by Parker, Ali
“I guess you’re right.” He shook his head. “I haven’t been dating for so long, it’s easy to forget how things come across.”
“I mean, some women would go for it,” I corrected myself. “But I’m not sure they’re the kind of women you’d want long-term.”
“Gold diggers, you mean?” he replied bluntly.
“I guess that’s one word for it.”
“So what do you think would make a good first date?” he asked, turning to me with interest. “Like you. What would your perfect first date be?”
“Wow.” I raised my eyebrows. “I’ve never given it that much thought.”
“Don’t overthink it,” he encouraged me. “Just the first things that come to your mind.”
“I think it would for sure have an outdoorsy feel,” I began slowly. “Maybe a picnic or something. Oh, and I would love for them to take me somewhere I had never been before—somewhere like a park or a museum or both. Something they were passionate about, somewhere they loved and wanted to share with me. I think that would be sweet.”
“That sounds nice,” he said. “What else?”
“Hmm.” I tipped my head back and let the breeze rush over me. “I think the main thing would be making me comfortable. If they could make me feel at ease wherever they took me, I would be happy with that. Oh, and I don’t like it when the guys I date are dicks about me wanting to split the bill. I like to pay my way, and I hate it when they wave me off like I couldn’t possibly afford it.”
“Guys really do that?” He cocked an eyebrow.
“Oh yeah,” I grinned and shook my head. “Like you wouldn’t believe. It drives me up the wall.”
I fell silent again, the wine settling into my system as I gave the question a bit more thought.
“But I think I’d want someone who was there for me, you know?” I emphasized the word. “Not because he thought this is how dating should work or because he thought this specific thing would be enough to impress me. Who listened to me and actually gave a shit what I wanted. I wouldn’t mind as long as that was part of it.”
“Makes sense,” he agreed. “Is it that hard to find someone out there who’ll actually listen to you?”
“Oh, you’d be surprised.” I held my hands up. “Don’t get me started, seriously. Over the last few years, I’ve had so many dates where I’m pretty sure they didn’t listen to a word coming out of my mouth the whole evening. I’m trying to make sure you don’t have to go through the same thing.”
“Well, I appreciate your effort.” He touched his glass of sparkling water to mine and smiled, and I felt that flicker—a flutter, even—in my chest once more. I shoved it down. He was only getting advice, not coming on to me. If he’d wanted to romance me, he wouldn’t have brought his son along with us for the whole day.
Hunter returned, and he pointed to the boat I had been asking him about earlier.
“It’s a runabout,” he told me excitedly, and I nodded to him, glad to have something to distract me from the mess of thoughts running around my head at that very moment.
“Wow, I never would have known that.” I cocked my head at him. “Anything else you can name for me?”
And with that, the rest of the day passed pretty well. I had a good time with Hunter, and it was seriously sweet to see him and Holden interacting with such clear affection and kindness. There was no doubt in my mind that Hunter clearly adored his father, and his dad felt the same way about him. Eventually, Holden took us back to shore, and we hopped back in the car to head home. Hunter passed out in the back seat nearly at once, snoring softly, and I grinned as I glanced at him in the mirror.
“He’s always tired after I take him out on a day like this,” Holden explained quietly. “All the sea air, I think. It suits him. He always likes going out on the water for a while.”
“Well, I can see how keen he is on it. Good to see him so passionate about something.”
“It really is,” Holden agreed, and the two of us chatted about his boat and the trips that he and Hunter had taken on it the last few years until we got back to the house. The drive seemed to go so quickly, and I found myself wishing it could have lasted a little bit longer.
“I guess I should get going,” I remarked, as Hunter stirred in the back seat and waved goodbye to me as he headed into the house.
“I guess so,” Holden agreed, and he got out of the car and opened my door for me. He was such a gentleman, and I felt my heart flutter as I brushed by him to stand up.
“Well, thanks for an amazing day,” I told him after I had called my cab. And, as I stood there, leaning on his car and looking at him, I found something stirring in me—the way he was looking at me, the softness in his eyes, like he was a second away from leaning in toward me and planting a kiss on my lips. What surprised me was that I wanted him to. Badly. He inhaled deeply, and his gaze flicked briefly down to my mouth, and I knew I had to do something to break the tension before one of us did something we couldn’t come back from.
“I’ll see you soon?” I stuck my hand out to him awkwardly, and he glanced down at it with surprise, as though he wasn’t quite sure what to do with it. Then it seemed to click, and he shook my hand firmly, gripping tight, like he wasn’t sure he wanted me to let go.
“You sure will,” he agreed. “Call me, all right? We’ll organize something again soon.”
“I can’t wait.” I smiled at him and realized I was still holding his hand. I dropped it swiftly, ignoring the warmth of his skin against mine, how nice it had felt. I heard the engine of the cab approaching, and I turned to flag it down.
“See you later,” I called to him as I slipped into the car, and he closed the door for me, waving through the window before I pulled away. I leaned my head against the cool glass and tried to calm the mess of thoughts running through my head.
