by Adriana Noir
“I didn’t ask you to come in here and badger me, Taylor. All you need to worry about is getting better. Either sit down and talk to me or go lay back down.”
Securing the packages of sausage and mushrooms cradled in his arm, he nudged the refrigerator door shut.
“I feel fine,” she said, unable to mask the raw pleading in her voice.
He dropped the contents onto the gleaming granite countertop and froze. She swallowed seeing his knuckles whiten as he gripped the ledge.
“Why do you always do this?” he asked quietly. “Why do you have to argue and push? Why can’t you just sit back and let someone take care of you? What are you so damn afraid of?”
Her mouth opened and closed around a silent denial. Frowning, she crossed the room and settled onto one of the bistro chairs seated at the breakfast table. Her brow furrowed as she gave the question serious merit. Twisting the stretchy hem of her tee, she squirmed as Sebastian’s expectant gaze bore into her. Tension thrummed between them as he moved on and started chopping the ground sausage in the skillet with a spatula.
“I guess…” She started then faltered as he glanced up. “I guess I’m afraid of becoming a burden.”
“That makes no sense, Taylor,” he said dryly.
“Yes it does. You just don’t understand. You’ve never been in that position.”
He set the spatula down with a little more force than was necessary. “Haven’t I? There was a time not too long ago when you were waiting on me hand and foot. I couldn’t get out of bed. I couldn’t fend for myself in any way, shape, or form after that explosion. Is that what you thought of me?” he asked. “Was I a burden?”
“Well, no, but…”
“Come here,” he ordered, pointing to the spot in front of him.
Hugging herself, she made the slow trek across the kitchen. Unable to help it, she winced when he reached for her chin.
“Quit lying,” Sebastian warned, his fingers firm along her jaw. “If you’re going to offer an explanation, at least be honest with me and yourself. What are you so afraid of, Taylor?”
“I…” Tears threatened and she bit the insides of her cheeks with the hopes the pain would help her hold herself together.
“Spit it out!”
“I don’t know! Maybe it’s stupid, but I always find myself wondering if I had just done more for myself or to help my mom out then maybe—maybe she wouldn’t have left. If I hadn’t been such a financial strain on my uncle growing up then maybe he could of…” She trailed off and choked down the knot building in her throat. The last words came out quiet and strained. “Maybe he could have loved me. Maybe they wouldn’t have done those things and tried to set me up.”
Sebastian winced. As the words struck home, his face slowly crumpled and he pulled her into his arms. Holding on tight, Taylor buried her nose against the fragrant warmth of his chest and held on for dear life. She refused to let the tears fall but was unable to quell the pained tremors running through her.
“Shh,” he soothed, stroking one hand over the back of her head as the other smoothed over her spine. “Don’t. You can’t think like that. Don’t do that to yourself, Taylor.”
“I can’t help it,” she said, pulling back.
Sebastian cradled her face firmly between his hands. His eyes were stern and beseeching as they locked with hers. “Listen to me,” he ordered. “Those people didn’t deserve you, baby. I know it’s hard to hear because it’s your family and they’re all you’ve ever known, but that’s not what family does. That’s not love. You don’t use the people you care about or walk away because things get difficult. I’m sorry you had to go through that, but you need to get it through your head that that’s not me. I’m never going to walk away from you, Taylor. Never, and I’m sure as hell not going to give you up just because we hit a few bumps along the way.”
“I know,” she whispered.
A sad smile plied his lips and he shook his head. “No, baby. You don’t. If you did, you would trust me. You would believe what this ring stands for,” he said, stroking the thick platinum and diamond band. “You’d believe in me and the promises I’ve made you.”
“Sebby…”
He silenced her with a gentle forefinger. “Just hear me out. I haven’t had the easiest time in life either. My family has been dysfunctional, broken, and ripped apart time and time again. Maybe it’s hard for you to understand, but it’s nice to think that I’m needed once in a while too. I do a lot of taking in this relationship, Taylor. Please don’t fight me when I try to give something back.”
