by Tia KENZIE
For nearly 5 years I’ve had the same dream, on and off.
Each time my heart breaks all over again and I think about events that led to me being sent to that godforsaken hell-hole school - The Elite Behavioral Therapy Retreat, in Switzerland. Ha! Retreat my ass. It’s basically a prison where kids get sent, when their behavior is deemed unacceptable by their families. What a pile of crap!
I jump out of bed, stubbing my toe on the suitcase I left out. Motherfucker!! I jump around a bit, squeezing my toe until the pain subsides.
Opening my closet, I decide to find something else to wear. I was going to go as I am but I’m getting a shower and I can’t stand putting on worn clothing after.
After a quick shower I change into black, skinny ripped jeans, a fitted grey vest top and the only hoody I own – a dark grey one I borrowed off Max, a guy I was friends with back at the Swiss Academy. I have no choice but to wear the sparkly flip flops, as they’re all I own. Until tomorrow that is, when I go shopping with Talia.
I decide to leave my hair down. It’s long, with a natural wave. I apply black pencil and mascara to my eyes, a slick of gloss and I’m ready. I finish off with grey suede wrist cuffs, curtesy of my new BFF!
We pull into the diner parking area we had visited earlier. I could see a couple of bonfires already lit further down the beach. Talia and Molly each grab one of my arms and lead me towards them, passing groups of kids already having a good time, drinking and dancing. Someone has set up some speakers, so it’s really noisy.
They lead me up to a drinks table which is littered with beer cans and bottles of spirits. Molly tries to tempt me with a cocktail she’s dying for me to try, but I refuse and settle for a can of coke.
Talia points to a group of girls off in the distance. “They’re the cheerleaders, biggest bunch of skanks ever. Bet you any money they will be offering sexual favors out like candy, very shortly.”
I gasp, “are you joking? Oh my God, that’s disgusting.” We start walking further down the beach.
“Disgusting but true. Last time they were lined up near the edge of the trees over there,” she points to a line of trees behind us, “there were 6 of them having a competition to see who gave the best BJ’s.”
I start gipping, “that is gross.”
“Yeah, but it was fucking funny to watch. The lads were giving them scores and it ended with the cheerleaders arguing and fighting.”
Molly starts jumping up and down in excitement. She’s a bit tipsy now, she downed her first cocktail at the drinks table and is on to her second. “Shit! See that group over there? That’s the football team. They are so gorgeous, especially Austin.” Giggling to herself, swaying her arms and bouncing on her feet. “I am so gonna have me some Austin tonight. See you in a bit, bitches.”
She kisses us both on the cheek and starts skipping over towards a tall blonde guy, who has seen her approaching and looks just as excited as she does. What the hell?
I look at Talia, finishing my drink and throwing the can in a bin as we pass. “What was she just saying about the cheerleaders being skanks? She does know she just sounded like a skank, doesn’t she?”
“Yeah, but that’s Molly. Get a drink in her and she’s a slut! Gotta love her though, she’s not afraid to go for what she wants. And, in all fairness, she’s been on and off with Austin for 2 years now. The problem is he won’t commit to her. Probably because girls keep throwing themselves at him and he can’t resist.”
Oh, my heart breaks for her. I’ve never had a real boyfriend, only Dante and we were so young, but I know what pain and disappointment feels like.
Talia looks over my shoulder, then grabs my hand and starts leading me away from the main throng of people. “Come on, let’s go over here to the stoners. They’re a cool bunch, plus, they hate the Glory’s and refuse to let them into their circle.
“STONERS. What do you mean?” She doesn’t answer me, as I follow.
◆◆◆
We approach a small group of guys and girls sitting around a small fire. They are quite a distance from everyone else, kinda like they’re having their own little party. I can smell the weed on our approach.
Talia pulls me straight into their circle, pulling us down on to 2 empty chairs. “Hey guys, this is Luna. She’s new here today. Is it okay if we hang with you for a bit?”
“Depends.”
I look up to find the owner of the deep voice, finding it to be a scary looking guy with a mop of dark hair which is shaved short round the sides and left messy long on top. Talia takes something out of her pocket and throws it to him. He catches it effortlessly.
“You know I always contribute, Blaze.”
Huh! I lean over to Talia so nobody else can hear. “What the hell was that? Did you just give him drugs?”
She giggles at me. “It’s only a bag of weed. You see the stoners absolutely hate the Glory’s. Wherever they are the Glory’s stay away. And the currency for them allowing us to be here is a bit of weed. Or other things but …. let’s just say I prefer to pay up in weed. It’s just an understanding we have between us. They’ve helped me avoid the Glory's alot in the past, so I don’t mind paying up.” She shrugs.
“Oh, okay.” It’s not okay, I’m wondering why she needs to be protected from the Glory’s. The weed part doesn’t bother me, I was introduced to it by Max at my old school. In fact, I like nothing better than chilling out with a joint.
