‘Classy hoors? I’m getting the fuck out of here, you mad bastard. And who the fuck is Julie?’
‘Don’t be such a big girl, Jimmy. We’re rockstars now.’
‘I don’t care, you can fuck off.’
Jimmy stood up and grabbed his room key from the bed.
‘I don’t know what kind of …’
Aesop couldn’t keep it in any longer. He started breaking his bollocks laughing.
‘Look at the fuckin’ face on you!’
‘What?’
‘There’s no hookers, Jimmy. Jonathon was already after hanging up. I was only having a laugh.’
‘What? Are you sure?’
‘Yes! And don’t I keep telling you that I’m in love?’
‘Bastard.’
‘How could you think I’d be ordering hookers on room service after all the things I keep saying about Helen?’
‘Prick.’
Chapter Twenty-one
The chambermaid turned up at around ten the following morning, the noise of the doorbell like an air-raid siren in Jimmy’s head. He sat up straight, confused and stiff and not knowing where the fuck he was. Then the pain hit him. It was like there was a little man in his head and he was trying to push Jimmy’s left eyeball out with the back of a spoon.
‘Fuckin’ … hell …’
The bell rang again and Jimmy winced and went to the door so he could tell whoever it was to fuck off. It opened before he got there and a foreign lady in a uniform started to walk in. When she saw Jimmy she said something that might have been ‘House keeping’ or ‘Sorry’ or ‘I’ll come back later’ or even ‘Look at the state of your pissed-up head’. Or anything at all, really. Jimmy’s brain was only starting to slowly piece stuff together and understanding mad accents was way down on its list of priorities. She backed out of the room again and the door closed, leaving him standing in the middle of the floor with his two hands pressed against his temples. He looked around. Aesop was still lying on the bed, absolutely motionless, one hand down his jeans and the other up his t-shirt. Jimmy didn’t want to even think about the dream he might be having.
‘Aesop?’
Nothing happened.
‘Aesop? Wake up.’
He walked over to the bed.
‘Aesop. It’s ten o’clock. Wake up.’
Jimmy grabbed a pillow and smacked Aesop on the head. He didn’t budge.
‘Fuck sake. Will you wake up?’
It wasn’t working. He’d have to try something else. He found the remote and flicked through the iPod until he arrived at an old Bronski Beat song and then he turned the volume way up. That did it.
‘What the fuck?’ said Aesop, one eye open wide and scanning the ceiling, the other one glued shut.
‘Get up.’
‘Is that … ?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Make it go away.’
‘Are you going to get up?’
‘I’m up. Please Jimmy, turn it off … I’m up.’
‘You’re not. Come on. We said we’d meet Dónal at ten downstairs. We’re late.’
‘Jimmy?’
‘Yeah.’
‘You know Clerys clock?’
‘Come on Aesop. I’m going next door to have a shower. You’re to be up when I get back, okay?’
‘No problem.’
Jimmy went to the door.
‘Aesop?’
The eyes were closed again.
‘Aesop, are you asleep?’
‘Culchie. Normansculchie … ssh …’
‘Bollocks to this,’ said Jimmy. He went into the bathroom and came back with a tall glass of water.
‘Last chance, Aesop.’
‘Mmm-ffhp-fuckinfuck … twominutes …’
Jimmy poured the water slowly onto Aesop’s head and then, when he was nicely teed up, spluttering and looking around in shock, Jimmy gave him two massive smacks in the face with the pillow that sent him toppling off the bed and onto the floor. Aesop bounced up and stood there, dripping.
‘Ye fuckin’ bastard!’
‘Are you awake yet?’
‘Mean fucker!’ He was rubbing the side of his head. ‘I was only resting me eyes.’
Aesop went for Jimmy across the bed, but Jimmy just backed up towards the door and escaped out into the corridor. He held the door handle. Aesop was rattling it on the other side.
‘You’re dead, you bastard. Let me out till I batter you.’
‘Go in and have a shower. Dónal is downstairs waiting for us.’
‘Fuck’m.’
