by Iris Gower
CHAPTER SIX
Binnie read the letter for the umpteenth time, a mixture of feelings warring within him. His first reaction when the letter from Watt had arrived was one of profound relief. Then he realized that Maura, his wife, the mother of his child, who was still a young woman, was dead and a dreadful feeling of guilt flooded over him.
He had loved Maura once, when they had both been young and eager for life. Maura with her red-gold hair and her lovely smile had roused such feelings in him, feelings that vanished once they were married.
He turned to the letter again. It was tactful in the extreme. Watt had chosen his words carefully, not giving away anything that would incriminate Binnie. And yet Watt’s own pain was plain for anyone to read.
‘What’s wrong, hon?’ Hortense asked, looking over the breakfast table at him. ‘You’ve been clutching that letter for ages, is it bad news?’
He swallowed hard. ‘Yes, it is, a friend, an old friend of mine has died.’ He looked down at his hands feeling like a Judas. He hated lying to his wife. But then Hortense was not his wife, not in the eyes of the church or the law at any rate. A thought struck him, that was something he could put right now, if only he could find a way.
‘Remember Watt who came out here with John? Well his,’ he hesitated, ‘his wife died of the whooping cough. It seems the sickness has been running through the town like wildfire. Thank God we are out of it, my love, safe in America.’
‘We get sicknesses here, too, honey,’ Hortense said softly. ‘No-one is ever sure what life can bring.’
‘I know but this is a warm country, the sun shines more than it ever does back home.’ He smiled. ‘Here we don’t have the dark, wet, miserable days I knew when I was a child.’
‘Instead we have wild storms, great winds and fires that can run for days.’ Hortense touched his cheek affectionately. ‘You see America with rose-coloured glasses, Binnie.’
‘Perhaps because everything I love is here,’ Binnie said softly. ‘I have you and the boys, you are all so precious to me. I’ve even come to think of Dan as the father I never had.’
He could not say the same about Mrs McCabe; she had never made him feel part of the family. The old lady loved the boys and respected Binnie for being a good worker but Binnie always felt she had reservations about him. It was almost as if she knew he had a secret past.
‘By the way,’ Hortense said, ‘John’s brought Jo into town.’ She smiled. ‘My sister is visiting with Mamma and Daddy, so Jo and me can have some real woman gossip. I’ll enjoy that after having a stuffy old man like you around me all hours of the day.’
She was teasing and they both knew it but Binnie’s heart sank. He liked it when John was safely up country supervising some of the other potteries Dan owned. Binnie rose from the table. ‘I’d better do some work, I’ve got to check one of the kilns, I think there’s a breach in the brickwork somewhere, the pots are not firing well.’
He kissed Hortense on the mouth; she tasted of honey and pancakes and he loved her so much he thought his heart would break whenever he looked into her eyes.
‘Don’t work too hard, Binnie.’ She smiled the seductive smile that sent his pulses racing. ‘You’ll need some of your energy when you come home.’
He left her with a smile on his face and a lightness in his step, he was one lucky man to have a woman like Hortense at his side. Now, with Watt’s letter tucked safely into his pocket, he could begin to feel more secure.
It was early evening when Binnie returned home. He bathed in the tub at the back of the house, cleaning the dust and clay from his hands. Above him, he could see the sky and he smiled. It was strange bathing in a shed with no roof.
Dressed in fresh clothes and with a glass of good whisky inside him, he sat down at the table to eat supper with his family. This was the life, the life he would do anything to preserve. The letter was burnt now but the words Watt had written continued to comfort him.
He was just finishing the delicious dish of roast meat and potatoes cooked specially the way he liked it when his happiness faded.
The maid bobbed into the room and behind her was John, dressed for an evening out and Binnie’s heart sank.
‘You haven’t forgotten you were coming out to do a bit of business with me, have you, Binnie?’ John was all smiles, he looked big and sunburned and very handsome. Hortense welcomed him coolly. She was nobody’s fool, Binnie thought with a pang of alarm.
‘We had hoped for a quiet night in tonight, John,’ she said. ‘Can’t this business wait until tomorrow?’
‘Sorry.’ John smiled charmingly but Hortense’s gaze remained fixed. Hastily, Binnie put down his napkin.
‘Sorry, love,’ he kissed Hortense. ‘I won’t be too long and that’s a promise.’ He hustled John out of the house and began to walk rapidly towards the centre of town. He was angry, very angry. John was pushing his luck.
‘What’s wrong?’ John asked. ‘Little wifey wanted to take you to bed, did she? Oh, I forgot, she’s not your wife, is she?’
Binnie turned on him, his shoulders tense. ‘This is not going to work,’ he said, the words forced through clenched teeth. ‘Make this the last time you use me to cover up your tracks, do you understand?’ He glared at John, ashamed that he had agreed to help the man in the first place.
‘Hey, don’t be so hasty, pal,’ John said. ‘I’m sorry, if I’d known you’d be so upset I wouldn’t have asked you.’ He shrugged. ‘What I’m doing isn’t so wrong, what married man doesn’t get into these little flings, tell me that?’ His words were barbed and Binnie knew it.
‘Well I think you’re playing with fire. In a small town like West Troy where everyone knows what undervest you’re wearing before you do, you are bound to be found out sooner or later.’
‘You haven’t been found out.’
‘Haven’t I?’
‘Well,’ John smiled, ‘only by me and I don’t count, really, do I? It’s man to man stuff that women just don’t understand.’
