by J. L. Beck
Standing just outside her half-open door, I clench my jaw. Her sweet scent of vanilla and sugar surrounds me. The scent stirs a deep primal need within me. One that urges me to go to her and claim her completely, without mercy or care. It slams into me, gripping me by the balls and urging me forward. I don’t want her to be mine. I need her to be mine.
Swallowing thickly, I grapple for control. The beast wanting to be set free so he can mark her. Barely containing myself, I sneak into the bedroom. There’s a tightening in my stomach when I first see her. It’s like butterflies taking flight, like riding a roller coaster. She’s lying partly on her stomach, her cheek resting against the sheets.
Dark brown locks of hair shield most of her face, and I’m forced to suppress a laugh, realizing she’s kicked most of her blanket to the edge of the bed. Parts of her are still the same, while others have changed. Drinking in the view before me, I become mesmerized by her perfect legs that lead up to a plump ass. Her firm globes are covered by a pair of sleep shorts that leave very little to the imagination. Saliva fills my mouth at the thought of parting those thighs and licking her virgin pussy, feasting on it, eating until I’ve had my fill.
Fuck, I wonder what she would taste like; if she would beg me to stop or beg me to keep going? My muscles clench, and my cock presses against the zipper of my jeans painfully. It’d be so easy to take her right now, to cover her mouth and take what I want, to sink deep inside of her and let her innocence coat my cock… Taking a step toward the bed, I almost give in to the urge, but at the last second, I pause and curl my hands into fists to stop myself from touching her.
One taste would never be enough. I could never give her up, so I’ll refuse myself while I still have the strength. Letting my gaze wander, I move to her heart-shaped face. Long lashes fanning out like crescent moons against high cheeks. Soft, pink lips that are slightly parted, and an adorable button nose. My angel.
I don’t know how long I stand staring at her, watching as her forehead wrinkles, and she rolls over, tossing her leg over a pillow.
Every inch of me is being pulled toward her, and when I can’t withstand the burn any longer, when the pain in my chest becomes too much, I pick up the blanket and cover her back up. She murmurs something inaudible in her sleep, and I force myself to walk away even when everything inside me is screaming to go back there.
This is something I put myself through almost every night. Loving Dove is my greatest weakness, but I won’t give it up… I can’t. No matter what I do, no matter how many people I kill, she will always be mine. The devil already owns too much of my soul for me to allow myself to let her go.
The love I have for her is the only good thing left in my life, the only thing pure, and that’s why I won’t ever take from her. I won’t ever hurt her because if I ever do, then there would be no light left in me, and the darkness would swallow me whole.
Without a sound, I leave her apartment and walk back out to my car. Each step is heavier than the last. When will I stop putting us both through this pain? Never.
Maybe I would have an easier life if she wasn’t in it. If I would just let her go and stop watching her. But I will never stop because Dove deserves a happy life. She needs to be safe, and someone needs to protect her from the monster who lurks in the dark.
And who is better to protect her from them than one of them?
Chapter Three
Dove
No matter what I do. I can’t shake the strange feeling that I’m being watched, it’s been like this for years. Going to the grocery store, on the drive to work, even in my apartment. It always feels like there are eyes on me, but every time I look up, there’s nothing there. No one is watching, at least not that I can see. I do my best to brush off the feelings, but it’s a lot harder than you’d think.
I’m pretty sure no one is actually watching me. I mean, why would someone do that? I’m no one. It makes more sense that I’ve imagined all of this, especially after the incident with the creeper the other night.
This is my body’s way of staying guarded after having a shitty childhood. At least that’s what the therapist tells me. I keep thinking about stopping seeing her because I’m tired of being reminded of the past. I don’t care to remember my time in foster care, and I honestly don’t understand why I keep finding myself going to the appointments.
Stopping by my favorite coffee place on the corner, I order an iced coffee hoping the caffeine will make me feel better. By the time I get to the shelter, I’ve downed the large cup and feel no better. Except now, my bladder is screaming at me. I rush inside, heading straight for the bathroom.
Stupid coffee.
“Good morning,” Sasha greets me as I rush past her.
“Morning,” I call as I slip into the bathroom. Sighing, I empty my bladder and vow never to drink that much coffee that fast again. When I’m done, I wash my hands and walk back out into the receptionist area.
“Too much coffee?” Sasha giggles.
“You know it,” I admit. “I don’t know when I will ever learn.” I shake my head.
“We got two new surrenders this morning. One of them is a puppy,” Sasha tells me. “They only had the dog for three weeks, then realized they would have to actually spend time training the dog not to pee and poop in the house.”
“Ugh, why do people get dogs if they can’t take care of them? At least the puppy will be easy to adopt out.”
Making my first round through the shelter, I make sure all the animals have water and that their cages are clean. There isn’t much I can do for all these poor creatures, but at least I can make sure they’re taken care of while they’re here. Make sure they’re fed, warm, and get some human interaction.
