by Lexy Timms
I looked over at Bryan and watched him nod, but I could see how pale he was.
“Bryan,” I said. “Bryan, look at me.”
His dazed stare turned down to me as they began wheeling me out of the room.
“This isn’t your fault. Do you hear me? It’s not your fault!”
It was becoming harder and harder to keep my eyes open. They wheeled me into a cold room before they sat me up on the edge of my bed. The anesthesiologist wiped my back down with something cold, numbed me up, and then shot me up with something that numbed me from the neck down. It felt like I wasn’t breathing, even though I knew I was, and then they laid me back onto a table with a curtain poised at my chest.
And before I knew it, Bryan was at my side again.
“How are you feeling?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” I said. “How are you feeling?”
“I’m so sorry, Hailey,” he said as a tear dripped down his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“This isn’t your fault. You heard the doctor. We took a chance with this so close to my chemo. The obstetrician told us my organs were weak. It’s why I was a high-risk pregnancy to begin with,” I said.
“If our child doesn’t—”
“You stop that shit right now,” I said. “I’m the one bleeding out on an operating table. Find your balls and be strong.”
Bryan chuckled and shook his head before he bent down to kiss me.
“All right, Momma. I’m making the first incision. This is going to go quickly, and I won’t talk to you again until we’re about to give birth,” the doctor said.
“Okay,” I said.
“If you go into shock or need blood at any point in time, the anesthesiologist reserves the right to knock you out,” the doctor said.
I felt some pressure happening as my lower body was jerked around.
“Okay,” I said.
There was silence in the room as everyone stayed quiet. My eyes were trying to close, and Bryan kept kissing me awake. I felt exhausted. Worn down. Mentally drained and alone. This wasn’t how the birth of my child was supposed to go. This wasn’t the plan Bryan and I had set for ourselves.
“Okay,” the doctor said. “You’re going to feel some pressure on your upper abdomen, and then the countdown begins.”
I nodded my head as a tear trickled down my cheek.
I felt someone lean onto me before my stomach deflated. A nurse came and grabbed Bryan’s arm, jerking him from me. My head followed him as suction sounds came from beside me, and I felt my body being jerked around again.
Then, I heard the move beautiful sound in the entire world.
“Oh my...” Bryan said breathlessly. “Oh, Hailey, he’s ...”
“It’s a boy?” I asked.
I felt myself growing tired as my body began to relax.
“You have to take a look at him. Hailey, you were right. I can’t believe the ultrasound doctors were wrong. Wait, Hailey? Hailey!”
Bryan’s voice was getting farther and farther away as the room became frantic. I could hear my baby crying out for me as my breasts began to grow taut. I could only feel the pressure, but I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.
“Put her out,” the doctor said. “And she’s going to need two pints of blood.”
“Hailey!”
Bryan’s voice was the last thing I remembered before everything went blank.
Chapter 27
Bryan
I stayed by my son’s side as the nurses and I gave him his first bath. But my mind was still with Hailey. They had pulled me out of the room so we could take our son for some tests, but my heart was still with Hailey. She was out on the table with her abdomen spread open, dying right there in front of my eyes. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way in hell I was losing Hailey today.
As I stood watching the nurses run their tests and give him his first shots, I felt numb, frozen in an instance of time. This was supposed to be a moment of rejoicing, a moment of happiness between the two of us. Instead, Hailey was on an operating table battling for her life while I sat in a room waiting for any news of her.
Despite our son being born early, he was still a healthy weight. The nurses said if Hailey had carried to term, she could’ve easily given birth to a ten-pound child. Tears rose in my eyes just hearing her name, and guilt washed over my body. I needed to be happy that I had a healthy baby boy.
But instead, I was ridden with guilt.
My tackle had caused all of this. Taking Hailey to the ground to protect her resulted in her being on an operating table. If I lost Hailey today, I would never forgive myself. I would never get over the fact that I had murdered the love of my life trying to save her life from her past.
The nurse placed our son in my arms before she patted my back.
“We’ve got some breast milk coming from our NICU donor bank. You can feed him. He’ll only need less than half an ounce at a time, if that. And it smells like you have your first diaper to change.”
Our son’s first diaper. A milestone I didn’t think was important now seemed like the entire world. It was a milestone Hailey was missing because of my negligence. Because of my need to protect her.
I felt tears crest my eyes as I nodded.
“Is there any word on her yet?”
“When there is, I’ll run here as fast as I can,” the nurse said.
I walked our son in my arms back to the room they told me Hailey would eventually occupy. I sat down in a chair, waiting for them to bring my son his first-ever meal. Milestone after milestone Hailey was missing because of that damn chemotherapy. Because of that fucking cancer. Because I had dropped my body weight on her to protect her.
The moments passed by like a blur. I had the nurse call my parents and update them on what was going on. Within the span of minutes, my father and my mother were barreling through the doors of the room I was sitting in, asking questions a mile a minute as I stared at the wall.
“What happened?”
“Where is she?”
“Is there any news?”
“To hell there’s no news, I’m going to get a doctor.”
“Is it a boy or a girl?”