‘Come on. I’ll give you a knock in ten minutes right? You’re up now. Don’t go back to bed, okay?’
‘The bed is soaked!’
‘Ten minutes.’
‘Evil bastard … I’ll fuckin’ get you for that, Collins.’
*
They were both wearing shades going down in the lift to the restaurant. From the outside, if you didn’t look really closely, they could’ve been just another pair of posers going down for their breakfast. Inside, though, they were dying. They weren’t used to scotch. It fucked you up slightly differently to Irish whiskey and most of their insides seemed to be writhing in confusion. Aesop had the gargle sweats and his hands were trembling. Jimmy was as sick as a small hospital.
‘She’ll think I pissed the bed,’ said Aesop. ‘That lady who does the rooms. She’ll think I’m after pissing all over meself. How come I keep ending up with a pissy bed this weather? That’s fucking twice now and it wasn’t me either time.’
‘I wouldn’t worry about it.’
‘Says the man with the dry bed.’
‘I’d say she comes across a lot worse than a wet bed in her job.’
‘I don’t care. She shouldn’t have to clean up my piss. That’s not on.’
‘It’s not your piss, Aesop. It’s water from the tap.’
‘But she’ll think it’s my piss. Like the bloke that delivered me new mattress and took away the pissy one after yer woman had a squirt on it. The head on him when he sniffed it. Mortified, so I was.’
‘Just leave her a big tip.’
‘Me? You were the one that drownded the place.’
‘You wouldn’t get up.’
‘So what? That’s no reason to go around firing water at people that are just trying to …’
Jimmy took out his wallet and slapped a twenty into Aesop’s hand.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘Now shut up till I get a cup of coffee, will ye? I’ve a head like a kick in the bollocks.’
The doors of the lift opened and Jimmy and Aesop walked out and down the corridor to the restaurant.
‘Good morning gentlemen,’ said a bloke in a uniform standing behind a kind of pulpit thing.
‘Howya,’ said Jimmy.
‘Would you care for breakfast? Our buffet is just finished I’m afraid, but you can still order from the à la carte menu?’
‘Grand.’
‘Is the bar open?’ said Aesop, stopping.
‘Of course sir. I can call through for you, if you like.’
‘Aesop,’ said Jimmy. ‘Don’t …’
‘You know it’ll work man,’ said Aesop. He turned back to the pulpit and squinted at the guy’s chest. ‘Right … eh … Michael. Can I get two Bloody Marys please? Do they come in pints?’
‘Yes. Yes, of course, if Sir would like a pint that should be no problem.’
‘No tabasco.’
‘I see.’
‘And I don’t like tomato juice.’
‘I’m sorry?’
‘Tell the barman to use Guinness instead, okay?’
‘Okay. So … eh … that will be: Guinness, vodka …’
‘Jesus no. No vodka. What are you trying to do to me? Just Guinness.’
‘Just Guinness. Okay. And … Worcestershire sauce … ?’
‘In me pint? Are you mad?’
‘So … would … would Sir like two pints of Guinness?’
‘Ah Jaysis no. It’s a bit early for
that, Michael. Just the Bloody Marys is grand.’
‘I see. Em … very good. I’ll … I’ll … have them brought to your table.’
He picked up his phone.
‘Good man,’ said Aesop.
He turned around.
‘Jimmy, do you want anything?’
But Jimmy was just shaking his head and walking off.
‘Just the two then,’ said Aesop and followed him.
‘What did you do that for?’ said Jimmy, looking around when Aesop caught up.
‘Ah, a bit of fucking around in the morning helps me get going for the day. Did you see the head on him? Very polite though. Wasn’t he very polite? I’d have told me to fuck off.’
‘Just leave him alone, will you? There he is, look.’
They saw Dónal sitting on his own with a newspaper and a cup of coffee.
‘Morning, Dónal,’ said Jimmy.
Dónal looked up.
‘Good Christ. Look at the state of the pair of you. Take off your glasses there and give us a look at you.’
Aesop and Jimmy took the shades off and stood in front of Dónal with their heads down, like they were about to get a bollocking off the headmaster.