Stopping at the last cage that holds the new puppy, I smile. It’s some kind of shepherd mix, but its breed doesn’t matter, not when it’s as cute as it is.
“Yeah, you definitely won’t last long, not with that face.” The pup is looking at me with big, brown eyes and a wagging tail. It isn’t unusual for me to talk to the animals. I don’t feel bad or weird about it. Not when the truth is, I’d rather talk to them than to another human.
“Did you see him?” Sasha coo’s when I head back to my desk.
Withholding an eye roll, I nod. “Yes, I saw him, and no, you cannot take him home with you. Henry would shit bricks if you brought another dog home.”
Her lip curls into a frown. “Maybe I should get rid of him then? The dogs never let me down.” This is an ongoing thing with Sasha, she loves Henry, and he loves her, but they’re always fighting about something.
“Tell me, are you on or off again?”
“Neither.”
“Right…” I shake my head.
“What about you? You find anyone to share that huge apartment with yet?” I shoot her a look that says, really?
“I don’t date, Sasha. You know this.”
“Sorry, I thought maybe you met someone the other night, and that’s why you left so early. I didn’t even get to ask you what happened?”
Goosebumps pebble my flesh at the reminder. “Yeah, about that, I, uhh… I left because there was this guy that wouldn’t leave me alone. He followed me when I left, and then right before I was going to call 9-1-1, he disappeared.”
Sasha stares at me wide-eyed. “Holy shit, are you okay? Why didn’t you call me and tell me what happened?”
Truthfully, calling Sasha wasn’t even something I’d think to do. All my life, I’ve been alone. I didn’t know how to rely on someone else because it had only ever been me.
“I don’t know. I just… I was thankful that I had gotten away. I’m really lucky… it could’ve been much worse.”
The thought of being raped and beaten, and then left in a gutter somewhere makes my stomach churn. You hear about it all the time in this city, but no one ever thinks it will happen to them, not until it does.
“Not to sound like a total bitch because I do care about you and would never want anything to happen to
you, but you’re the luckiest person I know. I mean, the guy just disappears? That never happens, and now that I’m thinking about it, you seem to be lucky all the time.”
My brow furrows in confusion. “What do you mean? I’m not lucky.”
Sasha gives me a disbelieving look. “Really? You don’t actually believe that, do you?” When I don’t say anything, she continues, “Let’s take your apartment, for example. It’s in one of the safest, nicest areas of the city. The rent there is insanely low, and the waitlist for that place is like a mile long. Yet, you somehow got in, and on top of that, you got a discounted rate on your rent.”
“Yeah, I still don’t know how that happened either.” I truly don’t. All I did was submit an application and hope for the best.
“What about how you got your car? The guy just wanted it gone so badly, he gave it to you for a fraction of the cost? Then, after all of that, even brought it to you because you didn’t have a way to get over there. Come on, you’ve got to see it too?”
“I mean, I see it, but I don’t know if I would consider it luck.”
Sasha rolls her eyes. “Girl, start playing the lottery because you’re a good luck charm.”
All I can do is shake my head and laugh at her. I’m not lucky, not really, right? As we work throughout the day, answering calls and setting the animals up to find their forever homes, I can’t shake the conversation away and come to the conclusion that I truly am lucky.
I escaped death the other night, or at least something that would’ve been close to it. I went to college and got a nice place to live, and a car for a really good price. This job even fell into my lap, so I suppose I agree with Sasha a little, though I won’t tell her that.
It’ll go straight to her blonde head.
Doing our final walkthrough, I stop at the new puppy’s cage. “Don’t worry, buddy, you won’t be here for long.”
“Who are you talking to?” A voice startles me, and I jump back half a foot and grip onto my chest, my heart beating right out of it. Looking to the side, I see Shawn standing only a few feet from me.
“Jesus, Shawn, you scared me,” I say, the words coming out in a rush as I try and calm myself.
Giving me a dimpled grin, he says, “Sorry, didn’t mean to use my ninja skills on you.”
“Next time you scare me like that, I might need to use my ninja skills on you. Which consists of a punch in the face.” I say, smiling.
“Whoa.” He puts up his hands, showing me his palms in surrender. “Easy killer. I’ll try not to sneak up on you anymore.”
“You better, for your own safety,” I joke. Shawn has been working here for a few weeks now, and we’ve quickly become friends. We joke and laugh together all the time, which are two things I always welcome. Plus, it helps that he’s good looking, not that I spend my day checking him out or anything. It’s hard to ignore his dreamy, blue eyes, and model-like features.
“So… I was actually wondering what you’re doing tonight?” he asks as we are walking back to the front.
“Tonight? Ahh...” I look at him wide-eyed. Is he trying to ask me out? “Nothing, I guess,” I finally say.
“Cool, I was wondering if you wanted to grab something to eat… with me?”
“Yes,” I blurt out before thinking about it. Way to sound desperate, Dove.
