“I want to, it’s surreal at this point. Sometimes it seems like it didn’t even happen to me.”
“What happened?”
“Dad stood and announced that this was too much. He left the room and Mom chased after him. They’d been having a lot of problems because of me. Mom wasn’t sure I did the wrong thing by turning the scholarship down, but Tod and Dad were convinced I was having some sort of mental crisis. Mom and Dad started screaming at each other from their room. And I stood there, shell shocked. Tod stared at me, he still wasn’t speaking to me and apparently my sudden change in aesthetic wasn’t going to change it.”
Scotty shifted to get more comfortable. Having Nathan with him like this as he relayed his story made Scotty feel safe. He didn’t like thinking of the way he handled things. If he could do it over, he probably would.
“Or so I thought,” Scotty continued. “Because Tod took one look at me and said. We all knew you were gay, Scotty, you didn’t have to trash your future because you like cock.”
Nathan stilled. “That’s how you came out?”
“It was stupid.”
“It was brave.” Nathan sounded like he was stifling a laugh.
“Are you laughing at me?” Scotty whipped around to face Nathan. He had his lips pressed together and he shook his head. “You are!” Scotty squeaked in mock indignity.
“I’m sorry, but… Scotty… that’s fabulous. That takes giant balls to come out the way you did and just lay everything out there.”
“I was scared shitless. It was a move prompted by absolute desperation. I was a coward.”
Nathan cupped Scotty’s cheek. “A coward would’ve taken the scholarship. What happened next?”
Scotty shrugged, not able to quite believe Nathan’s words. “You know the usual. Dad and Mom fought over me constantly for a month while I worked my ass off and saved money to learn makeup and hair artistry. Then, Dad left.”
Scotty lost his voice for a moment and cleared his throat. He no longer wanted the beer he’d been nursing but he drank some anyway. “Tod blamed me for it. He never said as much, but I think he did. Does. Mom doesn’t, I don’t think. She’s never said as much. He hasn’t even been back, you know. Not once. Mom won’t talk about him. It’s like he stopped existing.”
Scotty dropped his gaze, unable to take the way Nathan stared at him with oceans of pity.
“Scotty…”
“It’s fine.” He waved a hand in the air. “Water under the bridge and all that.” Scotty forced himself to take a deep breath. “And now you know my dramatic coming out story.”
Nathan pulled Scotty into his lap and pressed their lips together. He kissed him with a tenderness which made Scotty ache in all the right places. His cock throbbed in the tight confines of his pants. His heart throbbed, too, because no one had kissed Scotty like this before. He dreaded the thought that maybe no one would ever again.
“You’re amazing.” Nathan breathed the words against Scotty’s mouth. “So amazing.”
Unable to help himself, Scotty laughed. “I’m not.”
“Shhh. Don’t argue with me.”
“I’m not as good of a listener as you are.” Scotty curled into Nathan. “I’m going to have to start keeping a blanket on the couch.”
“That sounds cozy.”
“It does.” Scotty closed his eyes. Telling his story had left him emotionally drained and he’d only told Nathan half of it. He’d avoid the other half if possible.
“I know it wasn’t planned, but can I stay the night?” Nathan’s hold on Scotty tightened. “We don’t have to do anything, but it feels wrong, in a way, to take off after you shared all that with me.”
“I’d like it a lot. Even the no sex part. I’m fucking tired.”
“I’ll have to be out of here bright and early though.”
“I can set an alarm.” Scotty climbed off Nathan and together they went to Scotty’s bathroom where they both brushed their teeth. Scotty tried not to daydream about doing this every night but failed. He liked Nathan a dangerous amount.
When they entered Scotty’s room, he reached for the buttons of his blouse, but Nathan stepped in and gently pushed Scotty’s hands out of the way.
“Let me take care of you tonight.”
Scotty tried to scoff, but the sound came out strangled. “Undressing me is taking care of me? I thought it was foreplay?” Scotty’s heart danced to an impossibly fast rhythm in his chest and he felt a bit like he might explode at any moment. Everything was unreal. From the way Nathan looked at him to the impossibly soft kiss he brushed against the corner of Scotty’s mouth.
