They went into the living room. Lakota took a seat on the couch beside where Blake had positioned his chair. “I’m proud of you, Blackened Hawk. I knew your disability wouldn’t prevent you from being the same man. You saved that woman and boy tonight, despite everything. Weaker men who had use of their legs might not have been able to do what you did, and yet you overcame that.”
He shook his head. “I just did what I always would have done.”
His father smiled, deepening the lines on his face. “That’s my point exactly. Your body may be broken, Blake, but your heart is not. You need to acknowledge that, and I think it may help your spirit guide problem.”
Blake pressed his lips together. He didn’t want to say what he’d thought earlier out loud in case it jeopardized any chance of him healing.
His father noticed his hesitation. “What is it? Talk to me, son.”
“I’m not sure, exactly. I feel different, as if I’m stronger somehow. And I didn’t notice the cold outside. My body heat dropped when my wolf started distancing itself from me, but now I think it may have increased again.”
Lakota leaned over and placed his weathered palm against his son’s head, checking his temperature as though he were a small boy with the flu. Lakota smiled and nodded. “You feel warm to me, too, son.”
Blake suppressed a smile. He didn’t want—didn’t dare—to hope that something might have changed only to be disappointed.
He feared that if he dared to hope, then whatever magic may have happened, would only vanish again.
Chapter Thirteen
THE NEXT MORNING, Blake opened his eyes to the stomach sinking realization that Autumn and the others hadn’t yet returned.
A.J. had regained consciousness at some point during the night and kept himself entertained by hammering on the inside of the cellar door and demanding to be let out. When that didn’t work, he’d resorted to hurling abuse, which everyone had ignored. Blake had hoped Chogan would be back by now to deal with this new problem. His cousin was the one who’d brought Madison and Billy into the group, so it seemed only right that he be the one to clear up the mess.
Blake lay still for a moment and internalized his thoughts, probing into the darkest recesses of his mind, like a mental prodding with his tongue into a space a tooth had once inhabited. After his increase in body heat last night, he wondered if his wolf was any closer. His mind traveled into the part of his soul his wolf inhabited. Whether his spirit guide liked it or not, they were still joined, and they always would be. He wasn’t sure if a spirit shifter could ever be completely parted from their spirit guide. It was strange, he felt like this was the one time his wolf guide should be there for him, should help him spiritually to find the right path.
A surge of surprising anger lifted inside of him. He’d been abandoned because of his physical incapacity by the one being who should have helped him the most.
What would happen if he was able to shift again? Would he be able to run, or would he be a crippled wolf? He assumed the reason his spirit guide had kept his distance was because his last instinct was correct. If he shifted, his wolf body would be as broken as his human one. Despite his anger, he didn’t blame his spirit guide for keeping his distance. If he knew a way he could avoid being what he was, he would keep his distance, too.
In his head, his wolf growled.
Blake tensed. Are you there?
The growl came again. His wolf was definitely closer, though he wasn’t synched with it as he had been. But his father had agreed that his body temperature had increased. Did he dare hope things were getting better, and, if they were, what had been the cause? Had it been because of the small amount of contact he’d made in the spirit world? Or had saving Madison and Billy last night somehow helped?
The sound of movement and scents of breakfast came from the direction of the kitchen, cups clinking, water running, the hiss and sudden waft of bacon frying.
Blake opened his eyes and pulled himself to sitting and then leaned out of the bed to allow his body weight to take him to the floor. Using only his arms, he took himself to use the bathroom. Damn it, he couldn’t even piss like a man, forced to sit on the toilet like a woman instead. Would his hatred of the way he was ever end?
With business taken care of, he pulled himself into his chair and maneuvered himself out of the door, down the hall, and into the kitchen. Everyone else was already there—his father drinking coffee at the table, Madison buzzing around, feeding Billy breakfast, and Wenona frying up bacon in the pan. Such a domestic, normal scene, it was hard to imagine they had a guy locked up in the basement.
“Morning,” he said as he pulled himself up to the table.
“Morning,” his father replied, before taking another slurp of coffee and turning the page of an old newspaper he’d found.
Madison gave him a smile and poured milk onto Billy’s breakfast cereal.
No one mentioned A.J.
Wenona dropped a plate onto the table in front of him and started to pile it high with bacon, eggs, and toast.
He lifted a hand to stop her. “That’s plenty, Wenona, thanks.”
“Nonsense. Strapping young man like you needs to keep his strength up.”
He smiled and tucked in, relishing the soft egg, and the salty bacon. He was starving.
“So what are we going to do about your ex?” Blake asked Madison, once Billy had run off to play in the yard. “We can’t keep him in the cellar indefinitely.”
She pushed her dark hair away from her face. “Sure, I know that.”
“Do you want us to call the cops? He was abducting you both, after all. That’s got to be a crime in the eyes of the law.”
“I’ve reported him before for getting violent, and the police never did anything. They had a quiet ‘word’ with A.J. and told me that he wouldn’t be a problem again. Of course, that was bullshit, ’cause as soon as they left, he pinned me up against the wall and told me if I ever called the cops on him again, he’d take Billy away from me.”
