by Nina Walker
“Honestly, it’s not what you think,” he insisted.
I was tired of the broken record. “Are you kidding me? I’ve seen you with her. Multiple times! Kissing her. I don’t know what’s going on between you two. But something is, so don’t stand here and try to tell me it isn’t.”
“You’re right. You don’t know half of what’s really going on.”
A surge of courage pulsed through me and I couldn’t help myself, “Then why have you almost kissed me? Twice.”
“But I haven’t kissed you. And I won’t.”
Somehow, that was not the response I was expecting and it certainly wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to ask why not. I wanted to demand an answer. I wanted to make him hurt, as he’d hurt me. But I didn’t seem to have the courage. Not when it came to him. I turned away.
“Jessa, being with you would be dangerous.”
About a million responses came to mind, but I didn’t speak.
“Sure, there’s chemistry here. I’ll admit that. But we’re not meant to be. Let’s just leave it alone before someone gets hurt.”
Didn’t he realize someone had already gotten hurt? The more I tried to push the ache of rejection down, the more painful it was. I wouldn’t let him see that. If there was one thing I had learned while being at the palace, it was that I couldn’t let anyone see me as weak. Everyone here was strong. Especially Lucas. I knew the truth now. I needed to be strong.
Trying to hold onto the last remnants of my pride, I turned back and reached out my hand in surrender. That small gesture nearly killed me. “Friends?”
His expression was unreadable as he tentatively shook my hand. I hoped I was coming across cool and collected. Lies. All lies.
“Please, Jessa, trust me. We’ll talk about it when I can give you more answers. Answers about everything, okay? Be patient with me.” He really did look sorry now.
Why should I care about his ‘sorry’?
He let go of my hand and raised his own in mock surrender. “I’ll keep you at a distance from now on. Just…don’t say a word about the red. As soon as I have news to share, you’ll be the first to know.”
What does he mean?
I realized he was talking about the color alchemy argument we’d been having earlier. Given the abrupt change in conversation, he was already moving on. I wish I could be so cold.
How could he just forget another almost kiss—brush it aside like it had meant nothing? And when had I developed such a huge crush on Prince Lucas? I was living my worst nightmare. I had become an annoying, lovesick teenager. No, it was worse, because I was one of many who dreamed of this prince.
You need to grow up.
Before I could respond to him, before I could get another chance to dig for the answers around red, he was gone. He disappeared behind the lush plants without another word. This time, I didn’t follow. I waited, the minutes creeping by. I needed to get a handle on myself but I couldn’t take the humidity of the greenhouse anymore, either. I gave up and practically sprinted out the door.
Not making eye contact with a single person the whole way out of the GC wing, I ran up two flights of stairs before collapsing on my cool bed, determined not to cry.
Lucas may not have wanted anything to do with me, but Reed certainly had a different opinion of my company. After I showered and changed, Reed knocked on my door and asked if I wanted to study with him. We’d been studying together several times over the last few weeks. I let him in.
Reed was nice to me when most people treated me like an outcast. He introduced me to his friends, dragged me to a few guardian dinners, and generally cared about my feelings. It was really too bad I wasn’t attracted to him the way I was to Lucas. Reed would make an excellent boyfriend. Well, if I could put aside the fact that he spied on me that first night. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about that. Had he done it again?
Even though I’d be one of them soon, I was not technically a member of the GC. Reed had insisted we study in GC territory but had started coming around my room when I kept telling him I didn’t like it over there.
The angry stares bothered me the most. From children, teens, and adults alike—it didn’t matter. They all seemed to hate me. Something about my presence upset their balance. I hoped the novelty would wear off soon, so I could learn to enjoy myself in GC headquarters. So far, no such luck.
Other than going there for training, I’d spent a lot of time studying in my bedroom. The historical texts were most interesting. They held a much more detailed account of our past than what I’d been taught in the public school system. In fact, a few things were completely different. I suspected Lucas was sending me more than a few classified documents.
Reed and I sat on the bed, studying. The late afternoon sun warmed the airy room. I leaned over my slatebook, intrigued to find another discrepancy in this text, information that was very different from what I had been taught back home. This had been happening more and more lately. “Reed?” I asked.
He sat up, rubbing his head. His slatebook pinged, the sound of a game. I smirked. Studying, huh?
He shut it off, giving me his attention. “What’s wrong, Jessa?”
“It’s just that there have been little things in these texts that don’t add up. A lot of what I was taught as a citizen is completely different from what they’re teaching you here in the GC training.”
He frowned. “Well, you’re no longer an ordinary citizen. You get to know things that others don’t. It’s all for the good of the kingdom. Don’t stress yourself out over it.”
“Something about that doesn’t sit well with me. Only a few weeks ago I was an ordinary citizen.”
He sighed. “Okay, I get your point. And what exactly is bothering you?”
“This says that New Colony was established in 2030, which was ninety years ago. But we’ve always been taught that the New Colony is younger than that. As far as I always knew, this country was reestablished sixty years ago, in 2060. Right? Because after the War, there was a twenty-year period of unrest in America, which is why New Colony was even created in the first place. Our society decided we valued protection more than democracy. We broke off from West America.”
