Nope. That’s gonna be a hard no!
I slam the door and lock it.
Too stunned to do anything else, I gape at the closed door. Please let this be a dream. I contemplate opening it again, but I quickly dismiss that notion. As much as I want to see him, I so do not need his games. I’m an emotional wreck as it is. I pace my bedroom with the thump of him knocking on the door as a constant soundtrack.
I’m thinking I handled that like a grown-up. Didn’t want to deal with him, no big deal, just slam the door in his face before he can say anything. Yeah, real grown-up.
I climb back into bed, hating that I’ll have to deal with him tomorrow at the party. Ugh. I throw the pillow over my head to drown out his constant banging. I don’t care if he knocks all night, I will not open that door.
After another minute or two, blissful silence fills the apartment. Apparently my “grown-up” tactics do work. Go me! I smile then drop the pillow to the other side of the bed, ready to finally go to sleep. My smile disappears as quickly as it appeared when I feel the bed dip.
FUCK!
He’s here.
Chapter Thirteen
“It’s nice to see you too, Ads,” he says with a chuckle. “Oh, and thanks for the warm welcome.”
My body stiffens and I make a show of moving as far away from him as possible. Half of me is leaning off the bed; one sudden movement and I’ll be on the floor. Not a good idea for an accident-prone person like me. I scoot a little closer to the middle so I don’t tempt fate.
Hatred laces my voice. “Why didn’t you just leave? You didn’t catch the fact that when someone slams the door in your face, they don’t want to see you?”
I sit up in bed and glare at him. I can’t believe after all this time he is here, as if he hadn’t slept with me and acted like I didn’t exist. I hate that I’m completely and utterly aware of him. I hate that he smells mouth-watering, how sexy his stubble looks from not shaving in a few days, and how striking his green eyes are as they stare back at me.
“How did you even get in here? I don’t want you here! LEAVE!”
I push him as I jump out of bed. He holds his hands up in surrender.
“Ads, just listen, okay? I didn’t come here to fight.” I raise an eyebrow at him and he runs his hand over his face. “Tomorrow is Logan’s party. I’m here for that, to go over our plans.”
He’s here because of my brother, not because he wants to fix us. Of course. I don’t even know what I expected but it wasn’t that. Why couldn’t he have just slapped me? It would have hurt less. In bitch mode, I cross my arms over my chest, and I smile on the inside when he glances down at the cleavage exposed in my sheer white tank.
“The plans are exactly the same since the day we made them. Since you’ve ignored all of my calls, I assumed that you didn’t intend on helping. Kohen can step in on your part, which he will do happily.”
His fist clench together at his sides. Good. I move closer to him so there is only an inch between us. I can feel the heat rolling off his body. I have to control myself not to react so I don’t end up throwing myself at him.
Smiling sweetly up at him I ask, “Oh, and Jax?”
He blinks a few times as if coming out of a dream. “Yes?”
“Last time I checked, the name on my birth certificate says Adalynn not Ads. Try to remember that for the next time you decide to talk to me.”
Shoving past him, I leave my bedroom and march all the way to my front door. I wait about twenty seconds until I hear him finally starting to follow me. When he gets close, I open the door and maneuver out of his way so he doesn’t brush against me as he passes the threshold.
He looks as if someone just ripped out his heart and I’m glad. I will not be the only one hurting over his actions. He was the one who decided to leave me, to ignore me, after sleeping with me again. I’m done. I want him to know how pissed off I am. I will not let him just walk into my life with his sexy emerald eyes. That won’t work this time. I won’t be his doormat.
Jax pulls on fohawk, and begins to speak, but I cut him off, ignoring that he just used his nickname for me. “There’s nothing more to say. The plans are the same and Kohen will help me.”
I stop myself from closing the door. My eyes seek his. I wish that I had more self-control and can turn away from his eyes. His visible pain matches mine. I remind myself that this is his doing.
“I don’t need you anymore Jax,” I whisper.
