by Danae Ayusso
“I’ll take it under advisement,” he said, the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement.
“And you already apologized, more than once, in French,” I reminded him then turned and walked away.
“No translation was required?” he asked, easily catching up to me as I headed towards the school.
I’m over gym already.
“Obviously not,” I sneered. “I’m mad at you and don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
Draven made that little noise under his breath that I learned he made when he didn’t like something but was biting his tongue to keep from voicing his opinion on whatever it was he didn’t agree with.
“Just say it,” I snapped at him, waiting for him to snap at me as he had done a few times during my self-therapy.
He reached around me and pulled the door open for me.
Yes, I should have said thank you. I should have thanked him for the snack box I devoured in front of him and the class. I should have thanked him for the earrings and journal…
“Sonuvabitch,” I groaned.
“Yes?” he asked, batting his lashes.
“You broke into my house and left the journal and earrings,” I said, stopping to look at him.
Draven made a face. “Not that you know of. And if I did, I wouldn’t need to break in. I would be invited by ton père.”
“Price would give you, a man whore with a stomach turning reputation of sexual deviancy, permission to be in the bedroom of his only daughter? I highly doubt that, Man Whore.”
He scoffed, as if offended, before he smirked, and it caused me to glare at him.
Nothing good ever follows that smirk.
“Training Bra, don’t get your tiny panties in a twist. If I was there, not saying that I was, it would have only been for a couple of minutes and in that time a gift would have been left for you to share with Price when you’re ready. Price is scared that your D.I.D. is much more severe than you initially believed it was. He’s scared that entertaining the second personality, Justice, as he is isn’t healthy for your well-being.”
I started laughing.
“What?” he asked.
“You sound like a fucking shrink.”
Draven nodded. “I would certainly hope so considering I’ve seen one twice a week for the past five years.”
For some reason, that doesn’t surprise me.
“Don’t go shrink on me, you know I hate that,” I reminded him, pulling the door to the girls’ locker room open and headed inside.
Of course, the annoying asshole is going to follow me.
Why wouldn’t he?
“You need to talk,” Draven said, appearing on the bench across from my locker.
“Yes, I do. But not to you,” I said, pulling the door open, slamming it into his knee and he hissed before moving so I couldn’t assault him twice.
“Why?” he asked. “You trusted me. What happened?”
I braced myself against the locker and fought to bite my tongue.
Suddenly he was standing, leaning against the neighboring lockers so he could look at me.
“Is it because I’m a Van Zul?” he asked, sounding offended.
“You want to know?” I asked, slamming my locker door shut.
“I think I deserve to know.”
“Of course you do,” I said, getting in his face. “Draven Van Zul gets everything he wants. Isn’t that right? You’re the smug, egotistical man whore that takes insurmountable pleasure in the desires of the flesh. Isn’t that what you were going on and on about this morning in English Lit? Do you honestly think that it was funny? Entertaining even? It was disgusting. You. Are. Disgusting.”
Draven’s head tilted to the side and his dark eyes moved over my face many times. “So that’s the problem,” he surmised.
“Enlighten me,” I said, not entirely sure what he thinks he’s figured out because I hadn’t told him what I was pissed at him for.
“You want to be added to the list and your little don’t touch me issues mean that shouldn’t be possible,” he said, sounding contemplative. “But you want me. You want to get up on Winnie the Cock just like the next bitch. And here I thought you were different, Training Bra.”
I put my finger up and gagged. “Sorry, I just threw up in my mouth.”
He laughed. “Oh the games we play, Training Bra.”
“Leave me alone, Man Whore. Do you understand? You are not my friend. You are not my shoulder to lean on, ear to whisper in, or my blanky of well-being that I didn’t know I needed until I found you. You are nothing to me. Do you understand?”
Draven licked his lips before reaching up and followed the path of the tear staining my cheek with his finger.
I didn’t know I was crying.
“I am not your friend,” he whispered, examining the salty bead of moisture as it rolled down the ridges of his finger. “I can’t be your friend, and I can’t be your blanky.”
“I don’t want you to be,” I said, grateful we were seemingly on the same page.
He absently nodded. “I hear you, Training Bra. Believe it or not, I always hear you. You really need to work on that,” he scolded.
Whatever that’s supposed to mean.
Draven looked over at the clock. “We have twenty minutes left in class,” he said. “Did you want to entertain me? I’m sure that whore mom of yours taught you a thing or two.”
It was like a fist to the gut.
We had talked about this… I had talked about it and he assured me, many times even, that I may have been my mom’s child but I wasn’t my mom.
Irony at its finest.
“Oh yeah, she did,” I agreed before my fist slammed into his face and it was followed by a knee to the balls.
He dropped to the floor coughing and choking.
“Never expect anything from anyone because you’ll always be disappointed,” I sneered before kicking him. “We’re nearly even for what happened in English,” I said, pulling my locker door open and bashed it into him a few times.
“Uh huh,” he groaned from the floor.
I pulled my shirt off then used it to wipe the sweat from my neck, chest and armpits before throwing it at him, hitting him in the face with the balled up, damp cotton.