Talia starts chatting with the girl sat on her other side, so I settle back to watch them all. I prefer to observe instead of struggling with conversations.
After watching the group for a bit my eyes land on Blaze, who has his head down, busy rolling a joint. I study him and decide that he’s really good looking. I can see tattoos on his neck and on his arms, some kind of tribal thing I think, but I can’t be sure from over here, even with the glow of the fire. He’s wearing dark jeans and a black t-shirt.
My eyes keep travelling up and down in appreciation when I look at his face and realize, he’s been watching me watch him. He winks at me and I jump. Shit! I start blushing at being caught out and look away. But not before I notice he’s got gorgeous, ocean blue eyes.
After a short time one of the guys, Landon I think his name is, starts playing a guitar. Everyone stops talking and turns to him. He starts to sing, and I close my eyes to listen to his voice, leaning back in my chair.
I feel a tap on my arm. Opening my eyes, I find Blaze a few inches from my face, smiling down on me. “Here, you have to share this if you want to stay with us.” He holds a lit joint out towards me.
I jump, “no, I, no I don’t want any.” Shaking my head. Damn, I could really do with a joint, but I don’t want to leave myself vulnerable, with a bunch of strangers.
He cocks his head to the side, holding it out. “Just one try, come on, I promise you’ll enjoy it.” He whispers back, obviously thinking I’m whispering on purpose! Looking around I can see everyone else is busy listening to Landon or chatting between themselves. Talia has moved and is sat further away now, so she’s not noticed. I feel a bit panicked.
I shake my head again. “I really don’t want to.” I’m blushing again, God he really is gorgeous. He crouches down in front of me, grabbing hold of one of my hands in his.
“Well,” he murmurs, “what you gonna do then? Everyone has to pay in some way if you want to stay here.” He starts rubbing his thumb over my knuckles, back and forth. I can feel a tightening in my lady bits. Surely he doesn’t mean sexually, but looking at him I’m getting the feeling that’s exactly what he means. Christ on a bike, no chance! I look around frantically and settle my eyes on the guy, Landon, who is singing.
“I’ll sing!” I say, “Can I stay if I sing?” My heart is beating out of my chest. I feel uncomfortable but I really don’t want to leave this cozy bubble. Talia seems happy here and it doesn’t feel right for me to ruin that. Especially, when she’s been so nice to me. To be honest, I’m a bit scared of meeting the Glory’s too.
Talia smiles widely, giving me a thumbs up. Blaze sits on the sand in front of me, getting ready to start playing but I hold my hands out for the guitar. He nods and hands it over. The only way I can sing is if I’m playing the music too. Dante used to play the music and I would sing; it was just our way. Since losing him I learnt to play alone.
Looking around I find everyone is looking at me, expectantly. I’m so embarrassed, I like to perform alone, not too confident in my ability. I just hope I don’t make a fool of myself.
After a few seconds I close my eyes and start playing the opening to Mercy. Then I get lost inside myself and start to sing. When the song is finished, I open my eyes to see everyone looking at me. They start clapping and cheering, there are shouts for more. Blaze grins at me, he stands and bends to pick me up out of my chair and sits back down in it, with me on his lap. Oh Lordy, Lordy.
“Sing another, that was beautiful. You have a sexy, husky voice.” He whispers, trailing his fingers up and down my arm.
My skin is tingling everywhere he touches. “How many more do I need to do?” I ask. Wiggling myself to get comfortable. That gets an oomph from Blaze.
“As many as you can. You sound like an angel.” “Any requests for my beautiful friend here?” He shouts at the group. There are lots of suggestions flying round, some I know and some I don’t.
I sing a couple of Adele songs I know, then an Amy Winehouse one, which the group picked. Blaze moves my hair away from the side of neck and starts stroking me there, gently.
“How about an REM song? Do you know any?” He asks me.
I think about it for a bit, then nod my head. “Just one.” I start the opening to Everybody Hurts, close my eyes and start to sing.
Once again, I get lost inside myself, thinking back to singing this with the boy I loved, holed up in his treehouse. Him playing his guitar, me singing, while we watched the sunset over the ocean.
I finish the song, surprised to feel my face wet with tears. Using the sleeve of my hoody I wipe them away, but Blaze must have noticed. He tilts my face towards him with his hand, so he can see. He doesn’t say anything, he just passes the guitar off to someone else then pulls me into him, with my face tucked against his chest. I close my eyes and stay there for a while, silent tears escaping which he wipes away with his thumbs, gently.
A good 30 minutes must pass, which I spend on Blaze’s lap, listening to Landon singing again.
“Princess, there you are. What are you doing over here with the stoners?” I hear loudly, pulling me out of the best cuddle I’ve had in ages. I look up to find Toby from the diner earlier, bouncing towards me.
He’s holding something behind his back, which I hope to God isn’t a weapon. I mean, Talia said she needs protection from the Glory’s, right?
Blaze lifts me off his lap and puts me on my feet then moves in front of me, blocking me from Toby’s view.
