With only two weeks left before he was due to arrive home, her beloved husband had been gunned down. Now, she had less than 30 days to get out of military housing, thirty thousand dollars in credit card debt from Jared’s mother stealing their identity, and no one to turn to.
Bella’s mom and dad were dirt poor living in a trailer park in California on government assistance. After her father’s accident at the lumber yard, her family home had been taken by the bank and her parents forced to survive on a fixed income. Jared’s father had left when he was little, and his whore bag of a mother had fallen into drugs and alcohol, sleeping her way from one fix to the next. Two years ago, she used information from mail that had been sent to her house with their information on it and taken out a shit ton of credit cards. They couldn’t finance a pack of gum if their life depended on it now. Family was not an option. Fear of what was to come and facing life without Jared dug its cold, blackening fingers into her ribs, making it hard to breathe.
Her legs began to give out, making her stance shaky. Joker helped her as she wobbled over to the couch and fell, curling her body into the fetal position. Both of her arms wrapped around her middle, squeezing in the hopes that all of the anguish would be extinguished. How was she supposed to keep going? How could she keep it together and raise Skyler and Heather? She didn’t want to move. She didn’t want to breathe. She didn’t want to live. Sorrow consumed her, excreting shards of her broken heart out with each gut heaving sob and wail.
Flashes of lightning ripped through the cold winter night sky. With every illuminating streak, the light seeped out of her soul. Her two precious angels slumbered in the next room, unaware of the devastation that was about to wreck their lives forever. Uncontrollable sobs shook from the pits of her being, shattering every ounce of hope and happiness she contained.
Joker walked over, slipped his arm out of the sling, and wrapped them around her, knowing no amount of words would heal this sort of pain. He had lost his only brother, and his best friend in the world. The amount of hurt in his heart held nothing on Bella’s broken heart. They had been madly in love from the first day they had met. Some people don’t believe in true love or soul mates, but if there was such a thing, Jared and Bella were that and so much more.
“Bella, I want you to know that I am here, for you and the kids. I am so sorry…” his voice cracked with emotions. She had sank so far into shock he couldn’t pull her out. Hell, he didn’t know if he could help her when he had no idea how to get through it himself. “General, can you call Alaina please?”
“They are already on their way. We had to notify Bella in private, but I knew back up would be needed so I called and asked them to come on our way over. They should be here any minute. Should I get her something to drink?”
“Yeah, look in the cabinet above the fridge. Jared hides a bottle from time to time out of kid reach up there.”
General Ashburn nodded and went to search for the stash, coming back moments later with a plastic Barbie cup. “Here. You were right, there was half a bottle of Vodka.” He handed the cup over and looked toward the door. “I think I hear the girls. Are you okay with her for a minute?”
Joker took the cup and tilted Bella where he could put the cup to her lips. “Yes, I am good. Thanks.” He fed her a few sips of the stout liquid, stopping only after she had caught her breath and the trembling had eased some. He covered her with the crocheted afghan that was always stacked on the back. Once she was wrapped like a burrito, he pulled her over and leaned her against his chest. Fuck. How could this happen? Before he sank too far into thought the door opened, allowing Alaina and Mrs. Sanders to enter in front of General Ashburn. The girls rushed directly to their side and hugged them both, taking Bella from him to attempt to console her enough to calm her down.
“I can see that you ladies have things under control here. I feel like I am in the way. Bella, I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Jared was a great guy, and one hell of a soldier. Joker, you riding with me?” General Ashburn turned to Joker and nodded toward the door, giving a silent suggestion that it was time for them to take their leave. After glancing back at the trio of women, he knew he was out of his realm. He needed to find his own escape to process the news himself. With a final hug and peck to the top of her head, and a whispered, ‘Thank you’ to Alaina and Mrs. Sanders, he stood and walked out with the General, leaving the women to handle the feminine side of things.
