“Would you care to wager on that?”
“Northam, leave her alone.”
“A little late for that, don’t you think, my lord?” Mr. Northam’s tone was derisive.
I bit my lip and closed my eyes. I didn’t want to be married to such a man. What was the good of protecting my heart when it would quickly fill with disdain? But marriage to him provided safety, protection, a chance to forget the past. I still needed that.
Setting aside my indecision, I strode through the door.
Gregory sat settled in a chair at the far end of the room, while Mr. Northam stood near him, his back to me.
Gregory noticed me first. He shot out of his chair, a mixture of surprise and admiration on his face. Then Mr. Northam turned and stepped in front of him, blocking him from view.
“Miss Brinton.”
“Mr. Northam.”
He had changed for dinner and looked more handsome than I had ever seen him. He was soon by my side, smelling of that expensive cologne. He took my hand in his. “You look lovely.”
The feeling behind the words seemed genuine. “Thank you.”
Glancing over Mr. Northam’s shoulder, my eyes locked with Gregory’s. And suddenly, more than anything in the world, I wanted it to be him holding my hand, telling me I looked beautiful.
My father and Lady Williams entered, followed by Sundson announcing dinner. Mr. Northam placed my hand on his arm. I had no choice but to allow him to lead me into the dining room. He took the chair next to mine and doted on me throughout the meal, offering me dishes, speaking with me almost to the point of ignoring everyone else. Gregory, meanwhile, said hardly a word.
As Lady Williams and I made our way to the drawing room afterward, she said, “Well, my dear. You’ve certainly made quite an impression on my nephew. I’ve never seen him so attentive.”
“To be honest, it unsettles me.”
Lady Williams laughed quietly. “I have been impressed with your intelligence this week. I’m glad to see it extends into the realm of men.”
Between Edward, Gregory, and Mr. Northam, it didn’t seem to even exist. “I’m afraid my intelligence doesn’t extend too far into that realm.”
She smiled knowingly. “Don’t underestimate yourself, dear.”
That certainly wasn’t a problem. What I had done was overestimate myself. I had overestimated my ability to remain aloof. I had overestimated my desire in securing the man I’d thought I’d wanted. The only thing I had underestimated was how wrong I always seemed to be.
It didn’t take long for the gentlemen to join us. My father’s eyes focused on me briefly when he entered, something of interest and amusement in them. Gregory headed straight for the window. Mr. Northam approached me. “Should we play cards this evening?”
The suggestion was a welcome diversion from the music that had been requested so often. I immediately agreed. “Lord Williams, will you join us?’
“Oh, Williams never plays cards,” Mr. Northam remarked disdainfully.
That wasn’t true. Gregory had played cards with Daniel at my own house.
I was about to say as much, but Mr. Northam continued, “Besides, we already have four players.” Casting one last look at Gregory standing alone at the side of the room, I took the seat between Mr. Northam and my father.
Halfway through our game, Gregory had the folding doors between the drawing room and the music room opened and began playing the piano. The first song was a plaintive one that had Lady Williams lifting her eyebrows and glancing at him. But, as my father played the last trick and won the game, Gregory began a new song. It took only a few notes to identify the music as the piece I’d played at the Hickmores’.
The vein in Mr. Northam’s neck stood out. “Shall we play another round?” His light tone did not quite disguise the clenching of his teeth.
It was something to do with the song. But whatever battle was raging between these two men, I wanted no part in it. It seemed too dangerous a place to be.
I stood. “Thank you, Mr. Northam, but I’d rather not. As you have witnessed, I am not much of a card player. Perhaps his lordship will take my place.”
Moving to a chair in the corner of the room, I picked up the book lying on the table. Once I was settled, I opened it to the middle and realized it was a farming almanac. I would look ridiculous pretending to read a farming almanac. The book under it, however, was the novel Mr. Northam had picked out.
What was I going to do? What choice should I make? Security with almost certain misery? Or heartache with a chance at love? I needed to make the decision, and I needed to make it now.
Was Gregory even still a choice? I looked up, hoping something in his expression would let me know, but only a disapproving frown greeted me.
What about how he’d held my hand? How he’d told me he didn’t want to be formal with me? Was that only when we were alone? Was it some sort of game to him, one he wasn’t willing to play when others were around?
Mr. Northam took the chair beside me and a new thought struck me: if I married Mr. Northam, how would I ever be able to face Gregory again?
I couldn’t. We would be forever lost to each other.
Yet our families would have to meet; we would have to endure each other’s presence. I would have to become acquainted with his wife.
No. That wasn’t what I wanted. I would never be strong enough for that.
Mr. Northam leaned close. “It is a shame, Miss Brinton, that we are always surrounded by others. Small gatherings do not afford the possibility of escape that larger ones do.”
“You are quite correct, Mr. Northam.”
“I had hoped to find a moment alone with you today. An uninterrupted moment.”
I flushed at the memory of our almost kiss, embarrassed by what I had been willing to settle for, mortified that I had remained in a room with him alone. What would have happened if Daniel hadn’t appeared?
