Bella sighed in relief. The last thing she wanted to deal with was the fake mourning, drugged out mother-in-law. Hell, she didn’t want to have to deal with anyone for that matter. “Thank you. You all have been so kind. I don’t know what or how I could manage all of this alone…and the kids... You have taken over and stepped in to fill my duties. I don’t know how I can ever repay you all.”
“There is no repaying, dear. We are all family. We are and always will be here for you and those precious little ones. I have staked my claim on them, so they are as good as my grandbabies as far as I am concerned. Now, eat up and get some rest. You too, Joker.” Mrs. Sanders hugged them both and left for the main house, exerting an energy no one at her age should have.
****
There was no way Bella could eat the entire plate. Her stomach felt like it was going to explode like a party balloon. Standing, she walked back toward the kitchen to put her uneaten food into the microwave for later and grab a glass of lemonade. “What do you want to drink?”
“A cola would be great, thanks. I don’t know how that woman expects us to eat half of a dang cow, but if I eat any more I am going to spew.” He sat his plate on the coffee table and slouched down, rubbing his belly.
“I don’t know either. If I keep this up, I am going to weigh five hundred pounds and need a crane to get around.” Bella handed him the can of pop and resumed her position curled up in the recliner, sipping the ice cold beverage. From the insomnia that had taken over her life, and the fact that her belly was overstuffed, she could feel her eyelids starting to droop. Joker must have picked up on it, or needed a nap himself, because he stood and motioned for her to follow.
“Come on. I will show you to the bedroom. I gotta warn you though, the light coming through that slit in the curtain is a bitch. Mr. Sun decided to be a dickhead by waking me up with it and a splitting headache far too early this morning,” Joker grumbled.
“Ohhh ouch. Hang over plus sun equals not good. I think I could sleep through a tornado right now. I have averaged a total of maybe four hours this week total.”
“That’s not healthy. Here you go. I will shut the door and give you some privacy. Hell, I may crash on the couch for a little while myself. We have a couple hours before the doc comes interrupting, and I damn sure ain’t going back up to the house right now. I know they all mean well, but I don’t think they all understand that talking about stuff isn’t the best solution all the time. It took all I had not to tell one older woman to shut the hell up that she had no idea what it was like, and all she was trying to do was show compassion and support. It is safer for me to stay out here.”
“Yeah, I feel the same… Alaina had to hide me from everyone so I wouldn’t explode on them. They do mean well and are just trying to help, but I want to be left the heck alone. I don’t want a casserole, I don’t want to hear how you had a similar experience once, and I damn sure don’t want you to tell me it will be okay. It is not okay, and it is never going to be okay.” She slipped off her shoes and pulled the covers back.
Joker nodded, obviously feeling the same way she did about the situation. He took the hint and turned to walk out, stopping just inside the doorway. “Bella, if…if you need anything just let me know, okay? Even if it is a hug, or someone to just be close.” His eyes scanned the wood flooring, showing how unfamiliar and uncomfortable he was with the subject. It warmed her heart that he could care so much, when he himself had to be struggling with the death of his friend.
“Thank you, Joker.” The simplicity of her words expressed more emotion than she could describe. With a small smile, he turned and walked out, shutting the door behind him. She shimmied out of her jeans and pulled back the covers, amazed the bed had been made at all. Most men couldn’t find the hamper and thought the floor was an appropriate place for dirty undies. This place not only had boxer free floors, but was clean and tidy. It didn’t take more than five minutes for her body to sink into the softness of the mattress and her to fall off into a deep, dreamless, much needed sleep.
Chapter Seven
That night as she walked into the funeral home would be the last night she’d physically spend with her husband. The drugs the doctor had given her had been strong enough to take off the edge, and she hoped and prayed it would keep her together enough to proceed with what needed to be done. Michael was on one side of her while Mrs. Sanders was on the other. They walked her into the room where the casket sat surrounded by flowers and cards. There would be no visual viewing as the lid stood closed in order to protect her and others from the massive injuries he had endured. She felt his presence in the room and the pull from the casket as if beckoning her to come forward.
