“So why did you stop?”
Cade laughed wryly. “I’d rather not do something than be merely average.”
“I see.” Ben walked over, patting one of the mares on her ribs. “What if I were to say you could work in the law again?”
Cade looked over, his brows furrowed. “You speak to my father?”
Ben laughed. “No, nothing like that. I am offering you work, Cade. I assume you are staying here, most likely to work things out with your wife,” he shrugged. “Honorable motives. I think you should add to them by having honorable work.”
Cade gave a half smile and folded his arms. “Work? Do you mean as your deputy?”
Ben nodded. “Not exactly the railways, but Tall Pine will keep you busy. Yes, this valley is full of holiday parties, good works, and some of the finest people around. But there are also plenty of people who turn down a path that causes trouble for others. I need help. I need a deputy—one who knows the law, the regulations, and won’t abuse his position.”
Cade lifted his chin. “And how do you know I won’t do that? You obviously know something about my marriage, about Rose leaving me. Tell me, would a woman like that leave an honorable man?”
Ben narrowed one eye, “Even good men do foolish things, Mr. Walker. Why Rose left you—well, I’m not going to pry. But I do think this partnership would be good for the both of us.”
Cade bit the inside of his cheek. “When would you want me to start?”
Ben grinned. “Tomorrow afternoon. Get settled, then find a way into town, and I will help you find a horse. After that we have some trails to follow.”
Cade let out an amused huff. “I suppose that can work. Rose was planning on going into town tomorrow anyway. Apparently a man should have more than one shirt and trousers.”
Ben did not ask why a man from such a wealthy family had only one set of clothing. Right now it was not pertinent. “You have a gun? Rifle or pistol?”
“Bergmann Bayard,” Cade replied, proudly referring to his pistol. “I had a rifle, but I lost it.” To a game like I lost so many other things.
Ben shrugged. “We’ll get you one of those.”
“A deputy?”
Cade spun around in surprised. “Whew, woman, your steps are stealthier than a bobcat’s. I didn’t even know you were there.”
“A deputy?” Rose repeated, biting her lip.
Ben nodded empathically. “He knows how the law works. He can shoot, deduce, ride, and has experience. I would be a fool not to take advantage of his presence in Tall Pine.”
Rose simply nodded, her eyes glazing over as she looked at Cade. “When do you start?”
Cade was looking intensely at his wife with unspoken words. “Tomorrow afternoon. I will go into town with you and then ride home later.”
Ben knew it was his time to leave, so he gave Cade a brief nod. “Tomorrow afternoon,” he reminded him.
Cade gave a two-finger salute. “I’ll be there, Sheriff.” A slight gleam shot through his eyes. “You can be sure of that.”
Twenty–Nine
Rose was silent on the way to her new home. She was grateful her father had loaned them a wagon and horses. She knew he felt guilty that he couldn’t fix Rose’s bigger problems, and he was eager to help in any way he could. She reminded him that offering a wagon and horses was plenty.
Cade did not try to press the conversation, nor did he comment on her sitting in the back of the wagon instead of up front with him. Daisy enjoyed the bumpy ride, and by the time they arrived she was fast asleep.
“Can you set up the crib for me?” Rose asked Cade. “I’ll lay her down while I unpack.”
Cade nodded and got off the wagon. “Do you want me to take her while you get off?” he offered.
Rose shook her head. “No, I can manage. Just set up the crib, please.”
Looking neither hurt nor offended, Cade climbed into the back and lifted the crib. He methodically continued to bring in cases and a few pots and pans as well as food that the Castles had sent with them.
Rose watched him disappear as he went to water the horses while she hung her clothing in the closet. The place had been kept up meticulously, and Eliza had even prepared the bed with clean sheets. It was looking at these sheets that Rose suddenly realized a terrible truth: There was only one bed.
Every inch of the place was clean, but there was scarce furniture, consisting of two armchairs, a kitchen table with three chairs, a nightstand and dresser, and one bed. Rose swallowed, her heart pounding. She could not share a bed with Cade. What would it be like to again feel the mattress indent with his body or accidentally roll over onto him?