‘What were you up to last night?’ said Dónal, scanning them.
‘Ah, we just got talking and then when the beer ran out we started into a bottle of … eh … scotch,’ said Jimmy.
‘A bottle of scotch. You pair of eejits. Why didn’t you come out with me and meet some of my old mates? We had a great night.’
‘Man, by the time you rang we were well past being let out among strangers.’
‘Well anyway, sit down there. Do you want breakfast?’
He gestured for the waiter.
‘Just coffee for me,’ said Jimmy.
‘Mine’s on the way already,’ said Aesop.
Dónal ordered coffee for them all and looked at them again.
‘Christ. The whole city of London out there waiting for you and you sit in your room on your own and get pissed. Were you talking about the contract?’
‘A bit, yeah,’ said Jimmy.
‘And?’
‘Well … ah, I don’t know. I need to think some more about it. Ask me again.’
‘Aesop?’
‘Are you eating them beans?’ said Aesop.
Dónal looked down.
‘No. I’m finished.’
Aesop pulled the plate over.
‘Do you want to order something?’ said Dónal.
‘Nah. I need to go easy. The few beans is grand.’
‘And the contract?’
‘Well … I’m just thinking about Helen, Dónal. Norman’s cousin, y’know? I’m not sure it would work. Me being in Leet and her back in Cork.’
Dónal nodded slowly.
‘I didn’t realise it was that serious with her.’
‘Yeah, well. She’s a great bird, man.’
‘Okay. But … you haven’t decided for sure yet?’
‘No. But I don’t think it would work.’
‘Right,’ said Dónal, sitting back and putting his hands together and looking at them both. ‘Well, look, there’s no point in talking about it now, is there? With the two of you stinking of … good fuck. Are they yours?’
A waiter was standing behind Aesop with two pints of Guinness.
‘Two Bloody Marys?’
‘Just here, thanks,’ said Aesop, tapping the table in front of him.
‘Enjoy your breakfast Sir.’
‘Thanks.’
Dónal looked at the pints and then up at Aesop.
‘Bloody Marys?’
‘Yeah. Meant to be good for a hangover. Do you want one?’
‘No thanks.’
Aesop pushed a pint over to Jimmy.
‘I’m not drinking that, Aesop,’ said Jimmy.
‘Are you not? Why are you pulling it towards you then?’
‘That’s just a reflex.’
‘Cheers lads,’ said Aesop. ‘Here’s to a pain-free afternoon.’
He took up one of the pints and sank half of it. Then he put it down again as a series of expressions ranging from confusion through nausea and on to disgust passed over his features. He shuddered.
‘What the fuck …’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing. I just forgot we were in London. Tastes like he dipped his bollocks in it before bringing it out.’
Jimmy pushed his pint away back towards Aesop.
‘And on that note …’
‘Lads,’ said Dónal, checking his watch. ‘I’ve to make a call outside in the lobby. I’ll be back in a minute, okay?’
‘No problem.’
Jimmy watched him go and then turned around to look at Aesop.
‘Aesop, I think we … Jesus … what are you doing?’
Aesop put down the empty pint glass and gave a little burp.
‘Taking my medicine like a man.’
‘You’ll be sick.’
‘But I won’t be in the horrors, will I? I’m starting to feel better already. Drink yours, look. Cast out the evil.’
‘I’ll be grand with the coffee there.’
The waiter had arrived back with a pot of coffee.
‘Thanks.’
‘You’re very welcome, Mr Collins. Have a wonderful morning.’
‘Eh … right. Thanks. You too.’
Off he went again.
‘Would you say he’s gay?’ said Aesop, staring into the second pint.
‘Who?’
‘Yer man. The waiter.’
‘I don’t know. Why?’
‘He’s all happy and all. And his little walk, look. Would you say he likes mickey?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Maybe he’s just Italian.’
‘Are you drunk again?’
‘Again?’
‘Here, gimme that, will you? Before you get us barred.’
Jimmy took the pint and started to take a few big pulls on it. Then he stopped and slowly took it away from his face, his mouth still open and his eyes staring.
