Mom and I made it most of the way through dinner before she brought up the subject of Sander. Being that I was on my third glass of wine and pretty much feeling no pain, I told her all about our night together, making sure to start with the life altering sex.
I was doing fine until I got to the part about the fight. Telling my mother about it, actually saying it out loud, not only made it more real, but it made it seem kind of silly.
In an effort to make her understand, I said, “He wouldn’t talk to me. I begged him to and he just sat there all stiff and frigid with his jaw clenched. I accused him of not trusting me. God, Mom, I told him I loved him. When he didn’t say it back, I kind of freaked. I know I shouldn’t have left like that, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
She reached across the table and gave my hand a squeeze. “You did what was right for you and that is all that matters.”
“Was I wrong to tell him it was over? I don’t know anymore. I just . . . wanted him to talk to me.”
“Men are simple creatures, honey.” Pulling her hand away, she relaxed back in her chair before sagely adding, “Women think with their heads and men think with their penises. It has been this way since the dawn of time. It sounds to me like maybe you switched gears on him a little too fast.”
“I kept trying to get him to talk, but he kept—” My words faded to silence.
“Thinking with his penis?” she finished for me. “Look, I’m not going to discount what happened or tell you that your feelings are wrong. However, I do think that you need to consider what Sander was actually trying to convey.”
“I have thought about it. He wants to keep me in the dark, and I want to know what’s going on. I’m not okay with that.” In a mocking voice, I added, “He’s just trying to protect me.”
“Maybe he is, and maybe you should let him.”
I started to respond when the kitchen door opened. Walter appeared and the words died on my lips. This was my cue to get my ass up and go to bed. I stood from the table, and after telling them both good night, I stumbled my way upstairs and collapsed onto my bed. My thoughts immediately turned to Sander and the video. I dug my phone out of my back pocket, and just to torture myself, I watched it. Then I watched it again, and again. After that, I spent hours scrolling through Facebook.
***
The next week of my life was truly horrible. It all started with Jayne’s tweet. I couldn’t say I was surprised by it. After all, she certainly pulled no punches about her support for Ferris and her lack of love for Sander. So, her tweeting about her love for the show, the integrity of the network, and how they were one hundred percent behind Million Dollar Musician winner, Ferris Leon, came as no shock. However, she didn’t stop there. Over the course of a two-day period, she tweeted no less than fifteen times. To say that Jayne was bitter would be a gross understatement. She didn’t simply dislike Sander, she hated him, and because of this, she hated me, too. Carrie, Mom, and I would pow-wow after each tweet. They would analyze her words and I would rant about them. She tweeted about Sander’s bias toward me, that the votes were tampered with, and that Sander didn’t quit the show but was fired by the network. She alluded to drug addiction, sexual addiction, and narcissism as being the cause of everything. She also claimed that I was a sore loser and that Sander was suing Ferris in order to save face. I kept waiting for Sander to respond, to put her in her place, but he didn’t, and in a moment of weakness, I texted him.
Why are you letting her do this?
It took him four hours to say four words: I’ve got it handled. I swear, I almost threw my phone. Had it handled how, by pretending it wasn’t happening? Was he blind? The more Jayne tweeted, the bigger her following grew. Silence wasn’t going to shut her up.
By mid-week, I was at my wits end. Jayne’s horrendous tweets continued to come and Sander continued to not respond. I was on the verge of starting my own twitter war when it happened. It being an audio clip of Jayne confessing to Sander that everything—the blackmail, vote tampering, accusations, ev-ery-thing—was all manufactured in order to increase Million Dollar Musician’s ratings. Carrie called me from work and we cheered. It was epic. Absolutely brilliant. It was also my first inkling that maybe Sander really did have it handled.
The next day, XtBS issued a statement. The network had opened an official investigation and the taping of Season Two was postponed until further notice. That same day, Jayne deleted all of her social media accounts, which thrilled me to no end. I hoped the network would fire her ass.
By Friday, I was starting to panic. I had one week to prepare for the benefit concert. Olivia had been in touch and Meltdown wanted me to play four original songs as well as perform a song of theirs with them. They were probably going to choose the song a day or two before the event. This would not give us much time to practice, but luckily, I knew all of their songs already. In the middle of flipping through my songbooks and trying to choose which four songs to sing, my phone chimed with an incoming text message. As always, my mind went directly to Sander. Grabbing my phone from the table, I pulled up my messages and froze when I saw the name at the top of the screen. Ferris Leon.
My gut twisted into knots as I contemplated whether or not to open it. It could be nothing. Then again, what if it was something bad? Something that could hurt me or Sander? It was this thought that made me open it.
I hear that congratulations are in order, it read.
My first inclination was to ignore it. This lasted for all of two minutes. “Fuck you, Ferris,” I said, and typed. Go away.
I will say, I’m surprised you chose Happenstance, you know, with Olivia being Sander’s ex- baby mama and all. My mind literally spun. A long moment passed before he wrote: I take it you didn’t know? I scrambled for how to respond. Sander was with . . . Olivia? The words baby mama jumped from the screen and suddenly I couldn’t catch my breath.
The texts kept coming. Tell him to stop the lawsuit.
