by Lynne Graham
‘OK... I’ll tell you,’ she conceded, stepping out of the shower, surrendering to his demand but unable to do so when he was still touching her, something in her shying away in revulsion at any association between making love with Raj and what had happened to traumatise her when she was still a complete innocent.
Zoe settled down on the side of the vast bed, still wet and dripping and not noticing. But Raj noticed, pale beneath his bronzed skin, his sculpted bone structure rigid because he was worried that he had pushed too hard for her confidences. Lifting her up, he carefully wound her like a doll into a giant fleecy towel, but when he tried to keep a soothing hold on her body, she broke away from him and dropped down into a bedside chair instead.
‘There was an older boy, well, not much older, he was fourteen and I was twelve,’ she trotted out shakily. ‘In the same foster home. We used to play video games together... I thought he was a friend. There was a film I wanted to see, a stupid romantic comedy, and my foster mum said he could go with me, look out for me...but he didn’t take me to the cinema.’
‘You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,’ Raj incised in a hoarse undertone.
‘No, my sisters used to say I needed to talk about it, which is why I went to therapy. He didn’t take me to the cinema. He took me what he said was a shortcut across wasteland and there was this old hut...and I was complaining because there was a storm and I was getting soaked.’
Her breathing was sawing noisily in and out of her struggling lungs.
‘In the hut all these boys were waiting. They were a gang and the price of his entry into the gang was to bring a virgin, any virgin. They beat me up when I tried to get away and I was so badly hurt I couldn’t move. They cut off my clothes with a kn-knife...and I had nothing even for them to see b-because I was a l-late developer,’ she muttered brokenly, almost back there, reliving the terror, the pain and the shame of that public exposure.
Raj grasped both her trembling hands to pull her back into the present. ‘It’s in the past, and it can’t hurt you now unless you let it... And, as you’ve already told me, you were lucky—you’re a survivor.’
‘Yes...’ Her voice was stronger when she encountered shimmering dark-as-night eyes that seemed full of all the strength and calm she herself so often lacked. ‘Yes, you’re right. You have to be wondering how I escaped being raped. The police forced their way in to arrest one of the gang and I was rescued. But now you know why I suffer the panic attacks and why I eventually had the nervous breakdown at university—because I hadn’t really dealt with what had happened to me. That was when I went for therapy and it helped enormously.’
Raj lifted her fingers to his mouth and kissed them. His hands were unsteady. All his emotions were swimming dangerously close to the surface and he was fighting to suppress them with every breath in his body. Hers was a distressing story and he now more than understood her fear of men, but there was no need for the rage inside him at those who had been ready to prey on a child for a few moments of vicious entertainment. She had been saved and they had been punished by the law. Only it wasn’t enough, he thought fiercely, nowhere nearly enough punishment for the damage that had been inflicted on Zoe. In Maraban, the punishment would have been the death penalty.
As they travelled back to the palace, their honeymoon, as such, at an end, Zoe could see that telling Raj what had happened to her had made him settle back in behind his former reserve. Her small face tightened and her hands gripped together hard. She was questioning why she had shared all her secrets with him and anxious about why she was allowing herself to feel so close to him. Wasn’t she acting foolishly? Wasn’t it unwise in the circumstances to let every barrier between them drop?
‘A surprise awaits you on your return to the palace,’ Raj announced, trying to sound upbeat about what he was about to reveal, but failing miserably because he was no idiot and Vivi’s cold reaction to him at the wedding had told him all he needed to know about how he was viewed by Zoe’s family.
‘A surprise?’ Zoe queried.
He would have to hope that his own surprise went unnoticed while her sister was present. Dark blood highlighted Raj’s exotic cheekbones as he thought about the fainting couch he had succumbed to buying and he had to wonder how he had drifted so far from his original intentions. Logic, good judgement and self-control had gone out of the proverbial window the minute he’d laid eyes on Zoe. It was that simple, that basic, he acknowledged grimly.
‘Raffaele, Vivi’s husband, is apparently attending a business meeting in Tasit and your sister accompanied him to visit you.’
To his surprise, Zoe’s mouth down-curved and her chin came up, scarcely the display of uninhibited delight he had expected to see in receipt of such news. After all, she was in daily contact with her siblings, revealing a very close bond with them.
* * *
Zoe’s rarely stirred temper was humming at the prospect of seeing Vivi. Vivi was only coming to visit to check up on her.
‘This is a lovely surprise,’ Zoe said, smiling and lying through her teeth as she hugged her older sister, wondering when her redheaded sibling would finally accept that she was a grown woman but, by nature, Vivi, a forceful personality, was very protective of those she considered weaker. It stung Zoe’s pride to see herself as weak and breakable in Vivi’s eyes.
‘I wanted to see how you were managing.’
‘My phone calls should’ve reassured you on that score,’ Zoe pointed out as a maid brought in coffee and tiny cakes.
Vivi winced. ‘Well, to be frank, they had the opposite effect because you sound so gosh-darned happy all the time.’
‘My goodness, when did being happy become a sign that there was something to worry about?’