“You violated me in a way that no one in Philly ever could,” I said, slipping out of my running shoes, kicking each at him. “I didn’t know, you know I didn’t know, and yet you allowed the game to go on and on. I didn’t know it was a game, but you did!”
“It wasn’t a fun game,” he complained.
“Oh I’m sure you took insurmountable pleasure filling your own journal full of the darkness of my dysfunctions, as you called them, in hopes of using it against my family, against me!”
Too irritated to bother trying to hide while I change, and well aware that the annoying boy on the ground with tears in his eyes had seen everything I have only on a much larger and more feminine scale, I did it at my locker.
“How I was played by the likes of you I’ll never know,” I said, turning my back to him then pulled my sports bra off and tossed it over my shoulder before pulling my bralette back on. “You took insurmountable pleasure in the fact that you did what no one else has been able to do: play me.”
I dropped my shorts and kicked them behind me before pulling my pants on and zipped them up.
My panties and lace bralette thing weren’t revealing and I have nothing a connoisseur of flesh like Draven Van Zul hasn’t seen before.
“How can you look at yourself in the mirror, knowing you are capable of such… Never mind, you’re a Van Zul and that’s reason enough,” I said, slipping into my Toms. “After all these years of getting shit on, I guess I expected something different.” I pulled my gray shirt on and fought with the collar before giving up on it; Dillon will have to fix it for me again. “But you only confirmed that it doesn’t matter which coast I’m on, I’m not worthy of more or better.”
I kicked my sweaty gym clothes at him and th
ey hit him in the face. “I should be thanking you, Draven Van Zul. You reminded me that even though the scenery has changed, my home has changed, the people around me have changed, some things never change and they never will. I’m not worthy of that type of security and change.”
Once I was redressed, I grabbed my bag and closed my locker and headed towards the exit. Behind me, I left what remained of my dignity and possibly my sanity in a pile of sweaty gym clothes and a man whore I needed more than anything but couldn’t have because he would only hurt me…
His anything but subtle start of an erection was proof of that, and as much as I wished I could beat on him until my French delusion was back, that wasn’t him and it never would be again.
I sat in the near empty cafeteria and waited for fourth period to release. There are a few lingering middle school aged kids collecting trays while others helped the janitor replace the bags in the trashcans.
You should have taken Daddy up on his offer to spring you from this hellhole.
“Yes, I should have. Why didn’t I?”
Because you were trying to prove you were capable of attending high school like the rest of these vile inferiors.
“Vile inferiors?” I groaned. “Someone needs to get off her throne.”
Of course Justice laughed.
You stuck it out because of the look on Daddy’s face when you said you would. He was flooded with pride or something. Disappointing him is your biggest fear as well.
“True,” I admitted, absently doodling on a napkin. “It doesn’t make it easier. I seriously want to run.”
Home?
“Not away,” I confirmed. “I just feel like the walls are starting to come crashing down again and if they do I might end up in jail.”
With Simian keeping us company, it wouldn’t be too bad.
I rolled my eyes.
Shut up. You know what I mean. It could be worse.
“We could have a caseworker crawling up our ass.”
Exactly!
Bleu and Kieran joined us.
“I’m irritated at you two as well,” I grumbled. “Why didn’t you tell me… Stupid thing to ask, but still,” I said, making a face.
They nodded their agreement.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
The shook their heads then looked around the filling cafeteria.
Each student that entered looked at us then started whispering, some giggled and others shook their heads, giving me a look of disgust.
“Something I should be aware of?” I asked.
Remi set her bag on the table. “Lizzy ran her mouth about your mom and now everyone knows. Tough break, Baby Girl.”
“Oh, that’s all?” I said, unconcerned, and returned my attention to the napkin I was doodling on.
Lizzy will be bear shit by the time I’m done with her.
Remi sat and gave me a look. “Doesn’t it bother you to be the focus of scandal and gossip?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m used to people talking shit about me. You have to admit, to have someone with the test scores I got, and coming from the jacked up environment that I did, having her mom murdered by a her dealer boyfriend only makes sense. Besides, I’m sure it’s the most exciting thing to happen around here in a while.”
She softly snorted. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be too sure about that. I’m going to see if I can sneak a hot lunch. Did you want to come with me? Distract the cashier for me?”
I gave her a look. “Not really. Isn’t there a food program here for those like us? For those from the environments we’re both familiar with?” I asked.
“Free lunch?” Remi clarified and I nodded.
Everyone I knew in Philly that went to school got free lunches. It was the highlight of my day when I was little and was enrolled in school: warm breakfast and hot lunch.
“Seventy-five percent of the school is on the government lunch program,” Remi said with a shrug. “Because of that, the school serves cold sandwiches and a handful of iceberg to seventy-five percent of the students. The twenty-five percent that have money for lunch, they get to choose between the nice salad bar that’s charged by the ounce, taco bar, pizza, or whatever hot lunch they have that day. Last year I used to work in the kitchen and Marty would hook me up with a hot lunch when the boss wasn’t looking. The cow caught us and I was banned from volunteering for food service again and they fired Marty for theft. Today they’re having my favorite: weird breaded hot sandwiches that are filled with cheese and shaved beef. It’s first come first serve and they don’t make that much since there aren’t that many that buy lunch.”