I shut the door and lock it before he can mutter anything else. I sink to the floor, wondering if I just made the biggest mistake of my life. I know that I did the right thing, but at the same time I wish that I was a little nicer. He could have wanted to fix everything. Ugh! No, I will not do the whole “what if” game. I do enough of that without adding the Jax drama to it. If he was here for anything besides my brother’s party plans, then he would have said something. God! That is all I am to him, his best friend’s little sister.
I just wanted to be someone that he could love, I wanted him to want me as much as I want him. I don’t even think we can get past this and become friends again. Then again, he’s probably only been my “friend” because of my brother.
Pulling myself off the floor, I head back to my room with shaking legs.
After applying minimal make-up, I curl my hair and walk over to my closet. I select the sleeveless ocean blue Valentino lace dress, my studded nude Saint Laurent heels, and my matching nude Michael Kors clutch.
As I grab Logan’s freshly wrapped present someone knocks on my door. With heavy footsteps, I approach it, I remind myself not to make this awkward. It’s just Jax. No big deal. Only one of the many lies I’ll tell myself to get through today.
I awkwardly hold the door open for him, but don’t move out of his way as I stare at The God. Only he can make a simple pair of dark blue jeans and a navy long-sleeve polo with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows, displaying his tattooed arms, look sinfully delicious. My eyes travel the length of his body twice.
My tongue darts out to moisten my suddenly dry lips when my gaze meets his. He is so handsome I forget to breathe. He shouldn’t be be this sexy; it messes with my emotions. I want to wrap my arms around him, bury my nose into his chest, and relax into the man that reminds me of home.
“Breathe, Ads, I’m not going anywhere,” Jax says.
And just like that, my emotions are back in check. Maybe I should high-five him for helping me out? No, that would be awkward because then I would have to explain why. I go for option two. I attempt to shut the door, but his foot stops it from closing.
“I don’t have time to deal with your crap today,” I tell him once he comes inside.
Jax jaw tightens, a clear sign that he’s uncomfortable. He does realize that he doesn’t need to be here, right? Before I can voice this, Jax surprises me by closing the distance and wrapping me into a bear hug. I breathe in his all too familiar scent, welcoming the brief reprieve his presence brings me. Stepping out of his hug, he keeps me at arm’s lengths. How fitting.
“You look beautiful, Ads.”
I don’t miss how he makes a point to enunciate Ads again. I take a step back. His arms fall to his side. “Shut up and let’s gets this over with already.”
I return to the living room to retrieve everything I need.
“Someone’s in a chipper mood today,” he says from behind me.
I hand him the presents and glare at him. “That could be because someone decided to break into my place last night. Oh, and that same someone scared the crap out of me and I shattered the screen on my phone!”
Jax’s smile widens as if he’s proud of himself. It’s not nice to hit. It’s not nice to hit.
“I don’t know who you’re trying to fool. We both know you attempted to walk and text at the same time and it fell.”
He maneuvers away to avoid getting punched. Smart man.
“You’re an ass.”
He laughs. When we’re in the elevator, he pats my head as if I
’m a child. I remind myself to keep my hands to myself and instead focus on texting Kohen.
Me: Hey I won’t be needing your help after all. Thanks though, I’ll see you in a few hours. . . I’ll be the one in the dress that matches your eyes.
I don’t wait for a reply, rather I slip my phone into my clutch and watch the elevator descend slowly to the lobby.
“I love you too, Ads,” he says as he strides out of the elevator.
I’m glad I’m behind him so he can’t see that my steps falter.
Almost two hours later, we finally have everything set up. We even had time to deliver everything to Connor’s for the “after party” that will be just the four of us. It’s been a tradition for the guys since they were kids and I started crashing them after the accident. By crashing, I mean dragged, of course, but I’ve been going willingly after the first two years. The only reason why I didn’t want to go in the first place is because I thought I was intruding on a guys’ night type of thing.
As guest filter in, I text Connor asking their e.t.a. I want to make sure that we’re all ready when he arrives with Logan. Jax and I worked too hard for the surprise to be ruined.