“You do a lot of giving,” she argued.
“Have I? I’ve bought you things to try to express my affection, but it’s not about the money with you. It never has been. It took me a while to understand and accept that, but it’s true. With you, it’s all about the actions and what people do. You treasure the little things, Taylor. Let me do them for you. Believe it or not, I enjoy it.”
Sighing, she shrugged. “Okay. I’ll try.”
“Don’t try, baby. Just do. Now go sit your ass down before I decide to heat it up.”
A short while later, they were finishing off the remainder of their dinner. He’d whipped up a delicious alfredo lasagna and the rich aroma of garlic toast mingled in the air along with the lingering undercurrent of spiced sausage. Sebastian had relented a little by letting her chop up a head of lettuce and some cucumber for their salad. Stuffed, she leaned back with a contented groan. The slight shift in position scooted the ottoman they’d been using as a makeshift table across the floor. It was a nice break from the cold formality of the dining room, even if it was one she knew he didn’t necessarily enjoy. Whether he admitted it or not, Sebastian was very much a man of habits and routine.
His eyes were dark and troubled as he lowered his wineglass and set it down. Lost in his thoughts, he traced the delicate stem for a moment. “I need you to promise me something,” he murmured before swinging his piercing gaze her way.
Her breath caught seeing the intensity burning there.
“Things are really stepping up at work, and I don’t know where any of this is going to lead. I’ve never been a good man, Taylor. I’ve said and done some really terrible things in my lifetime, but I’ve always done them so that other people could survive. Right now, I don’t even have that reassurance to cling to,” he said, still focusing on the fragile stem of his glass. “You’re always so good at seeing the best in people. I want you to promise me when this is all said and done that you will try to still see something good in me. Try not to see me as a monster, even if that’s what I have to be. Help me find something that’s still worth redeeming, Taylor…please.”
The familiar noose of fear loosened, but her heart broke and shattered with his words. There was a desperation in his voice—a raw and anguished pleading that she hadn’t heard since the night he told her about SKALS. Even worse was the damp shimmer of tears building in his eyes, and the way he couldn’t even bring himself to look at her as his proud stance slumped in defeat.
Flinging her napkin aside, she scrambled to the other side of the ottoman and wrapped her arms around him. Sebastian gathered her in a fierce embrace, his hold crushing as the hard lines of his body strained against hers.
“Sebby….please stop tearing yourself apart. It’s okay. Everything is going to be okay. We will get through this, and I will do whatever I can to hold us together. I promise.”
“I don’t know what to do,” he admitted. “How could I ask you or our baby to carry my name when this is the legacy I’d be handing you?”
She ran her hands over his face, trying her best to smooth away the heartbreak stamped across his noble features. “I don’t care about that, Sebastian.”
“I do,” he said, his voice breaking. After a moment, he pulled back and shut down the brief show of emotion with a forceful sniff. “A man is defined by his actions, Taylor. I want there to be something more to my story. Something meaningful. I don’t want my entire legac
y to be about a man who facilitated torture and death.”
“It won’t be. You are the man I love. You’re going to be a father, and this baby is your legacy,” she said, pressing his palm against her stomach. “Our home and the life we give it—the memories we make here will be what lives on after we are gone. Nothing can take that away from you and nothing can change that.”
“I want to believe that, Taylor. I do,” he whispered, reverently stroking her belly with his fingertips. “But if Marx follows through with his plans, that will never happen.” His eyes darted to hers and begged for a way to make her understand. “He’s already starting to put things into play. He wants to expand field operations and start community reinforcement. One by one, he will start stripping people’s weapons and means of defense away. He will recruit those he finds useful and eliminate the rest, and he won’t stop there. It’s only going to keep spreading. How can I ever look my child in the eye and explain that I was the one who let something like that happen? I can barely stand to face myself in the mirror right now, let alone look at you.”
