by Danae Ayusso
“Ew. Mental picture I could have done without today.”
“You’re welcome. What’s this?” she asked, hooking her finger around the red string necklace I wore.
I pulled away from her. “It’s a bookmark that I kept in the book I lost in the pond my first day here. I had it on my wrist because I was reading. Thankfully, I didn’t lose it like I did my book, but it doesn’t make that loss any easier to accept.”
Dillon gave me a look.
“It belonged to my mother, and it’s the only thing I have left of her before she went bat shit crazy and turned into a crackhead. When I was younger, tiny-tiny, she would wrap it around my wrist a few times like a Kabala bracelet, and she’d whisper a poem, that I can’t really remember anymore, every time she’d caress it.” I shrugged. “I’ve always kept it on me, for as long as I can remember, like a bracelet or necklace depending on my mood and age… Why the look?”
To my surprise, Dillon nodded her understanding. “Wear it always,” she said. “Sometimes the people that we hold closest to our hearts are the ones that we need with us all the time. And obviously, you love your mother very much, and when she lost it and became a crackhead whore, she became your mom, a totally different person. But your mother is still in your heart and your memories of her will always be there and make you smile a little inside. Never take it off, and always hold onto those memories.”
Okay, this isn’t awkward at all. If she tries to hug us, I’m punching her in the head.
“Um...thanks?”
Dillon forced a smile. “When my mom died, all I had of her was her eyes.”
I stepped back.
Now that’s some Hannibal shit right there.
“Shut up,” she groaned. “Not like that. I know it sounds weird, and really creepy now that I hear it out loud, but my dad and brother have blue eyes. So did my biological father, according to Mom even though I never met him, and Nick was the one that cut my umbilical cord and is my father in every sense of the meaning. Anyway, Misha got her blonde hair and I got her eyes. That’s why he wears it long like that. He hates it, but one time when Mom was lucid she said she liked his hair longer and that it reminded her of an angel, the angel that would come to take her home. Three days later the cancer took her in her sleep. Since then, Misha won’t cut his hair shorter than it is, and every time I look in the mirror, it’s Mom’s large brown eyes staring back at me. What I’m trying to say is that it’s the simple little things that remind us of those we lost and our memories of them that we struggle to hold onto every day that help to make us who we are. Bad shit aside, it’s those happier memories that help to define us and make us want to remember our past with them.”
“I’m sorry.”
I wasn’t sure why I was apologizing, but it felt like something that I should be doing.
“Don’t be,” Dillon playfully snapped at me. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I must eat my breakfast of champions now that I’ve officially turned into a goddamn adult and sentimental bitch. The things you do to me, Mikey, ugh!” She threw her hands up in the air and hurried from the room so I didn’t see her cry.
That wasn’t very helpful, but I like Dillon. She’s one of those strangely endearing people that will tell you to go fuck yourself while she’s beating the crap out of you and then buys you a drink afterward and tells you all about life. Price had the right idea of having her stay with us for a while. I needed some younger female companionship—lesbian reference not intentional—and Ellie seems to have missed Dillon as well. I know Shep did, even though he won’t admit it. He’s been throwing himself at his sister, literally. I think they’ve broken three chairs already since she got back.
“It’s now or never,” I mumbled.
Don’t forget your Beats and iPod.
“Thanks,” I said and hurried over to the desk to grab them. “No one in Philly had the wireless ones. How long do you think the battery lasts?”
How in the hell should I know?! Kieran got you four pairs so you’d have one for every outfit. Not the red. The rose gold ones since they’ll match the lace bra thing you’re wearing better than the red. I swear you are adopted.
“Shut up,” I grumbled under my breath, switching out the headphones with the ones Justice said to wear. “I’m nervous.”
Why? This was your idea, remember? I’m the one that has to sit bored as shit all day while you pretend to be on the same level as these hicks.
“And that’s why I’m bringing music,” I teasingly sang, slinging the headphones around my neck and slipped the iPod in the pocket on the strap of my messenger bag.
I looked myself over in the mirror one more time.
Justice shook her head.
“It’s now or never, Sis!” I beamed and she rolled her eyes before flipping me off.
“Try to keep your clothes on today,” Shep complained, walking into the dining room.
Dillon glared at him, slipping out of one of her high heels then chucked it at him.
“Ow!” Shep whined. “I’m telling!”
I laughed. “Let me guess; pitcher?”
She smirked with a wink before limping after her brother. “You better keep your goddamn mouth shut today, or I’ll beat your ass in front of the entire school. You hear me, you little shit?!”
This is going to be an adventure and then some.
Then again, it might be worth it to watch the puppy get his ass handed to him by the stripper.
Bleu and Kieran were sitting in the living room waiting to go, staring at the rapidly flipping channels on the television, each with a can of coffee in hand.
Sometimes they remind me of the twins from The Shining, and not in a good way.
Could be worse. They could be crazy like you.
Us.
Touché.
“Where’s–” I started to ask, and they pointed to the library. “Thanks.”
Softly I knocked on the library door.
“Come in.”
I pushed the door open.