“Asshole.”
“Yeah, you can say that again.”
“Okay, we’ll wait until the others come back, and perhaps a little time with a whole bunch of shifters will make A.J. understand what the cops didn’t—that he needs to stay out of your life in order to keep his.”
Madison gave a small smile. “Thanks, Blake. And thank you for last night as well. I can’t imagine where we would be right now if you hadn’t stopped A.J. like that. What you did was incredible—I mean that—especially considering you’re ...”
She motioned to his chair, and he gave a nod to show he understood what she was trying to say without her needing to actually say it.
“Well, thank you,” she said again, and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek. The waft of a fruity body wash filled his senses, and her soft hair brushed the side of his neck.
Stupidly, he felt himself blush.
He caught his father watching, and Lakota raised his eyebrows at him. It was nothing. He loved Autumn, but it was nice to have a beautiful young woman make him feel like he wasn’t completely unnoticeable now he was confined to a wheelchair.
“Blackened Hawk,” said Lakota. “I wondered how you might feel about trying to contact the spirit world again. You said your body temperature had increased. Does your spirit guide feel any closer?”
He nodded. “Actually, yes. This morning my wolf was really close, but when I tried to make contact, it growled and backed off.”
“Do you remember how I told you how I felt that your struggles with your spirit guide may be more about your broken spirit than your broken body?” Blake nodded. Lakota continued, “I wonder if what happened last night, how you saved Madison and Billy, may have somehow mended your soul a little. You proved to yourself that you’re not incapable, or useless, or any of the other things you have been thinking about yourself recently. Perhaps that’s the reason why you felt differently afterward.”
Could it be true? He definitely had felt different, b
ut that could be explained away by something as simple as the adrenaline rush.
Whatever the reason, it was something to go on, and Blake would do anything to get back to the man he once was.
“I’d like to try again.”
His father nodded. “Good. You remember the rules from last time?”
“Yeah, don’t lose sight of my body.”
He hadn’t forgotten the feeling of being lost in that strange, empty world and had no intention of making the same mistake twice. He wondered if his father would be encouraging him to try again if he knew Blake had lost sight of his body before, and that he’d even contemplated not coming back.
“That’s right. Are you ready now?”
Blake took a final slurp of his coffee. “Sure.”
He turned to Madison. “Are you going to be okay with him?” he asked, jerking his head toward the locked cellar door.
“Of course. Send Billy in when you go out. I figure you might need your privacy.”
“Will do.”
“We’ll be fine,” said Wenona, flapping them out with a tea towel. “You boys go and do what you need to do.”
Blake and Lakota exchanged a glance, suppressing smiles.
“I’ll go and get what I need,” said Lakota. “I’ll meet you outside.”
Blake wheeled himself to the front door. It was already open due to Billy playing outside and Madison wanting to be able to hear him, so Blake just pushed the chair through the doorway and headed down the ramp. The boy was scratching in the dirt with a stick and he glanced up as Blake approached.
“Your mom wants you to go back in the house now, buddy.”
The boy grinned. “Okay. Is my daddy still in the basement?”
Blake didn’t know what to say. “Errr, yeah. But he’s all right. It’s just safer down there for him.”
“I know. My daddy gets mad sometimes.”
Blake’s heart broke for him. No kid should have to go through a parent mistreating them in such a way. Your parents should be the ones you could rely on whatever the situation.
Billy ran back inside the house. Lakota met him on the way, and ruffled the boy’s hair as they passed. Blake reminded himself how lucky he was to have Lakota as a parent. He’d done his father a great disservice by leaving all those years ago and effectively cutting himself out of his life. He’d given no thought to his family back then, the pain he might have caused. Though he’d written, he’d been so caught up in his own pain at the death of his childhood girlfriend, and the belief both she and Chogan had betrayed him, that he’d never spent much time worrying about how his father felt. Now Autumn had lost her father as well. He needed to make sure he appreciated having the old man around.
“Hey, love you, Dad,” Blake said as Lakota approached.
Lakota gave a surprised smile of pleasure. “I love you, too, son. What’s brought this on?”
Blake shrugged. “No reason. Just wanted to make sure you knew.”
“You’re going to be just fine,” Lakota said, misunderstanding the reason for Blake’s sudden words of endearment. “We all are.”
“Sure, I hope so.”
“Are you ready?” his father asked.
Blake nodded. “Are we going to the same place?”
“I think that would be best.”
Lakota positioned himself behind Blake’s chair and helped to push Blake through the rougher terrain, while Blake pushed the wheels with his hands to help things along. He couldn’t expect his father to wrestle the entire weight of both him and the chair through the forest. The shadows cast over them as they moved beneath the canopy of trees, the atmosphere growing more subdued. The drop in temperature as fall approached had reduced the number of insects. Even the birdlife was starting to move to warmer climes, while other small mammals scurried around, trying to gather the last tidbits of food before they bedded down for the winter.
They came to a halt in around the same position they’d been last time. Blake pushed down with his palms on the seat of the wheelchair and lifted himself clear, before maneuvering onto the ground. He shuffled away to give himself space between himself and the chair, and then lay flat. Lakota moved around him, placing candles, as he had before, and scattering herbs. He sang a low, ancient song, calling to the spirit world for help.