****
General Ashburn drove back to the ranch in silence, dealing with the situation like a soldier: alone, silent, and inverted. In a way, Joker was glad to be away from all of the talk. Talking did nothing but rake over the wounds in a reminder of what had happened. There was only one thing left for him to do. “General, I want to ask permission to rejoin my team. I am patched up, now it’s time I get back over there and help. I should have been there. I can’t let them down any more.”
The General didn’t answer right away. Before Joker could ask again, he finally answered. “You are not combat ready, Joker. This isn’t on you. There is nothing you could have done to stop this. Don’t go shifting blame onto yourself. I can’t reinstate you until I get clearance from the doc. You know the rules.”
“I am fine. I will go to town in the morning and get him to sign off then. I can’t sit around here while they are over there with everything going on. You gotta understand that, sir.”
“Joker, you were injured. Jared wasn’t so lucky. It could have been the other way around. I will not send you back until you are one hundred percent. You still have stitches and shit, man. Heal first, then go get your revenge. I think you are needed around here more right now for a while anyway. That little girl back there is going to need someone she trusts, and you are the closest.”
Joker wanted to argue, but knew it was pointless. Nothing he could say would change the stern General. Ashburn was rock solid, wise, and the toughest man he knew. He also knew there was no changing his mind once he was set on something. Whatever reasons the man had, they were good, whether he liked them or not.
After they arrived at the house, the General got out to speak to Michael, Vince, and Violet about everything that had happened. Not wanting to relive the moment again, he took off for one of the cabins. He couldn’t stay around the others. There was nowhere for him to run, and no way for him to get back to his team where he belonged. They needed him then, and needed him now. I am letting them all down. Fuck! I don’t even know how the hell to help Bella. I can’t stand seeing her like this. He had no way to get there and take care of business, and no idea how to help his best friend’s widow. He was trapped, like a damn animal in a cage. Something had to change.
The moment he walked into the rustic little house, he slammed the door behind him and strode the few steps to the couch. His leg hurt like a bitch, but somehow the pain was comforting. With his arm in a sling and to top it all off, his ass was still sore, Joker felt more useless than he had ever felt in his life. “Why, God? Why couldn’t you have taken me instead? This is total shit!” His fist pounded against the arm of the navy and green plaid couch over and over until his fist hurt. The jarring set all three wounds throbbing, but seemed dull compared to the pain that tore and gnawed at his insides. He sat there, staring at the wall in silence unable to cry or release any of the sorrow. Instead, it welled up higher and higher. The rest of the night he spent pacing the floors or propped restlessly on the couch remembering every fond memory he and Jared had together. From fishing to hunting babes, every memory worth remembering included his best friend. Then the memories moved to include Bella. The hunting babes part changed, now including Bella as a second wing man and usually resulted in more scores surprisingly. He couldn’t remember a single memory that didn’t have them involved. During the years they were apart, he had spent his time planning to visit, and focused solely on work. Any free time he had bolted straight to their house.
Joker stared on through the window, pondering the past: life, love, and reason. Even after t
he sun came up and rose across the sky, he remained transfixed to the couch. His emotions were so overwhelmed he was neither tired or awake, but just ‘there’. Shutting down was how the Army taught them to deal with stress, loss, death, and any other mental feelings, and his body had resorted straight back into their programming to self-preserve.
Michael came walking through the door, grabbing his attention out of the abyss for the first time in over eight hours. Instead of speaking, he walked over to the kitchen connected to the small living area and grabbed two glasses out of the cabinet. Next, he found a bottle of whisky in the fridge and poured the amber liquid in each, carried them over to where Joker sat and then handed one to him. After plopping down on the couch beside him, he kicked off his boots and slid down in a slouch against the cushions. They drank in silence for a long time. Somehow, the old man seemed to understand. The Michael he had met when they had first arrived and the one that sat beside him now were two different people. The darkness that had clouded around him had lifted, leaving the man who had taken it upon himself to step into the dad roll to them all in small ways.
