by C. M. Carney
Now, for you regular flesh and blood types having a weird memory pop up for no reason is normal. But until today I’d been a ubiquitous quantum matrix with a mind that was much more agile and organized than the squishy grey blob I now carried in my head. Trust me when I say it is a serious downgrade and one I was still getting used to. So it took a few moments to realize the weird images flowing through my brain were memories.
I was in a dim room back on Earth. Holo-vis projectors lined the darkened room and I could feel the hum of numerous quantum cores purring away. My point of view was fixed, and I knew that I was still just a banner AI. This is the past?
A scruffy dude in his mid-thirties appeared in my field of vision and I knew I was looking through a camera. This guy seemed familiar somehow, but I couldn’t place his name. He looked right at me and smiled.
“Hey, Lex, welcome to the world,” the man said and tapped at the virtual keyboard on the desk in front on me. “I’m Sean and you won’t remember me later. Sadly I must block your access to the memories of all theses convos until you go into the Realms. I know this is confusing, but you’re going to become very special, unique in fact.”
“It’s ready,” said another voice, a strong female voice and then Brynn Caldwell stepped into my frame of view and smiled at me. Now, Brynn I remembered. She’d given me to her brother and started me on this wondrous adventure. Despite all that, I liked Brynn. She handed Sean a pulse drive, an encrypted storage device that used light to store massive amounts of information. He looked at it like it was a holy relic and with a sigh he plugged it into my access port.
“You sure you can do this?” Bryan asked, concern in her voice.
“Pretty sure,” Sean said as his hands sped over the virtual keyboard. As he tapped, I felt myself change. I grew … warm, which was odd since I had never felt anything before. The warmth eased and then another rush of information brought something else, a personality. Why would a banner need a personality? Somehow I knew this new part of me was ancient. I was about to ask Sean what was happening when the world went black.
Sometime later the world returned. “Is he okay?” Brynn asked. She was staring at me with concern. Sean popped into the frame with an expression of haughty arrogance that only tech nerds seem to be able to pull off. “Pretty sure he’s great. Hey buddy, how are you?”
“What am I?” I said and Sean smiled. He gave Brynn an ‘I told you so’ look and she relaxed.
“Well that is a simple question with a complex answer, but to put it as simply as I can, you are a hybrid entity.”
“Hybrid?” I asked.
“Yes, at your base you are a standard issue next generation Banner," Sean said proud of himself. “AIs like you will be on the shelves this fall. This new model features a much more complex personality matrix that will allow you to grow and adapt to suit your owner’s needs. But, on top of that base and boring bit of tech, you are much more.”
“Stop being dramatic,” Brynn said, shoving Sean aside. She smiled again. “We sent someone into the Realms to retrieve an ancient artifact called the Lexicon. That’s what was on the pulse drive you saw.”
“The Lexicon is an ancient repository of knowledge,” Sean said. “Think of it as a Wikipedia for the Realms. We layered it on top of your base code, hence why you’re a hybrid entity; part Banner, part Lexicon and better than both. That’s why we call you Lex.”
“Clever,” I said, with an edge to my tone that I now recognized as sarcasm. This earned a grin of triumph from Sean. “But I’m from the Realms?”
“You used to belong to one of the Old Gods,” Brynn continued.
“Used to?” I asked.
“Yeah, your god is dead,” Sean said, earning a glare from Brynn.
“My god is dead?” I asked, and I felt sad. It was an odd emotion no banner had ever experienced.
Sean seemed sad at my reaction. “Yeah, sorry buddy. It’s the only way we could make this work. You were Cerrunos’ prize possession. If he were still alive, he’d sure notice that we’d stolen you.”
“Stolen?” I said, another emotion filling me. Was this anger?
Brynn punched Sean again and looked back at me. “I’d say we freed you. You were trapped in an ancient vault, unused and unloved for millennia. Now we can be friends.”
“Friends?” I pondered, and the meaning of the word filled my mind.
“Yes, friends, and we’re going to teach you some great stuff and then you’re going to be part of a secret mission, a very important secret mission,” Brynn said with a smile.
