“It’s not like that, Lacey.” A tiny flicker of something I hoped was shame flashed in his eyes.
“Bullshit. It’s exactly like that,” I cut in letting go of my anger. “I don’t know how you can stand there and look me in the eye and say that.”
“Because you don’t know everything.” I could see a muscle in his jaw twitching from the tight hold he had on himself. “You need to give me a chance to explain before you push me away. Don’t make the same mistake you did after the offer from RCA. Just like back then, it was never part of the plan to abandon you. If you’d stuck around instead of hooking up with Martin you would’ve found that out and things would’ve turned out differently.”
“That’s ancient history.” So many mistakes by both of us that couldn’t be undone. “Tell me how this time is any different. Now’s your chance. I’m listening.”
He didn’t speak, so I continued. “I’ll tell you then. This time it’s worse. This time there are three people you’re screwing over. There’s only one person you’re really looking out for, War, and that’s yourself.”
“That’s not true. I was looking out for you and Bryan, too.”
I shook my head. He didn’t get it. “War, you go off and do these things, like with RCA and Morris, you make these monumental decisions that will have a drastic effect on people’s lives, and yet you don’t stop to ask for or even to consider their opinion. That’s not normal behavior. That’s manipulative and self-serving.”
“Oh, so now after your near death experience, you’re an expert on psychology.” His face twisted with cruelty. “You accusing me of being manipulative. That’s a little hypocritical, don’t you think, considering you were screwing around on me with my best friend?”
I sucked in a sharp breath. The monitor beeped faster with my increased heart rate. “War.” This time my voice was plaintive.
“I knew he always had a thing for you, Lacey, but fuck, I trusted him, and I trusted you.”
“I know, War.” Tears stung my eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He turned his back to me. The line of his shoulders was stiff below the ends of his hair. “How long has it been going on?”
I sighed, but he deserved the truth. “Only the one time and it was me that’s to blame for it.”
His shoulders dropped but when he turned around, I powered on. “But it doesn’t really matter, does it?” My gaze slid from his and I looked out the window, watching slivers of orange peek through the gaps in the metal window blinds. The sun was finally setting on this disastrous day. And it was time to end this relationship that had gone on for far too long. I slid the ring off my finger and held it out to him. “Here. You and I both know this isn’t going to work anymore.”
His expression darkened. He looked away again. “Keep it.” His voice was gruff.
“No.” I shook my head. “Maybe you can get your money back.”
“Yeah.” His gaze sling-shotted back to me. “What about my heart that you’re ripping to shreds?” He took a step closer, eyes unmistakably glassy. “How am I gonna get that back?” His lips flattened. “Lacey, you almost died. I realized a lot of things while you were there in the ICU. Mostly how much you mean to me. I’m sorry about the Morris deal, and the way I handled the RCA thing. But I believe we can get past that if you’ll try. Let’s start again. There’s still time to work things out.”
My bottom lip trembled. This was the sweet side of War. The part of him that had stolen my heart as a teen. “We’re not kids anymore, Warren. It’s too late for do overs.” Warm tears of regret spilled onto my cheeks. What remained of this battered and bruised heart of mine would always belong to another and that wasn’t fair to War. I held out the ring. He reached out and closed my fingers around it.
“Keep it. To remember the good times.” He held my eyes for a moment shared sadness flowing wordlessly between us. He gave me a tight nod of acceptance before leaning down to kiss my forehead, a strand of his hair trailed through the wetness on my cheek as he straightened.
He paused in the doorway for a brief moment. “Goodbye, Lacey,” he whispered finally and disappeared.
***
When my eyes opened again, the room had fallen into shadow, silent except for the slow quiet beeping of the heart monitor. Scanning the room, I found a familiar figure slumped over in the chair. “Dizzy,” I croaked. My voice was so dry. He shifted, the leather of the lounger groaning beneath his weight, but he continued to snore. I swallowed and tried again. He opened his eyes and blinked the sleep away.
“You ok?” he asked, rising and crossing to my side.
The concern in his amber eyes made me determined to reassure him. “Not yet, but I will be,” I said with forced confidence.
He didn’t speak, but his expression softened and he covered my hand with his own.
“I really screwed up everything, Diz. You were right the other day about my life being out of control. I’ve been living on the edge for a while. It was only a matter of time before I fell off.”
“What are you going to do?”
I took in a fortifying breath. “It’s too deep a hole and too steep a climb to get out of as quickly as I’d like. I’m going to take it one step at a time.” I paused. “First step is rehab.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear that. I couldn’t stand to ever see you like that again. I love you.” He smoothed a hand over my hair. “I wish I had done things differently. When we moved in with Uncle Bruce I thought that you didn’t need protecting anymore. At least that’s what I told myself, so I wouldn’t feel guilty. I never should have …”
“Stop.” I put my hand on his arm. “You protected me when it mattered. Really. The mess I’m in right now is my own.”
His brow creased. “I want to help anyway I can.”
“I appreciate that.” I gave him a tentative smile. “But this is something I have to do for myself and if we’re being honest here I think you’ll admit that you’ve got issues of your own that need sorting through.”
