“You’ve never told me that you love me, Lainie.”
“And I won’t. Not until you’re truly mine.”
“I wish things could be different but I was clear with you from the first day we met. I will not divorce and have my kids going back and forth.”
“I understand. I really do. What you don’t seem to get is how it is for me. You expect loyalty and fidelity without giving it in return.” My gut dropped when I thought of the real question I wanted to ask. However the potential fallout from his answer scourged me to even think about. Do you still have sex with your wife?
“I’m completely loyal to you. From the first day we met.”
Before I could stop myself, I said, “But not faithful.”
“Lainie, don’t.”
“Don’t what? You started this Mason, not me.”
He stood up and started to dress.
There were so many questions I still had like: Have you had other affairs? Am I your only indiscretion or just another in a line of them. Sometimes, not always, but sometimes, ignorance is truly bliss. I felt more knowledgeable now and I didn’t like it one bit.
“Victoria and I have a very complicated relationship.”
I abruptly stood up and said, “Right and so do we. I’m ready for you to leave and take your complications with you.” I pointed to the door.
“Lainie, come on,” he said, closing the gap between us.
“You aren’t being fair to me,” I said, fighting to keep my tears from falling.
I let him take me in his arms. He kissed my head and said, “I know. You’re right. I just got scared that I’m losing you. I need you, Lainie. So much. You make my life worth living.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and allowed myself the dangerous luxury of melting into him. I didn’t want to lose him, even given what it cost me.
“I love you so much; it nearly killed me to know you were out with another man.”
I lifted my head from his chest and said, “I can’t talk about this anymore. This isn’t good for me and it’s not good for us. Do you want something to eat or not.”
“No. I think we both need time.”
“Wait, Mason, I don’t want us to part this way.”
“It’s going to be okay, baby. I just need some time.” He retrieved his briefcase, kissed me goodbye but melancholy hung in the air between us.
And out of my life he went once again.
I collapsed on the couch as grief overwhelmed me. I didn’t want to give into the tears. I didn’t want to become one of those women who cried all the time. I punched the cushion a few times and lay on the couch in a daze of my circumstance. I ran over the argument in my head, trying to fix and alter the outcome.
“Enough!” I finally yelled. I pushed myself up and entered the bathroom. Avoiding the mirror, I splashed water on my face.
I lumbered to the second bedroom, setting everything back in place. With the trench coat and heels in hand, I trudged to my bedroom and put the items away. I rid myself of my bra, garters, and stockings and climbed under the covers, falling into a deep sleep. I dreamt of Mason and Stay only remembering snippets when I awoke.
I’d like to be able to say that the pain in my heart had lessened while I slept. However, when I checked my phone and saw no message or email from Mason I had to consider that I might never see him again. The date with Stay swelled in importance. Not because of the connection that we forged, but what it might ultimately cost me.
Everything.
CHAPTER TEN
Use Somebody
by Kings of Leon
I spent the rest of the afternoon catching up on my TV shows, noshing on whatever was expedient, and smoking more cigarettes than I normally allotted myself.
My phone rang and I darted to the bedroom to answer it.
“Hey, girl, are you free tonight?” Jacqs said, sounding out of breath.
“Are you running?”
“No, I just jogged up the stairs to call you. Bond invited me to come by the club and I hoped you’d come with.”
“That hasn’t worked out well in the past,” I said, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“He promised not to give or get phone numbers or flirt. I told him to forget about the flirting, which would be impossible for him to stop. It’s like breathing to him.”
“Good thinking.” I stood, slid open my closet door, and perused my clothing choices.
“So please tell me you’ll come. I hate sitting around like I’m one of his groupies.”
“Will Stay be there?” I slid a few of the hanging clothes to the side to better see a top.
“Not that I know of. Does that matter?”
“Yes ... no ... I don’t know. What are you wearing and what time?”
“Something cool, it’s so hot out. Skirt and colorful shirt probably. How about nine-thirty? That way we can get a good spot at the bar before the place fills up.”
I thought about it for a moment. Remaining home with all my confused thoughts seemed the worse of the two evils.
“Lainie?”
“Yeah, I’ll come. See you soon.”
“Thanks. Love you, girl.”
“Bye.” I hoped I wouldn’t regret it. Being sandwiched between Jacqs and Bond’s potential drama might shove me over the edge.
I arrived at the CroBar Club a few minutes early and looked around trying to spot Jacqs. My shoulders lowered when I saw that she picked a place away from Bond’s deejay booth. A few people surrounded the long central bar and littered the dance floor. Gonna Make You Sweat played through the massive speakers. Lights bounced off the dancers, floor, and walls.
“Hey, girl,” I said as I bumped her with my hip.
“You’re here!” She bounced up to give me a hug. I bent down to return it.
I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket, set it on the bar, and took the stool next to Jacqs.
“Cute look,” I said, recognizing the navy/purple batik top from my shop. Her short, purple, pleated skirt and sandals spoke to the temperature outside.