Slowly, one step at a time, she made her way toward the one person who had made her life complete but now, was leaving the biggest hole in her heart. Her chest contracted, making it hard to breathe. Her pulse drummed violently in her ears. This was really it…her last time with him. Michael placed an arm over her shoulders while Mrs. Sanders looped her arm around her waist, both keeping her steady as if they knew if they released her she would fall to the floor.
A large picture of him in class A’s had been set on an easel next to the head of the casket. In the picture, the ribbons and medals hung proudly from his chest, showcasing the amazing soldier he had been. His rack of ribbons was more than impressive. He was so handsome, and even after all the years they had been together, he could steal her heart from across a crowded room. She could still see the smirk and ornery twinkle in his eyes even with the serious pose he held in the picture. It was as if he knew how he affected others…well, at least how he had affected her.
Others had kindly put up family photos around the room that documented each stepping-stone of his life and theirs together. From fresh faced new recruit to wedding photos, pictures of him holding each child for the first time at birth, birthday parties… They just went on and on. A stranger could walk in and know him just from each small frame that was presented. Her heart clenched up in her throat, making it impossible to swallow and harder to breathe. Why Jared? How could this happen? He was still so young. He had a full life ahead of him, a family, and a lifetime of things to do. They'd made plans to vacation to places around the world after they gotten the kids grown and out of the house. All of their dreams in one minute of time—shattered—along with her heart.
She traced her finger along his picture, closing her eyes to imagine the feel of the soft skin of his face. A small smile tilted the corners of her mouth at the memory of the last time she had done this. She had been caressing the side of his face, down his jaw line when he turned his head in a snap and caught her finger between his teeth, biting playfully. The little sting was eased when he lightened his grip and sucked it into his mouth, turning the innocent play into something hotter. That night, they had snuck out to the garage and made love on the hood of her car as if the world didn’t exist. She had so many fun and exciting experiences of them together. They swept her away in a trip down memory lane. Flashbacks flipped through her mind, carrying her away to each time and place like a dream. She vaguely felt Michael kiss the top of her head as he stepped away, allowing Mrs. Sanders to do the same. Mrs. Sanders had made her a bed on the floor next to Jared, making sure she had everything she needed before they left her to her thoughts and goodbyes. Before they walked out, Mrs. Sanders hit play on the MP3 player to fill the room with songs they had loved and shared so many times over. “If you need me, sugar, just call, no matter what time it is, okay?” The older woman said in an almost whisper.
“Thank you, I will.” Her brain responded mechanically, not really registering the words. With that, the two left her.
Bella laid her head on the cold casket lid, hugging it tight as if it was Jared instead of the hard varnished wood. “I miss you so much already. I don’t know if I can go on without you. And the kids…Jared…they don’t understand totally that you aren’t coming back. We were supposed to raise them together. Where am I supposed to go
? What am I supposed to do now? It was us against the world, and now it is just me. Please…please come back somehow. I need you!” Hysterical wails broke out again, emptying from her soul as “Love Me When I’m Gone” by 3 Doors Down filled the air in an odd but yet, perfect coincidence. Her song… the one he always dedicated to her. Now, it held more meaning than it ever had before. Her eyes clenched shut. The words morphed into what seemed like Jared’s voice. She felt arms wrap around her as they held her tight. She smelled him…the sweet spicy scent that was only her Jared. For the length of the song, she was back in the safety of his arms one last time. As the song played, every memory of him holding her like this ran past in her mind. On the final chords, she swore she heard him whisper, “I love you, Bella baby,” and then it was all over—the feeling of his arms gone just as he was gone.
The rest of the night, she laid beside him, her arm draped over the casket as if she held him for one final night. She told him everything she could think of that she hadn’t gotten a chance to before. It was near sunrise when she finally dozed off, clutching their wedding picture to her chest.
