He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling. “That night… Cooper was pretty messed up but nowhere near as drunk as Addie. He and Avery had been feeding her alcohol all night. I don’t think she even knew how strong the drinks were. I had this feeling, I just knew something wasn’t right. I can’t really explain what made me go upstairs at the party.”
He stopped speaking, and Peyton reached out to grip his hand, giving him the strength to continue.
“I found Cooper and Addie in Addie’s bedroom. She was on her bed with her skirt pulled up, and Coop kneeled between her legs. I almost walked away. As much as it hurt, it wasn’t any of my business. But then I heard it.”
“Heard what?” Peyton asked.
“A muffled no. I ran into the room, and Addison was struggling under Cooper, trying to push him off. He wouldn’t budge and kept touching her. I yanked him back and punched him. And then I chased him down the stairs and outside. That’s where the fight started.”
Tears shone in Peyton’s eyes. “Cooper assaulted Addison?” She covered her mouth with her hand. “What if you hadn’t been there?”
Julian had thought about that same question a million times. If he hadn’t found them, Cooper wouldn’t have stormed from the party. “He’d still be alive.”
Peyton shook her head. “And Addison may have been raped.” She swallowed heavily. “By our brother. Is this what you’ve been carrying around, Jules? Is this why there’s been a cloud of darkness following you since you returned home?”
“I can’t miss him, Pey. I try and I try, but the part of me that was once connected to my twin is broken. I hate him for what he tried to do that night. But hating a dead man has only made me hate myself.”
She scooted forward and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. He relaxed into her arms.
“It all makes so much sense now,” she whispered. “After that night, after the accident, Addison became a different person. For so long, she wouldn’t even look at me. She hated me because she hated Cooper.” She pulled back. “Oh, Julian.”
The widening of her eyes told him she finally understood. If Addison hated Peyton for merely being a Callahan, it was much worse for the guy who shared Cooper’s face.
“I can’t stop these feelings inside me.” He shook his head. “I wish I could, but Addison has always been that girl who’d never feel the same way. And now… She can’t look at me without seeing the boy who attacked her.”
Peyton placed a palm against Julian’s cheek. “Jules, anyone who truly knows you would never see Cooper when you’re in front of them. I loved Coop despite what he may have done, but he’s gone. While you, Julian Callahan, are still here, and you have a full life ahead of you. I don’t want to see you haunted by our brother. You might be his twin, but you have always been one of a kind. I don’t know if Addison will ever see that, but if she doesn’t, then maybe she isn’t the right person for you.”
She dropped her hand. “Maybe this LitGirl is good for you. Part of me thought you’d be hopelessly in love with Addison for the rest of your life. But now you’re talking to someone else who lights you up on the inside. I can see it. Even if you never find out who she is, she’s good for you.” She leaned forward and opened his laptop.
“What around you doing?” he asked.
“E-mailing your book to me, duh.” She grinned, pushing her hair over one shoulder. “You can’t tell me you’re writing a romance novel and not let me read it. That’s like dangling a carrot in front of a horse and never letting them catch it.” She finished emailing it and slid from the bed.
“Pey?” Julian called after her.
She stopped as she reached the door. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“You’ve deserved a better brother than me over the last couple years.”
She shrugged. “All that matters is who you are right now, in this moment, Jules.”
“Who am I?”
“I guess I’ll find out when I read the book.” She opened the door. “I’ve got a long night of romance ahead of me.” Shooting a final grin over her shoulder, she disappeared into the hall.
Julian couldn’t contain the smile spreading across his lips and he pulled his laptop closer. He felt lighter than he had in a long time.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: I did it. I told my sister.
LitGirl took a few moments to respond.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Proud of you. How did it go?
He thought about that. How did it go?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: Better than I imagined it would.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: See? You should listen to me more often. Now, about that steamy scene…
He shook his head. LitGirl wanted steam, so he’d give it to her. Adele and Jackson didn’t know what was coming for them. Julian’s fingers flew over the keyboard as if they had a mind of their own. And for the first time, he thought he could do this. He could publish his book. He could show the world just who Julian Callahan was.
He laughed at himself, knowing how ridiculous it was. But, as he disappeared into his characters’ lives, feeling everything they felt, he was happy. When had that happened?
13
Addison
You have a fire in your soul, Addie.
Addison couldn’t get Julian’s words or his kiss out of her mind. His kiss surprised her. She hadn’t expected it, but she hadn’t freaked out either—and that surprised her even more. He wore Cooper’s face, but he was all Julian. And she liked it. He was everything younger Addie had wanted Cooper to be, but younger Addie was an idiot too blinded by Cooper’s golden boy façade to see there was very little beneath it. Julian had much more substance.
But was he BookBoy?
You’re reading way too much into this, Addie. It was a coincidence. There was just no way Julian Callahan was writing a romance novel.