“Going casual today, I see,” she said, looking me over. “Damn those black shorts make your legs look a mile long.”
“Yeah, I didn’t feel like dressing up and geeze they have a dress code here?” I kidded, looking around and seeing a wide range of outfits.
She laughed. “What do you want to drink? I was waiting on you.”
“Something different for a change. Tequila sunrise?” I asked, feeling like I needed something to shut my mind off. I wanted to stop waiting to hear from Mason.
“Joe Nichols sings, Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off. Should I be worried about you?”
“I’m definitely leaving mine on,” I said, I flipped my cell phone over so I couldn’t see the screen. “I need a drink though and something strong.”
Jacqs raised her hand and Frank, their regular bartender said, “What can I get for you, half-pint?”
“Two tequila sunrises please and water for us both. Thanks.”
He stepped away and spun a basket of pretzels along the bar that landed right in front of us.
We both smiled.
“A strong drink? Are you okay?” Jacqs asked, popping a pretzel into her mouth.
“I’ve been better. Mason and I had our first fight and it was a doozy. He wasn’t happy about me going out with Stay.”
She touched my shoulder and said, “Anything I can do?”
“Nah, I just needed to get out of the house. We can talk about it tomorrow.”
“About that, I’m spending the night with Bond at his place.”
I raised my eyebrows and said, “And Red’s okay with that?”
“He has plans with his sister tonight. He isn’t thrilled about it, but he understands.”
“He’s a keeper, Bond on the other hand—”
“Let’s not, okay?”
“Yeah, sorry. Really. I’m just in a strange headspace.”
“Stay or
Mason?” she asked just as a chill ran up my back.
“Did I hear my name?” Stay said from behind me.
I jumped and said, “How long have you been there?”
“I just walked up. I’m going to go talk to Bond, I’ll be right back.”
“Do you want something to drink?” Jacqs asked.
“A club soda with lime would be great, thanks.”
I followed him with my eyes as he walked away. No plaid shirt again. I had the sneaking suspicion he knew I’d be at the club. He had on jeans but instead of his usual blues; he had on black pants with a deep-blue, dress shirt that he wore out. He had shaved his face but the hair on his head was still growing in.
“You like him,” Jacqs said, watching me watch him.
I shook my head.
“It’s clearly written all over you face. That and your nipples got hard when he walked up behind you.”
“If this is what it’s going to be like tonight, I might move over to the other side of the bar.”
Frank interrupted our conversation when he set our drinks on top of the round coasters. “Bond said the drinks are on him.”
“I’ll have to thank him,” I said. “Can we get a club soda with lime when you get a chance?”
“Coming up,” he said and tapped the bar as he moved away.
“So sorry, girl. You’re worried Mason won’t call?”
“Yeah, I am.” I took a long slip of my drink and almost spit it out. Frank had been very generous with the tequila.
“I’m sure you’ll hear from him. In the meantime, let us distract you.”
“What are we distracting you from?” Stay said as he occupied the stool next to me.
“You have a bad habit of sneaking up on people,” I said in a tone a bit more angry than I meant.
“Oops. Should I move over a few stools?”
“No, I...” I took another sip of my drink and shut up.
“She’s just having a rough night,” Jacqs said. “We’re going to cheer her up.”
He looked at me like he wanted to wrap me up in his arms and I almost wished he would. Instead he rubbed my back and said, “Let’s dance when the next fast song comes on. That’ll take your mind off of things.”
“That’s a great idea,” Jacqs said. “Shall we toast?”
Frank slid the club soda to Stay and we all lifted our drinks.
“What are we toasting to?” Stay asked.
“To complicated relationships,” I said, holding my glass out.
“I think you’re supposed to toast to something good,” Jacqs said.
“Let’s toast to budding friendships,” Stay said, suppressing a smile that showed in his eyes.
I gave him a dirty look and he laughed.
“That seems like a safe bet,” Jacqs said.
Stay and I knew better. Jacqs probably did too.
“Cheers,” I said.
Jacqs said, “Salute.”
“Down the hatch,” Stay said.
We took sips from our drink and then Stay said, “I have another toast.
May you never lie, steal, cheat or drink.
But if you must lie, lie in each other's arms.
If you must steal, steal kisses.
If you must cheat, cheat death.
And if you must drink, drink with us, your friends.”
We all drank to that.
“Nice,” I said, setting my drink down on the bar. “It sounds familiar. Have a seen it in a movie?”
“It’s an old Irish toast that was used in Hitch.”
“Right,” I said.
His rapt attention caused the butterflies in my stomach to morph into humming birds. Truthfully, it was nice to see him again, but it just embrangled everything. In an attempt to deflect myself from my bodily responses, I leaned over my glass and sipped my drink through the tiny straw.
Blurred Lines began to blast out of the surround sound system.
Stay clasped my hands and pulled me to my feet. “Coming?” he asked Jacqs.
“Later,” she said and waved us off.