“I’m going to undress you and tuck you into bed. Then I’m going to hold you while you sleep.”
Scotty didn’t respond. He simply stayed still and watched Nathan work all the buttons of his blouse loose. Instead of tossing the garment aside, Nathan gently folded it in half and placed it in the hamper before moving his attention to Scotty’s pants.
By the time Nathan had Scotty tucked into bed and lay next to him, he was convinced that sleep would never come. Then Nathan tucked himself in against Scotty’s back and held him close. Scotty did the impossible and drifted off before his libido decided it was more important than sleep.
Chapter Eleven
Nathan
Holding Scotty in his arms as he fell asleep felt like a dream, but it was nothing compared to waking next to him. Scotty was still sound asleep, and he faced Nathan, his arm reaching out across the mattress as if he was aware, they’d drifted apart during the night and wanted to be held again.
Nathan resisted the urge to touch him, to map the contours of his face with his fingers. Memories and pictures would have to do. Nathan rolled over and carefully retrieved his cellphone from the nightstand. He took a picture of Scotty, then smiled and snapped a few more.
He set his phone down back where he got it from and continued to stare at Scotty while he slept. His alarm was due to go off, but he turned it off and leaned in, pressing a kiss to Scotty’s cheek.
Scotty moaned and snuggled closer. “Morning,” he mumbled. “What time is it?”
“Time for me to get up and get back to work.”
“Tell Reggie to give you a day off.”
“Can’t, beautiful. Not today. Next week he’s staying at a friend’s while I do the demo. He doesn’t want to be there while the bathroom gets redone, either. So… I’ll have some free time.” He almost added, before I go, but stopped himself.
“Mmm. Good.” Scotty moved closer and tilted his head, capturing Nathan in a brief kiss. “Thanks for staying last night.”
“You’re welcome.” Nathan wouldn’t say it wasn’t a big deal, because the things Scotty had told him were a big deal. Nathan still felt, however, that there was a piece of the puzzle Scotty had left out. It was the way his grandpa had talked about Scotty, as if what happened had been public knowledge. It didn’t seem to fit with the story Scotty told him. Nathan didn’t doubt the truth of it, but Scotty held something back.
Scotty had looked exhausted and emotionally drained after relaying the first half of his story, and Nathan didn’t want to pry again so soon. Nathan closed his eyes and held Scotty for another few minutes. “I have to get up.”
“Me too.”
Nathan laughed when neither of them tried to move.
“I don’t want to leave,” Nathan confessed, though he wasn’t sure he didn’t mean in general, and not just Scotty’s bed.
“You can’t stay.” Scotty grumbled tossing the covers aside and climbing out of bed. “I’m fully booked today and need to get my ass in gear. Do you want a coffee?”
Nathan got up and pulled his clothes back on before yanking Scotty into his arms. “I’d love to stay for one, but I should get out of your hair. Call me later?”
Scotty slid his arms around Nathan’s waist. “Try and stop me.”
Nathan went back to his grandpa’s house. As usual, his grandpa was up already and sat at the table, drinking a
cup of coffee.
“Get a cup and join me for breakfast,” his grandpa said.
Nathan thought about arguing with him and getting to work, but it struck him that his Grandpa looked a bit unwell. He grabbed a cup and filled it then settled down at the table across from his grandpa.
“You feeling okay, Grandpa? You look a bit under the weather.”
His grandpa waved his comment off. “When you’re as old as I am, Nathan, some days you feel like death warmed over for no reason other than being old.”
Nathan set his coffee down and gave his grandpa a look. Being kept in the dark by people was something Nathan was getting sick of. “What’s going on, Grandpa? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, Nathan. Tired today. The old bones kept me awake last night.”
“I can manage a day off if you want to rest today, Grandpa. There’s that pile of junk out back I can get rid of.”
He watched his grandpa stare into his coffee, then nod. “I hate to put you out like that. You came all the way here to get this done for me.”