His head lowered. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.
“Mom really screwed us both up good,” I whispered.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
* * *
Bryan
Arm over my eyes, I lay in my bunk on the bus with the curtain pulled closed. Earbuds in, no music, just static. Endless purposeless white noise just like a life stretched out before me without her in it.
I hadn’t heard War come on board yet. I knew he was probably still out at the hospital with Lace. That’s where I would be if I was him.
I love you.
The sound of her voice saying those words to him instead of me had been going through my brain on an endless loop. Baring my soul to her, exposing the ugly truth about the Morris deal, none of that had changed her mind. I’d always believed deep down that someday we would be together. I’d purposefully kept out of relationships or chosen ones destined to fail, hoping that one day she would be mine.
But now it looked like I was going to have to figure out how to move forward and start to live a real life without her. I turned over on my side and punched the pillow. Suddenly, the curtain on my bunk slid back.
Dizzy poked his spiky head into the gap. “You awake, man?”
“Yeah.” I pulled my earbuds out. “How is she?” I asked even though I knew I had no right, even though I knew I should cut the fucking cord already.
“She’s in a good place, all things considered,” Dizzy whispered. After a glance behind him, he continued. “Listen, why aren’t you answering your cell? She’s been trying to call you. She wants to talk to you before she gets transferred to the rehab facility.”
I shrugged, noncommittally.
“Are you gonna be ok?” Dizzy scratched his head as he studied me.
“Yeah, just too many hours awake I guess.”
“Alright. If you say so.” Dizzy didn’t look entirely convinced. “Here’s the number at the hospital anyway.” He handed me a piece of paper. The number on it was in her h
andwriting. “Call her, ok? She really wants to talk to you.”
Without waiting for a response, Dizzy slid the curtain back into place and once more I was alone with only my thoughts to torture me. I flipped onto my back and stared without blinking at the silver ceiling of the bus for so long my vision blurred. I wanted to hear that beautiful voice of hers, but what would that accomplish? What was left for her to say? Nothing I wanted to hear, I was sure.
I crumpled the note in my fist and tossed it at my feet.
***
Lace
I stared out the window, watching the sunrise above the clipped hedge that lined the perimeter of Second Chances. Outside I could hear the fountain softly gurgling, but inside a torrent of conflicting emotions raged within me. I’d been able to keep my mind occupied while I filled out reams of admission paperwork, met the staff and been shown to my quarters. But now I was alone, overwhelmed, and adrift. I longed for a shot of something to numb the pain. It would be so much easier to escape into the drugs than to face what lay before me.
Why hadn’t he called? I’d delayed the transfer for over an hour hoping to hear something from him. Anything. A dark wave of emptiness crashed over me, leaving me hollow in its wake. This was even worse than that morning after prom.
Because now wasn’t a backup plan.
There was no one waiting in the wings to help. The one I’d always counted on to catch me when I fell was ominously absent and silent.
And I had no one to blame but myself. I’d pushed him away one too many times. I sank back onto the mattress and lay down on my side, the polyester comforter scratchy against my wet cheek.
This time I was truly on my own.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
* * *
Bryan
I glared poisoned daggers at War’s back as he walked offstage after our lackluster performance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena. My former best friend and I were no longer on speaking terms. If it wasn’t so pathetically sad, it would almost be comical, the way we communicated now using other people as intermediaries. Though it hadn’t been too much of a problem during the Miami sound check, it had been a big problem during the concert. It was really fucking hard to hit your cues when your lead singer wouldn’t make eye contact.
After the encore, Dizzy had cursed up a storm and stomped off stage with the latest groupie in tow. From their position against the far wall, King and Sager were continuing to cast dubious glances my way as they conversed with a couple of roadies. Watching War with his arms thrown around a couple a women did nothing to improve my foul mood. How could he do that to Lace when he’d just told her he loved her? Apparently two weren’t enough for our Tempest front man either. He crooked his finger to get the attention of a brunette whose blouse was so low cut I could see her nipples.
I took another drag on my cigarette as War started making out with all three of them.
Asshole.
So intent was my focus that I practically jumped out of my skin when I felt someone lay a hand on my arm. My gaze swept over the curvy form of an ebony haired beauty as her black finger nails traced a line to the center of my bare chest.
“Bullet,” she purred. “Don’t you wanna get laid?”
I froze. Sure I did, but not tonight and not by her. I was sick of this fake shit. I might not have Lace, but I wanted something better than that, something real. I looked at the woman again, really looked at her. Behind the outward overtly sexual display, I knew that there was a living breathing person inside, one with feelings. That’s something I couldn’t ignore anymore.
I also noticed that her hand trembled. She definitely had stars in her eyes. She couldn’t be much older than my sister, Miriam, in fact. I’d been carefully avoiding thoughts like these for a long time. But all these women who threw themselves at us had one thing in common.
Hope.
Hope to hook up with someone famous. Hope that they’d be the one to tame one of us. Hope that when we hooked up with them it’d be the start of something beautiful and not just a sex act.