“What’s wrong?” Cade’s steady voice asked as he walked into the room. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Rose nodded at the bed. “There is only one bed.”
Cade looked over at the bed, his eyes continuing to the crib. “I’ll pick up a cot in town,” he said. He let his eyes drift from her feet, slowly to her lips, resting there for a moment before turning his back on her and walking over to the crib.
Rose held her breath. She didn’t like him touching her baby, but she realized that she was with Cade so she could protect Daisy. In following through with her choice, she could not ostracize Cade from herself and her child.
Cade held his finger on the warm cheek for a few breaths before pulling it away. “I know you were up late and then up early getting things prepared so quickly. Go ahead and rest.” He began to walk out.
“Cade!” Rose called him quickly.
He looked back over his shoulder. Hopeful, hesitant, unsteady? “What is it Rose?”
She crossed her arms, feeling too exposed beneath his jasper eyes. “Where are you going?”
Cade jerked his head at the window. “Our neighbors. They have a fence separating this land and theirs. It was ruined during a storm, and I am going to check it out.
He’s trying to prove to me he is a hard worker. Rose nodded. “Alright. I will try to get some rest then, thank you.”
He nodded and walked out the door leaving behind his scent of steel and earth.
/
Rose woke up with Daisy in her arms. Sometime during her nap, Daisy had begun to cry, so Rose had retrieved her. She checked the house and saw no sign of Cade, and then walked out onto the porch, squinting in the sun to see his tall silhouette by the blown down fence.
She’d shrugged and had gone back to her room, curling up with Daisy and falling back into a deep sleep. When she awoke her stomach was growling and Daisy was looking at her expectantly.
“Well hello, beautiful!” Rose smiled. Daisy’s face instantly lit up with two deep dimples in her round cheeks. She began cooing like a dove and Rose lifted her up into the air.
“Oh, you are so adorable.”
Daisy started giggling when Rose set her down and nuzzled her stomach. She said a quick prayer thanking God for this child, even if it meant living with Cade again.
Rose frowned when she looked at the clock she had set on her nightstand. It was noon, meaning she’d slept for a few hours. No wonder she was starving.
“Cade?” she called out. She walked through the house finding no sign of Cade. Again she looked outside and saw him still mending the fence. This time, he was not alone. Rose could clearly see the flowing skirt of a woman—Beth? Yes, the woman’s name was Beth. She had grown up with her, although there was never much interaction. Rose had seen her at the dance, hadn’t she, with a stout husband and a wistful look on her face. Again at church, too. So she was their neighbor. Rose sighed, knowing it would probably be best to go say hello.
Out of habit Rose ran her fingers through her hair and did a quick powder on her nose before walking outside. The day was warm, the kind that left sticky sweat in unwelcome places. Rose’s stomach continued to growl impatiently as she walked towards the fence, her temperament growing more sour with each step.
Daisy’s happy demeanor diminished as well. She began to fuss with little
kicks, and Rose wondered if she should turn back and save neighborly etiquette for later, but Cade had already spotted her and waved for her to come over.
“Come on Daisy, we’ll get you a bottle of milk soon enough,” she assured the baby. As she neared Beth and Cade, Rose suddenly felt more self-conscious. Beth was a cute girl, with soft blond hair and brown eyes set in a petite face.
Today, her hair was shiny and silky, and her face was radiant, set with untraceable color that was emphasized by her pink dress that buttoned up front and revealed a slender neck. She was more than cute: She was a woman who glowed.
“Rose,” her voice was sweet and high. Too high, Rose noted. It was the tone women used when another female approached unwanted.
“Beth,” Rose smiled. She did not know why Beth suddenly felt antagonistic towards her. “It is good to see you. I must say you look especially pretty today.”
Beth smiled, her eyes brightening at the compliment. “Well, thank you. You look tired. Did you just wake up from a nap?”
Rose opened her lips. Where was this attitude coming from? “Yes, I took a nap.”