Sander. Was. With. Olivia. I was having trouble processing it.
If he doesn’t, he’s going to be sorry.
They have a baby together? He never said anything about a child.
I mean it, Wynne.
“Fuck you, Ferris!” I shouted, and this time, I did throw my phone. Just like my heart, it shattered into pieces all over the floor.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
* * *
“EVERY BREAKING WAVE”
Sander
The rush that came from taking down Ferris and Jayne was indescribable. It was a high like no other. To a man who knew all about getting high, this was saying something. The truth was finally out. In a matter of hours, Ferris was formally stripped of his Million Dollar Musician title. Not only that, but the network wanted their money back, or so the rumors said. Rumor also had it that Jayne’s refusal to pack her things and vacate the premises had landed her in handcuffs and a personal police escort to her car. I laughed my ass off when I heard about it. They would both be blackballed from the industry, which meant one thing: their careers were over. In the end, I didn’t have to take down the network. Jayne and Ferris had done it for me. XtBS’s ratings were abysmal and their highest paying show was tainted with scandal.
I met with Alex Wednesday afternoon to discuss the lawsuit. We agreed that he would file the motion for dismissal directly after his Thursday morning staff meeting. On the same day that Wynne signed the contract with Happenstance, I had him draw up the papers for my new company, SJ Entertainment. Alex still couldn’t believe that Wynne had signed without having an attorney present. I couldn’t argue with him. It was a boneheaded move, but for once things were going in my favor.
Two more days and I would be in Austin. I had no doubt that Wynne would be angry with me—angry enough to make me work for it—but I was more than ready for the challenge. I’d taken the job with Million Dollar Musician as a means to reignite my career, never imagining that it would lead me to Wynne. I never dreamed that I would do anything other than perform. The thrill
of molding new talent was far more satisfying and a hell of a lot less tempting than being on stage every night. If someone had told me five months ago that I would end up falling in love as well as contemplating a change in my entire career path, I would have laughed. As my father used to say, “Shit happens when you least expect it.” Well, shit was certainly happening.
Thursday morning, I was on the phone with the company that managed my place in Aspen, when Alex called. I ignored it. This was more important than anything he had to say. My goal was to get Wynne back to Aspen. I wanted her in my house and in my bed and I planned on getting her there as soon as humanly possible. Alex could wait.
Before I had a chance to return his call, Olivia called. Tomorrow was the day. Smiling, I answered, “Hello, Olivia, are we all set?”
“Have you seen it?” she asked. Her shrill tone put me instantly on alert.
“Seen what?”
“Look at your text messages. This is bad, Sander.” Shifting the call to speaker, I pulled up my texts and scrolled to Olivia’s name. I tapped on the link and waited. At first glance, it appeared to be an out of focus video. As the picture slowly cleared, a familiar voice panted, “If I go any harder I’ll hurt you,” and I instantly knew what it was. My stomach lurched and I ran for the bathroom. Dropping to my knees, I hurled the contents of my breakfast into the toilet. This wasn’t happening. Not now. Not when I was about to have everything I ever wanted. I was going to kill someone. Be it Gio, Ferris, or Jayne, they were going down.
After rinsing my mouth, I headed back to the living room.
“Sander, are you still there?” Olivia called out.
“I’m here.”
“As you can imagine, the video is everywhere. We’ve already spoken with our legal team and they’re working on getting it taken down. You and I both know that we can’t contain this fast enough, so we need to meet and figure out how to spin it. I’m sending the plane for you this afternoon.”
Fighting back another wave of nausea, I asked, “Who leaked it?”
“Who do you think?” She sounded angry. I didn’t blame her. This was the ultimate takedown and I was now a liability.
“No one knows about my part in Wynne’s contract or my involvement with Happenstance. Tell her that you found an error in the original contract. Take me out of it. I’m serious, Olivia, she never has to know.” I nearly choked on the words.
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Gio ruined our lives once. The hell if I’m letting him do it again. The plane will be there in a few hours.”
The doorbell rang. I peered through the blinds, and said, “My attorney’s here, I’ve got to run.”
“Is it still Alex?” she asked. I’d forgotten that she once knew all the players in my life.
“It is.”
“Good, bring him,” she said, and disconnected the call.
Alex was ready for a fight. I could see it on his face as he walked through the door.
“Olivia is already on it. They’re sending a plane. It lands in a few hours and she wants you there with me,” I told him.
His shoulders marginally relaxed. “Do you still want me to file to dismiss the lawsuit?”
“Why don’t you hold off for now.” I would be shocked if this had anything to do with Ferris. If he was involved, it was because someone was pulling his strings. Fucking Jayne. If she had anything to do with this, I was going to annihilate her.
As if reading my thoughts, Alex said, “Gio did this. He tried to call for months and I wouldn’t let him talk to you. He—” I cut him off.
“This isn’t your fault. I made you the go between. I need you to keep a clear head and help me figure this shit out from a legal perspective. Can you do that?” Alex assured me he was on it and we made plans to meet at the airport.
