by D. A. Prince
No, not the kind of abuse that came with a cheating husband – the kind that came when you didn’t etch out a life for yourself in the world, when you readily accepted the life of another and pretended it was your own.
It took some time unpacking a few things and reflecting on the mess I had gotten myself into. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Aha! How cliché? What would I become? What would happen to me? Only I could decide my future.
“Dinner!” came a voice from upstairs. My stomach rumbled in response. I bounded up the many stairs to the landing above the basement, trying not to feel like a failure. When I reached the doorway and crossed into the kitchen, I froze.
There, was my entire family—my mother and father, and all nine of my siblings. My sisters with each of their husbands, and my brothers, with their spouses. They smiled as I entered. “Crystal! Thought we would get together for an excellent dinner,” mom said innocently.
I knew what mom was trying to do, and I appreciated it. My mom and Daisy had a relatively close relationship. Her mom and mine were long time church group friends. I suspected Daisy told my mom that I felt really alone since this tragic ordeal.
I hugged everyone and delighted in being offered a chair at the head of the table, a position reserved exclusively for my father. “You need it more than me today. And why sit when you can stand!” my dad exclaimed, “That chair kills my back.”
Thankfully no one brought up B-liar or the monstrous vagina pictures that I made so public. It was like it never happened. My siblings and family distracted me with news from their lives, good news—and they asked me what was on the cards for me in the coming months.
“Not a clue, haven’t figured it out just yet,” I admitted between mouthfuls of curry chicken. “Probably something on my own time. Rebuild. Research and utilize time and resources wisely.”
“Wise words.” My father lifted his glass. “And bear in mind that you can’t change other people, but you can change yourself.” I saw in his dark eyes something he would not say, but I understood the message nevertheless: it was time that I changed myself.
Together we feasted on a simple meal of chicken, rice and peas that gave me more strength than any I had eaten in a five-star restaurant. My family would always be here for me, and that was something priceless. Once again, I felt like the feisty 18-year-old model with the world at my feet.
That night I retired to the charming basement full of wonder. I had been in love, out of love, up then down, then up again. I had felt passion and been on the wrong side of an affair, and I had felt the keen sting of betrayal.
All I could do sitting on the white cotton covers was smile. Hope bloomed in my heart like a mighty flower. It was funny how the men I loved taught me so many things. With Barry I believed that honesty was the key to a good relationship, with Tad I realized the importance of financial stability and ambition.
When I met Max all I wanted was closeness and someone to spend my life with—someone that wouldn't treat me like an extension of their wealth, like an object. The chaos of his love drove me into the arms of CJ, the control-freak.
Once again I was in love with a man who took something from me, my freedom. That was when I realized I couldn't live without my integrity and personal liberty intact. And then Burt quite suddenly, became another lesson.
For a long time, I believed that Burt was the culmination of the lessons I learned about men in my life. He was tactfully honest and dutiful, kept me close but allowed me my freedom and all the ambition I could ever want.
There was just one problem. Burt was loyal to himself first. He confessed it that day at Daisy’s apartment. When he felt his world crashing down around him, he broke his vows to regain his happiness. I could never imagine doing that to my husband. Yet, a part of me still loved him.
Sitting there with my piles of designer clothing on the bare tiled floor, I realized what a sharp change this would be for me. A necessary change. Some people figure out who they are when they are very young, others—like me, still a work in progress.
It took me five relationships to realize that the traits I valued most, I needed to cherish and nurture inside myself first. Of course I wanted to see them in the man I fell for. But mostly I wanted to be with someone who believed in trust the same as I believed. I needed time to heal.
EPILOGUE
I don't regret the things in life I can’t change.
I don’t know what’s going to happen with my marriage, and how it will affect the children, but I won’t ever let a man have such financial, emotional and spiritual control over me ever again.
As a first step, I’ll dust off my degree, licenses and skills, and look for a job in finance.
I’ll learn to be a better friend, and stop taking everyone’s attention and support for granted.
I’m capable of learning. After learning five lessons about five men, it’s time that I learn about myself.
Instead of pinning my hopes for happiness on one man after another, and despairing when he doesn’t measure up to what I want, I’ll grow into the person I’m meant to be.
The child Crystal, attention-seeking, superficial and chasing after everything that glittered, has gone. The real Crystal, the woman of depth and inner strength, is emerging from the dark. I can’t see her fully yet, but I think I’ll like her. Life with her will be different, but I know we will have fun.
DEAR READER
Did you enjoy this book? I’d love it if you could post a review on Amazon, saying which parts you liked best.
If you want to ask me a question, drop me a line. Also let me know if you’ve spotted any typos, so I can correct them in the next edition. I enjoy hearing from readers.
My email is [email protected].
You can also follow me on Twitter twitter.com/D_A_Prince_ and if you tweet me @D_A_Prince_ that you’ve read this book, I’ll probably follow you back.
I look forward to hearing from you.
D.A. Prince
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
D.A. Prince has worked as a dept store cosmetic salesperson, fashion model, insurance agent and voice-over actor.
A native New Yorker, she now lives with her husband and sons in Palm Beach, Florida, close enough to the ocean to hear the waves at night. She is a soccer mum who enjoys travel, tennis, dancing, and listening to reggae, R&B and soul.
Her idea of bliss is dining with her husband in a restaurant where tuxedoed waiters attend to their every whim and silver cutlery clinks on bone china plates, savoring stone crabs, lobster tails, creamed asparagus and potato chips with a bottle of Benoit Gautier Vouvray.
REFERENCES
De La Rochefoucauld. Francois, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/f/francoisde106547.html
Hale, Mandy, Quotes, http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/862014-sometimes-it-takes-a-heartbreak-to-shake-us-awake
Clinton, William, J, Quotes. http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/w/williaCJc454937.html
Schroder, Ricky, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/rickyschro503981.html
Webb, Veronica, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/v/veronicawe536499.html
Jones, Rashida, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/r/rashidajon491749.html
Humphrey, Hubert, H, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/h/huberthhu398405.html
West, Mae, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/m/maewest125640.html
Quote Investigator, Love Set Free, http://quoteinvestigator.com/2012/04/08/love-set-free/
Grohl, Dave, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/d/davegrohl418219.html
Dunst, Kirsten, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/k/kirstendun401285.html
Hathaway, Anne, Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/quotes/a/annehathaw443627.html
Kent, Germany, Quotes, https://www.
goodreads.com/author/quotes/8557658.Germany_Kent
Cheating Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/cheating.html
Lie Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/lie.html
Confession Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/confession.html
Friendship Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_friendship.html
Home Quotes, http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_home.html