Around six, the entire team came in to pay their respects and help her home. Each member took a turn, laying a final touch to the casket, talking and giving their moment of silence to the fallen hero and brother they all loved. The only thing that could bring each of the strong warriors to tears. When it came to a fallen comrade, even the toughest were unable to hold it in. Joker was the one who picked her up and before he turned to leave, she laid a final kiss to her fingers and set them down on top of the lid. Joker carried her toward the door, and the tears ran down her cheeks as she watched the casket move away from her. I will love you forever, was her final thought as the doors closed behind them.
Joker refused to put her in the seat of the truck. Instead, the whole way home he held her cradled, keeping his arms affixed securely around her. He didn’t release her until they were back at the ranch and she was handed over to Alaina, Violet, Mrs. Sanders, and Vince. The team dressed her in a simple black outfit they had so thoughtfully purchased earlier and fixed her hair, positioning the matching black veil over her face to give her the privacy she was sure to need. The kids had been taken care of by the enormous family-like group and ran into the room to jump on her lap with a heart-wrenching desperation. “Mommy, I want daddy! I don’t want him to go away forever!” her youngest, Skyler, cried. How the hell was she supposed to explain to her babies? How could she tell them it would be okay? Before she could swallow the lump in her throat and come up with some sort of speech to ease their pain, Heather wrapped her arms around them both.
“He isn’t gone forever, Sky. He is just in heaven with the angels now, watching over us. Daddy loves us and will always be looking down.” Bella couldn’t have worded it any better herself. Her eight-year-old baby girl was handling it more mature than she was. How could such a little thing be so wise? Tears freed themselves and ran down her cheeks, pooling on the neck of her dress. With trembling lips, she kissed them both, whispering, “That’s right, baby. Daddy will always be with us. He loves you two with all of his heart…don’t ever forget that, okay? Come here, I need some love.” She pulled both of their little heads against her chest and held them, trying to ease their sadness and take away their pain. She needed to be stronger for them. These innocent little angels needed her now, more than ever. They couldn’t lose their mother too. Together they cuddled until it was time to leave. Bella walked out to get into the limo with a kid at each side and her fingers laced tightly with theirs. An eerie silence fell upon the group on the short drive to the cemetery. When they parked and stepped out, Heather and Skyler clung to each of her sides, needing their momma as much as she needed them for support.
The closer they got to the gravesite, the more confused she became. A group of people stood in normal clothing holding signs. Did all of these people come for the service? The team spoke in pissed off hushed tones, with only the occasional cuss word being recognizable from time to time. Joker stopped Bella and the kids, leading them over by a tree. “What are you doing? We need to go that way,” Bella questioned.
“You guys wait here for a minute, there is something we need to address first.” He stormed off to join the others. It wasn’t until she read some of the signs the mystery group held that she understood what was going on. Her breath caught in her throat at the horrific words they held. ‘Thank God for dead soldiers’. Her eyes darted to another. ‘God hates our troops’. The more she looked around, the worse they got. Chanting echoed through the crisp fall air, chilling her blood more than the weather ever could. “All soldiers go to hell! Thank God for IEDs!” Their evil ranting bubbled her sorrow into something lethal. Bella tried to shield the kids’ ears and turn them away from the protesting. Both Heather and Skyler were smashed against her with a hand over their outside ear, forced to look toward the road. How could they do this in front of children? This was their father! This was a hero! They weren’t only hurting her and the team, but if her babies overheard any of their evil sadistic words, they would be messed up for life. She was ready to beat the living shit out of all of them when Dom and the others walked up.
“Don’t pay them any attention. We have this shi…poop under control. Things may be delayed a little while, but I promise nothing is going to take away from the respect that is due.” Dom hugged her and each of the kids.
Ten minutes later, cars began flooding the parking lot. Hordes of soldiers and women all walked in their direction, toting American flags. The soldiers all stood in formation, while the women all grouped together and waited…for what she had no idea. Next, three military buses parked against the curb, and out stepped an entire unit, clad in ACU’s and black Stetsons on their heads. Two held flags, one being the American, and the other being a half red, half white square split diagonal. Attached to their boots were shiny silver spurs. Heather turned to Vice and tugged on her jacket. “Are those cowboy Army men?”
