by Ku Cha
Gaze at the Scenes of Debauchery
by Ku Cha
你看那灯红酒绿 by 裤衩
Nǐ kàn nà dēng hóng jiǔ lǜ by Ku Cha
Genres: Tragedy, Angst, BL
Novel status: 53 Chapters + Extras
Translation status: Finished
Translator: RuiHun
Editors: Yuu
eBook: EyesOnly
~~~~Brought to you by ExR~~~~
SUMMARY
* * *
They’ve been entangled together for 12 years. A gong (seme) whose affairs had become second nature, and a shou (uke) who was depressed and liked to torment himself. Cracks cannot be mended, one can only intentionally choose to either ignore or endure it.
Warning: Ending can be interpreted as either BE or HE.
Chapter 1
* * *
He sat on the balcony and silently smoked a cigarette.
He could still faintly hear the sounds of water coming from the ensuite in the bedroom.
There were many instance when he would have the impulse to jump off this tall building, and be buried in the city’s riot of colours. He didn’t have suicidal thoughts, he just enjoyed this self-imagined pleasure.
He closed his eyes and slightly lifted his head. Perhaps he really was falling down… falling down.
The cigarette between his fingers burnt to its end. It was so hot he quickly let go of it.
The cigarette end fell on the floor spilling starry sparks. He bent down ——
A man’s voice resounded behind him, “Wen Qing, I’ve finished showering.”
He paused for a second before continuing his actions and put out the cigarette on the marble floor.
He softly replied, “Oh.”
He stood up and placed the cigarette end into the ashtray next to him. He then turned around and looked at the man with a faint gentle smile.
—
After they entered the room, the two people went for a round. After the man had finished cleaning him up, he was already lying in the man’s embrace sound asleep.
He looks extremely tired recently, thought the man as he sniffed the faint smell of cigarette smoke on his body.
Perhaps the other still didn’t know about the affair between him and that boy.
Luckily.
If Wen Qing knew…the man furrowed his brows. He couldn’t make the promise that he would never sleep with anybody else. He couldn’t control himself. To break up with Wen Qing was even more impossible. They had already been together for twelve years…twelve whole years.
Why did time just fly by so fast?
The man’s gaze softened again as it carried hints of lingering emotions. He slowly stood up and carried him back onto the bed where they slept in each other’s embraces.
Like lovers who had never been estranged.
Chapter 2
* * *
When Wen Qing woke up in the morning, Yan Han had already gone to work.
Wen Qing stretched his hand out and touched the cold bed sheets next to him. He then gradually moved his hand upwards with feelings of nostalgia from when they were deeply attached in love, and hugged onto Yan Han’s pillow.
There were many times when he had also wanted to pretend like nothing had happened. He also wanted to pretend like he didn’t know anything.
Sudden feelings of being fed up erupted, and Wen Qing violently threw Yan Han’s pillow onto the floor.
The pillow fell onto the wooden floor with a soft, fluffy sound.
It was like how perfunctory new complications were after the twelve years they spent with each other.
Perhaps, this time he could endure it again like before?
What else could he do if he didn’t endure it?
Have a fight? Make him cut ties with the boy?
If he cut ties with this one, there would be another.
He was already tired of the never ending fights where he never got the ending he desired.
Perhaps he could break up with him?
To put things right once and for all.
That’s right, once and for all. He lifted the corners of his lips in self mockery.
—
At night when Yan Han pulled Wen Qing into his embrace, Wen Qing disliked the proximity and instinctively pushed Yan Han away.
The atmosphere instantly became a bit awkward. Yan Han grabbed Wen Qing’s hand and stroked his thumb knuckle a few times, “What’s the matter? Feeling sad?”
Wen Qing took a deep breath in, “No, I’ve been very tired these days.”
Yan Han smiled, “You stay at home from morning till night and you don’t even go out for a walk. You’re going to suffocate from staying inside all the time.”
Wen Qing retrieved his hand back, “Yeah.” He turned around to face his back towards Yan Han.
Yan Han’s hand swept onto his hip and Wen Qing said, “It’s quite late. Work has been busy for you these days… go to sleep.”
Chapter 3
* * *
Wen Qing went out for a walk the next day.
He went to the book cafe in the morning and played with puzzles for half a day before going to watch a movie in the afternoon.
He didn’t go to a cinema though. Instead, it was at a place that was similar to those shops back in the 90’s that played video tapes.
You chose a few movies, and had a room to yourself.
It was still the era of video tapes twenty years ago.
Next door was a young couple. He didn’t know what movie they were watching, but every now and then, wild sounds of European and American woman groaning would echo as they were mingled with a few unclear ‘oh god’ ’s.
Later, these sounds were drowned out by the unrestrained pants, and the sounds of skin slapping together.
Wen Qing lit a cigarette.
He breathed in a huge mouthful of smoke before slowly exhaling it out.