Beth slid her eyes to Cade making sure he was watching as she brushed back her corn silk hair off her shoulder. “In the middle of the day?” she laughed. “You are lucky to have time to nap. I am so busy that I rarely sleep.” Another brilliant smile. “However, I don’t mind. I enjoy being busy.”
Rose did not know what to say. Nor could she quite figure out why Beth was so clearly trying to degrade her in front of Cade, but surely Beth would have no reason for that. Rose forced a smile.
Cade cleared his throat. “Rose was up late packing. I told her to rest.”
Beth’s eyes became fixed on Cade. “That was thoughtful.” Then with too much laughter added, “I wish I could be told to rest, but my husband is of a delicate nature. He needs continual nurturing.”
Rose gritted her teeth. “Is that so?”
Cade looked away, his mouth stern and eyes dark. He began measuring a wood post, making marks on it.
To Rose’s surprise Beth stood her ground. “Oh, yes,” Beth tilted her head and twirled a strand of hair looking curiously at Rose. “Of course, some women are just ungrateful for how lucky they are. They don’t know how good they have it and spend too much time nagging at their husbands. I can’t blame those men for being driven away.”
To her credit, Rose withheld the comments she wanted to say. She knew what was going on: romantic competition could make the sweetest girl turn barbaric. I won’t play this game, Rose told herself. Cade can do what he wants: He always has.
Daisy suddenly turned red, her cheeks puffing. Rose sucked in a gasp of air knowing exactly what was coming. She turned to go before Daisy could relieve herself, but her dress snagged on a nail. In a desperate attempt to flee, Rose tore away from the nail. It was not the little snag she thought it would be. Her heart stopped as a long loud rip sped through her dress, reaching all the way to her thigh, revealing her undergarments. At the same time Daisy grunted and let out a sound implicating a rockslide.
Yellowish fluid leaked from Daisy’s purple dress and soaked through Rose’s own soft cream dress.
Rose froze. She stood with her undergarments and stockings showing for the whole world to see with a smelly, stained dress. When Daisy began to scream with the desire to be changed, Rose knew there was only one thing to do: laugh.
So she did. She laughed and shrugged her shoulder. “Oh, of course this would happen,” she shook her head. “Of course!”
Beth giggled and feigned shock. “Rose, are those silk stockings?”
Rose refrained from rolling her eyes. Silk stocking were considered scandalous. Worn only by loose women, but, oh, were they comfortable.
“Yes, Beth,” Rose laughed, “they are.”
“A bit daring wouldn’t you say?”
Rose locked her blue eyes with Beth’s. “Let me tell you something about men, Beth.” She inched her head forward and said in a hushed tone, “They like daring women.”
Cade choked down a laugh and Beth’s face went blank. Rose smiled and turned around, her ripped dress flapping in the wind as she walked away.
It was less than ten minutes before Rose heard the front door open and Cade’s heavy footsteps echoing through the hall.
“Rose!”
Rose had removed her dress so that she stood only in her underskirt and corset. She’d been trying to clean up Daisy and herself at the same time, which only caused her to make a bigger mess.
“Cade, wait!” she called back, but he was already through the door. He stopped as she spun around. His eyes darkened and his throat bobbed as he swallowed hard.
“Please get out,” Rose asked calmly.
Cade frowned. “I’ve seen you before Rose—all of you.” His eyes were fixed on her face so intensely that Rose knew it was to keep himself from looking other places.
“Not for a long time,” she answered softly.
Cade blinked holding her in his gaze for a moment longer before he sighed and looked over at the left wall. “No, not for a long time.”
Daisy did not like being left alone on the bed, and she let Rose know by crying out loud with large hiccups. Rose shook her head, “Please leave, Cade.”
He didn’t. “Let me take her.”
“No!” Rose said quickly, “I mean, no, I’m doing fine. I just need to clean myself up.”
Cade was by the bed looking down at Daisy. “If you want to convince people that I supported adopting her, then you need to let me be seen holding her, and she needs to get used to me so she doesn’t cry at my touch.”