“Hey, Addison.” Garrett pulled her away from confusing thoughts of Julian and his perfectly kissable lips. “You ready for the state finals?” He shoved his glasses up on his nose. “I can get your bags to the bus for you.” He offered eagerly.
“I’ve got it, thanks though.” She gave him a hesitant smile, enjoying finally being able to regain some of her independence. At the doctor’s the day before, she’d gotten to remove her boot for good. She didn’t want to be mean to Garrett the way the other cheerleaders were, but she didn’t want to encourage him either. Heading out of town for finals was honestly the last thing she wanted to do right now. She couldn’t find the excitement she once had for the competition, and she couldn’t even compete. Her doctor wouldn’t clear her for the complexity of the routine, so she was going as captain in name only.
“You want some coffee?” Garrett asked, shuffling beside her. “I saw Meghan handing out lattes earlier.”
“I’m good right now, but you should go get yourself one.”
“I can’t handle caffeine, it makes me jittery. You want a donut?”
“You know, could you get me a bottle of water?” She smiled. It was clear he wouldn’t rest until she gave him something to do. “And if you wouldn’t mind, could you grab us some seats toward the front of the bus? I don’t know if my foot can handle climbing over a bunch of girls on this trip.”
“You’ll sit with me?” He lit up at the prospect. The girls had adopted him as a sort of assistant to the team. The poor kid was thrilled to have so much attention from the squad, but she worried he’d only get hurt. I should keep an eye on him while we’re gone. The girls could take their hazing too far.
“Sure.” Addie shrugged. She’d have a better time sitting with Garrett and his endless questions than with the girls who were supposed to be her closest friends.
“Okay, great. I’ll see you on the bus.” He bounded away to retrieve her water just as Addison’s phone beeped with a new message.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: You said you wanted steam, right?
Addison grinned at her screen, eager to hear how Boo
kBoy’s venture into sizzling romance was going. She had every confidence the chemistry between his two main characters would explode off the pages. Was it wrong of her to continue their online relationship when she still wasn’t sure if he was all that anonymous anymore? Probably not. But she couldn’t bring herself to stop.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Give me the heat. I want all the feels.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: You asked for it ;) I went a little nuts, though. I have a couple of new chapters for you and several revisions I’d love your opinion on if you have time this weekend.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Gimmie! I can’t wait to read more. Have you thought about a sequel?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: Are you crazy, woman? Let me get the first one finished. Sending the updated file now.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Do I at least get an ending yet?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: Not yet, but soon.
“You’re always so distracted these days,” Meghan said, shaking her head in disgust. “I don’t even know why you want to be here anymore.”
“What?” Addie frowned, slipping her phone into her pocket. The only thing she wanted to do was run home and dive into a weekend of helping BookBoy with his edits. The thought of the long weekend of policing her squad, making sure they slept and were prepared for the competition didn’t appeal to her at all. Maybe I’ve just outgrown all of this.
“I’ve been trying to get your attention, Captain. We’re getting ready to go in a few minutes, and you should probably give some sort of pep talk before we get on the bus.”
“Oh, right,” Addie said. “Why don’t you do it?”
Meghan’s face went red with anger. “Why are you holding this squad with such a death grip, Addie? You’ve completely checked out, but you’re just too stubborn and selfish to bow out. It’ll be a miracle if we win this thing with you running the show.” Angry tears shone in her eyes. “And you know the shitty part about all of it? You don’t even care.”
She was right. Addie couldn’t care less about the championship. She was ready for whatever new chapter awaited her next. But the one thing she hadn’t realized was how much Meghan did care. And that was what the squad needed now.
“You’re right,” Addison said. “I’m sorry I’ve been so absent.”
“Whatever.” Meghan turned to join their team waiting in a circle for them. “Come on, let’s just do this.”
“No.” Addie didn’t move to follow her. “You take the team. You care about all of this more than I ever did.”
“You are so confusing sometimes. Just a few weeks ago, you read me the riot act about the routine and how unprepared I was to be captain. And you were right, I would have gotten us disqualified because I didn’t read the rules. And now, what, you’re just giving me the team?”
“I think I am, Meg. You were never great with the rules, but you’re good with the girls. I’ve already submitted the paperwork explaining my injury and that you’ll be leading the team for me. You don’t need me anymore.” She smiled. “All the paperwork is done. Go win this thing, and bring home that big-ass trophy for the girls.”
“Are you serious right now?” Meghan’s smile brightened her whole face. “Or are you messing with me?”
“Cheering was always my mom’s thing, and I just went along with it. I think I’m done with that now. I’m going home to curl up with a good book and a cup of hot tea. Just do me one favor, will you?”
“Sure.”
“Take care of Garrett? He’s a nice kid, and you guys are so mean to him.”
“He likes the attention.” Meghan rolled her eyes. “You worry too much.”