“It’s no big deal, Grandpa. Did you want me to get dinner tonight? There’s this great deli that sells chicken dinners. I’ll grab us a couple. You can spend the day in your chair and nap.”
“Getting old is hell, Nathan. But I was never one to turn down chicken.”
“Okay, it’s a plan.”
Nathan watched his grandpa get up from the chair, and even with his cane Nathan noticed he seemed a little unsteady this morning. He stood and offered his grandpa his arm. “Here, I’ll get you all set up in your chair. What time did you want lunch?”
“I’ve got a can of chili in the cupboard. I can manage myself.”
Nathan watched his grandpa lower himself into his recliner. He leaned his cane against the side table and turned the television on. Nathan left his grandpa to watch his shows and, deciding to skip breakfast, he went outside to where he’d piled the debris from the renovations so far. He’d started to load his truck when he heard a familiar voice.
“Need any help?”
Nathan turned and grinned at Tod. “Sure.”
Tod approached the pile and grabbed bits of carpet and carried it toward Nathan’s truck. “I thought I’d come and help you with the house today.”
Nathan laughed. “You picked a good day. Grandpa’s not feeling great, so I’m clearing up this pile of junk, then taking the day off.”
Tod frowned. “I’m sorry about your grandpa.”
Nathan glanced toward the house as if he were worried about his grandpa eavesdropping. “I’m worried about him. He’s going downhill pretty fast.”
“Any word on what’s wrong?”
Nathan shook his head. “He claims it’s a mystery. Something to do with being old.”
“He’s seventy-five.”
“Eighty-two.” Nathan corrected.
“Why doesn’t he move? This seems like a lot of house for one person.”
“He doesn’t want to. Mom’s tried to talk him into it a bunch of times, but he won’t sell.”
Nathan tossed an armload of junk in the back of his truck as his cellphone vibrated in his back pocket. He stopped and looked at the screen. Happiness fluttered through him when he saw Scotty’s name appear.
Someone misses you. It said. Then the picture of Scotty’s dick came through. Nathan quickly tucked his phone away and tried to get back to work without Tod noticing, but it seemed it was too late for that.
“That Scotty?”
Nathan shrugged and watched Tod lurch to a stop. “Fucking hell, Nathan.”
“Look, I’m not doing this with you, Tod.”
“But you’re doing that with my brother?”
“Your brother is an adult. He’s been making all his own decisions for a while and right now, this is what he wants.”
“You’re a fucking dumbass, Nate. Did you hear nothing I said?”
Nathan turned and wiped a hand down his face. “I’m already tired of this conversation. Let’s not go there.”
“What if he gets hurt?”
“He’s already been hurt.” Nathan shot back and he watched Tod’s face morph from anger to curiosity.
“What do you mean?”
“He told me about how he came out and how you didn’t talk to him after he turned that scholarship down.”
“He does hair for a living, Nate.”
“He likes it.”
“You don’t know what it’s like,” Tod’s voice got suddenly louder and the pain there was unmistakable. But instead of sympathy for Tod’s pain, Nathan had only anger. “One day he’s one person and the next day he’s completely different. And Dad…”
“Your dad was an asshole for walking out on all of you.”
“I know that.” Tod shouted. He shoved his hands in his hair and tugged, before dropping them to his sides with a sigh. “I know it. I didn’t then. In the moment it was unfolding, I was so fucking angry with Scotty for rocking the boat. Shit already sucked at home and then the scholarship offer came in and for one night, Dad was happy. He wasn’t miserable. And the next day Scotty turned it down and I was pissed, because for a few hours we got a glimpse of how life used to be.”
Nathan had a half dozen things he wanted to say to Tod, but he saw the hurt and sadness on Tod’s face and held his tongue. “Why didn’t you talk to me about any of this?”
Tod shrugged. “I was mad at Scotty at first. Then, when everything went south with Dad, I was mad at myself for treating Scotty like a piece of shit. I realized I was acting like our old man, and I didn’t want that. I guess I never said anything because the whole town knew Scotty’s business and he hated it. I’d already been a big enough jerk to him.”