Rose pressed her lips together at the logic and gave a faint nod. “Alright, just while I get ready.”
Cade reached down and picked up the crying child, beginning to bounce her as her head relaxed on his broad shoulder. His eyes darted to Rose as she walked over to fetch a robe.
“You’re thinner,” he said, holding Daisy’s body close.
Rose spun round, robe in hands, “Stress often does that to a woman.”
Cade narrowed his eyes. “I was never unfaithful, Rose. Never. I loved you every minute; through the fights, the troubles, I still was devoted to you. I could never be with another woman after you.”
Rose was silent for one heartbeat, then another. “Words are cheap, Cade,” she said softly. “Maybe they never led you to bed, but my innocence does not mean ignorance. I know what goes on in those gambling houses. You are a handsome man, a wealthy man. Tell me, what is to stop a poor desperate woman from draping herself on you?” She nodded at his left hand. “Even though you still wear a wedding ring, I know you lost the original one. That seems more than symbolic, if you ask me. Our marriage was just one of secrecies and lies on your part. I never knew how much money we had or how much you lost. I never knew if you were working a case or in a stupor of whiskey and gambling.” She began to put on a robe, but Cade suddenly closed the gap between them.
Rose paused holding the robe in front of her corset. Cade was not touching her, but she could feel his breath, smell the wood and earth on his skin.
“The last night before you left, when you came to see me in prison.”
She nodded, implying she remembered.
“You said you loved me,” Cade’s voice was husky, his chest rising and falling slowly. “Did you mean it?”
Rose bit her lips, not liking how his eyes fell to them with the movement. “I would prefer not to answer that,” she said softly, moving past him.
“Why?” he asked, the irritation in his voice obvious.
“Because it will hurt you,” Rose said, throwing her hands in the air. She spun around. “Cade, I learned to let go. I learned to love you out of loyalty to our marriage more than out of admiration for you. I left because I knew it was time for me to start a new life with Daisy. Then you come to Tall Pine and suddenly all the healed anger and bitterness I felt towards you arises, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to be the angry, resentful girl I was
. It did no good. Any time I expressed those emotions, you responded with such aggressive words.”
Cade’s face was like stone, unflinching as he took in what she said. “I blamed my behavior on you, didn’t I?”
Rose’s eyes filled with tears. “Yes,” she choked. “You said I was a nag, that I pressured you, that I was the reason why you gambled and drank. It hurt Cade.” She tried to stop crying. She hated him seeing her weakness, but she could not stop. “Thankfully I turned to God and found love and healing through Christ. He saved me; He thought of me; He died for me and lived for me. So no, I do not love you in the romantic sense. I have learned that I don’t need you for me to be happy or for me to feel loved.” She stopped, wiping her eyes, her body trembling. It had been over two years since she’d confronted him, since she’d made her hurt known.
Cade stepped forward cupping Daisy’s head. “How did He heal you?”
Rose frowned. “What?”
“Christ. You said He healed you. How?”
Rose raised an eyebrow feeling a little hurt that he did not address her feelings. “You sound like Meg.”
“So, you told her the answer?”
Rose sighed, rubbing her temples. “I found my worth through Christ; it suddenly did not matter what you or anyone else thought of me. I knew what Christ thought of me and that was enough. For Meg, she has no idea how strong she is or how loved she is. Christ will heal that in her, too, but every individual is unique and so will be the remedy.”
Cade nodded, looking pensive. He began to turn but paused, “It’s like holding your breath, you know.”
Rose frowned. “What is?”
“Gambling, even drinking. I say I won’t do it, and it is like holding my breath until it reaches a point where I will do anything to breathe. I will lie, I will hurt, and I will say cruel things to justify it so I can breathe. Then when I finally do, when the cards are in my hand and the alcohol is running down my throat, I have a moment where I feel good. Then it is over and what I feel is—” he swallowed, “a shame, Rose, that I hope you never experience in your life.”
The Ways of Heaven Page 17