‘You have to imagine you’re in Mulligans, Jimmy, in the back room. It’s not that bad if you just drink it up quickly.’
Jimmy shook his head and pointed over Aesop’s shoulder.
Aesop turned around.
Dónal was walking back into the restaurant, grinning his head off. Next to him, a small bag on his shoulder and with an equally beaming smile, was the last person Jimmy expected to see. The small guy laughed when he saw their faces and gave a big wave.
‘Supplies!’
*
Once Shiggy’s bags were safely ensconced in Jimmy’s room, the four of them congregated around one of the low tables in the lobby.
‘I thought you weren’t coming in till next week?’ said Jimmy. He was sitting forward in his armchair, all excited now to see Shiggy.
‘I called him,’ said Dónal. ‘He had to come through London anyway, so I asked him to come over a couple of days early.’
‘Brillliant! So what’s the story Shiggy. How’s things?’
‘Berry good Jimmy. So busy! I sink Kyotosei and Eirotech ready to do big deal again.’
Jimmy’s old company, Eirotech Systems, had been in the process of being taken over by Shiggy’s company, Kyotosei, when Jimmy had left the whole corporate scene to concentrate on The Grove. In fact, Jimmy’s leaving had a big part in the reason for the deal not going through at the time. It wasn’t even a year ago, but it felt like another lifetime to Jimmy. There had been … complications. Around the time the whole thing was meant to have taken place, Jimmy had gone through a rough time trying to work out if a great job and a secure future were more important than his music. By the time the thing came to a head, drastic actions had to be taken. But Jimmy didn’t want to think about that any more. It was such a mental time. Jesus, he could probably write a book about it only no one would believe it.
‘So it’s going to happen?’ he said. ‘Great! Will you be c
oming to take over the operation in Ireland?’
‘Probabry. If I want.’
‘Do you not want to?’
‘Ah Jimmy. Maybe. But different from before. When I go to Ireland before, meet with you guys and Marco, play in Grove … great fun. But new job will be work work work and you guys not around. Marco getting married, even. Fuck sake, you know?’
‘I do, yeah,’ laughed Jimmy. ‘Nice to see you’ve been practising your Dublin accent.’
Shiggy smiled.
‘Only happens when I see Aesop. Hey Aesop, you okay?’
Aesop was smiling too, but his eyes were half-closed and his head lolling at an unnatural angle for someone who was following a conversation.
‘Grand, Shiggy. Just a bit drowsy.’
‘He had two pints for his breakfast,’ said Jimmy.
‘Two pints only? No plobrem for Aesop.’
‘Yeah, but he was topping up from last night. We were on the piss a bit.’
‘Ah. Always the same with Jimmy and Aesop. How is Norman?’
‘He’s brilliant. Gave up the bank. He’s a landscape gardener now.’
‘Randscape … ?’
‘He looks after people’s gardens. Y’know … flowers and the grass and all that.’
‘Ah. I see. Good job for culchie Norman, desho?’
They all laughed.
‘Yeah,’ said Jimmy. ‘He loves it.’
‘He is in Daburin? Will I see him?’
‘Actually, he’s in Cork at the moment. He has a girlfriend now.’
‘Great! Nice?’
‘Eh … yeah, she’s lovely.’
Jimmy glanced at Aesop, but Aesop was starting to fade out.
‘So what are we going to do today, lads?’ said Dónal. ‘The flights home aren’t till tomorrow lunchtime, so we can do whatever for the afternoon and then go out properly tonight.’
‘What’s there to do?’ said Jimmy.
‘In London? Are you mad?’
‘Okay. Whatever. You be in charge. I don’t want to use me brain today. Aesop?’
Aesop raised his eyebrows, but didn’t open his eyes.
‘Aesop, what do you want to do tonight?’
‘Gig,’ said Aesop.
The lads looked at each other.
‘Cool,’ said Jimmy. ‘Do you know who’s playing London at the moment, Dónal?’
‘Not really … well, actually, I know that the Bolshoi are here. Could be a once in a lifetime chance, lads. What do you reckon?’
Ride On Page 26