He took off and I paced the floor. All I could think about was Wynne. Had she seen the video? Did she hate me now? She should. As for Gio, it shouldn’t surprise me that he’d lied about getting rid of the video. But still . . . he’d had years to expose me, so why now? I knew it was a bad idea, but I had to know.
Gio answered on the first ring. The fucker was probably waiting for me to call. After slurring his way through how much he missed me and how we never talked anymore, he started the trek down memory lane, reminiscing about us getting high and having sex. I cut him off.
“Why did you do it?” The line fell silent.
“I didn’t know she was going to release it, man. I swear. She promised she wouldn’t.” I bet my life that the “she” he was talking about was Jayne.
“She who, Gio?”
“Jayne.” Her name came out as a whisper, but he might as well have shouted it.
“You said there were no copies of the video. You and Frank both swore that it no longer existed.”
“Frank didn’t know.”
“You’ve had years to expose me, so why now?” I knew why, I just wanted to hear him say it.
“My stash was out and I needed money,” he said. And there it was. This is what rock bottom looked like, where friends and family no longer mattered and you would do anything to score, including sell your fucking soul to the highest bidder.
“How much did she pay?”
“I tried calling you, but you changed your number. I tried calling that fuck-head attorney of yours, but he wouldn’t let me talk to you. Jayne came to me. I tried to tell you, but you were too busy with your new life. You dropped me, not the other way around, what did you expect me to do?”
“I expect you to act like a human being and stop fucking up my life!” I shouted. “Now tell me, how much did she pay?”
“Ten grand.” I almost laughed. I’d been taken down for a measly ten thousand dollars. How ironic it was that the video that saved me would be the thing that destroyed me.
“You’re a stupid fuck, Gio.”
“I know. I’m sorry.” He started sniffling, which meant that he was about to start crying.
“Hear me when I say that I will go to the ends of the Earth to make you pay for this.” I disconnected the call and thought, great, now he has my number.
***
The plane flight to Austin consisted of Alex working feverishly on his laptop to try and squelch the video and me doing everything I possibly could to avoid it. Olivia wasn’t lying when she said it was everywhere. I refused to turn on a television or look at social media for fear of being taken back to that fucked up place in my life. Who cared that it happened years ago? This was news. According to the tabloids my dirty secret was out. I was gay, or at the least, bisexual. What was the age old saying, turnabout is fair play? I had to give it to Jayne, she’d played her cards well.
Olivia sent a car to meet us at the airport. Instead of the studio, we drove into the Austin Hill Country to a large stone mansion, where we were greeted by Grant, Chaz, Olivia, and three of the label’s attorneys. Grant was surprisingly cool. We’d known each other back in the day, back when Dale and I were friends, but things had changed. Grant was now married with a kid and I was no longer that man in the video. I hadn’t been that man for a very long time.
Drinks were offered and Olivia dove right in with her thoughts on how to spin it.
“Do we know for sure that Gio leaked it?” Grant asked.
“It was Gio,” I confirmed, then turning to Olivia, said, “I spoke with him this morning after I talked to you. He sold the video to Jayne. She’s the one who leaked it.”
“I always hated that bitch,” Chaz muttered. “How much did she pay?” Of course, he would be the one to ask. Dick. He busted into laughter when I told him, which got him a dirty look from Alex and Olivia.
“That’s how we spin it,” Alex piped up, and the entire room paused. “Think about it. We’ve got a drug addicted ex-band member who’s also a jealous ex-lover.” His words hit a chord in me and I suddenly felt the need to clarify.
“For the record, I never loved Gio. Not like I loved—” My words trailed off when I realized what I was about to s
ay. Shit, I was really making a mess of it. “We were friends who fucked on occasion, that’s all,” I finished.
“We get that, but in order to spin it, we’ll need to use language you may not like. Gio needs to be a bitter ex who wanted to stick it to you, pardon the pun, or else this won’t work,” Alex coaxed.
“What you need is an exclusive,” Chaz said. “Somewhere big where you can tell your story. If it’s done right, you’ll be able to take down both Gio and Jayne.”
“Andy,” Alex and I said at the same time. I explained who Andy was and how I’d promised him an exclusive.
“It doesn’t get bigger than Rolling Stone,” Grant agreed. While Alex and I worked on the exclusive, the other three attorneys were going to do some digging. We needed two things: Proof that Jayne paid Gio for the video and the name of the person she used to leak it. It looked as if the next few days were going to be busy.
Olivia caught up with me as I was heading out onto the back patio to have a smoke.
Her nose scrunched as she stared at the cigarette in my hand. “I didn’t know you smoked.”
“It’s an off and on thing.”
“It’s a nasty habit,” she grumbled. I didn’t disagree. Right now, however, it was either this or taking a drink, so I took a deep inhale of nicotine and welcomed the buzz. It had been awhile since I thought about losing myself. How easy it would be to just pop some pills and forget. To drink my way through this fucking nightmare and escape into the bottle was beyond tempting. The one thing I’d tried so hard to prevent was now staring me in the face. My past had clashed into my present and it was a hell of a lot uglier than I ever imagined.
“I know you’re in love with Wynne.” Her words caught me by surprise, not because they weren’t true, but because she was the one saying them.
“Olivia—” I started to say something, but what?
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