“Well, it’s true. New Colony was created because people were fed up with starvation, war, homelessness, and all the other things that democracy had created. So what’s the problem?”
“The problem is that these new texts are telling me that for its first thirty years, New Colony wasn’t doing much to help anyone. I’m beginning to think that someone decided to change the history books to make our kingdom seem more effective. What happened during those thirty years that they don’t want to claim? It’s dishonest to do that to people, to lie like that.”
“It’s just a little fib. It’s not hurting anybody. I’m sure it’s all meant to protect the people, anyway. Keep things stable. You know history isn’t something we deal too much with in school anyway. Focusing on the future, on progress, is what’s most important.”
It was true. That’s what I’d always been taught. To move forward rather than to get stuck in the misdeeds of the past. “But that means that for thirty years, New Colony wasn’t doing anything to help anyone. Then, in 2060, when they got things in order, they decided to claim that New Colony was established much later? Why did our grandparents let them lie like that? It’s trivial to assume we’re not smart enough to handle the truth. If they’re willing to lie about something as simple as dates, then what else aren’t they telling us?”
“It’s New Colony we’re talking about. Everything the kingdom does is to protect the citizens. I’m sure there’s a good reason those dates were changed.”
“I think it’s because they don’t want people to know that there was ever a time this place wasn’t perfect.”
And really, what was so wrong with not being perfect? Our people were happy. They’d understand. Right? But maybe not everyone was happy. Maybe not every citizen actually was protected. I thought about Eliza. After the
accident, she had asked to be transferred to another part of the palace. Her mother was sick. Her father was dead. And she’d been working since she was thirteen. How was that okay?
“See, you figured it out.” Reed relaxed into the bed. He picked up his slatebook and started to play his game again. He was satisfied with that kind of explanation?
“I guess just knowing that my own government is lying to me doesn’t make me feel very protected.”
“Jessa.” Reed laughed. “You need to relax. There’s going to be more stuff like this when you become a guardian. Trust the system. New Colony has taken care of you so far, hasn’t it?”
Has it? If so, then why I am here against my will? Why is the king threatening me, and why is the prince keeping secrets?
Reed put his game away again and grabbed my hands, looking at me with his most earnest smile. I’d seen it before. “Everything is going to be okay. Remember, we’re lucky to be here. No other country takes care of color alchemists. In fact, no other country even takes care of their people like we do. We’re lucky.”
I wondered about that. It’s what we were told. Again and again, we were shown footage of the rest of the world. Sometime over the last century, everyone but us had practically returned to the Dark Ages. People were starving, crops wouldn’t grow, and water was contaminated. It was a dangerous world for most. And that’s why we were so lucky to live where we did. To have what we had. We had our New Colony. We had the royals. And we had alchemy.
Maybe Reed had a point.
Once again, I noticed his boyish good looks. It was no wonder that the GC girl, Brooke, and her friends hated me. I was pretty sure Reed was a highly sought-after guy around here. His buttery blond hair and chocolate-brown eyes would attract any girl.
So why don’t I like him back?
Something about what he’d said still bothered me. That this system had taken care of me. But that wasn’t exactly true. I was here against my will, wasn’t I? And yes, I’d been trying to make the best of it, but that still didn’t mean I wanted to be here. I had to be here. I’d spent the last few weeks suppressing thoughts of ballet and home, but I could feel it eating away at me.
I turned away from Reed, not wanting him to see me cry. But his strong hand turned me to face him as he wiped at my hot tears. Are you kidding me right now, Jessa? More tears?
“Sometimes I forget how new you are to all of this. I’m sorry I’ve been so brash about it.”
“I’m not mad at you, Reed,” I said, meaning it. “You’re one of the only good things about being here.” And it was true. He was my friend. Even if he had some backward views about New Colony, that didn’t mean he was a bad guy.
There was a look in his eyes that I recognized. Immediately, I realized he was going to kiss me. Sure, he would be a fun guy to date. But I didn’t have those feelings. Given everything I’d been through with Lucas, I knew I couldn’t do that to Reed. So I looked away, pretending not to notice his intentions.
“Can we talk about something else?” I asked, scooting away from him.
He sighed and nodded. “So what do you want to talk about?”
“Where are you from? I mean, before coming to the palace.”
He frowned. “Why does it matter?”
“Well, I don’t know. I’m curious. What are your parents like? Do you have siblings?”
“Well, if you must know, that’s not the type of thing we’re encouraged to talk about here. So I honestly don’t think about it much anymore.”
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It’s okay. I don’t remember where I’m from. I remember having an older brother. I think his name was Charlie, but I’m not sure. I don’t remember my parents’ names or faces. Except, my mother was blond, like me. And that’s about it.”
“Do you miss them?”
“I’ve been here since I was five years old, Jessa. You have to understand, that’s not me anymore. Those people? They’re not even the ones who raised me. I’m happy to be a guardian. I have a lot of respect for the teachers and mentors who taught me to do what I can. I like my life.”