“Fuck off man, she’s with me. You know to keep away from us.” He’s angry, I can see his shoulders tense and pull back.
Shit, I don’t like this at all. I put my hand on Blaze’s arm, moving to stand beside him.
“It’s okay, we met earlier. I told him I was coming to the party.” I say, trying to diffuse things.
The other stoners have gotten to their feet and I get the impression that they’re getting ready for a fight. I don’t know Toby at all really, but I definitely like him enough to not want him to get hurt, especially because of me. He seems harmless, and cute. I look at him and smile.
“What you got there then?” gesturing with my hand to his arm behind his back. He brings his arm around in a flourish, dropping to one knee in the process, in front of me. He holds out a tiara. A freaking tiara!
“For the princess.” He says, smiling goofily, then bites his lip, waiting for my reaction. I’m drawn to his amber eyes. They’re so warm and kind looking, you know…. if eyes could be kind! Wow, I so have a thing for eyes!
I feel embarrassed with all this attention, but also, strangely, so loved by this goofball. I do the only thing I can and drop down on the sand in front of him, bobbing my head down for him to crown me.
He places it on my head, then cradles my face with both hands and kisses me on the lips. Not a sloppy one, but a big fat kiss which he just lays on me. Then he holds my head and whispers in my ear, “missed you surfer girl.” Laughing, I push him away, then stand up. Then I falter, wait, what did he just call me? I look at him in question, but he just winks. That was strange!
I look around for Blaze, but I can’t see him anywhere. Talia screams and jumps on me, causing me to stumble into Toby. He puts his hands out and stops the momentum, holding me upright.
Talia is still screaming and jumping about. “Fucking hell bitch, you never said you could sing. That was awesome, God I’m soooo jealous.” She looks to Toby, “you should have heard her, she’s like, the best singer I’ve heard in ages! You’re not supposed to be here though Toby, this is a Glory free space.”
He touches her arm, “it’s okay Talia, Reed’s not here tonight.”
He turns to me. “A singer eh? Will you sing me a song princess? Please…” He puts his hands together, like in prayer.
I feel daft now, and to be honest I feel guilty for Blaze storming off. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend or anything, so I’m not entirely sure why I feel guilty. We’ve only shared a cuddle!
Biting my lip, I look at Toby still praying, Talia holding her thumbs up, then at Landon who is smiling at me and holding his guitar out.
“Okay, okay,” I say, taking it in my hands, “just one more.”
I find a seat and am just about to sit down when Blaze appears, shaking his head at me. He sits down and pulls me onto his lap again, just as we were before. Sucker! He was obviously pouting. I feel kind of brave and give him a wiggle with my bum, you know – just to get comfy! He gives me an oomph - ha! – and I settle in.
I look to Toby, who has pulled a chair up, so he’s directly in front of me. He winks, and I melt. I hear a growl from behind, before Blaze wraps his arms round me, protectively.
“What song do you want Toby?” I ask him, blushing.
He makes a face like he’s thinking for a bit…. “How about Beautiful, do you know it? It reminds me of you.” He starts messing about on his phone.
“Okay. Beautiful it is.” I say, with a nod.
I start the opening, then drift off into my mind while singing the words…. When I finish, I open my eyes to look at Toby. He has no reaction whatsoever! He’s just…. staring at me. He cocks his head to the side, as if studying me.
He looks to his phone, then back at me.
“Everybody Hurts, will you do that one?” He asks.
What? Shit, I’m not sure I want to do that one again. Too many memories.
“Will you Luna? For me?” Toby asks. He looks so cute, I can’t refuse.
I give him a nod. “Okay Toby, it’s the last one though. I want to go home soon.” I feel absolutely drained. It’s been a really long day.
I start the intro and feel Blaze drawing patterns on my back, with his fingers. I struggle with the emotions this song makes me feel, and I guess he senses that. I know this is his way of offering me comfort. I close my eyes and drift away. It’s just as sad as before, except this time I am fully aware of the tears falling down my face. I have no option but to let them flow freely, until I finish.
Towards the end of the song, still with my eyes closed, I am aware of footsteps approaching. Great I think, just what I need, a bigger audience.
I carry on, nearly at the end, then I hear someone call my name, softly. I continue singing, lost in my memories. I hear it again…
I open my eyes to see a pair of vivid green ones staring back at me. Oh my God! I swear my heart stops! C
ompletely stops. All sounds cease around me, there’s just static in my ears. I close my eyes for a second, I open them again and they are still there.
I’ve no clue how I do it, but I’m aware that I’m still singing, while looking at the boy who is the reason for my tears. Somehow, I manage to finish the song.
“Dante?” I ask, not daring to believe my eyes. It’s him, I know it is. Yeah, he’s older, but I’d know him anywhere. He’s still as gorgeous as I remember. Except, now he’s all grown up. He’s tall and muscular, still with the dirty blonde hair flopping over his face, the sides shaved shorter now.