Blake steeled himself for the strange sensation of leaving his body once more. Though he was nervous about entering the spirit world, he was also looking forward to being able to walk again, even if it wasn’t for real.
His father’s voice surrounded him, lulling him into a sense of peace. The scent of the herbs filled his nostrils, making his mind feel like it was floating. Heat from the candles warmed his skin.
Blake opened his eyes and realized he was already sitting up. Understanding what was happening a little more this time, he got to his feet, and parted his spirit from his body. The world around him was different again, an empty, strangely soulless place, considering the circumstances.
Blake stood still for a moment, adjusting, and watching his father continue the routine. It felt surreal to look down on himself. His legs appeared smaller already, as if he’d lost muscle definition, which he probably had. He hated to think of himself wasting away like that.
Not wanting to look any longer, he turned away and stepped between the trees. To be able to move using his own two feet again was indescribable. It was sheer freedom—something he’d always taken for granted before. It was so easy to worry about insubstantial things in life—career, money, relationships. But when suddenly a part of your body no longer worked—whether through chronic illness or something as dramatic as paralysis—everything else faded into the background.
He needed to focus on his reason for being here. He needed to find his wolf.
Blake moved between the trees, but glanced back over his shoulder with every other step, making sure he could still spot his body between the trunks.
A mournful howl, heartbreakingly full of sorrow, cut through the motionless air.
Blake drew to a halt, his heart lurching. His wolf was close, and from the sound of the howl, the animal felt as lost as he did.
“I’m here!” he called out. “I’ve come to find you.”
The howl came again, and Blake took another couple of tentative steps. He glanced back over his shoulder. Any more distance, and he’d lose sight of his body again. But he was so close, he knew it. He’d found his way back last time, surely he’d do so again? Finding his wolf would be worth it.
“Can you hear me?” he called again. “Follow the sound of my voice.”
The howls turned into a couple of high pitched yaps.
The massive wolf broke from between the trees and trotted toward him. The sight of the animal stole Blake’s breath. It was beautiful, with its thick, luscious fur, intelligent golden eyes, and strong body.
The wolf stood, facing him, its head lowered, but hackles raised. It locked him with those intense, yellow eyes, studying his face.
“I hoped you’d find me again,” Blake said, softly.
The animal growled.
Blake tried again. “I understand this is all strange to you, but I’m still the same man I always was. We need to work together—it’s the only chance either of us has of things being right again.”
The wolf gave a whimper and pawed at its nose.
“I know, I’m frightened too. I don’t know what will happen if we try to shift, but if we try it and it doesn’t work out, I’ll push you out again. I have the strength for that—mentally and physically. Just because my legs don’t work, doesn’t mean I’m no longer the same person.”
As he said the words, he knew them to be true.
“It’s okay, you can come closer,” he encouraged. He didn’t know why, but he had the certainty that if he could get the wolf to come to him, to have it submit and allow Blake to run his fingers through its fur, then he would be able to call it again in the real world. His wolf needed to know Blake was still the one in control, that it
still needed to come when Blake called.
Blake stretched out his hand, shortening the space dividing them. “It’s okay,” he said again, his voice soft. “You have nothing to be afraid of.”
The possibility of the wolf attacking didn’t even cross his mind. After all, he was in spirit form now. Could either of them do each other any harm when they didn’t have physical bodies to hurt?
The wolf took a couple of cautious steps closer. Blake’s excitement mounted, though he did his best to tamp it down. He didn’t want his desperation or enthusiasm to scare the animal away.
Another couple of steps brought the wolf even closer. Blake’s breath caught, his body tense with anticipation. What would happen when he touched his wolf again? He wanted nothing more than for them to be as one.
A step, and another. Only a couple of yards separated them now.
“It’s okay,” he said again, stretching his hand out farther, but not wanting to step forward for fear of scaring him away. “Everything’s going to be okay.”
A sudden crash, followed by a bang, made Blake jump.
The wolf froze for a split second and then whipped around and ran for the trees.
His name was called in the distance, “Blake, Blake!”
But he stared after his wolf in dismay. The animal was gone.
“Fuck!” he yelled into the forest. “Fuck! Fuck!”
The shout of his name came again, and Blake turned in the direction he’d left his body and ran. He crashed through the undergrowth. His name was shouted again, followed by another crash. Something had happened back in the real world. Someone needed his help. Was it Autumn? Had she made is back to Wenona’s but gotten hurt?
Once again, he’d lost sight of his body.
Dammit. He was sure he’d known where he left it, but once more everything looked the same and he’d lost his sense of direction.
“Blake!”
The sound of his name again. He needed to follow that sound if he was ever going to find his way back to the real world. He ran, undergrowth lashing against his legs, ducking low hanging branches, weaving between tree trunks. He felt sure he was heading the right way, that the call of his name had come from this direction, but this strange, empty world had a way of morphing things, and there was always the chance he wasn’t.
Avenging Autumn Page 10