“Oh my gosh, he’s beautiful.”
Their voices swirled around my head, but I couldn’t hear them. I was feeding my son his third meal of the day and was about to be faced with his second diaper. The sheer amount of black tar coming out of my son’s butt was astounding, and I committed every single moment to memory so I could tell Hailey about it when she got into this room.
Because her ending up anywhere else was not an option.
“Mr. McBride?”
I slowly panned my gaze up and saw the doctor standing at the door. I jumped from my seat, my son teetering in my arms. But my mother reached out to take him, and I paused. My eyes connected with hers, and I saw tears glistening in her eyes. There was a genuine smile on her face, though there was worry painted behind her stare.
“Just let me take him. He’ll be safe. I promise. Go talk with the doctor,” she said.
I relinquished my son to his grandmother before I went with the doctor.
“Is she okay?” I asked.
“She’s stable and in recovery, yes,” he said.
I fell against the wall as tears of happiness streamed down my cheeks.
“That’s the good news,” the doctor said.
“There’s bad news?” I asked.
“Her uterus didn’t tear in one large space like we thought. It had several miniscule tears. That was why the blood loss happened so slowly.”
“It didn’t look like it happened slowly,” I said.
“I know, but trust me. It did,” the doctor said. “We tried to repair all of the tiny tears, but the lining of her uterus was so weakened from the chemotherapy and the stretching of her pregnancy that any stitch we made simply created more tears.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“The only way to save Hailey’s life was to
remove her uterus, Mr. McBride.”
The force of that realization didn’t hit me as hard as it probably should have. Hailey didn’t have a uterus, but she was alive. That meant no more natural kids, but with the way Hailey hated being pregnant, she would probably adopt anyway. I had no idea how she was going to process that piece of information, but the only thing that was important to me was Hailey.
And the fact that she was alive.
“Thank you, doctor. For everything you did,” I said.
“They’re going to wheel her in here in a little bit. The mother and the baby need some skin-to-skin contact. For both of their sakes.”
And like clockwork, I heard wheels rumbling down the hallway.
I turned my head and saw Hailey’s pale body stirring on the bed. I gripped her hand as she came rushing by and kept holding onto it as they directed her into the room. I took our son from my mother’s arms and unwrapped him. Then, I helped settle him on her chest as I peeled back her surgical gown.
Hailey groaned and tried to open her eyes, but her hand came up and held her son close to her.
“My baby boy,” she whispered.
“You were right,” I said as I kissed her forehead. “I still can’t believe you were right over all those doctors’ insistence.”
“Mother’s intuition,” I said.
My mother and father came and sat at her side as I perched on the edge of her bed.
“Hailey, there’s something I need to tell you,” I said.
“What?” she asked.
Hailey’s eyes peeled open as I looked at my parents.
“The surgery went well, and everything’s fine with our son,” I said.
“Good,” she said. “How’s he eating?”
“Well,” my mother said. “I fed him for a fourth time while Bryan was talking with the doctor.”
“Oh. Hey there, guys,” Hailey said. “Have you called Anna? And Drew? They’ll want to know about everything.”
“If you want to give me your phone, Bryan, I can call them,” my father said.
I slipped my phone out of my pocket and handed it over to my father.
“Thanks,” I said.
“Not a problem. Want me to call Hailey’s parents too?” he asked.
“I don’t have their numbers,” I said.
“We’ll video them later. They won’t be in town,” Hailey said.
“Well, we’re here,” my mother said as she took Hailey’s hand. “Bryan, what did the doctor say?”
“I think they had to remove my uterus,” Hailey said.
“Wait, you know?” I asked.
“It’s my body. The moment I woke up, I knew something was off,” she said.
“Oh my gosh. What happened?” my mother asked.
“Her uterus was too thin to handle the stitching required to fix it. The only way to stop the bleeding was to remove it,” I said.
“Oh, Hailey,” my mother said.
I watched her rub down my wife’s forehead with her hand, brushing her hair out of her face.
“Is there anything I can get you? Water? Ice?”
“Food? I’m starving,” Hailey said.
“I called Anna and Drew. They’re on their way,” my father said.
“I’ll go talk to the doctors and see when you can eat,” my mother said.
I was shocked at my mother’s demeanor, and I could tell Hailey was too. But it was a welcomed change of pace from the shit we had been dealing with from her, so I wasn’t going to question it. I bent over and kissed Hailey’s forehead as our son began to nuzzle his way to her breast. Hailey looked down and guided him toward her nipple, and then he latched on and started eating.
“That feels weird,” Hailey said.
“He looks strong,” my father said.
“Oh, is he eating? That’s good. I struggled to get Bryan to latch for weeks,” my mother said.
“Do you two have a name?” my father asked.
“Where’s Hailey? Where’s the baby?”
Before we could answer, Anna and Drew came bursting into the room.
“Holy shit, Hailey. How are you feeling? What happened? Oh wow, it’s a boy, isn’t it?” Anna asked.
“Slow down, honey. Let the people breathe,” Drew said.
I stood up and embraced both of them as our son continued to eat.