It made sense, but I still felt sad for him. It was disturbing. Families were torn apart so the GC could function the way the officials wanted them to.
“So, what is it you can do with alchemy? Any special talents?” I asked, changing the subject.
He grinned. “All sorts of things. I am especially good with listening. Spying, I guess. I have an affinity for blue, the communication center. And luckily, blue is valuable to us. Not many alchemists can do what I do. Listening is one of the main things I use it for. Here, I’ll show you.”
He pulled a blue stone from his pocket and held it gently in his palm. I’d noticed recently that a lot of alchemists carried colored stones with them. Now I knew why; it gave them easy access to organic color.
After a few moments, the color started to lift from the rock, leaving the tiniest speck of gray. The blue exploded out. It swirled and shifted around us in a waterfall of light.
And then Reed did something I hadn’t seen before. He actually used his other hand to carefully guide the color into a shape. It looked like a cone. Then he pointed it toward the window on the far wall.
“How did you…”
“Everything in time. Put your ear right up to the blue. Hurry, I can’t hold this for too long. It’s not the easiest alchemy. But it’s got to be one of my favorites.”
I slowly leaned my ear against the blue cone of floating light, nervous. I felt the color touch my ear; hot and fluid, but dry. Was it going to work on my ear? I didn’t want to ruin Reed’s plan, so I closed my eyes and concentrated on my hearing. I didn’t notice anything at first, but then I started to get something.
Birds chirped, a little girl giggled, and high-heeled shoes clacked across pavement. Then it got louder. The whooshing sound of a car zoomed by. It was so loud now. Like I was standing on a busy street corner myself.
I pulled back, the reminder of normal life stinging. “That’s amazing.”
Reed nodded, and suddenly what was left of the color flew back into the stone. It was blue like before, but the gray spot was still there. He slipped it back into his pocket.
“All color can be manipulated in different ways to create power. We can use it for just about anything. We’re constantly developing new techniques. You’ll learn this more and more throughout your training. And once you’re GC, you’ll get to start helping people.”
The idea sent a shiver of excitement through me. Could this be something I wanted? The thought that I could embrace this life startled me. But helping people was definitely a welcomed thought. At the same time, I was doubtful I could pay the price. This place hardened people. I’d yet to see anything that proved to me that the GC actually bettered anyone. Well, except for when Jasmine healed people.
I remembered again that Reed was the one who had helped Faulk listen in on my conversation with Lucas my first night here. But so much had changed between us since then.
And yet, I finally understood something important about Reed. Something I needed to remember. He lived to be a guardian. He was as loyal an alchemist as they came. I knew that was why Faulk had assigned him to me. If push came to shove, he’d choose his job, his duty, before our friendship.
“Are you here with me because you want to be here? Or are you here because Faulk wants you to spy on me?”
He shook his head. “We’re friends. I want to be here. I really like you.”
“But you work for her, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do, but that doesn’t mean I run and tell her everything you do or say. I thought you knew me better than that.”
But there was something about the whole situation that didn’t sit well. Sure, he liked me. I knew that he even wanted to date me. But was liking me enough for him to protect me from her?
I peered into him, searching for a genuine emotion, something I could hold onto. He reached out and held my hand. Hi
s brown eyes stared into mine, pleading.
I can trust you. I don’t know how or why, but I do.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything. You’re such a good friend. I trust you, Reed.”
“You’re right. You can trust me with anything.” He paused. “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
As a matter of fact, there was something I wanted to tell him. I reached back into my thoughts, trying to remember what it was. I knew it was important. I knew it would help. My mind felt hazy and clouded. I nodded, pulling the tangle of memories to the surface.
Red. That was it. I wanted to tell him about the red. About the blood.
“What is it?”
I opened my mouth, ready…
Lucas’s voice flashed through my mind. Don’t tell Reed. Don’t tell anyone.
But why?
It’s dangerous.
I shook my mind, trying to clear the confusion. Something was wrong. I needed to figure this out before I lost my line of thought…
Wait, this isn’t right. Why are my thoughts so convoluted?
I realized that Reed must be using his alchemy on me. He was trying to get me to speak. Using what? The blue? “Blue is the color of communication,” he’d said. Could he communicate his ideas and will to me? Was he doing that now? He must have the ability to become incredibly persuasive when he wants to be. What a jerk!
I noticed then that Reed’s other hand was in his pocket. I wanted to punch him, to yell and scream and kick him out of my room. Fortunately, my better judgment took over and I decided it was safer to play along. I would pretend he was actually in control.
“I don’t know,” I said slowly, hoping my voice sounded as airy as it had only moments before. “I don’t have any secrets. I just wanted to tell you that I trust you.”
“You can tell me what it is. What’s your secret?”
“But there’s nothing to tell. What’s wrong, Reed?”
He cleared his throat, eyeing me. I smiled peacefully, hoping he couldn’t sense the wild anger that burned just under the surface. How dare he treat me like this? Had he been manipulating my emotions this whole time?