I looked up from what I was scribbling. “What do they do with the food that isn’t purchased?”
“It goes in the trash. Isn’t that awesome? That cow Rachel would rather see it in the trash than to give it to a trailer park princess like me that only gets to eat cold cereal or oatmeal in the morning at school and a gross ass cold mystery meat sandwich at lunch. It’s amazing my tits are as big as they are from that awesome diet.”
Sarcasm noted.
“And here I thought that was why mine haven’t grown,” I said, looking at my chest and Remi laughed.
Bleu rolled his eyes and got to his feet then headed off.
“Itty bitty titty talk he doesn’t get down with, apparently,” I said.
Remi nodded with a chuckle. “I’m not sure if that’s a shame or a good thing since I have tits for days. Are you okay?” she asked, changing the subject. “Lizzy is a bitch that pushes everyone’s buttons because she can.”
I nodded. “And that’s why I’m not worked up over her telling everyone about Mom,” I said. “Lizzy is nothing but a small and extremely insignificant annoyance in a sea of bigger bad asses with real skill. Will we smack the shit out of her the first chance we get? Yes, we will, because Justice is already plotting. But it’s nothing I can’t handle.”
She looked between Kieran and me.
“We and Justice?” Remi asked.
Oops.
Way to go.
“Did I neglect to mention I’m crazy and have a second personality with a name?” I asked, making a face.
To my surprise, Remi chuckled.
“Good old fashion case of D.I.D., huh?” she asked.
I nodded.
“That’s okay. At least she talks to you,” Remi said, eying the lines of students waiting to get their lunches. “I was in a halfway house with this dude that was straight up crazy. Three or four personalities and none of them knew about the other. That shit was cray.”
Bleu returned with two lunch trays in hand and set them on the table before sitting.
Remi snorted. “Gee thanks, Fucker. Way to rub it in my face,” she complained, trying to look away from the hot lunches on the trays.
He shook his head and pushed both trays over to her before taking the bottles of coffee from them then handed Kieran one of the bottles.
That’s sweet.
Yeah, it is.
Remi looked between the trays and Bleu, but he wouldn’t look at her. Instead, he was looking around the cafeteria, purposely trying not to look at Remi. “Huh, that’s… Thanks?” she offered.
He shrugged as if it weren’t anything special.
“You want one?” she asked me.
I shook my head. “No. Eat. Grams will most likely have a spread that’ll make you cry tonight. I cried for the first week straight every time I sat at the table because of the food. Never did I think that the tears from a meal would be because of happiness and not fear of getting botulism.”
“Preach!” Remi said before shoving half of one of the hot, melted cheese and meat sandwiches in her mouth. “Damn. These are better than I remembered,” she said with her mouth full before taking another large bite.
Bleu looked at her curiously then got to his feet and headed back over to the hot food service line.
There’s a heart in that silent tinman after all.
Leave him alone.
I don’t w
ant to be here anymore.
Agreed. I think this is my breaking point.
Just now? Shit. I’ve been ready to break since we got dressed this morning.
“Kieran, Remi is coming home with us. Will you make sure you and Bleu grab her before you head home?”
He nodded.
“Are you calling it a day?” Remi asked with her mouth full.
“Yeah. Price told me I could. I’m… If I don’t get out of here there will be more blood and a holding cell, I’m sure. Justice has been surprisingly good, but when I lose my temper, it isn’t good. She’s the hothead. Not me. I’ve choked out that man whore and broke his balls a few times today, choked his father out as well.”
“No shit?” she asked, peppering the table with crumbs. “Sorry.”
“It wasn’t pretty, but it was a lot of fun. Will you let Shep know I’m headed home?” I asked.
Remi nodded. “Put your feet up and just relax, Baby Girl. It’s been a long day for everyone… Dude, seriously, are you trying to make me fat or just fall in love with you?” she asked when Bleu returned with another tray of hot lunch with some bags of candy and bottles of coffee and soda.
Bleu rolled his eyes, but blushed.
I know where she’ll be sleeping tonight, and it won’t be in our room.
Ew.
I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed from the cafeteria.
It isn’t that I’m running from the problem, I’m merely taking the offer to get the hell out of here, even if it’s an hour late in accepting it. It’s been a long day, and I know it’s going to get even longer, especially with whatever it is Price needs to tell me in regards to the black eyes and demon speed and the feuding families.
There’s a lot Price need to tell me. But, at the same time, if he comes completely clean with me it means I’ll have to do the same with him.
I’m not ready for that, not yet.
There are things that I have kept to myself, things that even Justice doesn’t know, I’m sure, and they go beyond whatever Price is hiding.
They have to be because nothing can be that crazy, right?
“Running away?”
I jumped, startled, and spun around.
Sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall by the outside main entrance with a book in hand, was one of the main reasons I’m leaving for the day.