The male protagonist on the screen was chasing a bus. Wen Qing lifted the corners of his mouth and laughed. How young.
When he went back, he bought some groceries from the supermarket along the way.
He didn’t want to eat any dinner himself. It was for Yan Han.
When Yan Han came home and saw the dishes on the table, he smiled at Wen Qing in a doting manner.
“How did you know I was going to come back for dinner tonight?”
“I guessed.” Wen Qing sat on the other side of the dining table and smoked.
“Are our hearts and minds connected?” Yan Han lifted one eyebrow up.
Wen Qing nodded his head a few times and pinched the cigarette to put it out.
He had to admit that Yan Han did indeed look pretty handsome. Each and every move he made emanated nothing but the charm of a mature man.
He still wasn’t sick of looking at him after all these years. No wonder there were so many young boys who flocked to Yan Han one after the other.
Wen Qing took out another cigarette and lit it.
Yan Han looked at Wen QIng, “You ate already?”
“Yeah.”
“Your cigarette addiction seems to be quite bad recently.”
“I guess.”
“It’s best if you smoke less. You were the one who kept screaming for me to quit smoking before. How come you’ve started smoking now, just after I’ve pretty much quit.”
Wen Qing squinted his eyes and smoked his cigarette. He remained silent.
Yan Han’s appetite was pretty big. He had eaten an assortment of all the dishes on the table.
After he waited for Yan Han to put his chopsticks down, Wen Qing stood up and tipped the leftovers into the rubbish bin.
Chapter 4
* * *
&nbs
p; Seeming like he had suddenly remembered something, Yan Han asked, “You ate out?”
“Yes.” Wen Qing held the cigarette in his mouth and nodded his head as he tidied the bowls and chopsticks.
“I’ll try to come back for dinner in the future. Try wait for me as well so we can eat together.”
“My stomach hurts if I eat dinner too late these days.”
Yan Han felt a bit awkward and quickly smiled before considerately replying, “Why is your stomach acting up again? If that’s the case then you shouldn’t wait for me. Your stomach is important.”
Wen Qing nodded, turned around and walked into the kitchen as he carried the dishes.
He looked nonchalant as if he didn’t see the kiss mark on Yan Han’s neck —— a kiss mark left by someone else.
—
At night when Yan Han hugged Wen Qing and was ready to fall asleep, Wen Qing suddenly said, “I want to find a job.”
“You’re bored from staying at home?”
“A bit.”
Yan Han thought, does Wen Qing want to go to the company so it’s more convenient to check on me like he did before? Well, I haven’t made a move on the young ones in my company for a long time now. And so he said, “I’ll let the secretary to organise a job for you tomorrow.”
Wen Qing softly laughed in mockery, “What’s the point in earning your wages.”
“Does my Wen Qing want to help other people work?” Yan Han spoke in the same shameless tone he would often use back when they were still affectionate.
Wen Qing played along with him, “That’s right, I don’t want you anymore.”
The other man made small talk with him for another while before drifting off to sleep.
The moonlight seeped inside through the gap between the curtains. Wen Qing’s vision was clear and bright. He wasn’t sleepy at all.
People…why have they changed?
They were clearly so madly in love with each other at the beginning as they pledged eternal loyalty to each other until the end of time. The force of their love was enough to make the sky fall, and the earth crack. Wen Qing slowly released Yan Han’s hand that was wrapped around his hip. He sat up, grabbed the cigarettes on the bedside table and went out to the balcony.
He still remembered back then when he quit his job to put his whole heart into caring for Yan Han in his daily life. He gave up his career ambitions he had as a man, and took on the role of a housewife that had been previously cast aside.
As he believed that even without a job, staying together with Yan Han could still completely fulfill his spiritual needs. He was willing to be the man who stood behind in Yan Han’s shadows.
Back then, he had wanted the other to quit smoking because he was considering their individual health as to have a longer future together. Now he didn’t even care that much about him sleeping with someone else. And as for the future?
Ha. Wen Qing lifted the corners of his lips and used his middle finger to tap off the cigarette ash.
Yan Han probably thought that the reason he wanted to get a job was the same as before: to go investigate him at the company.
Wen Qing smoked his cigarette as he squinted his eyes.
Chapter 5
* * *
When Yan Han looked in the mirror as he was washing up in the morning, he saw the mark on his neck that was made by the prostitute yesterday afternoon and furrowed his brows.
Did Wen Qing see?
Wen Qing had already prepared the breakfast downstairs and was currently drinking milk.
Yan Han cleared his throat, “Why didn’t you call me when you got out of bed?”
“You seem tired recently, I wanted you to sleep for longer. It wouldn’t be too late if I woke you up when the right time came around.”
“Oh, you’re still the one who cares about me.” Yan Han smiled as he pulled out a chair and sat down.
Yan Han reached his hand out and scratched his neck. Wen Qing looked up at him.