Shawn chuckles. “Okay, I guess that’s a yes. Do you just want to meet there, or I can swing by your place, and we can go together?” He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. I should probably meet him somewhere, but I’ve always dreamt of going on a real date where the guy comes to the house and picks you up, so I push the paranoia away. Plus, it’s been forever since I went on a date or was asked out on one.
I smile up at him, my belly filling with butterflies. “Yeah, that would be great.”
“I’ll pick you up at six. Send me a text with your address.” We pause in the foyer, and when he smiles at me, my heart skips a beat.
“Uh, yeah…” I stutter. Jesus, I need to work on my skills. Shawn waves goodbye to Sasha and then winks at me before walking out. As soon as he’s out of earshot, Sasha pounces.
“Oh, my god, he finally asked you out. Jesus, I never thought that was going to happen. The boy has been watching you since he started.”
My cheeks start to warm. “He has not!”
Sasha nods. “Yup, and now you’ve gone and made his dreams come true.”
“It’s just a date, not like we’re getting married or anything.”
“Yet… not getting married yet.”
Ignoring her, I get my stuff together and prepare for my drive home. I can’t believe I have a date. A real date. Not that I’d have a fake date or something, or that I’m so ugly that no one finds me attractive, but it isn’t often that guys ask me on dates. Usually, I find I have to build up the courage to do it.
“I’m so proud of you, Dove. Maybe tonight will be the night.” Sasha wiggles her eyebrows.
“Shut up,” I say, laughing as I get into my car.
After spending an hour curling my hair, I move on to my makeup. I don’t wear it often, mostly due to my lack of skill when it comes to putting it on. Taking my time, I apply the foundation, add some eye shadow, and only manage to stab myself twice in the eye with the mascara. After, I walk into the bedroom and start pulling every dress I own from the closet.
Yes, I know it’s just a date, and we see each other every day at work, but I want Shawn to see me as more than the girl in always sees in jeans and a T-shirt. I want him to maybe wonder what’s underneath. Shaking my head at the thought, I find a cute dress and decide to pair it with some dark tights and heels.
For a moment, I stand in front of the mirror in my bra and panties, trying not to look at my reflection, but like a magnet, my eyes are drawn to it. It’s like the sun, you know it will hurt your eyes, but you still want to look at it.
As soon as I see myself in the mirror, my eyes find the ugly scar marring my otherwise smooth stomach. My hand raises on its own to touch the raised skin. It’s an old habit I can’t seem to shake. Running my fingers over that horrendous scar, I try not to let the memories of how I got it bubble up.
Instead, I worry about what Shawn might think if he gets a chance to see it. Will he think I’m disgusting? Will he ask questions? Would I be able to answer? Pushing all of those concerns aside, I grab the dress and start slipping into it.
Once dressed, I smooth my hands down the front of the dress and look at myself in the mirror.
I can’t help but smile at how well put together I look. Applying a thin layer of gloss to my lips, I give myself the once over one last time and then make a beeline to the kitchen for my phone, purse, and a light jacket.
Checking the time, I bubble over with excitement, realizing he should be here soon. Sitting on the couch, I wait like a child on Christmas morning. Max greets me with a purr as he brushes against my leg, begging for attention as he always does.
Scratching the top of his head, I look down at him. “I can’t believe it, Max. I’ve got a date.” I’d hate to be that crazy cat lady who sits at home and talks to her cats, but if I don’t get a roll on this whole dating train, that’s the path I’m headed down.
Anxiously, I watch the clock, and my excitement slowly turns to disappointment as the minutes continue to tick by without any sign of Shawn.
Opening my text messages, I check to make sure I gave him the right address, which I did. I contemplate sending him a message, and after going back and forth over it, I decide to keep it simple and just ask if he’s still coming. Maybe he had something come up? Maybe he can’t figure out where I live? I try and come up with any excuse I can, but deep down, I know it’s not really any of those things.
It’s pitiful how long I stare at my phone, waiting for a text message to come through that never does. An ache forms in my chest after a short time, and stupidly, tears fill my eyes and slide down my cheeks. I swipe at the treacherous tears, wishing I didn’t care so much.
There must be something wrong with me. I know I’m not that pretty, but I don’t think I’m worthy of always being left in the cold. Every time I have a date, they either don’t show, or there is never a second one even though the first goes great.
Swallowing down the pity I’m feeling, I change out of the dress and into an oversized T-shirt and then go into the bathroom and wash my face. It’s obvious, he’s not coming, and even more obvious, he doesn’t plan to apologize for standing me up.
When I’m done, I crawl into my bed and pull the covers over my head.
What is wrong with me? Am I that repulsive? I don’t want to think about it, but maybe I’m not meant to be with anyone. Maybe I’ll actually become the cat lady with thirty cats, and her virginity intact. God, I hope not, but what are my other options? I can’t find a guy who wants me if I can’t get him to ever go on a second date, let alone a first.
After a while, I doze off, hoping tomorrow will be a better day.
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About the Authors
J.L. Beck and C. Hallman are a USA Today and international bestselling author duo who write contemporary and dark romance.
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