by Mark McCoy
That’s the goal. I want you to fall in love with yourself. So that you pamper yourself, know how to improve yourself, know how to demand of yourself and forgive yourself. To do all of these things, you need to know who you are. When is the last time you went out with yourself for a meal? I do it a lot. Reserve a table, take a shower, apply face cream, wear cool jeans, a light jacket and that’s it – out to dinner. Already in the car I feel great. A meeting with someone I’m crazy about, someone who is just what I need. The hostess says, “Table for one?” I laugh and say “Two.”
I order. Start with an aperitif or bottle of wine. Something light, you never know where the evening will go. I’m alone with myself. I don’t need to listen, entertain, tell or sit. Nothing. I look at the other diners. In the past, I would have had to spot a pair of diners that I had never seen before. A couple posing as a couple. Today, I use this ability to amuse myself. Who here are lovers? Who left the house with unresolved issues? Who is the businessman with his wife and who is the couple from the office? At the table with two couples, who’s with whom? And at what table with two couples is one of the men having an affair with the other man’s wife? What do they do for a living? That woman sitting alone, will she eat alone or will someone join her? Will it be a man or a woman? And so on and so forth.
When you’re really alone with yourself and you’re good, it’s unbelievable how people watch you. There are two types of women: those who are interested but have to hide it, and those who want you to see that they are interested. If you really want to know who is interested in you, get up to go to the bathroom, look to the left, and let your pupils go to the right. Let her think that you can’t see her. From the corner of your eye you’ll see that she is sitting up slightly, examining you and returning quickly to her plate. On your way back from the toilet, make it seem as though you’re examining some wine bottle. Again, you’ll be able to see how she changes her angle, lifts her chin and examines you. Get it?
It’s important that you develop an awareness of feminine nuances. Men make big movements with small results. Women make small movements with big results. There’s nothing you can do about it. Just think about how the pelvis moves. It’s in their genes.
But I digress.
All in all, I just want to ask you, when was the last time you enjoyed your own company? You must. If you don’t enjoy being with yourself, how will others enjoy being with you? By the way, when you’re with yourself, you have many opportunities to improve and perfect your style. Learn about wine, talk to the sommelier (wine waiter), ask your server about the dishes, grab something with a complicated name and remember its ingredients.
In order to know yourself, you must first learn about yourself and afterwards, be with yourself. Spend time with yourself, talk with yourself, joke with yourself and philosophize with yourself. You must trust yourself. For this purpose, go out with yourself. This way, you’ll have quality time with yourself. Learn new things, examine the world, exploring the small details.
Getting to know yourself is also about developing awareness and recognizing your shortcomings. There is no perfect person. All of us have fears, weaknesses, sensitive points, difficult memories, traumas. All of us are carrying around baggage that affects us negatively in certain situations. What we can do is develop awareness and notice when our genes and character are not working in our favor, to stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and try to change our natural behavior. Remember, at the end of it all, what do we want? That she’ll feel and think that you are a good man, a man who knows the street, has wisdom, the heart of a woman and the subtleties that make the difference between “I went out with him yesterday, it was nice,” and “Don’t ask. We went out yesterday, and I think I’m in love.” That’s all.
End, Final, Terminal
The world stands and falls
On three types of sex
It may seem that dicks have a great life, but they actually have quite a few worries on their head. If I say that sex is everything in life, it may seem a bit exaggerated, but it’s not far from reality. Sex is one of the world’s driving forces, of man himself and humanity as a society, from the time we started descending from trees and until we began cutting them down.
From Biblical stories, through Greek mythology and to the Internet, sex is the fuel that fires our lives. Devote just one thought to the subject: Spies go through thousands of hours of training on how to take care of themselves and not be caught or trapped. A secret agent learns how to survive in subhuman conditions, eat grasses and snakes, destroy evidence, think ten steps forward, defend himself, stand up to interrogations, trick the most cunning and experienced tricksters, resist temptation, not trust or believe anyone. At the end, why do they fall? Sex.
I personally knew a senior Russian agent. Alexi – the man and the legend. One of the best intelligence men ever born. A single man who caused tremendous damage to several countries. Cool, bold and clever in ways worthy of admiration. We tried to “remove” him using thousands of different methods, but no luck. In the end he fell. True, this was after an unprecedented investment in building the case. The man had a weakness for Asian women. They knocked him out. You can’t ask him any more, but when you have a sexual weakness or fantasy, nothing will help you, especially not us.
The first attraction to someone begins with a sexual signal to the brain. The brain interprets the image conveyed to us by its erotic senses. Relationships rise and fall on these initial sexual connections. The question is not whether the first night was brilliant. The brain is smarter than that. The question is whether the connection awakened something that we cannot live without.
A successful sexual relationship needs two people. I’ll talk mostly about your part in it. You have to love. You must love her and yourself. You must love the physicality. You must have desire. The lack of desire in a relationship is a death sentence. The point is that real passion, deep and long-lasting, is not a trivial matter. You need to love your sexuality and hers. You must love your dick and her vagina. You must know to give and how to receive. You must love to give and love to receive. We men love to have orgasms, but you must love the stages before the orgasm. The best sex is when you don’t actually want it to end.