“My neck is constantly itchy, it seems like I got bit by a bug.”
Wen Qing nodded his head, “There does seem to be a small red patch.” He stood up and took out a tube of ointment from the first aid box and placed it into Yan Han’s briefcase.
“I put the ointment in your bag. If your neck is itchy then don’t scratch it. Remember to put the ointment on.”
“Okay.” Yan Han nodded and sighed in relief.
—
Wen Qing found a job that very day.
It wasn’t hard to find a job with his top grade certificates and many years of work experience. It was just that he didn’t think that the CEO would actually be his classmate from back when he was studying overseas.
The CEO was called Fang Qi and their relationship was pretty good. Even though they lost contact for a long time, they still had that tacit understanding between them from the past when they worked together.
Fang Qi promoted Wen Qing after around two weeks of working at the company. He also gave him an assistant called Wen Bai. However, it was merely an assistant on the surface. What Fang Qi actually wanted was for Wen Bai to learn from Wen Qing in regards to work.
Fang Qi talked to Wen Qing. He said that this young man was pretty dependable so he wanted Wen Qing to pass on his expertise, and if he had any needs at any time he could also ask the other person to do anything.
Wen Qing agreed with a smile. Yet, he didn’t dare make his assistant actually carry out the jobs of a normal assistant such as pouring beverages. It seemed like Wen Bai was someone with a background.
He started spending less time with Yan Han as he was busy with work.
Auntie Zhang[1] also started to become responsible for the food at home. They would pretty much only greet each other in the morning and at night. As for the remainder of the day, one of the two of them would either be away from home or fast asleep.
After a while, Yan Han felt like this couldn’t keep on going. He needed to find some time to have a chat with Wen Qing.
* * *
[1] 张姨 It literally means Auntie Zhang, however in this case, instead of a relative, she’s a housemaid. 姨 (Auntie) is usually used to call any female who is of a middle age.
Chapter 6
* * *
Wen Bai sent him home that night. They had discussed a case outside with other people until it was very late.
Wen Qing was a bit tired and it just so happened that Wen Bai proposed to send him home. Wen Qing was also too lazy to go back to the company building and get his car so he returned home in Wen Bai’s car.
It was Wen Bai who opened the door for him when he got off the car. Wen Qing smiled and ruffled the hair of the young man who was taller than him by half a head before he left.
“Rest early.” Wen Qing said.
“Okay, you too.” Something Wen Qing couldn’t quite grasp flashed in Wen Bai’s eyes.
—
When he came back home, Yan Han was sitting on the sofa and watching the news.
Wen Qing loosened his tie and sat on the side. Yan Han asked, “Did you eat dinner yet?”
Wen Qing nodded, “I did.”
Yan Han reached out his hand and wrapped it around Wen Qing’s shoulder. He lowered his head and kissed Wen Qing’s neck. He mumbled unclearly, “You’re too busy recently.”
Wen Qing’s neck was ticklish so he couldn’t really bear with Yan Han’s bite. His body trembled and he softly hummed back.
What happened next was a plotline that both people were familiar with.
It wasn’t over until both people were completely exhausted. Yan Han held Wen Qing who’s body was limp in the bathroom and helped him clean up.
“Why don’t you quit your job.”
Wen Qing squinted, “I don’t want to. I can earn money.”
Yan Han paused for a moment, “You know, we don’t lack that small wage of yours.”
Wen Qing didn’t say anything, Yan Han thought that his words might have slightly hurt Wen Qing’s pride and said, “Don’
t tire yourself for that small amount of pay.”
Wen Qing vaguely hummed back in response, “Talk about it later.”
—
After Wen Qing woke up the next day, he discovered that last night was quite rough for him. His hip and legs even slightly trembled when he walked.
There was also a red mark on his collarbone. Wen Qing pulled his shirt collar higher.
Wen Bai came to his office to hand in some business files. When the other was waiting for him to sign it, Wen Bai suddenly asked, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
Wen Qing shook his head, “No, why?”
Wen Bai pointed to his neck, “So that means you have a boyfriend?”
Wen Qing placed the pen down and looked at Wen Bai with a forced smile.
Wen Bai’s eyes darkened. He walked out of the office carrying the files that Wen Qing had finished signing.
Wen Qing looked at the back of Wen Bai’s figure and squinted his eyes.
Chapter 7
* * *
Wen Qing started to keep his distance from Wen Bai.
No matter how tired he was after discussing business outside, he would always go back to the company building to retrieve his car and drive himself home. He also stopped patting Wen Bai’s head in an encouraging manner.
Wen Qing rubbed the tip of his nose. No matter whether Wen Bai harboured those sorts of feelings towards him or not, it was always good to prevent too much intimacy.
Wen Bai didn’t show any reaction when he rejected the other’s usual help. Wen Bai just slightly nodded his head. Perhaps he was overthinking it?
Reality quickly told Wen Qing that he wasn’t over thinking.