“You’ll figure it out when the time is right, Sebastian.”
“The time is now, Taylor. It has to be now.”
She didn’t know what else to say. Even if she had known, she doubted she’d be able to speak. Images of Marx and SKALS storming across the country like some sick resurrection of Hitler and his twisted SS plagued her head. Neither was pleasant. She felt her body shudder as she released the breath she’d been holding. Unable to help it, she wondered what the hell she’d gotten herself into that day in the woods. She gave her head a firm shake, trying to clear her mind. Now wasn’t the time to fall apart. It was the time to buck up and be strong.
Then, a sobering thought struck. Marx viewed Sebastian as some sort of prized protégée. His own legacy—clay to be molded and shaped as he pleased before he passed the torch on. While they’d never discussed it, she knew Sebastian would sooner die than see his child choose the same paths he had taken. The cold-hearted director would not be as kind. There was a very real and terrifying possibility Marx would see her pregnancy as an asset. A sick and twisted way of securing what he considered prime DNA. She put nothing past the monster, and the thought of him ripping their child away and raising it as some sort of super soldier like his father damn near shattered what was left of her sanity.
Her heart dropped clear down to the pit of her stomach and she felt her grip on Sebastian’s hand tighten as the floor threatened to give way beneath her. Swinging her wide gaze up to his, she realized they were both lost, both drifting in the middle of a violent storm with nothing to cling to but each other.
CHAPTER 4 ~
A pale swath of moonlight spilled through the curtains, bathing the room in a silvery glow. Sebastian watched the light meander through the shadows where it shimmered along Taylor’s skin. He studied her face as she slept, watching each subtle nuance play across her delicate features, searching for some sign of happiness or peace in her dreams. He’d given up trying to fall asleep long ago and the hours seemed to crawl by as he lay awake in a silent vigil. Somehow, it helped to ease the guilt he felt each time his gaze wandered to the small cuts marring her skin or the still level plane of her stomach as it rose and fell with her breath.
It still humbled and amazed him to know there was a tiny life growing in there. A life that he’d helped create. That was a true first, this sense of giving life instead of taking it. A lump swelled in his throat as he remembered hearing the quiet but rapid whir of their baby’s heart for the first time. The static-filled images had been hard to decipher, but there’d even been glimpses of miniature fingers and toes. It was such a small moment, but one that left him forever changed. There was nothing he wouldn’t do, no line he wouldn’t cross to keep them both safe.
His mind whirled, still searching for solutions or the fragile threads of promise that never came. He wanted nothing more than to walk into headquarters and plant a bullet in Marx’s skull. If he knew for a fact he could take the bastard out without any backlash to his family, he would gladly lay down his own life in exchange. It was fear that held him at bay. Fear of what would happen to Taylor and the baby in the aftermath. Fear of what would happen to his sister, to Mia, even Josh if the rest of the men turned on him and branded him a traitor. Everyone he loved would suffer dearly. Then there was the fear that Marx would somehow survive and force him to watch as SKALS took out the people he loved and cared about the most one-by-one.
What the hell was he supposed to do?
If he didn’t comply and go along with Marx’s twisted plans, if the bastard so much as suspected he was turning, he was as good as dead. Or, at the very least, Marx would make him pray he was. If he followed things though and stayed true, every agency known to man was going to come crashing down on their heads and with good reason. If Marx was telling the truth, and a small part of him suspected the man was, the car accident was a none too subtle warning of things to come. No one was playing around anymore, and no one was just going to sit back on their laurels and wait for things happen.
Blue was making his entire world implode.
Sighing, Sebastian rolled onto his back and raked his hands through his hair. There were too many damn variables. No matter which way he turned, the stakes were high. The costs far more than he was willing to pay. He wanted a drink, but there wasn’t an alcohol in existence strong enough to dull the turmoil in his mind.