Finally, he spoke. “Bout time for lunch, boy. Alaina and Mrs. Sanders are upset and need all the support they can get right now. They are a little more than this old man can handle alone.”
“Okay.” That one word seemed more than he was capable of at the time. How the hell was he going to deal with two emotional and crying women? He couldn’t talk about it, and didn’t want to think about it…but yet that was exactly what they would do. Women and men worked through things differently. Men channeled anger of the situation and self blame, where women groveled in the devastation itself.
Instead of Michael rushing him, he rose and topped off their glass once more, perching the bottle in front of them on the coffee table. Joker eyed him questioningly, receiving a half ass grin. “Dinner can be reheated. Give them time to get part of it out of their system before we have to try to make heads or tails of shit.”
“Smart man.” Joker raised his glass in a toast and tossed it down, allowing the strong burn to tingle down his throat and warm his stomach. Both men sat in the comforting quiet, drinking enough to numb some of the shock and pain. Before they got drunk, Michael helped Joker up and into the truck, taking him back to the house to face reality. Alaina and Mrs. Sanders were still in tears. They busied themselves cooking and cleaning, dealing the way they needed to prevent insanity. At the dinner table, it was left up to Michael to say the meal prayer. He kept it short and straight to the point in hopes to avoid any more agony than they already felt. Joker didn’t even realize what he was eating until his plate was almost clear. Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and corn on the cob usually had him ooing and awwing with each bite, but held no flavor whatsoever tonight. He couldn’t force the last few bites down and he excused himself to take his plate to the kitchen. Before he could make a clean getaway, Alaina stopped him. Instead of giving the whole, ‘I’m so sorry you lost your friend’ spill, she walked right up and hugged him. “You need your bandages changed. Come into the bathroom and I will get you fixed up.”
“Oh…uh, I am okay.” He tried to keep her from seeing his bare ass the most subtle way possible, but she wasn’t having it.
“I call bullshit. Bathroom now.” Her commanding tone reminded him more of Dom than the little firecracker Leland and Brody had found. He sighed in defeat and followed her, baring his ass enough to re-bandage the wound. She took care of his leg and shoulder next, rubbing antibiotic ointment on each one.
“Okay, I think we got it. Come on, I made apple crisp. Mrs. Sanders should have it out of the oven by now.” She waited to offer him help but he refused, wobbling back to the kitchen where they had just came from.
****
Bella was a mess. The devastation had been so deep it took all her strength to get off the couch to go to the bathroom. The once ‘mom of the year’ now had Heather and Skyler eating hotdogs and apples instead of fixing them food. Heather had assumed she was sick, and stepped up to play the little mommy with her little brother the best she could, thankfully making sure he didn’t run out in the street or set the house on fire. Bella didn’t get them their nightly bath, or to bed on time, and barely spoke. To the center of the earth and beyond her heart sank, taking her spirit and livelihood with it. When she didn’t answer the phone the following morning, Mrs. Sanders had rushed straight over. After getting the kids off to school, she took control of the situation. Between her, Violet, Vince, and Alaina, she managed to keep rotating shifts so they were never alone and the babies were cared for. Bella wasn’t ready to have the talk with them yet, and until then they helped to detour any questions. Sooner or later, it would need done, and they would all be there to help in whatever ways they were needed.
When the phone rang she answered, only to prevent it from picking up on the answering machine and announcing her personal financial struggle. “Mrs. Shavers, we are calling to notify you that all assets and bank accounts will be seized until the debts are paid in full.”
Panic choked her insides. “What! You can’t do that! We have to live, and eat! I have kids! Those bills aren’t even ours! It was identity fraud. There has to be something you can do or someone I can talk to!” Halfway through her sentence she went into the bedroom and closed the door, hoping she could keep her voice down enough where Vince didn’t hear. Given her current state, there was no telling how this would end.