Let’s first agree on one thing. Not everything suits everyone. Everyone with their own type of sex, and it’s just not the same for everyone. Okay? I personally define three types of sex :
Immediate sex.
Existential sex.
Sensational sex.
The immediate
You’ve been together for a long time. Nighttime, you want a quickie. You love each other, everything’s fine. So, a kiss or two, a quick blow job, you go down on her a bit, some missionary-position penetration or a slight variation, a fuck. Orgasm. A hug and a kiss. Love you, good night.
This kind of fuck, from kiss to orgasm, can take anywhere from ten to fifteen minutes. It’s a once-a-week type of fuck.
The existential
This type of fuck is right for the first night you’re together, and also for a couple that’s been together for ten years. It’s a fuck that understands the yearning for love, touch, attention, warmth, security, giving. It’s a fuck that understands that penetration and having an orgasm isn’t everything. There are other things, for example, double orgasms. She wants to feel desirable and loved. She wants you to be sensitive and attentive. She wants an embrace. She wants to talk. She does not want distance. You are her man.
This type of sex can begin with kisses, and continue with pampered pleasures like a shoulder rub or foot massage. It can include mutual, slow undressing. There can be candles, music. You can arrange it. Start thinking like a man. It’s a fuck with feeling. If there’s no feeling, this type of sex cannot exist. Warm up slowly. Lick her stomach. She bites your earlobes. Pass your tongue lightly over her clitoris, continue on the inside of her groin, she sits on you (without penetration), you caress her chest.
You go down on her. Not for a few seconds, just looking for
a way to push in your dick. It’s loving, sensitive. Touch her stomach, her calves, the soles of feet. Have fun. Let her go a bit crazy. Turn on your side and lay beside her. She gives you a blow job, you lick her clitoris while she has one foot flat placed on the bed. At the end, you lay her down as both of you want and penetrate.
Don’t think about having an orgasm. Remember your friend, your dick. Let him enjoy her vagina. Let your hills rub. Move your dick inside and out a few times. Stop. Rest inside of her. Talk in her ear. Play with the rhythm. Change the angle. Get on your knees. Touch her. At the end, give her everything and tear her up. The final storm, the last, wildest part of the fuck can last between one and five minutes. The fuck itself, from the moment of penetration, lasts anywhere from fifteen minutes to half an hour. Twenty minutes is great. The entire fuck, from the first kiss and until you start trying to get your breathing back to normal, can take between forty-five minutes to two hours. It should happen once a week. Maybe twice, maybe once every two weeks. If you are young or a new couple, three times a week.
The sensational
I’m not telling you to do drugs, but this type of sex requires a rare intensity. A passion that can only be achieved when both people involved are in an ecstasy. This fuck doesn’t happen by chance. It happens if you are nymphomaniacs, if you prepare for it as an event, if you’re crazy horny, if you use drugs, or everything altogether.
We’re talking about a fuck that lasts for a few good hours. It may start at midnight and end with first light of day. It’s a once-a-month fuck, or a once-every-four-months fuck, depending on your relationship. It’s sex from another world and there is nothing that comes close to it when it comes to strength, experience and release. It’s sex for the advanced. Sex that includes games, power, fantasy, perversion. It’s free sex, uninhibited and unrestrained. Maximum stimulation that makes the senses crazy. Sex where (almost) anything is possible. Sex where there is more than one hole involved in the game. Including your hole. Including other characters.
If only one of you has experienced this type of sex, the trick is to get the other one to taste from the forbidden fruit. The problem is, comparing this sex to regular sex is like comparing the NBA to neighborhood basketball. One of its advantages is that it is unforgettable, proof of what the two of you are capable of together. One of the disadvantages is that it is likely to become addictive.
With sex like this, it’s important that the next morning, or afternoon to be more precise, you share a small coffee together, a smile, an embrace. Otherwise, the memory that stays in your mind is that she’s a wild whore. The memory that sticks in her mind is that you’re a sadist. Another small problem are the pulled muscles, red knees, stinging crotches, scratches, physical wounds and general exhaustion. But what the fuck.
OMG! I Don’t Believe It!
There are no bad surprises
Only bad surprisers
Women don’t like surprises. Yeah, yeah, we heard. That’s nonsense. They don’t like bad surprises. Just like you. But the element of surprise is great for relationships. The initiative, the thought, the planning and execution are all good and refreshing, not only in themselves but also as evidence of something deeper. There are small surprises that work on nurturing the relationship, and big surprises that uplift the soul. There are surprises that involve large financial investments and surprises that are quite cheap. You can arrange something special for a special event and you can do something simple for no reason at all. The main thing is that it should be surprising and unexpected. The main thing is to stay spontaneous and cool.
1. Night
You get into bed. She folds over the blanket and there’s a bra and matching black mesh panties laying on the sheet. There’s also a red rose (optional). She tries them on and they fit perfectly. When did you buy it? How did you know her size? This is the time to tell you that you must know her bra size. Just so you know: a bra has two variables. The first is the body circumference – 70, 75, 80, 85, etc. The second is the size of the breast (the cup) – A, B, C, D, DD, E, etc.