A slow smile of pleasure grew on his face. Perhaps he believed I longed for another such moment. Maybe I should. But I couldn’t.
I didn’t want him.
Even if Gregory no longer wanted me, even if the appearance of his cousin had made him change his mind as his actions of the day seemed to imply, I still didn’t want Mr. Northam, or the security he offered me.
“Perhaps tomorrow will prove more fortuitous.” I kept my eyes locked on Mr. Northam, though my whole being wanted to look at Gregory.
“Then tomorrow can’t come soon enough.”
It was the escape I needed. I stood. “I couldn’t agree more. If you will excuse me, I am feeling overly tired.”
“Of course,” he replied, rising and taking my hand to kiss it.
Thirty-Three
I excused myself from the room. Gregory didn’t heed me, and as I made my way up the stairs, I despaired that Mr. Northam’s appearance had washed away any chance that had remained with Gregory.
Not that I’d wanted another chance.
Except now, I did.
When I neared the top, heavy steps sounded on the stairs, sending me scrambling into the shadows of the now-dark ballroom with a pounding heart. What would I say to Mr. Northam? Could he really not have waited for morning?
Gregory appeared in the doorway, his face hidden in shadow, his body outlined by the light spilling into the room from the hall behind him.
Had he come after me? Or had he come for some other purpose and didn’t know I was in the room? “My lord?” I moved into the soft glow of moonlight streaming through one of the windows.
He stepped into the room, leaving the door open. “I’m sorry if I startled you.”
I shrugged, but realized he probably couldn’t see my gesture. “Is there something you needed?”
His quiet laugh sounded scornful.
I waited a moment after the laughter died. “If there
is nothing, I should go.”
He stalked forward. “I was given to understand that you have no fear of being alone with men in ballrooms.”
A gasp at his rudeness escaped me. Perhaps I had been correct in refusing him after all.
I stepped back. “On the contrary, it appears that men have no scruples about cornering me in ballrooms when what I wish for is solitude.”
“Is that what you wish for now?”
Did he have to ask a question that I couldn’t answer honestly? “Perhaps if I knew why you were here, I could better answer your question.”
His hand reached up as though to touch my cheek but then hesitated and fell back down. “I thought it would have been obvious.”
Disappointment flooded me at the lack of contact. “I assure you, nothing about this day has been obvious.”
“Has it not?”
“No.”
“Not even my cousin’s attentions to you?”
“That obviously has more to do with you than with me.”
“Yet you encourage him.”
No response formed in my mind. He was correct. I had encouraged Mr. Northam.
“He relayed to me all that transpired at the Hickmores’ after I left,” Gregory said.
“You mean after you walked out in the middle of my performance, humiliating me.” My rebuke rang around the room.
“I am sorry for that.”
“Why did you do it?”
“I needed to leave.”
“And your departure could not have waited a few minutes more?”
He didn’t reply.
With a huff, I turned and walked into the alcove.
His footsteps quietly followed me.
This ballroom felt so different from the Hickmores’. There, if Mr. Northam had asked me to marry him, I would have said yes. I would have even danced with him.
But I didn’t want him to ask me now. And it wasn’t him I wished to dance with now, either. “Did your cousin relay to you that he offered to teach me to waltz?”
Gregory stirred and took a step forward. “And you accepted?”
“No, I—” I stopped. Taking a deep breath, I stepped up to him. His expression was easier to see up close. “Would you teach me?” I whispered.
I held my breath, waiting for an answer, and took in as many of his features as the dim light would allow. His hair that curled when wet, his handsome face, so open when he genuinely smiled, his eyes that expressed so much of his emotion. He was strong and ethical and good. My lungs burned in my chest. Still I didn’t breathe. But not a muscle moved in his face, nor anywhere in his body.
I exhaled. That was my answer then. “I will prevail upon someone else to teach me. Excuse me, Lord Williams.” I stepped around him.
His hand grabbed mine. Startled, I spun back around.
“Margaret,” he whispered, suddenly close. His hand rose again, this time without hesitation, and cupped my face, his thumb gently tracing my cheek. I tilted my head into his touch. This was all that I had ever wanted. The gentle touch, the whisper of my name from a man I adored.
He leaned forward, his breath warm on my cheek. “I can’t. It wouldn’t be proper.”
Of course it wouldn’t be proper. I’d been caught up in the moment, caught up in the way I wanted to be with him, with only him. And unlike his cousin, he was too honorable to risk a scandal.
“Unless. . . . ” he said, shifting closer, his other hand rising to cup my face.
“Unless?” I asked, my voice barely audible, hope tinged with trepidation swelling within me.
His forehead came to rest against mine. “Margaret, choose me.” The raw emotion in his plea tore at me.
He still wanted me. He still cared for me. The appearance of his cousin hadn’t changed that.
My elation was dampened only by my own questions. Could I do it? Could I choose him and break my promise? This man was better than any I had ever known. My father and Daniel both wanted me to marry him. Louisa and my mother would congratulate me. Even Alice would have welcomed him as a brother if I had not been so against him.