I hadn’t wanted him to kiss me. I had just wanted to be kissed, period. That was all it was. I hadn’t been with anyone for a long time, and I was craving the physical affection. Because Holden was a new arrival in my life, I had just shifted my attention to him, but there was nothing to come of it, nothing to happen because of it.
Even though I had told him I would see him again soon, I wasn’t going to wait too long before I met up with him again. I stared out the window at the street whipping by me and wondered if I should pull back a little and, even if that’s what I should do, if there was any chance at all that I would.
19
Holden
“Where do you want to go next?” I asked Hunter. I knew he was tired and would have been happy with takeout and TV, but I was buzzing with energy. I would have to work it off if I had a hope in hell of getting to sleep that night. Hunter cocked his head at me.
“Like where?”
“We could go to Dandy’s,” I suggested. “Get dinner?”
His face lit up. Dandy’s was about his favorite place in town, and I loved it too. It was an old-fashioned diner with an arcade section full of classic games, and the two of us would head down there a couple of times a month to play games and eat greasy food. We had already been out today, and I didn’t much feel like cooking. Plus, the thought of sitting around this house and thinking about everything that had gone down—no, I didn’t need to linger any more than I already had on all of that. I needed to get my head out of my damn asshole and focus on taking care of Hunter. This was what today had been about, hadn’t it? Letting Autumn get to know us so she would be able to find someone better suited to my son. Nothing more than that. Nothing less.
Hunter changed, and I threw on an old T-shirt and jeans, thanking God that the dress code for Dandy’s was about as casual as they came, and we headed across town. Hunter was chatting to me the whole time about a series of books they were reading at school, and I tuned in and engaged him as best I could. Soon enough, I found the thoughts of Autumn—the way she had looked at me when she had said goodbye, the way she had let her hand linger in mine—drifting away like debris on the water.
We arrived
at Dandy’s, and Hunter headed straight over to the arcade as I got us a table and ordered our usual. The wait would be a while, as it was a weekend night and a lot of parents had the same thought as me to bring their kids there. I went over to join my son and found him already deep into a game of Space Invaders.
“I bet I can beat your high score,” I challenged him, and he raised his eyebrows at me.
“Try me,” he replied, and I saw that flash of competitiveness in his eyes. He got that from me, that spark that made him want to beat out everyone around him any chance he got. We swapped the controllers a few times, and I made sure to fudge my skills to make it so he could win. I loved the look on his face when he punched the air after beating me, the little wrinkle in his nose as he celebrated.
“Did you see that?” he exclaimed after a particularly impressive run. “That’s the best score I’ve ever got!”
“Well, you sure got me beat.” I held my hands up and shook my head as if disappointed in myself. “Maybe I’ll do better next time, huh?”
“Maybe,” he agreed, but he didn’t much seem to believe it. He shot a look to the other end of the arcade at his favorite game, Heath Fire. A small cluster of kids was hanging around it right now, laughing and whooping as one of them pulled off an excellent run.
“You want to go over there and wait in the line for it?” I suggested. “I’m sure they won’t be too long.”
He shook his head, and his face seemed suddenly cloudy, as though there was something bothering him that he didn’t want to admit to.
“Why not?” I wondered aloud. “Something up, buddy?”
“No,” he replied, but his lips were pressed together like he was trying to keep something inside.
“You can tell me,” I told him gently, and he glanced up at me, his eyes suddenly sad.
“They’re kids from school,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t want to disturb them.”
My heart sank as those words came out of his mouth. I wanted nothing more than to be able to go over there, introduce Hunter to those kids, and have the five of them play all together, but I knew he would about expire from humiliation if I did something like that. His shoulders sagged, and I could see this was going to ruin his night unless I jumped in to fix it quickly.
“Hey, shall we go and see if our food’s ready?” I suggested. “I got the root beer float, the one you like.”
“Sure.” He nodded, and I could tell he was trying to hide how hurt he was.
We made our way back over to the booth, and as soon as he had his food in front of him, he seemed to forget all about the incident with the other kids in his class. It concerned me a lot, especially given that Autumn and I had met because she was worried about his social development. But it wasn’t going to do a lot of good to try and push him on it right now. It wasn’t often I got to spend quality time with him like this, and there was no way I was going to mess that up by forcing a conversation on him that made him uncomfortable.
“How’s your food, Hunter?” I gestured to his waffles with bacon and maple syrup. It was the kind of food my mother would have turned her nose up at feeding me when I was a kid, but I knew that denying him these treats would lead him to sneak candy from his classmates when he thought he could get away with it, and I had no interest in that.
“It’s good,” he said, munching on a bite and washing it down with a sip of his root beer float. There was a time when he would have had to hold that thing up with two hands, and I couldn’t help but smile when I remembered how insistent he had been the first time he started eating and drinking by himself. He wanted to be independent, the same way I always had. Except his independence seemed to stretch to include social isolation as well.
“Good.” I smiled. “And did you have a good day today?”
“I had an awesome day,” he gushed. “It was so fun seeing Miss Becks out of school. I’ve never done that with a teacher before.”
“Me neither.” I shook my head. “It was fun, wasn’t it? Do you think she had a good time?”