2. Tuesday
Call her at noon. What are you doing this evening? May I invite you for a drink? An early supper? Yes, even if she’s your wife. A little variety. Have an aperitif. Ask how her day was. Tell her an anecdote from the office. Talk about more than current affairs. Dream a little, plan a trip. Eat a bit. Something light. Have another drink. That’s all, home. The night is yours.
3. Saturday morning
She wakes up and goes into the kitchen. Breakfast is on the table. It doesn’t have to be caviar and champagne, but it should be a bit special. Toast with blueberry jam, Eggs Benedict, freshly squeezed orange juice, fresh coffee. The smell of indulgence in the air.
4. Sunday morning
You suggest starting the day at a new coffee shop you’ve found. Steer the car in a direction she doesn’t know. She asks where you’re going. We’re almost there, you answer. You arrive at the local airport. A young pilot welcomes you. You go to a waiting helicopter. Before she can say she’s afraid, you’re in the air. A thirty-minute trip. Above the sea, above the neighborhood, above the city, above everything. You land in her parents’ town. They’re waiting for you, you told them about the surprise.
5. Evening
You went to the movies. The cinema is full. The seats next to her and in front of her are empty. She puts her coat on the seat beside her. Remember the tip about the cinema? Five tickets, how much can it cost, really?
6. Friday, midday
She’s at work. The weekend starts in just a few hours. You haven’t planned anything special. You call her. Come downstairs, I’m at the front door. You’re waiting in the car, along with a couple of friends. She gets in. You drive to a chalet in the mountains, a hotel, a spa, a ski resort. She’s elated. After the excitement, she panics; but I don’t have anything with me. Everything is fine, you say. Your bag is packed and in the trunk.
7. At a restaurant
Let’s say she was promoted at work or passed an important test. You go to a restaurant. You’re seated. You order a bottle of wine. You say to the waiter that she deserves a congratulations because... The waiter nods his head and ushers you to a better table. He leads you to a private room. Ten of your friends have been sitting there for half an hour, slightly drunk. Cheers!
8. The friend
Moments before the play starts, her good friend who lives far away sits down next to her. How simple, how fun. All it took was five minutes of planning .
9. A milestone birthday
Let’s say she’s thirty. You’ve been together for three years. You go to the parking garage of your building. Someone is parked in her space. What nerve. She jokes that she wouldn’t actually mind having such a car. It’s yours, you say, and throw her the keys.
10. Tickets
Let’s say she likes a particular sport or is interested in a specific hobby. Surprise her. Skiing, glaciers, sightseeing tours, a sailing course, a meditation workshop in India, tickets to Beyoncé. So many possibilities.
11. The proposal
You’re drinking coffee together, looking at the morning paper. A small ad catches her eye. “Dear A. I love you, When will we marry?” It’s true her name is Annie, but she really doesn’t think the ad is for her. What a cute guy, she says, but how will she know that he means her, she asks. That’s what’s nice, you say. Slowly, she understands. On the next page, another ad: “It’s me, and I meant you.” What a guy, she says, admiring the effort. Jealous, you ask. A little, she answers, not really.
And on the next page. “You have nothing to be jealous of, it’s me. Want to get married?” She looks at you. Could it be? “Maybe,” you say. “Liar,” she says, laughing. She turns to the next page. “So, will you think about it? By the way, do you want another coffee?” She’s a bit excited now. She quickly turns another page. “We don’t have all day. Put your hand in your pocket,” says the ad. She hides the ad from you and puts her hand in her pocket. There’s a ring. She’s cra
zy about you. Forever.
Let me make something clear. Money helps. But if you don’t have any, that’s no excuse. We’re talking about the idea, not the cost. We’re talking about the initiative, the unexpected, the thoughtfulness, originality, grace, humor.
So, what are you planning?
Daddy-o
A word or two before
the biggest step in your life
I’m not pretending to talk about an issue that is so important, essential, and complex as children, in a book that is aimed to nurture you as a man. Still, because I was single for many years and had children at a relatively late age, it seems that I may have a good perspective for sharing with you some thoughts and observations that might make things easier for you before that big step in your life.
The moment you have a child (congratulations!) you’re not a couple anymore. You’re a threesome. The first child is not an easy test for any relationship. The attention you used to pay each other now goes mostly to the child. Internal balance changes. Your wife, God bless her, may well experience postpartum depression, or simply collapse from exhaustion and stress. You will also have many tasks to complete. In the most difficult moments, remember that this is temporary. Everyone goes through it and at the end, everything works out. There is nothing comparable to the love for a child, and the hard moments are an inseparable part of this love and the journey you go through. As they say, no pain, no gain. Even though you will sometimes feel hopeless to the point of suffocation, you must support your spouse. She needs everything you can give her to go back to being yours, part of the two of you, as before. There are differences in the psychological dynamics between having a son and a daughter. Maybe it’s too early to get into it now, but you should know that if it’s a daughter, things may be easier on you than on your wife.