Rolling over, he wrapped his arms around Taylor and gently drew her to his side. Even the smallest gap between them felt like too much when the future loomed so dark and uncertainly on the horizon.
She stirred and a quiet whimper wrested him from his thoughts. Frowning, he eased her head onto his chest. Running his fingers through her hair, he murmured soft words of reassurance until her breathing slowed and evened out into the rhythmic patterns of sleep. Soothed by the warmth of her body and the familiar smell of vanilla and cashmere, he closed his eyes, relishing the way the rest of the world and all of its troubles started to fade away. For the moment, all that mattered was the here and now. It was all anyone was ever guaranteed.
~*~*~*~
The late May sun beat down on the sectioned courtyard full force and scorched their skin with the same ruthless assault. Sebastian squinted against the blinding glare as one of the rays bounced off metal and reflected into his eyes. Sweat trickled down his temples and licked the sides of his neck. It gathered between his shoulders and pooled in the small of his back. He would have killed for a pair of shades or a cold drink, and the pained wince crossing Josh’s sharp features said his partner felt much the same. They’d been standing in formation for well over two hours, despite the dessert heat, and Marx showed no signs of letting up anytime soon.
One of the recruits wavered on his feet beside him. The momentary loss of balance was enough to make the man shift his weapon and draw the attention of their commander. Stiffening, Sebastian steeled his jaw and waited. The blast from Marx’s gun roared through the empty desert basin where it echoed in his ears. The telltale mist that followed felt almost cool against his burning skin.
The grim press of the commander’s mouth said it all.
And another one bites the dust.
That made two now. He doubted anyone even knew the last poor bastard’s name. He was one of the new guys, just another meaningless face meant to buffer their ranks. Unfortunately for both of them, the kid hadn’t passed the test.
Squaring his shoulders, he met Marx’s expectant gaze and resisted the urge to wipe the blood off his skin.
“I suggest you gentlemen toughen up,” the burly director ordered. “The tiniest shift in movement can give your position away and leave you open for attack. This endangers not just you, but your team as well. There is no room for weakness in our ranks and it won’t be tolerated. If you let me or this organization down, I guarantee you will not be getting anything as quick as a bullet to the head.”
Josh opened his mouth to speak, then
thought better of it. Sebastian tensed when Marx turned on them both, his dark eyes narrowing.
“Is there something you wish to add, Agent Reevers?”
“No, sir,” Josh said, offering a grim shake of his head. “I thought it was an excellent speech.”
Long seconds ticked by as the director held him pinned beneath his stare. Just when Sebastian thought he couldn’t bear the standoff any more, Marx turned and strolled the other way with a disapproving shake of his head.
“Tell me something, Agent Baas. Is there anything about this man you find particularly useful besides his extraordinary talent for running his mouth?”
In light of Josh’s stupidity and the fact that he now had a bull’s eye painted on his back, he seriously had to ponder that one for a moment. “Yes, sir. I do.”
Marx whirled on them both. He stroked the thin line of his moustache before responding with a disappointed grunt. “That is unfortunate to hear. In that case, I advise you get your partner out of my sight before I do something you’ll both regret. I’m two seconds away from sparing myself any further aggravation at his bequest.”
His heart sank, but he said nothing. To do so would be a fatal mistake. Snatching Josh up by the back of his sweat-drenched collar, he wrenched his partner out of line and shoved him in the direction of the open doors. Josh stumbled forward, but caught his balance and fell into a more graceful but hurried stride. They barely cleared headquarter walls before Sebastian spun him around with a forceful shove to the shoulder and jacked him against the concrete with enough force to drive the air from his lungs. Blue eyes cold and steely, Josh stiffened in his grip.
One of the security guards manning the doorway shot them an uneasy glance and edged a few steps to the side. A quick nudge to his counterpart silently urged the other man to do the same.
“What the hell were you thinking, Reevers?” Sebastian hissed. “You almost got yourself killed out there!”