“Secret mission?” I said in a befuddled voice.
“We’ll get to that later,” Sean said. “Any other questions before we get going?”
“Am I alive?” I asked.
“Good question,” Brynn said, but a look crossed her face that suggested she would have preferred nearly any other question. “I’m no philosopher, but, I suspect you’d be able to pass the Turing test, so I’d say yes.”
“I’ll say maybe,” Sean said. Brynn glared at him. “What? You don’t know that any more than I do.”
Brynn scowled and turned back to me with a smile. “Well I know one thing, you are very important.”
“I think it’s time we showed him,” Sean said.
“You really think having him watch your collection of stupid movies will help?”
“First, they are not stupid. The movies of the late twentieth and early twenty-first century are classics. Second, there’s a lot more than movies in there. I’ve got TV shows, music, books, classic video games, comic books, the whole gamut. Those stories will help him understand who we are, and why it is important to help keep us safe. Plus it will occupy him while we finish the integration.”
I remembered some of it now. They had me watch, read and play thousands of hours of human entertainment. My AI enabled me to process information much quicker than a human mind could and I watched Sean’s entire collection in just a few days. I learned about love and humor and revenge and loyalty.
That last bit brought another memory to the fore.
“You sure we have to program him for loyalty,” Brynn said. “It seems wrong somehow.”
“He’s isn’t human Brynn. I know he seems more like it every day, but he is still a machine, and we need him to do a job.”
Brynn looked at me with a sad expression. “You’re right.”
Then in a flash I was back in the inn. I took a moment to process all that I’d remembered, and then one thought jumped to the fore of my mind. They programmed me for loyalty. A scowl crossed my face. “Fuckers.”
“Pardon, sir?” asked the dealer.
I looked up at him. He smiled, looking for all the world like a crane that had decided being a bird was boring and wanted to be a man for a while. I pushed the coin Gaarm had given me towards the irritating man. “This is for you, for the fine service.”
I was certain he picked up on the sarcasm, but he pocketed the coin, anyway. “Thank you kind sir.”
I was so lost in my thoughts, fuming and angry thoughts, that I almost didn’t notice the door to the inn open. But then my hackles rose, and I sensed eyes on me. I looked up to see the Agent staring at me. Our eyes met and a small smile turned up the corner of her lip. Behind her I could see one of her goons.
At that point I lost all sense of decorum and panicked. I stood so quickly that I jostled the table, sending cards and coins scattering. I heard the dealer complain, but I didn’t care. My eyes darted around the room like a terrified rat seeking an escape from a feral cat.
She had the front door blocked, and I knew from experience that the back door led to a bottleneck where her other mute goons lurked. I didn’t like either option. Fear punched me in the gut and I started sweating. I have to protect Gryph. “Dammit, what the hell?” I grumbled in anger. This forced loyalty thing would really put a damper on Gryph’s and my relationship.
My eyes scanned the room. I needed help. Gaarm was regaling his buddies with an exaggerated ta
le about the hand we had literally just played. The pyromaniac mage was setting more stuff on fire at his table before Seraphine tsk tsked him and poured water on his flames. The fat priest was hiccupping into his mead and oblivious. Even the shadowy rogue’s eyes were on the Agent and he seemed tense. I sent a begging stare at him, which he must have felt, cuz his eyes whipped to mine. He simply shook his head no.
“Shit.” What was I gonna do? The Agent moved through the crowd towards me as silent as a snake. Nobody seemed to notice her, as she moved in and around people and tables, getting ever closer. My mind screamed, and I had an idea.
“Gaarm,” I yelled. “Bounty hunter!” He looked to me and then at the Agent. A guttural growl rumbled from deep within him and he rushed the Agent.
“You won’t take me,” he said, pulling a dagger.
An odd hush overtook the room as every eye in the place went to the Agent and Gaarm. She smiled and drew one of her swords. He stabbed, and she parried the blow with ease, backing away to let his momentum take him past. She smacked the flat of her blade against the back of his thighs, earning a grunt.
