roughly through his hair.
“And you need to tell me what is going on.”
He reached for me, grabbing my hand, and pulled me against him.
“
Angel,” I attempted to push out of his grip. “Talk to me.”
“Asher is needing Meeka’s help. That’s all I can say for now.” Angel ran his hands down my back. “What are you doing before the meeting today?”
“Stop trying to change the subject,” I mumbled.
He chuckled, kissing my forehead.
“I hate you right now.”
“No, you don’t.”
He was right. I didn’t. But he sure as fuck pissed me the hell off. “I need to hit the shop,” I said, finally answering his question. “I have a couple interviews to set up at some point as well.” Tattooed had been my dream. It was a new business, with me being the only tattoo artist until now. Creena Chan, King’s Harlots newest prospect, kept things in order for me and did what she could. Business was booming for both of us but I needed someone to man the cash and make sure Tattooed didn’t go under.
“Dale said he was working on the new sign for you.” Angel rose from the bed and pulled on his jeans.
“Yeah, but he doesn’t listen well. I told him I wanted classy but bold. He tried showing me flashing signs and wanted to add sparklers at one point.”
Angel laughed. “That’s my brother.”
I smiled, getting dressed as well. “He means well, I guess.”
“I’m glad you’re getting along with them.” Angel closed the distance between us and grabbed both of my hands. “It means everything to me that they accept you and take you in. If something happened to me, I need to know that you’re protected.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you. To either of us. No one is getting fucking taken again.” I pulled out of his grip and shoved my top over my head. “No one.”
***
(Angel)
“No one.”
Jay’s words. Desperate and driven by fear and hate.
My chest panged that I couldn’t take that away from her. My soul cried out with the need to make her feel better. Even for just a little bit. I poured those pleas to help her into our love making. I tried so hard with everything in me to let her feel my love for her. I didn’t say it enough. She inspired me. She was a powerful woman in a fucked-up man’s world but she didn’t give up. She made it so other women wanted to follow suit.