“Oh my gosh, he’s beautiful,” Anna said.
“You don’t even know if it’s a boy yet,” Drew said.
“It’s a boy,” Hailey said with a grin.
“Well, now we do,” Drew said.
Everyone cooed over the baby as he ate and rested on Hailey’s chest. No one tried to take him away from her, and everyone was incredibly supportive. We used video chat to contact Hailey’s parents in Phoenix so they could see their grandchild, and they doted on him from afar. I could see the slight pang of hurt in Hailey’s eyes. I knew she wanted her parents to be here. I took her hand during the phone call as Drew held the camera up, letting them get a good look before the video was done.
“Can I say something?” Hailey asked.
“You can say whatever you want,” I said.
“I just want to say two things. Bryan, none of this was your fault. We knew the risks going into labor, and there was a good chance my uterus would’ve torn in the middle of labor,” I said.
“Wasn’t his fault?” my father asked. “What happened?”
“It’s such a long story, Dad. Can we fill you in later?” Bryan asked.
“What’s the other thing?” my mother asked.
Hailey panned her gaze over to my mother as she sighed.
“I want this to be a new beginning. A fresh start for all of us. We’ve been through so much and lost even more, and I’m tired of the past bogging all of us down. Can we do that? Can we move forward and try this again?” Hailey asked.
My mother smiled down at her before she pressed a kiss to Hailey’s forehead.
“I am so sorry for the person I have turned into. I admit I have a lot of things I need to sort through. Michael was a big help in finding me someone to talk to, so I can sort through all of these pesky emotions.”
Everyone in the room chuckled as we watched the spectacle unfold before us.
“Hailey, I know you want your parents here. And I don’t know what your relationship is with them, but I want you to have one with us. I want to be a support to you and Bryan, not a hindrance. If you can truly forgive me, I’d like to move forward with you,” my mother said.
A tear leaked out from Hailey’s eye as I tried to choke back my own.
“I would love nothing more,” Hailey said.
“I hate to bust the moment, man. But I really wanna know what you guys are gonna name this kid,” Drew said.
Hailey and I looked at one another as a smile crossed our faces.
“This child, our son, is a culmination of a series of events set off by one person. This little one brings a full-circle mentality to the roller coaster ride we’ve all been on for the past five or so years. There is a light in this child’s eyes that doesn’t belong to either Hailey or me, a light that is reminiscent of a man who, if he were here today, would be the first one in line to teach our son how to draw. Despite who his mother is.”
I felt tears crest my eyes as my mother gasped.
“You guys, I’d like to introduce you to Johnathan Reid McBride,” Hailey said.
Everyone in the room was wracked with emotion. My mother was crying, my father was shaking, and Drew was comforting Anna. I looked down at my little boy who somehow had the eyes of my brother and smiled as he nuzzled against Hailey’s chest. Through all the pain and all the heartache and all the tears I’d cried during all the lonely nights, it had brought me to this moment where I cradled one hand around the woman I loved and one hand around the head of my son. My family, this family I had created, had repaired the cracks in my soul. I no longer felt like I was struggling to get by or surviving on what I could. I felt hope blossoming within me. I
felt a light encompassing my heart as I gazed down at my family.
Hailey had saved my life, and I would spend the rest of my life thanking her for it.
Chapter 28
Hailey
DURING OUR HOSPITAL stay, everyone was so helpful. Drew kept checking on the art gallery for me to see how his patchwork was going. When Bryan told Drew about what went down in the art gallery, Drew offered his patchwork services to fix up the place. There were several bullet holes that needed to be fixed and a couple of pictures had gotten damaged that needed to be replaced. He was taking care of the fixes while Kelly was going through my stored paintings, trying to figure out which ones to hang.
I was lucky to have them both since I wasn’t going to be in the gallery for a little while.
Bryan’s parents kept taking the night shift with Little Johnny so Bryan and I could sleep. There wasn’t a moment where I was alone, and I enjoyed it that way. Even though most of the baby books told me alone time with my newborn was important, I didn’t have the stomach to be alone yet. I was still reeling from the events at the art gallery, and I wanted someone around. It felt like I had been alone during my anesthesia, I felt like I had been alone during my surgery, and it felt like I had been alone during my encounter with Ben.
I was done with being alone.
But now, we were all being discharged. I was healing well from my surgery, my appetite was back, and Little Johnny was doing fabulously. He had a healthy appetite, he had all his newborn vaccinations, and all his vital signs checked out despite the fact that he had come early. I cradled him close as the doctor scheduled our first visits back to be checked on in a week, and then we were off.
Bryan, however, insisted that I be blindfolded.
“Blindfolded? Are you crazy?” I asked.
“Look, there’s something I want to show you, something I’ve been working on. But it’s a surprise, okay?”
“I’m not being blindfolded. I’m sitting in the back with Johnny,” I said.
“I promise you, the mirrors are calibrated. I can see him from my rearview mirror,” he said.
“But I want to see him, Bryan.”
“Please? It’s only a fifteen-minute ride. If you want Anna to come and sit in the back with him, then that’s fine,” he said.