“I think so.” Hunter nodded, and I silently scolded myself for needing my nine-year-old kid to confirm that I hadn’t completely fucked up the day.
“I’m so glad the two of you are dating now,” Hunter continued, and I spluttered into my lemonade.
“I’m sorry, what?” I held a hand up, smiling at him gently. “No, that’s not what we’re doing. We’re not dating.”
“Oh.” Hunter furrowed his brow. “But you went out with her before, didn’t you? And then again today?”
“Yes, I did, but it’s not like that.” I shook my head. “We’re just friends, that’s all.”
“Oh,” Hunter looked a little disappointed. “Oh, okay. I suppose so. It’s still nice to have her around.”
I took a sip of my drink to clear my throat and wondered if I was going to have to put up with these questions from literally everyone in my life. It felt as though the entire world had an opinion on what I was doing with Autumn whether I liked it or not. I only wanted to spend time with her and get to know her. Was that so wrong? Had I time traveled back to fifty years before, when men and women couldn’t spend time together without people assuming they were bumping uglies?
“I really like her,” Hunter continued. “Will you start dating her? When would you do that?”
“I don’t think that’s going to happen, Hunter,” I told him firmly. “We’re friends. And besides, she’s your teacher. It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
He pulled a face, and his disappointment was obvious. He continued to eat his food and left me sitting there feeling as though I’d had the rug pulled from under me. Hunter obviously saw something between us, and he was the only person who’d spent time with us together. Kids were meant to have that great intuition, weren’t they? Maybe he was sensing something that the two of us, as a pair of adults, were a little too nervous for the time being to acknowledge.
“I hope we get to see her again soon,” he replied. “Not just in school, I mean.”
“She said she wanted to meet up again,” I promised him. “And I’ll make sure we get to spend time together, all three of us.”
“Yay!” Hunter grinned widely, the sugar rush from his float clearly hitting him. He glanced around at the arcade and saw that the game the other kids had been playing earlier was free now. “Oh, can I go over and play a game? Please?”
“Of course.” I waved my hand. “Just stay where I can see you, all right?”
“I will,” he promised, and he got up and practically sprinted across the room toward the game. I watched him go and drummed my fingers on the table in front of me. Autumn was in my head again, filling my mind, escaping from that space I had tried to commit her to for the time being.
I couldn’t stop thinking about that moment before she’d left when she had shaken my hand and given me that look, as though there was something else going on in her mind beyond the purely platonic.
Or maybe I just really, really wanted her to feel that way. Today had been something more than what we’d had before. She had slotted so well into my little family, getting on well with Hunter and managing to balance the two of us out perfectly. Maybe Hunter was right, and I didn’t know it yet. Maybe we really were dating, and I needed to catch up with the game and get on board. And maybe Autumn felt the same way.
I leaned back from the table and sighed. This was all speculation, and until I saw her again, I wouldn’t be able to figure it out one way or the other. As far as I knew, we were a couple of friends hanging out together, and that was the way things were going to stay as long as she kept steady in her attitude toward our relationship. What she wanted came first. I wasn’t going to do anything to fuck whatever we had up. Because the thought of going on without the promise of seeing her again made my heart sink right down to the bottom of the water we’d been sailing on together all day.
20
Autumn
“Oh,“ I groaned, tipping my head back into the pillow. I couldn�
��t remember how I’d gotten here or even who precisely it was between my thighs right now, but it didn’t matter. I was finally getting the release I had craved so deeply for so long, and it was good.
His hands sank into my thighs, and I looked down to try and figure out who it was. His face was buried in my pussy, and he seemed to have no intention of coming up for air. I closed my eyes again and let myself get lost to the feeling of it.
He was good at this. So good at it. I couldn’t even specify what it was about his technique that was working for me, but it was. It was as though he couldn’t possibly get enough of the way I tasted, like my body was a feast and he had been starving for weeks. He was lavishing me with attention, sucking and licking and tasting and trying me like I was the most delicious thing in the entire world, sucking on my lips, on my clit, tracing his tongue over my slit and slipping it briefly inside of me. My entire body was shuddering and shaking, and I tried to remember how I’d ended up here, how I’d managed to convince a man so talented into my bed, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember how I’d gotten him here. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that he was already on the brink of making me come, and my body was grateful for the attention it had been so lacking the last few months.
“Mmm,” I reached down and ran my fingers through his hair, silently urging him to tilt his face up to me so I could see him, but he didn’t move. He slipped his hands beneath my ass and squeezed roughly, letting out a moan that echoed all the way up through my body. I sank back against the pillow, helpless, and the only thing I could do right now was let him pleasure me. He wasn’t going to stop until he was satisfied, until I was satisfied, and I was hardly going to pull away from that to get a look at him.
My legs were beginning to tremble as he drew his fingers to my pussy and slipped them inside, not fucking me with them, but rather stroking the inside of my pussy in time with the strokes of his tongue on my clit. I let out a gasp, and suddenly, the pleasure crested and exploded all over me, cascading over my body in waves, my muscles shaking and my body clenching as the relief finally came. How long had he been going down on me for? I felt like I’d been here for hours and seconds at the same time, the notion of distance distorting in my head.