‘It’s a sign because I’ve never really heard you this happy before,’ Vivi admitted ruefully. ‘You can smile and laugh and seem happy on the surface but it’s usually very brief and now, all of a sudden, when nobody’s expecting it...’
‘Have you noticed all the changes I’ve made around here?’ Zoe interrupted abruptly, setting down her cup and springing up to indicate all the additional furniture in the room. ‘The staff took photos of the unused rooms and sent them while we were away and I made selections. It’s a big improvement, don’t you think?’
‘If medieval makes you hot to trot,’ Vivi remarked with a sniff, strolling across the room to flick a heavily carved piece that in her opinion would have looked fabulous in a horror movie of some creepy old house.
‘Let me show you around,’ Zoe urged, willing to do anything to evade Vivi’s curiosity, because in truth she was happy and she didn’t really want to think too deeply about why.
Vivi glanced into the bedroom, her attention locking straight onto the male and female apparel currently being unpacked by staff. ‘So, what happened to the—?’
In haste, Zoe thrust open the bathroom door, although she hadn’t yet added anything to its décor, and then froze at the sight of the very opulent tasselled purple fainting couch in the centre.
‘Oh, I like that...it’s sort of sexy and decadent!’ Vivi carolled, walking over to smooth a hand across the rich buttoned upholstery and flick a braided gold tassel.
Zoe was recalling her conversation with Raj and her face was burning hot as hellfire even while a little flicker of heat at her core flamed at the gesture...the challenge. Would she or wouldn’t she? He would be wondering all day about that, she knew he would be, and a dreamy smile at the knowledge of that erotic prospect removed the tension that Vivi’s arrival and awkward questions had induced.
‘You know, I don’t even need to ask you any more.’ Vivi sighed as she returned to her coffee. ‘Obviously, the separate bedroom deal crashed very quickly and you’re sleeping with him. Whose idea was that? I hardly think it was yours! If you get too involved with Raj, Zoe...there will be consequences, because what you have together isn’t supposed to
last...and where will you be when the marriage ends?’
‘It doesn’t matter whose idea it was,’ Zoe argued quietly. ‘All that matters is that there isn’t a problem of any kind with Raj and I, and our present arrangements are our private business.’
Vivi groaned out loud. ‘You’re besotted with him. It’s written all over you,’ she condemned, her concern palpable. ‘That smooth bastard took advantage of you just as I feared he would!’
‘Vivi!’ Zoe blistered across the room in a furious voice her sister had never heard from her before. ‘You do not talk about Raj like that!’
‘I’m not saying anything I wouldn’t say to his face!’ Vivi shot back at her defensively. ‘I’m trying to protect you but it looks like I got here a little too late for that. Damn Grandad, this is all his fault, his wretched snobbery pushing you into this marriage, and now you’re going to get hurt.’
Zoe drew herself up to her full unimpressive height. ‘There is no reason why I should get hurt.’
‘I know what I saw in your face...you’re in love with this guy, who only married you to please his father and use our fancy-schmancy grandmother’s ancestry to enhance his standing.’
‘I’m not in love with him,’ Zoe argued fiercely. ‘It sounds slutty but we’re just having sex for the sake of it!’
Vivi unleashed a pained and unimpressed sigh. ‘And what would you know about a relationship like that?’
Zoe lifted her head high. ‘I’m learning as I go along, just like every other woman has to. I need that freedom, even if I make mistakes... It’s part of growing up,’ she reasoned.
‘You’re definitely growing up,’ Vivi conceded ruefully. ‘I never thought there would come a day when you would fight with me.’
‘Even Winnie fights with you!’ Zoe laughed and gave her much taller sister a hug, relieved the unnervingly intimate dispute was over.
After Vivi had been picked up an hour later, Zoe walked thoughtfully back to her suite with Raj. Not. In. Love. With. Him. She was simply happy and there was nothing wrong with being happy, was there? Zoe hadn’t enjoyed much happiness in her life and she was determined to make the most of every moment.
She studied the fainting couch set out like a statement, an invitation, and she smiled before she wandered down the steps to the private courtyard around which their rooms ranged, which allowed them complete privacy.
And all around her she could see the proof of Raj’s desire to please her and make her happy, for the once dark courtyard had been replanted during their absence into a spectacular jungle of greenery amongst which exotic flowers bloomed. Even the fountain she had admired, which had long since fallen out of use, was now working again, clean water sparkling down into the brightly tiled basin below. He hadn’t mentioned a word about his intentions, but then he never did. He never looked for thanks either. Gifts simply appeared without fanfare, gifts like the wonderful transformation of an outdated, neglected courtyard garden.
She didn’t need him to love her as he had loved Nabila, she only needed the proof that he cared, Zoe reflected fiercely. And care he did with amazing efficiency and resolve. How could she expect any more than that in a pretend marriage? After all, he was already giving her much more than she had expected to receive. It wasn’t going to last, she knew that, accepted that and that was her choice, her choice to live for today and worry about tomorrow only when it arrived...
CHAPTER NINE
ZOE SAT UP in bed and her head swam and her tummy rolled.