“Hey,” I said and nervously cracked my knuckles. “I... Well, this is it.” I waved my hands up and down my body, explaining that I was dressed for school.
My issues are beyond imaginable.
You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know.
Price looked up at me from the desk he was sitting at and smiled. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks. I’m glad someone laid clothes out for me, or I did and don’t remember, because I looked like I was ready to knock a gas station over in the first outfit,” I rambled, and he laughed, nodding his understanding.
“Do you have everything you need?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Yes.”
Seriously, Bitch?
We don’t have everything we need. We need a shank, brass knuckles, a taser would be cool as shit, and our book.
Yeah, our book is the only thing out of that list that we actually need.
Seriously, you’re no fun.
Price gave me a look, one that I know all too well because I do it as well.
The look silently says I’m a spaz and my head just contradicted my words.
“What don’t you girls have?” he asked, speaking to both of us.
It still creeps me out that he does it, and it can’t be normal-
But it makes me feel special. At least he’s acknowledging there’s more than just you in this beanie donning head. You should be happy that he’s making an effort. No one else ever has.
True.
This is as embarrassing as all hell, and might get me crying like a bitch before school, but I promised no more keeping stuff from him, for the most part.
“My book,” I grumbled. “The one I lost in the pond.”
Price motioned to one of the chairs in front of the desk so I sat.
“Before my mother turned into a crackhead, she used to read to me from this book of poetry. When Mother turned into crackwhore of the year, that book was my only possession, and I kept it close to my
heart. Most kids have a blanky or teddy bear, but I had a worn out book with some torn pages and an inscription that I’ve read so many times that it’s ingrained in my mind. Apres la pluie, le beau temps,” I whispered the latter.
He nodded. “After rain, comes sunshine,” he translated.
I nodded. “It’s those words that got me through some of the hellish crap I went through. Repeating it was a like a prayer or mantra for me. I don’t know where she got the book, or why it was the only thing I had, but I feel as if a piece of me is missing because I lost it. I lost the last piece I had of my mother, and now all I have are the memories of my mom.”
Price looked at me with sad eyes, and I could tell he was concerned.
“Dillon said that my mother was the non-crackwhore and my mom was the crackwhore, and that I separated them in my mind and heart,” I tried to explain. “My mother is in my heart, not my mom. I couldn’t give a damn about Mom, but my mother and the few memories of her before the drugs and poor choices will always be with me and that I should cherish them.”
He nodded. “I understand. I was about to go get you when you knocked. Your mother, Noeline, moved to Anaconda... She was home schooled prior to coming here so she, much like you for the most part, hadn’t gone to school before. Noeline was nervous and scared, so I gave her something that I had hoped would bring her solace.” He pulled something from the drawer and slid it across the desk to me. “Billy brought it over a couple of weeks ago. He found it in the back of his Bronco under the seat. I’m assuming it fell from your possession when you were hogtied.” He pulled his hand away, revealing my book. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I didn’t know that it was what you were upset over losing. I felt compelled to read it again, like it was a small part of your mother that I needed to remember instead of the hate I now feel towards her.”
And now I’m crying.
I took the book and quickly flipped through the pages, letting the familiar musk pollute my senses and bring me back to my happy place.
“Thank you so much.”
“Don’t thank me,” Price said, forcing a smile. “I gave that book to your mother, and she gave it to you, and my attempt at helping her inadvertently helped my daughter…daughters,” he instantly corrected.
Thanks, Daddy.
“That’s more than I could have hoped or wished for, and it makes me feel slightly better that I was able to help you find your solace without even trying,” he said.
I flipped to the bookmarked page; a new black string bookmark was nestled between the pages.
“‘Mind is the master power that molds and makes,
and we are Mind, and evermore we take.
The tool of thought, and shaping what we will,
bring forth a thousand joys, a thousand ills,
we think in secret, and it comes to pass.
Our world is but our looking glass.’ James Allen,” I read.
“Thank you so much,” I sniveled. “This is totally better than a sixty-four pack of crayons!” I beamed.
Again with the look, but he didn’t press the matter. “Now do you have everything you need?”
“Yes. Everything is absolutely perfect now,” I whispered. “Thank you so much, for everything.”
Price smiled. “Anything for you,” he reminded me, his eyes moving over me many times. “Your ears are bleeding,” he said, concerned, handing me a tissue.
I dabbed the blood from them. “Sorry. The holes close up when you don’t wear earrings for a while. I just shoved them through. Most likely, my body is fighting against them and that’s why they aren’t healing. It doesn’t hurt. I love them. They are beautiful.”
Absently, Price nodded. “He does dress you exceptionally well. I was worried you’d tried to wear sweats or a pair of those cutoff shorts you were running around in with a tank top and unbuttoned flannel.”
I’m getting the dad vibe.
“I thought about it,” I admitted with a chuckle. “You don’t like the cutoffs?”
“Around the house isn’t a problem, but in public, especially at a school filled with horny teenage boys, it is a problem.”
I laughed.
Told you so.