“I am sorry, Mrs. Shaver, but there is nothing I can do. Once everything is resolved and investigated, the holds will come off. Until then, I am only permitted to inform you. Feel free to call back during business hours any day to check on the status of your case. Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Anything else? You haven’t done anything to help! Please don’t take it all. I have to feed my babies…I have no one to help. I beg of you.” The tears wracked her body, consuming despite the anger that welled inside. Her cries grew harder, and before she could argue with the asshat on the other line, he hung up. Unable to resist, she slung the cordless phone against the wall, shattering it into pieces. Overwhelmed, she turned and fell on the bed, covering up to hide from the world. Her breaking point had hit way before… Now she was shredded.
****
A couple of hours later, Vince eased through the door and said in an almost whisper, “Bella sweetheart, get up. Let's get you in the shower and dressed.” Vince reached over and uncovered her head. Still in uncontrollable sobs, she blubbered something even she couldn’t understand. “I know, sweetie. I know. Come on.” Vince’s sweet perky voice was lower and more parental, somehow coaxing her to move. He slowly and carefully led her to the bathroom with his arm wrapped around her waist.
Her head was so messed up, normal actions were impossible. She stood and stared, bending to the floor when her knees buckled. Instead of curling up in a heap on the cold tile, Vince propped her on the counter. Where she was didn’t matter. Her husband was gone. No rationality could press through the dark fog that had settled in her soul. He left her only long enough to start the water, turning back to shuck her clothes off. Under normal circumstances, she would be mortified for someone to see her naked, but the thought didn’t even arise. Mindlessly, she raised her arms and stepped out of her grey sweatpants and into the shower under the running water. “Thanks,” she cried out.
“No problem, sweetheart. I am going to get you a clean set of clothes. I put a towel on the rack.” Instead of expecting an answer, he turned and shut the door behind him. It was no wonder Alaina had friended him. Vince was truly a cherished diamond. Even though she was incapable of being a friend back at the moment, there was no doubt the two would be close in time. Once again, the thoughts of Jared not being included sent an icy chill straight to her bones despite the heat surrounding her. Jared. Why did you leave? The tears ran in a cool contrast to the hot water that engulfed her. There she stayed, with her face turned down to allow the water to sheet over her in a protective barrier. Her mind went in
comprehensible, fading into a thick pudding. It was the first time she had been able to escape the horror life had dumped on her lap.
Vince’s voice through the steam caught her attention and dragged her back to earth. “Bella sweets, are you almost done?”
“Yes, I will be right out…” Her attempt at sounding normal fell flat.
The concern in his voice was evident. “Okay, take your time...just don’t let the water go cold.”
“Okay, thanks.” This was the most dialog she had managed since the news had come in aside from the conversation on the phone that had left her not only alone, but broke. Maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could fake it long enough it would become real. Life had to go on whether or not she wanted to go on in it. Somehow, she needed to figure it out for Heather and Skyler…but how was a total mystery.
The pellets beat down on her flesh, somehow lifting some of the sorrow and helping to distract her enough where she could wash her hair and body. Her favorite body wash sudsed in her hands, sending its clean fresh scent to her nose in a rejuvenating aroma therapy. Little by little, she woke to the world around her.
Clean and fresh she stepped out and dried, reaching for the clothing Vince had neatly stacked on the counter. She almost managed a smile when she caught sight of his selections. Instead of her usual white cotton bra and undies, he had dug to the back and found the black and red lace set she kept for special occasions. Given their schedules, the sexy lingerie was almost new. A bright pink sweater paired with black jeans were folded neatly under. With a slow shake of her head she shrugged and put them on, stepping out with a towel wrapped in a turban around her wet hair.
“I have some tuna salad sandwiches and lemonade ready for lunch. It isn’t Mrs. Sanders’ cooking, but tuna is one of my specialties.” He grinned, working hard to help keep her from tears.
Broken Battlefield, Mended Hearts (Breaking Protocol Series Book 2) Page 6