“So, you try to protect him now because you didn’t then?”
Tod shrugged. “He’s been hurt enough.”
“What does that mean, Tod? What else happened after Scotty came out? I’ve tried to avoid asking anyone, because it’s Scotty’s business to tell me if he wants me to know, but I don’t know how to ask him.”
Tod leaned against the side of Nathan’s truck and folded his arms over his chest. “You’re going to keep seeing him, aren’t you?”
“For as long as he wants me to.”
“And what happens when you leave?”
“That’s up to Scotty.”
Tod exhaled. “He’d been seeing someone in secret. He didn’t out them, but when they found out he came out, and found out he wanted to dress different and wear makeup, they broke up with him.”
Something dark slithered up Nathan’s spine. “What happened?”
“A broken heart. A former best friend who wouldn’t look at him anymore. Every single one of his friends walked away from him. I had to watch every person in his life dessert him, one by one. He was in a bad place for a long time, Nathan.”
“And you’re worried about me leaving.”
Tod shrugged a shoulder. “He’s a grown up, but he’s still my little brother. I’m not against the two of you, for the record. It’s weird, and it’s not something I want details about, but I don’t want him hurt anymore.”
“I get it.”
Nathan exhaled. On one hand, the truth was a lot less dramatic than anything he’d pictured. But discovering everyone in Scotty’s life had turned their backs and abandoned him made Nathan want to drive over to his apartment and wrap his arms around Scotty and hold him close.
“I don’t want to hurt him, Tod. That was never my intention.”
Tod gave him a sad sort of look, like he knew Nathan would keep seeing Scotty no matter what he thought of it. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions, Nathan. If you don’t want to hurt him, then don’t hurt him. It’s real simple.”
“It’s not,” Nathan offered the rebuttal, but it rang hollow and false even to his own ears. It could be that simple to not hurt Scotty. All he had to do was stay. “Come on,” Nathan said. He opened the truck door. “Get in, we’ll unload this, and I’ll take you for breakfast.”
Tod climbed into the truck and Nathan spent the day trying not to think of the picture Scotty sent him and the possibility of turning his life upside down for someone who was ready to let him go in a couple of weeks.
Chapter Twelve
Scotty
Scotty was busy scrubbing the hair of his first appointment of the day when Kate walked into the salon. She often started later than Scotty, which was nice because she often brought a fresh round of coffee for everyone.
“You got my latte?” Scotty asked as he carefully wound Martina’s hair in a towel and directed her toward his chair.
“Well, Of course I did.” Kate rolled her eyes. She plucked a cup from the drink tray and handed it to Scotty. “How was your date last night?” Scotty buried his face behind his cup and watched Kate draw her own conclusions. “Have you two come up for air at all?”
Scotty grinned and set his cup down. He wrapped Martina in a cape and unwound her hair from the towel. He carefully combed it out while he chatted with Kate. Martina was a regular of Scotty’s and while a lot of people enjoyed the camaraderie of Scotty chatting to them, Martina preferred it if Scotty kept the chit-chat to a minimum.
“Nothing happened last night, so get your mind out of the gutter.”
Kate’s boisterous laugh drowned out the hair dryer at another station. “You’re such a liar. You’re gonna be so destroyed when he leaves.”
“I knew his time here was limited. I’ll be fine.” Scotty had said the same thing to himself so often it felt like the truth now. He’d prepared himself for Nathan’s departure. His eventual absence was expected. Unlike when he came out and his friends abandoned him and when he skipped his own prom, Scotty and Nathan’s relationship had an expiration date. It was better, in a way, to know when the end would come, rather than being blindsided by it.
Kate pointed a comb at him. “Don’t come crying to me when you’ve successfully broken your own heart.”
“You love it when I come crying to you.”
“This is true. You bring the good booze. I worry about you.”
The Sweetest Thing: The Blackburn Brothers Duet Book 1 Page 7