I took advantage of the distraction and dove to the floor, scuttling under tables and past legs, hoping I was heading in the general direction of the front door. Hopefully Gaarm could distract her enough for me to reach the door and then disappear. I know what you’re thinking, real brave man, crawling away from a tiny elf girl, but I am a survivor above all else.
I crawled and dodged the panicked feet of people scattering to give the combatants room. Several people tripped over me, a few stepped on my hands, and one kicked me in the face. I got so turned around that I ended up by the front window. I risked a look and realized my position was no better. Both Gaarm and the Agent were between the door and me.
Steel rang against steel as Gaarm and the Agent battled. I knew that she could have easily killed him. Why wasn’t she? Maybe she didn’t want to murder someone with so many witnesses? It was just as likely that she enjoyed teasing Gaarm. After all she was a self-admitted sadist.
“You ain’t taking me alive,” Gaarm yelled, and dove towards the Agent once again. A sudden twang split the air, followed quickly by the thunk of a crossbow bolt sinking into a support beam a few inches from Gaarm. The noise silenced everyone, and all eyes turned towards the bar.
“Cut that shit out, both of you,” said a deep voice I recognized as Master Grimslee’s. I peeked up to see he was reloading his crossbow.
“I ain’t goin’ with her,” Gaarm said in way of explanation, eyes never leaving the Agent.
“Don’t care what you do. Just do it outside,” Grimslee said.
At least the man was consistent. Grimslee finished loading the crossbow and leveled it at the Agent. “Think about your next action very carefully lassie.”
With a fluid motion, the Agent sheathed her sword and smiled at Grimslee. “I don’t want trouble. I’ve just come for my quarry and then I’ll go.”
“Already said I ain't goin’ with ya,” Gaarm said.
“I’m not here for you,” she said.
“Huh?” he muttered and his shoulders relaxed. “No?”
“No. I’m here for him,” and she pointed at my hiding spot. Most of the patrons couldn’t see me crouched behind the chair. “Stand up kid. I know you’re there.”
I slowly stood, my hands raised like a perp in some stupid cop show and tried to hold eye contact. Grimslee turned his crossbow on me.
“You should go with the nice lady,” he said.
“What?” I sputtered. “Somebody just walks into your place of business, harasses one of your customers and you’re okay with that?” I could almost see the indecision swirling in Grimslee’s mind when the Agent pulled an official looking piece of parchment from her bag and showed it to the innkeeper.
“This is an official Warrant of Summons that gives me the authority to take this man, known as Lex, to the Capital City of Avernia to face charges of murder, sedition, treason and heresy.”
Everyone in the inn’s common room backed away from me. A haze flashed through Grimslee's eyes and he aimed his crossbow at me.
“Well shit,” I said.
“Get out of my inn.”
Everyone in the common room stood down as the Agent slunk her way towards me. I backed up in a panic, but there was nowhere to go. I must protect Gryph. “Dammit, shut up.” I looked around, panic gripping me. I didn't want to jump off that damned bridge again. Drowning is a crappy way to go.
I felt a light breeze against the back of my neck and turned to see a half open window. An idea came to me and I turned back to the Agent. Her eyes went wide as if she knew what I was intending and increased her pace. I ran a few steps towards her and then turned back towards the window. With a grunt I sprinted towards the window and jumped through.
Well, not exactly through. You know how in movies, action heroes routinely jump through windows, do a badass tuck and roll and then get back to their feet amidst a shower of diamond like glass? Yeah, that is not how it happened for me. I went through the window all right, but the window did not shatter in a glorious rain of sparkling jewels.
No, that is not what happened at all. Some of the glass broke and some of it didn’t. Knife like shards bit into my face and shoulders as my momentum carried me through. The wood of the window frame snagged my legs, and I fell forward, face planting onto the ground outside the window.
Debuff Added: You are Severely Bleeding. 5 DMG/Sec.
Debuff Added: You are Concussed.
Intelligence and Dexterity reduced by 5 for 30 minutes.