“Trust me, I have no interest in boys, or girls for that matter,” I assured him. “My issues make it impossible to get close to people like that, to physically get close. Ew,” I shivered. “It was only yesterday that I was able to handle Simian hugging me without completely freaking out or kneeing him in the balls. That’s progress.”
Price chuckled, nodding his agreement. “Celebration worthy progress,” he agreed. “Something came in the mail yesterday but the office had closed by the time I got the notice. This morning I ran down and got it before the office opened.”
Uh oh. That can’t be good. It’s never good when someone starts with that.
“And?” I asked, expecting the worst.
He smiled and handed me the envelope he pulled from his desk. “Congratulations, Mikhail, Justice, you girls have the highest scores in the State of Montana for English Lit, Math, Science, and Language Arts.”
“Shut up!” I gasped, pulling the testing results out and read them. “I don’t need any credits to graduate?”
“No, you don’t. I’m hoping you’ll still want to go to school though. Seeing you walk at graduation would be the highlight of my life.”
What a sad life he’s had.
Shut up.
“The class schedule only has flex hour in the morning assigned,” I said, looking up at him. “What does that mean?”
“You can pick whatever classes you want to take,” he explained. “I signed it at the bottom for you so you just have to write in your selection and they’ll accommodate you. Principal Wallace is very excited to have you with the senior class this year.”
I nodded; I feel powerful.
Because you can select which bullshit classes you want to take? Oh yeah, so powerful.
Which would you take?
I’m not sure.
I looked over the classes offered.
“Shop,” I said. “I want to do shop.”
Price smiled. “Is that because I teach the wood shop portion in the second quarter?” he asked.
“No, but it is now!” I said, as if it were obvious, and he laughed. “Justice wants AP Physics C: Electricity and Magnetism and Mechanics. She’s crazy.”
Am not. I like science and shit. Fuck you.
I took the pen Price was offering me and quickly started filling out my schedule.
“Flex, shop, English lit block,” I said, jotting it down. “Do I seriously have to take gym?” I groaned, just noticing it was notated as a state requirement.
He nodded. “Regrettably, but I believe Shep has gym before lunch.”
“Whatever, I’ll suffer through it,” I grumbled, writing gym in before lunch. “I’ll figure out fifth hour, then French, and Justice’s stupid AP class… Do I have to take all seven periods?” I asked, looking at him.
“They are forty-five minute classes,” he explained. “The block periods are ninety minutes. Flex is the morning announcement class, in essence. It’s only twenty-minutes long, if that. You’ll enjoy Mr. Meyers; he’s very laid back and is experienced with working with students with issues. Whenever there is an assembly, they do it during flex hour so classes aren’t disrupted. From experience, having a later lunch helps the day go by faster, as long as you pack snacks. High schoolers have the late lunch compared to the middle school kids. How’s De’Von?”
Is he changing the subject for a reason?
“Straight A’s in his summer courses,” I said. “I need to get him something special to congratulate him on the accomplishment. They don’t start school until after Labor Day at the Academy so he has ten days to veg out before school starts again. He’s still fighting me on going, but I think it’s his way of having me call him daily to check in with him, to make sure he’s not actin’ a fool, and to threaten him with my foot up his ass.”
>
Price nodded his understanding. “Jacquie finds him rather amusing, in ways that he suggested should be criminal. He’s taking care of all of De’Von and Mrs. Jones’ needs. Even if they won’t say what they need, he’ll figure it out. Do you have your phone on you?” he asked, seemingly changing the subject, again.
I pulled the Samsung Galaxy Note7 from the designated pocket on the strap of my bag under my iPod and waved it at him. “Dillon warned me to keep it on silent since they aren’t allowed in class.”
“Principal Wallace has made an exception for you because of Justice,” he said.
Gee thanks, make me feel like the crazy one, Dad.
“Justice isn’t happy about that,” I said.
“Justice is going to have to deal with it for now,” Price said, giving me a look.
Damn, you really have had some bonding moments with him, huh?
Yeah, but I don’t like that he’s throwing it back at me now. Damn it.
“I can’t promise she’ll be on her best behavior, but we’re both going to make an effort. We want to make you proud,” I said.
Jerk.
Bitch.
I giggled.
Price smiled, seemingly understanding that I was talking to my other half. “Both of you try to have a good day, and if you need anything call me or Ellie. Shep and the others will be there for you no matter what, so don’t be afraid to ask for help. I know you’re both stubborn and have never asked for anything in your entire life because you’re a pain in the ass like that, but you have a family now that loves you and will do whatever they can for you both. Try to stay out of trouble, and if the sheriff is called, I’ll make sure that Simian takes it easy on you.”
I rolled my eyes. “Gee thanks.”
He chuckled. “It’s the least I can do. I was meaning to ask, what kind of vehicle did you want?”
“For what?”
“To drive,” he said, snorting softly.
Shut the...no.
“You can’t be serious. A car?” I groaned.
“If you like,” he said.
This can’t be... No, not happening. That takes it to a higher level of… No.
I shook my head. “I can’t drive so don’t worry about it. As long as my accomplices don’t mind chauffeuring my flat ass around, I’m cool. Thanks though.”