Gregory could not offer me safety. Not as long as I cared for him. But I loved him. Did that not count for something?
Slipping my hand up his neck and into his hair, I finally touched that lock that curled above his ear. His breath hitched and he pulled away ever so slightly. His eyes, full of desire, searched mine.
I wanted to be with him. I couldn’t deny it. My mind screamed in protest, warning me of danger, but I no longer wished to deny that Gregory was who I wanted.
His gaze dropped to my lips. I swallowed, anticipation building in my chest. He leaned closer. His breath brushed my mouth, making my lips tingle. His head tilted. I closed my eyes.
“Thank you for informing me of this,” my father said, his voice suddenly sounding just outside the door.
I tore away from Gregory and stumbled back a few steps, my heart pounding in my chest, my breath agonizingly loud as I focused on the hall outside the door and watched as my father strode past. I couldn’t be caught alone with Gregory. What would my father think?
But then I realized what I’d done and my gaze shifted back to Gregory. What did it matter if I was caught? Hadn’t I just determined that Gregory was the person I wanted to be with, and hadn’t he revealed as much to me?
I stepped toward Gregory, wanting him to know that I wasn’t ashamed to be with him. That he was my choice.
Mr. Northam’s voice stopped me. “I hope I did the right thing in telling you.” He said something else, but it was too muffled to make out.
Gregory glanced toward the door then motioned me toward the alcove as he shifted, blocking my view of the door and, I realized, blocking me from being seen.
There was no reason to hide anymore, though, was there? We’d proclaimed our feelings for each other. What did it matter if his cousin discovered us? Confused, I retreated to the shadows of the alcove just as Mr. Northam appeared in the doorway. “Ah, Williams. There you are.”
I pressed myself farther into the shadows as Gregory turned toward his cousin. “What do you want, Northam?” he asked icily.
Mr. Northam stepped into the room. “I didn’t know you enjoyed this room so much. Or perhaps you’re hoping for success where I failed?” He peered around Gregory as though searching the room.
My gaze jumped between Gregory and Mr. Northam. Success where Mr. Northam had failed? What did Mr. Northam mean?
Gregory’s voice turned colder. “Did you want something in particular?”
“I want you to offer me a drink in a more comfortable location. We have matters to discuss.”
It seemed to take a full minute for Gregory to move. “Of course,” he growled as he finally strode out the door.
Mr. Northam made a pretense of following him, but paused at the door and turned back. He surveyed the room with a slow turn of his head, stopping a moment on my location. I pressed against the wall, holding my breath, trying not to move.
Then he left, closing the door behind him, plunging me into darkness.
Thirty-Four
The next morning I walked down the stairs with resolve. There was no longer reason to hesitate. I wanted to be with Gregory, if he’d have me. He was worth the risk to my heart. I would not back down, nor would I pull away again.
Ignoring the small twinge of uncertainty that last night had produced, I located him seated at his desk, studying a ledger. And this time he was alone.
I stepped inside. “My lord?”
“Miss Brinton.” He didn’t look up from his ledger.
I frowned. This wasn’t the reception I’d hoped for. In an act of boldness, I strode to the desk. “About last night. . . .”
He finally looked up, sitting back in his chair and folding his arms with a casual disinterest in his expressio
n.
My uncertainty grew. Was he really so unmoved by what had happened last night? Wasn’t he going to say anything? I’d come into the room, seeking him, even giving him a topic upon which to converse. So he should say something about last night. Or anything at all.
He just sat in his chair and waited.
All right, I would start. I was, after all, the one who had initiated the conversation.
How did I begin? Did I tell him that I’d changed my mind? That my heart was truly his? Or did I bring up the dancing and how I was ready to agree to his suggestion of “unless”? And would he please kiss me, because I was desperate to feel the touch of his lips against mine? That had to be in there somewhere. Maybe I should bring that up first. No, second. Because first should be my asking if he would mind it so very much if I didn’t release him from the engagement after all because I’d realized I didn’t want to be without him.
It all seemed ridiculous now that I was standing before him with him showing no interest in me whatsoever. “Never mind.”
I turned to leave, then turned back, unable to leave his presence so soon. “Only I wanted to say thank you. For the flowers. And the book.”
“Those weren’t delivered last night.”
“No. But there never seemed to be an opportunity yesterday to bring it up.”
“Because of my cousin?”
“Well, yes. But also because you hardly spoke to me. That made it difficult.”
“Did you want me to speak to you?”
I ran my hand along the spines of books on the desk. I wanted so much more than for him to speak to me. “I think I’ll go see if the post has arrived.”
“It hasn’t come yet, Miss Brinton.”
“Oh.” I picked up the top book, turned it over in my hands, and set it down. I was making a fool of myself. I should just leave. “The rain has stopped.” I waited, but he said nothing. Had I ever been so ridiculous? “Well, goodbye.” I stepped toward the doorway.
Gregory lurched out of his chair, grabbed my hand, and slowly pulled me back toward him. “Why are you really here?”
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