Worry gripped her. She had believed she had caught a virus when the symptoms first started but weeks had passed since then and the unwell feeling was lingering, despite the careful diet she had observed. Raj had wanted to get the palace doctor in but she had stalled him once a greater concern began to nag at her nerves.
Zoe grimaced at her pallid reflection in the bathroom mirror. She had lost weight and her eyes looked too big for her face. As soon as the dizziness had evaporated, she went for a shower, striving not to agonise again over the reality that she had not had a period since she’d arrived in Maraban. After all, she couldn’t possibly be pregnant even if the light head, the nausea and her tender breasts reminded her of what her sisters had experienced during pregnancy. How could she be pregnant when Raj had not once run the risk of getting her pregnant? But, she did recall once, weeks ago in the shower when he had overlooked the necessity and she had meant to mention it but hadn’t been worried enough to do so.Now she wished she had pointed out that oversight.
Of course no method of birth control was infallible, another little voice nagged at the back of her head. And how on earth was she to put her worries to rest when the acquisition of a pregnancy test in secret had so far proved beyond her capabilities. She never got the opportunity to leave the palace alone. She was surrounded by security and all too many helpful people when she went out. Let’s face it, Zoe, she thought forlornly, the Crown Princess of Maraban cannot be seen buying a pregnancy test without causing a furore. It was ironic that what would have thrilled the population filled Zoe with sick apprehension because she couldn’t forget Raj saying that such a development would be a disaster in their situation.
Of course, it would be when it was only a pretend marriage and if she had a boy, he would be next in line to the throne. If she was pregnant and it was a boy, she would have to live in Maraban for at least the next twenty years as Raj’s ex-wife and she certainly didn’t fancy that option as a future. She would have to sit on the outskirts of his life, watching him marry another woman and have a family with her. Naturally, Raj would move on after their marriage ended but she certainly didn’t want to sit around nearby to actually watch him doing it.
When she emerged from her bedroom, dressed in a pastel-blue dress with her hair in a braid and her make-up immaculate, Bahar, her PA—or social secretary, as Zoe preferred to think of the young attractive brunette—awaited her with a list of her appointments. It pleased her tremendously that after three months away from home she had now acquired the confidence to handle visiting schools and such places without having to drag Raj everywhere with her for support. Coming to Maraban and marrying Raj had been the best decision she had ever made when it came to getting stronger and moving forward with her life.
As her breakfast was brought to the table, Zoe’s stomach lurched even as she looked at it and she pushed the plate away and settled for a cup of tea. After all, she couldn’t afford to eat if she was going out to an official engagement where her succumbing to a bout of sickness in public would be a serious embarrassment, she reflected with an inner shudder at the prospect. She would catch a snack later, by which time hopefully the nausea would have subsided.
Walking down the last flight of stairs, she was wondering whether or not to call in on Raj in his office when she broke out in a cold sweat. Her legs wobbled under her and she snatched at the stone balustrade to stay upright but the sick dizziness engulfing her was unstoppable and as she lurched to one side, dimly conscious that someone was seizing hold of her from behind, she passed out.
When Zoe came around slowly, she winced at the sensation of a needle in her arm and gripped the hand that was holding hers in dismay. Her eyes fluttered open as Raj leant down to her saying, ‘Don’t try to get up in case you faint again. Dr Fadel decided a blood test would be a good idea...sorry about that.’
The very quietness of his voice made her scan the room behind him, which seemed to be filled to the brim with anxious-looking people. Mortification made her close her eyes again and do as she was told because she had a clear recollection of almost tumbling down that last flight of stairs.
‘I’ll be late for my appointment,’ she protested.
‘You will not be leaving the palace today.’
‘But...’
‘Not until the doctor has diagnosed what is wrong with you,’ Raj spelt out more harshly, in a tone she wasn’t accustomed to hearing from him.
Raj stalked back to her. ‘Stay flat and lie still,’ he told her wrathfully.
He was furious with her, Zoe realised in consternation, wondering why. Possibly the uproar her faint had caused, she reflected unhappily, because the room was still crammed with staff all trying to speak to Raj at once in his own language, so she could only follow one word in three that she was hearing and those were the simple ones. Her ambition to learn Arabic was advancing only slowly. Finally, the room cleared and they were alone again.
‘May I sit up now or are you going to get angry again?’ Zoe murmured.
Raj gazed across the office at her and then moved forward before hovering several feet from her as though an invisible wall had suddenly come down between them. ‘I apologise. I was not angry with you, I was angry with myself for neglecting your health,’ he admitted tautly. ‘I knew you were unwell but I listened to you when you refused to let me call the doctor in. I shouldn’t have listened!’
‘Raj, that was my fault, this stupid virus, and I’m not awfully fond of medics.’
‘You will want to express thanks to your bodyguard, Carim. He saved your life when he prevented you from falling down the stairs. At the very least you would have been badly hurt with broken limbs,’ Raj framed jaggedly, his hands clenching into fists by his side. ‘But such a fall could definitely also have killed you and nothing is worth that risk.’