I find Jax talking up a leggy blonde, big surprise there. I tap his shoulder a little harder than necessary. “Connor said they’ll be here in twenty, but I can see you’re busy so I’ll let everyone know.”
I lean to the side and smile brightly at the blonde. Gosh, she reminds me of the skanks Connor usually bags. Jax rushes to my side when I start to walk away.
“Don’t be silly, Ads, we’re in this together,” he says way too loudly, linking our arms together as if we’re best friends.
Once we’re away from Jax’s blonde, I pull my arm roughly out of his. “Um no, that’s not going to work for me. I’m not here to be your wing woman.”
He laughs. Wrong move, Jaxon. I yank his face down by his chin so he’s forced to look at me.
“I’m not here to help you dodge unwelcome sluts! Connor will be more than happy to fill that role for you.” I pause, not wanting to make a scene. I stand up on my tiptoes so I can whisper into his ear. “We’re not friends anymore. You’ve made that abundantly clear. I’m only putting up with you because of my brother.”
Well, there goes all pleasantries. I didn’t even know I was going to say all that. I opened my mouth and the words spilled out, my tone sounding more pissed with each syllable. Jax hisses in a breath as if in pain. I grip his massive bicep with my dainty hand, because I’m not done. I’m going to get all of this out now.
“If you want to go back to being friends, you can let me know. But until then, I’m only tolerating you because of Logan. That’s it. I will not be your doormat anymore. I will not let you pretend to be here for me when we both know you’ll leave again once the condom is off.”
I step back, glad that I finally told him that it’s not okay to treat me that way. I’m surprised how true every word is. I march to the opposite side of the room without waiting for a response.
The surprise goes flawlessly. I even surprised Logan and Connor by capturing the whole thing. Logan’s delight when he saw the camera around my neck made me smile shyly at him. It’s wonderful moments like when I’m taking pictures of everyone having fun that I’m reminded how great of a friend Jax has been to me.
He pushes me to do things that I would never have been able to do without him. It hurts that much more since he’s been avoiding me all night. I know what I said was harsh, but it was the truth and I don’t regret it. I just wish life were like a movie or a book. He would whisk me away to proclaim his unbreakable love. Or at least say he’s sorry and that he wants to still be in my life. Of course neither will happen, life isn’t that simple, or that cheesy.
Before my mind can carry on with more unrealistic expectations, Kohen pulls me into his side. I snuggle into him and kiss his neck. Without turning around, I sense Jax scowling at us. I can feel his eyes on me, like I’ve been able to all night. I rub my hand down Kohen’s chest and make a show of slipping it into his back pocket. Pleased with my affection, Kohen kisses me square on the lips. Even the feel of his lips on mine isn’t enough of a distraction from Jax’s eyes boring into my back.
As Kohen helps Connor load the presents into the car, Jax joins them. Tension between him and Kohen has escalated throughout the party. I stand wide-eyed as Jax practically shoves a heavy present into Kohen’s stomach. Kohen grunts, but surprises me by setting it calmly into the trunk. Still his back stiffens, all the muscles tight, anger radiating off him in waves. Jax’s fist tighten at his sides, he makes a move to step closer but halts when Connor places his hand on his shoulder. Connor whispers to him, and then those green eyes are trained on me.
I become trapped by his predatory gaze. It feels as if I’m being drawn towards him. I’m vaguely aware of my feet moving in his direction. Jax attempts to step around Connor, but freezes in his tracks. It takes a few seconds for my mind to work again. I flick my gaze away from Jax’s face to see Kohen seething. With no thought at all, my fake smile is in place and I march over to him. As I near him, I hope that he doesn’t lose his temper in front of the guys. That would be stupid on his part. I sigh in relief as his begins to relax. He takes a deep breath and as he exhales, all the earlier tension leaves his body. He pulls me into him. I don’t hesitate as I kiss him on his lips.
This kiss is unlike any of our past ones. It’s possessive, forceful, jealous even. I feel badly that I’m the reason why he’s acting like this. If I could get over my unrequited love, then we wouldn’t be in this position. As I hear footsteps retreating, Kohen squeezes my hand until I yelp into his mouth.