He bobbed to the music, walking in front me and holding my hands behind his back. Once we made it to the middle of the dance floor, he flipped around to face me. His smile radiated and between him and the drink, I was feeling considerably better. We had more room to move around than at the concert. Stay could really move and our dancing styles suited each other.
He clasped my hand and spun me around. Then he sashayed toward me and hooked his arm around my waist. We swayed back and forth in unison and rocked incrementally lower, my knee between his legs until we were squatting. When we swung back up, and he pressed himself against me, I felt his prominent erection. His mouth hovered near mine until I pushed away from him.
We broke apart and danced around. When I braved to look up, the lust on his face hit me like a stone from a slingshot, directly on my clit. I closed my eyes, allowing the sensation to run its course.
Stay had a not so subtle way of stoking my arousal. Even though I had sex earlier, he made me horny as hell.
He swayed his hips back and forth and approached me again, his crooked smile gleaming in the flashing lights. He gathered my hair behind my head and then wrapped his arms tightly around me. We dipped to the right and then left, our pelvises locked tightly together. Stay could rival Patrick Swayze in Dirty Dancing.
The song quickly came to an end as another one started up.
“I’m going to say hi to Bond,” I said, needing a few minutes away from Stay to get myself under control.
When he flipped my hair over my shoulder, his mouth was set in such a way, which made me think he held secrets in there that he intended to share with me later. He said, “Okay, I’ll see you at the bar.”
I approached the deejay booth and waited until a cute woman finished asking for her song request.
“Hey, Lane, how’s it going?” Bond asked, standing up from behind the console that had many slide pulls and nobs.
“It’s going okay. I wanted to thank you for covering our drinks.” I had to shout to be heard.
He inclined his head forward and said, “No problem. I’m happy to do it. You and Stay looked great out there.”
“Uh, yeah, it was fun.”
“He’s into you, Lainie,” he said, resting his shoulder against the door jam.
“He’s made that abundantly clear. He’s great Bond, but I’m not available.”
“That’s what Jacqs said.”
My eyes open wide and I could feel my face get hot.
“Lane, relax, she wouldn’t tell me anything about the dude. She said she wasn’t free to talk and I respect that. She’s concerned though. I know she wishes you would give Stay a chance. She’s thought you two would make a good match for a while now. I told her we just have to let you two figure it out.”
I stared at Bond for a moment and had to acknowledge the difference in him. Jacqs recent car accident really seemed to shake him up and cause him to reevaluate his relationship with her and his choices.
“You and Jacqs doing okay?”
“Never better. One second.” He inclined into the booth and flipped a switch. “Okay,” he said when he faced me again.
“Do me a favor,” I said loudly over the new song that began to play.
“Sure.”
“If you’re in the processes of starting up a new relationship with someone else, please be upfront with Jacqs.”
“Has she said something?” he asked, crossing his arms in front of him.
“Yes.”
“But you’re not going tell me?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“We have agreements and I plan to keep them.”
“Okay, that’s good to hear. I’m going to head back to the bar. It’s good to see you and thanks again for the drinks.” Amazingly I meant it. He seemed like a better man and I would hold out hope that he would take care of Jacqs’s heart this time around.
He took hold of my upper arm and said, �
�Thank you for being there for her and for taking on Sam. I never did thank you for that.”
“No problem. Be good to her.”
“You got it.”
Back at the bar, I reached for my phone.
Stay touched my back. “You want another drink? Frank came by and asked.”
“Uh, no, that’s okay.” I felt uncomfortable drinking around Stay now that I knew he abstained.
As if he read my energy or expression, he said, “I don’t care if you drink, Lainie. I know a lot of alcoholics who live with the constant craving. I’m not the same person I was when I was drinking and I don’t miss it. It’s not an issue for me. If I thought you had a drinking problem, then it would be.”
“Okay then, I’ll have another. I’ll be right back.” I swallowed the last of my cocktail and then turned to leave.
“Where you going, chica?” Jacqs asked.
“Got to pee. I’ll be right back.” I strolled to the bathroom and got in line behind the other women. My phone vibrated in my hand and I clicked on the screen. “Shit.”
The woman in front of me turned and glared, then did a one-eighty. Apparently I had offended her.
I stepped forward, looking down at my phone and seeing that Mason had texted me.
MM: I’m sorry about my abrupt departure. I didn’t really want to leave you and yet I felt like I had to. We’ve never argued before and I was at a loss. It was
MM: entirely my fault. I know our situation isn’t fair for you. I’m not blind. Even if you won’t tell me, I know you love me. I see it in your eyes every time
MM: we’re together. It kills me to know I can’t give you want you need. Meeting Stay just made it clear to me what I’m taking away from you and I became defensive
MM: and as I already stated, scared of losing you. I’m sure you’re upset with me. You have every right to be. I’m sorry, baby. Although I know I should, I don’t
MM: think I could ever let you go.
MM: Are you there?
MM: Please give me another chance.
MM: Text back, please. Want us to make plans for next week. I don’t have much time before I have to turn off my phone.
Bittersweet Deceit Page 12