Vice laughed, smiling down at her. “No, sweetheart. That would be the Cavalry. They are a special group of soldiers like we are.” After they had all made their way to stand in formation in the grass, the roar of motorcycles could be heard buzzing up the road.
“What are all these people coming for?” Bella’s questioned. Her eyes widened in shock, unable to comprehend exactly what was going on. The amount of people herding from the now packed parking lot and curbs was mind blowing.
“These people are all showing up to protect you, and the service from those evil hate filled son of a bit…biscuit eaters, sweetheart. No one messes with one of our soldiers. Not in this town.” Joker caught himself before going on a cussing spree in front of the kids.
The 1SG of the first group of troops was sounding off, instructing them into a march over to the grave site area. The women all clasped hands in a line and followed, forming a huge circle around the grave site and pushing the radical mother fuckers backwards. Joker smiled. He loved the amount of support that was coming to their aid. This was what Americans were about. This was what the freedom they fought so hard was for. Love. Once the enormous group was in place, the Cavalry fell into a march. Instead of singing a cadence, they recited their motto…a poem called "Fiddlers' Green". It was sung to the tune of 'Gilligan's Island'.
‘Halfway down the trail to Hell,
In a shady meadow green
Are the Souls of all dead troopers camped,
Near a good old-time canteen.
And this eternal resting place
Is known as Fiddlers' Green.
Marching past, straight through to Hell
The Infantry are seen.
Accompanied by the Engineers,
Artillery and Marines,
For none but the shades of Cavalrymen
Dismount at Fiddlers' Green.
Though some go curving down the trail
To seek a warmer scene.
No trooper ever gets to Hell
Ere he's emptied his canteen.
&
nbsp; And so rides back to drink again
With friends at Fiddlers' Green.
And so when man and horse go down
Beneath a saber keen,
Or in a roaring charge of fierce melee
You stop a bullet clean,
And the hostiles come to get your scalp,
Just empty your canteen,
And put your pistol to your head
And go to Fiddlers' Green.’
On the final words, they arrived in front of the Westland Baptist Church group and spread out in a line in a perfect battle stance in front of all of the other supporters. In a choreographed maneuver, one would sound off ‘March!’ and they would all take a step forward. ‘March!’ Another step forward. They did this for ten steps, pushing the disrespectful mother fuckers backwards, shutting up the slanderous and disgraceful chants.
Bella watched as every type of motorcycle made lined up on the sidewalks and anywhere they could find a parking place. Then, a rough and tough swarm of bikers walked over to where Bella and the team were standing. An older man, probably in his sixties at least, clad in all leather with a long white beard and hair to match, shook their hands. “We thought you might need some help. It is an honor for us to be present during this service, and offer any services needed.” When he got to Bella, he kissed the back of her hand, bowing like a true gentleman. “Ma’am, we are all so sorry for your loss. Words cannot express our deepest condolences. My friends and I would like to take part in the ceremony if that is okay with you. Half of us are retired vets and feel it our duty to protect you during this time and to pay our respects.”
Bella’s heart swelled, overwhelmed by the amount of good who had joined forces on such a hollow and devastating day. With crocodile tears in her eyes, she nodded, choking out, “Thank you so much.” It was all she was capable of saying, but the unspoken conversation between them all was loud and clear. The group formed yet another barrier on the outside of the Cavalry men, and pushed until the entire cult group was out of ear shot, out of sight, and the service could go on privately. It was then that the team led Bella over to sit in the front beside Alaina, Mrs. Sanders, Violet, and the others. Her parents were sitting a little farther back, but had quietly came up from behind and hugged her and the kids. It was hard to express her gratitude for them coming given her current state, but her momma kissed her and seemed to understand.
Broken Battlefield, Mended Hearts (Breaking Protocol Series Book 2) Page 9