“Do I need to remind you who you’re dating?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
His eyes darken and I know I need to say something to lighten the mood. I do not want to be the reason to ruin my brother’s party. I swallow my fear and hold his hand again.
“I’m here with the only person I want to be with.”
He gives me a charming smile, but underneath it hides something darker. I can relate. I’m not as well put together as the world thinks I am, either. He folds his arm around my shoulders and leads me over to my brother.
Logan stands near Jax’s car, with the passenger door open. It takes a second to realize that he’s waiting for something . . . me. For some reason, I know I’ll be riding with Jax back to Connor’s. My suspicions are confirmed when he waves his hand for me to get in. The one time Jax decided to drive one of his many cars and I’m forced to ride with him. Kohen stiffens beside me but luckily he doesn’t say anything. I think it’s because of my brother’s presence.
“There’s no room for you in Connor’s car with all the presents so Jax offered to drive you over,” Logan explains when I make no move to get in.
“I can take her.” Kohen says.
“I thought you had to be at the hospital . . . five minutes ago.” Jax leans over the center console to talk to us.
I give Kohen a quick kiss on the lips to stop his protest. Jax is right, he’s late. He reaches behind me and shakes Logan’s hand.
“Happy birthday,” Kohen says.
Logan nods. “Thanks.”
Kohen gives me a hug before helping me into the car. He closes the door with more force than necessary. As I watch him climb into the cab in front of us, my anger emerges. My hands shake at my side with barely controlled temper. I’m fed up with the games Jax likes to play. Jax has no right to treat Kohen like he did today. Kohen isn’t the problem here; he is.
“You could have at least said goodbye to him.”
“I’m sure the boyfriend doesn’t mind.”
Uncomfortable silence fills the rest of the ride. I hold my breath as much as possible because his scent wafts all around me, invading my senses. Thankfully the ride doesn’t take as long as usual. When he parks in an empty space, I sigh in relief.
I jump out so fast that I nearly fall flat on my face, but
I catch myself on the doorframe just in time. I don’t wait for him. I stride to the elevator and press the button, urging it to hurry up. Since I’ve run out of all my luck today, Jax strolls up, ignoring that I’m trying to ditch him. He waits with me for the elevator to arrive.
When it does, we both enter. His arm brushes against mine and I fight with everything in me not to react. I bite my lip in agitation from my traitorous body. The tension in the air intensifies. It’s now a mixture of anger and sexual tension. I hold my clutch up to my chest as a barrier and a way to keep my hands to myself. When the bell chimes, signaling we’re at the penthouse, we both exhale the breaths we we’re holding.
I run into Connor’s as fast as my feet can carry me without falling on my face. Connor sets a beer bucket on the coffee table when I enter. Yes, an actual beer bucket, heaped to the brim with ice and beer. There’s a stack of action-packed movies on the table. Of course he has the poker table set up in full view of his flat screen television. It’s perfect!
Logan walks in with his hands full of junk food. I rush over to him and take the precious food out of his hands.
“Sit down, it’s your birthday!” I give Connor my no-nonsense look. “He shouldn’t be doing anything but having fun, Connor!”
Immediately I take charge of the evening. I order Jax to put a movie on and line all of our presents on the poker table. Connor attempts to help him, but I shake my head. He smirks and moves to take the seat that I saved for Jax, the chair furthest away from me. I shake my head again, but he ignores me and hands Logan his gift. As Jax comes to the poker table, he pauses mid-step when he realizes that he’s going to sit next to me. I’m the only one who notices, since I’m the only one paying attention to everything he does.
I glance at my brother, wondering if I can play sick so I can go home. That thought leaves as quickly as it appears. There’s no way I’m ditching just because I have to be near Jax. I can handle anything he throws my way. I scowl in Jax’s direction. His eyes sparkle, as if he just read my mind, and I know that will take a lot of self-control to avoid a scene.
Beautifully Shattered (The Beautifully Series Book 1) Page 20