One time, never twice, leave ’em satisfied, but always leave ’em.
I couldn’t do that anymore.
The loud sound of a slap had me turning me head just in time to see War disappear inside the temporary dressing room with his trifecta.
Hell, fucking no.
I gently removed the woman’s hand from my arm. “I’m sorry, babe. It’s not you. It’s me. Maybe…” But I trailed off. She’d already turned away and moved to Dizzy before I’d even finished speaking. Appeared she was about to make him a similar proposition. So much for my attempt to save the world one groupie at a time.
The sound of Brutal Strength’s set starting in the background, I skirted around a group of tour personnel and didn’t stop to knock at the door I’d seen War enter. I threw it open so hard it clanged against the cinderblock wall. In spite of that, it took several moments before anyone inside even noticed me.
Leather pants unlaced, legs splayed lazily wide, War sat on a folding chair guzzling whiskey straight from the bottle. The woman kneeling between his legs was going down on him while he watched the other two women going at each other.
One of the girl-girl twosome glanced over at me. “Hmm, Bullet’s here. Come on over, baby.”
War’s head snapped up and he glared at me. “You’re not invited to this party, Jackson.” He took a long swig from the bottle. “Now, get the fuck out!” he shouted at me before pushing the woman’s head back down.
I saw red. Total fire engine red. Siren’s blaring in my ears. The works. I stepped further into the room. “Give us a minute, ladies,” I said cooly, but inside I was on fire, shaking mad.
The woman in front of War, sat back on her heels, wiped her mouth, gave me a confused look, and motioned to the other two to follow her out of the room. As soon as the door closed, I spun around to face War. Our illustrious lead singer re-laced his pants and met me in the center of the room, his own eyes ablaze. “This better be a fucking emergency.”
Furious, I took a step forward and shoved War with both hands.
“What the fuck, man?” War knocked both my hands aside and gave me an equally hard shove back. “You busting in here just to pick a fight with me?” War mockingly crooked the fingers of both hands. “Well, come on, Bullet. Bring it. Though I don’t get you at all, man. It’s me that should wanna beat in your fucking face in for what you did to me.”
All the anger and hurt I felt about Lace choosing him instead of me coalesced into my clenched fist. I reared back and let War have it. There was a satisfying smack as my fist connected with his jaw, sending a shock wave all the way back to my shoulder.
The force of the blow knocked War clear off his feet. His body slammed into the liquor cabinet. Bottles of booze fell like rain off the shelf, crashing onto the concrete floor.
He scrambled to his feet and rubbed his jaw. “You bastard. You’re the one who fucking screwed my woman.” Then he came at me like a blitzing middle linebacker.
I managed to dodge him just as the door flew open and Dizzy, Sager, and King burst into the room. As I was rounding on War, Dizzy stepped between us. King grabbed my arms from behind. Sager did the same to War. I saw the PR chick from Black Cat had followed them into the room. She closed the door behind her.
“Let me go.” I struggled to break free from King’s grasp. The guy was the same height as me but built like a fucking tank. I couldn’t budge him. My gaze flashed back to War. “You don’t fucking deserve her, asshole. She loves you, man. She almost died barely twenty-four hours ago and you’re getting yourself a blow job the minute she’s not around.”
“Used to love me,” War muttered. “She served me walking papers at the hospital.” He shrugged out of Sager’s grasp. “I didn’t start this shit.”
Holy shit. Lace had broken it off with War! And she’d tried to call me before she went into rehab.
I didn’t even notice that King had released me. My mind was still reeling from the
implications of that bit of earthshattering news when suddenly War was nose to nose with me. I smelled the fumes on his breath and his face was red and twisted with anger.
“I warned you, brother. Bitches are trouble. But you didn’t listen. And now she’s come between us. Messed us up. Messed up the band.”
“Wasn’t her that did all that. It was you, asshole,” I growled. “You’d sell your own mother if the price was right.”
“Whoa,” Dizzy said. “Easy, guys. Let’s leave the mothers out of it.”
“I can’t believe you.” War shook his head. “You’ve got that bitch up so high on a pedestal you can’t even see her faults.”
The shrill ringing of a cell phone cut through the charged silence that followed the last comment.
“Yes.” Beth eyed us all warily as she answered the call. “I’m here now…No, you were right, Mary. I’ll call you back as soon as I’m done.” She pocketed the cell. Her heels clacked on the concrete as she took a couple of steps forward. Her demeanor was entirely professional. Apparently she was totally unfazed by what she’d just seen. “You guys obviously need a keeper. Mary’s calling in Ian Vandergriff to handle things.”
I cringed. Vandergriff had a reputation industry wide. He was the manager who’d been brought in to straighten out the Dirt Dogs after their lead singer had passed out on stage for the third time in two weeks. I’d heard it had taken less time than that for him to bring them to their knees. The guy was a total hard ass.
Shit.
Beth glanced back and forth between me and War. “Vandergriff’s salary is going to come out of your tour bonuses by the way.”
Great. Just fuckin’ great.
CHAPTER THIRTY
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Rock Star Romance Ultimate: Volume 1 Page 106