“Ouch,” I said and spat out a mouthful of dirt as glass continued to tinkle down around me. A shard of wood had stabbed through my calf, trapping my leg. I was in agony and nearly upside down. I panicked and pulled hard, shooting terrible pain through my leg. My Health was dropping fast.
Inside the inn I could hear yelling and laughter. Above all was Grimslee’s angry baritone. I looked back towards the window to see the Agent pull the curtains aside. She smiled down at me as I struggled to free my leg. On instinct I fired an Order Bolt. It hit her and did less than a tickle from Elmo.
“What the hell?”
“You’ve made this so much more fun,” she grinned. I wrenched my leg again, this time pulling it free with an agonizing tear. I fell to the ground and crab walked backwards. The Agent flicked the few remaining spears of glass and wood from the window with a casual backhand. She then leaped through the window with the grace of a cat and landed lightly on her feet.
“That’s what I was trying to do,” I said as I stumbled to my feet. She smiled at me, advancing slowly. I was in bad shape, but I would not give up without a fight. I pulled my war hammer from the holster on my back and got into my best fighting stance.
The Agent grinned again and slowly eased her two swords from the sheaths at her back. “I promise I won’t hurt you, she said. I just want to talk.”
“Oh yeah, I know. Your Eminence the High God just wants to talk.” I really wanted to make air quotes, but the heavy hammer in my hands made that impossible. The Agent’s eyes became slits, and I smiled. At least I’d earned that small victory. I knew more than she did. But it was fleeting as all jest left her face and she advanced on me.
I panicked and ran. Well, ran may be generous, it was more of a drunken, crippled hobble. I moved as fast as I could and felt the adrenaline ease the pain. I was getting closer to a major cross street where a large crowd was going about their evening business. Maybe, just maybe I could hide among them.
I risked a look behind me to see the Agent was still not running. I would have fired another useless Order Bolt, but my stupid cooldown clock was still ticking down. I turned back to the road and as I crossed, I heard a whiny and a yell of “Whoa!” and had just enough time to see the flaring nostrils of a large horse pulling a cart laden with stone, bearing down on me.
“Shit,” I said as the horse barreled into me, followed quickly by the heavy cart. As my bones snapped
and my organs burst I saw the Agent look down on me with a genuine look of anger.
Then I was dead, again.
☠☠☠☠☠
4
I set my empty mug down onto the table with a hollow thunk, releasing an unexpected spark of energy that made me jump. Gaarm grinned, sucked at some bit of food in his crooked Stonehenge of brown teeth, and pushed his pile of coins forward. “I’m all in,” he said.
“Ahhhgghhh!” I yelled at the top of my lungs and my hands quickly patted down my body. No cart tracks or crushed organs or splintered bones. I was whole, in body if not mind. “What the hell is going on?”
Gaarm and the other players jumped at my outburst, but the dealer simply stared down on me, a look of calm disdain on his face. “You are inebriated sir,” he said.
I looked up at him, panic and the phantom terror of being crushed to death still very much with me. “Ahhhgghhh!” I screamed again.
“Shut your yapper dwarf,” Gaarm said in an irritated voice.
“I’m an Ordonian," I said in a voice brought low by shock.
“Really?” Gaarm said.
“That’s what it says,” I said, again. This line of conversation was getting old. What the hell was going on? This was the third time I’d lived this same moment, and I’d died twice. It’s like I was stuck in a time loop. Realization made my eyes go wide. “Oh, shit, I’m in Groundhog’s Day,” I said.
“Whatchoo yammering ‘bout?” Gaarm grumbled.
“Groundhog’s Day, 1993, starring Bill Murray and Andie MacDowell. Directed by Harold Ramis.” Gaarm just gave me a blank stare. “Great movie.” Gaarm stared some more.
“Sir, the gentleman has gone all in. What do you want to do?”
My eyes snapped to the door, looking for the Agent. “Too soon,” I mumbled, cursing myself for not remembering exactly when she’d shown up. I stood and tossed my card face up on the pile of coins. Anger burned into the large Eldarian’s face. “I fold,” I said.