“No one likes to be publicly humiliated. Just keep the hazing down to a minimum, and don’t make him a spectacle. And stop calling him Geekett, it’s so mean.”
“Fine. I’ll babysit the little guy.”
“Have fun, Meg.” Addie turned to leave.
“I’ll never understand you, Addison Parker,” Meghan called as she walked away.
“Back atcha, Meghan Lewis.” Addie hurried across the parking lot, eager to get home to her new chapters.
* * *
—@ShutUpAndDrive: You shattered me. Your new chapters are so smoking hot I can’t even handle it. And the revised chapters were good before, but the improvements just make it perfect. Have you thought about the cover? You should hire a cover designer… and like a real editor.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: I think I just threw up a little bit. Where does one even find a cover designer? Glad you like the new chapters, I didn’t know I had it in me.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: I knew anyone who could write such believable, flawed, and beautiful characters could take it to a new level and you totally pulled it off. I need that ending before we even think of designers though.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: We? LOL. Okay, okay. I’m trying. The end is the hardest part. I’m not really sure how to give them their happily ever after. As for all the publishing stuff I bet I could find some guidance for all the stuff I haven’t even thought about yet. I still can’t believe I’m doing this. And I think it’s your fault. If you hadn’t come, along this book would probably have ended up in my dresser drawer for the next decade.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Oh, you are publishing this book if I have to steal it from you and do it myself! Crap, we need a title and a synopsis too. Any ideas?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: I have to write all that too? I think writing the book might be easier than coming up with a title.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: I’m sending you my notes. Have you thought about the issues with the first chapter?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: What’s wrong with the first chapter? You know what, don’t answer that. I’m starting to have a panic attack so I’m going to go not think about this book for a little while.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Sorry :( You know I think you’re brilliant, right?
—@DontTouchMyBooks: You do know I’m already looking at your chapter one notes, right? I couldn’t do this without you. And you’re right, chapter one needs a better opening paragraph. I’ll send you the new version tonight. Later.
* * *
Addie sat on the rear deck at home, organizing her notes for BookBoy/Maybe-Julian when she heard her mother park in the driveway. She so wasn’t in the mood to tell her mom about her decision not to attend the championship finals. Addie was in a happy bubble with Adele and Jackson, and she wanted to keep it that way. So, like the coward she totally was, she waited for her mom to close the front door, and then she grabbed her laptop and her bag and tiptoed down the steps to the driveway. She wasn’t sure where she was going, but she wasn’t staying here.
Addison ended up at The Main after she drove past it three times and her stomach wouldn’t let her stop thinking about chili cheese fries. It was her favorite guilty pleasure. One she indulged in too many times in the past. She’d fallen into some bad habits trying to maintain the perfect figure her mother demanded of her. Binge eating and purging was her go-to quick fix at her lowest points in recent years. She didn’t do it often and hadn’t in months—and now that she was finally feeling more like herself and more in control of her future, Addie knew she would never do it again. Some ideal notion of perfection wasn’t worth her health or her self-worth.
It felt good. Redefining herself. Addie walked with a lighter step as she entered The Main and immediately saw Peyton’s smiling face.
“Hey, stranger, aren’t you supposed to be on some bus to the cheer finals this weekend?”
“Yes, but I decided—a few years too late—I don’t really like cheering. So, I skipped it.”
“Good for you, Addie. But your mom is going to kill you, girl.”
“Why do you think I’m here? I’m hiding.” Addison laughed, enjoying how easy it was to talk to Peyton. “She has no idea I didn’t go, and I’d like to maintain that lie for a little while longer.”
“Come hang out with me while I work, and then if you’re still a chicken shit, you can come stay with us for the weekend.”
Addie felt guilty for ditching her mom, but she couldn’t take the nagging, not tonight. “One condition.” Addie hopped onto the bar stool where she used to sit with Nari every single afternoon when they were all friends.
“Chili cheese fries are already headed your way, Addie.”
“And, oh, how I’ve missed them.” She just hoped Peyton realized how much she had missed her too.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: Okay, I rewrote the whole first chapter. It was shit. I think it’s much better now that I know Adele and Jackson so much better. That sounds so ridiculous. They’re not real people. I know that, just in case you think I’m crazy, I’m not.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Um, idk about you, but my book friends are real. Maybe you should take a break? You’ve been going at it pretty hard lately. I know you have to be stressed.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: Funny you should mention that. After I finished chapter one rewrites, I forced myself to stop. Now I’m reading The Thorn Birds. And do not tell me you’ve never read it. I’ve read it at least five times.
—@ShutUpAndDrive: Shut UP! That’s my favorite book of all time. Meggie and Ralph break my heart.
—@DontTouchMyBooks: The romance is epic but the book is so much more than just the romance.
The C Word: Redefining Me (Book 3) Page 10