Binnie looked at him steadily. ‘Don’t you love Josephine too much to play around and with her sister at that?’
John looked uncomfortable but only for a moment. ‘Were you in love with the woman you married back home?’
‘No, as a matter of fact I wasn’t,’ Binnie said. He stopped walking, he knew he couldn’t put up with this any longer. He would not allow John to blackmail him and he would not help the man to deceive Josephine. Binnie had done enough wrong in his life without adding to it.
‘I’m going home,’ he said. John looked at him open-mouthed; he had walked on a few paces ahead and now he retraced his steps. ‘Are you sure about that?’
‘I’m sure,’ Binnie said. He moved closer to John, his eyes hard and filled with such anger that John stepped back abruptly. Binnie realized he had been a fool; quite suddenly, it became clear to him that John was open to blackmail too. Look what he would lose if Binnie exposed him: his wife, his secure life in America, his easy living, all of it would vanish in a puff of smoke.
‘If you speak of this to anyone, anyone at all, I’ll kill you and that’s a promise.’
‘Well,’ John said at last, ‘you keep your mouth shut and I’ll keep mine shut.’ He walked away and left Binnie standing in the roadway, his mind seething with confused thoughts. If he returned home now Hortense would know there was something wrong. The last thing he wanted was to upset her. He dared not call in on Dan in case the old man asked questions. He began to retrace his steps towards home, there was nothing else for him to do.
An open wagon pulled up beside him. ‘Hi, brother-in-law, want a lift?’ Josephine was smiling down at him, her bonnet at the back of her head, her hair falling into unruly curls on her shoulders. She was a lovely girl, beautiful and intelligent, John was a fool risking all he had for a silly affair. ‘I’m going to your place, as it happens.’
‘It’s no distance,’ he said smiling back at her, ‘less than a mile.’
‘Oh, go on!’ Josephine
coaxed. ‘Otherwise I’ll think you’re avoiding me.’ She moved her skirts aside to make room for him and Binnie put his foot on the wheel and swung himself into the seat at her side.
They drove for a little while in silence. The roadway threw up dry dust from under the wheels and Binnie coughed. He felt uncomfortable, he wondered what Josephine was going to say, she certainly had something on her mind. Glancing at her face he could see that she was pensive, her eyes shadowed.
‘I know what’s going on,’ she said at last.
His heart contracted with fear. Had John told her about Maura? He coughed again, playing for time.
‘What do you mean, Jo?’
‘I know my husband is playing around. You know it too, don’t deny it, I can see by your face.’
‘How do you know?’ Binnie asked. His mind was racing, how much did she know about John, and, worse, what did she know about him?
‘A woman always knows when her man is being unfaithful, there are signs you see, signs any wife would recognize.’
He breathed a little easier, she was only guessing. He must speak to John, warn him that he was teetering on the edge of the abyss.
‘I don’t think so,’ Binnie said. ‘Perhaps he’s just restless, you know.’
‘You’ve hit the nail on the head, Binnie, he’s restless all right. He wants to come into town more often than is good for him. I had to insist on coming with him this time otherwise he would have left me at home again. Why?’
Binnie swallowed, his throat was dry. ‘I’m sure it’s not anything to worry about, Jo, men like the company of men sometimes just as you girls like to get together for a chin-wag.’ He forced a smile though his tongue felt welded to the roof of his mouth.
‘Just this morning, Hortense was telling me how glad she’d be of your company. Your visit is a good chance for her to talk to another woman instead of boring old me!’
Josephine glanced at him. ‘You and Hortense are so secure, she knows you love her too much to stray. Whatever you did in the past, you are her man now, through and through. I’ve never been sure of John and I don’t think I ever will be.’
Binnie remained silent; he did not want to comment just in case he said the wrong thing.
Hortense had heard the wagon pull up and was waiting on the porch, a wide smile on her face. She hugged her sister and gave Binnie a look that meant he should make himself scarce. She did not seem at all surprised to see him home.
‘I’m going to have a lie down,’ he said. ‘I’m tired and I could do with a nap.’ Hortense nodded; it was clear she knew that her sister wanted to talk.
As Binnie walked up the stairs, his heart was heavy. He knew he could not keep his secret any longer, it was weighing too heavily on him. In any case, he felt sure that John had told Jo about him. Binnie’s past was a strange thing to refer to when talking about an errant husband.
He stretched out on the bed and closed his eyes and, before he knew it, the silence had sent him off to sleep.
‘I’m worried about Eynon.’ Llinos was holding Joe’s hand as together they climbed the stairs to the bedroom. ‘He’s playing a dangerous game.’ He was at her side and yet he seemed so distant from her.
‘Well don’t worry, Eynon is a grown man, he knows what he’s doing, he can look after himself.’
‘But Mrs Sparks of all women, and her with a husband who would kill you with a look. I don’t like it.’
‘You can do nothing about it,’ Joe said firmly as he led her into the bedroom. ‘I agree it would be better if Eynon could meet an unattached lady and fall in love and get married and have a brood of children to keep Jayne company but life isn’t as neat as that.’
Did his words have a hidden meaning? She examined his face but could read nothing from his expression.
‘I know life isn’t neat,’ Llinos said. ‘Will you unhook me?’
She leaned against Joe as he began to undo the back of her dress. He slipped it down over her shoulders and stepped away from her.
‘Come to bed with me tonight,’ Llinos said gently.
‘I can’t. Look, don’t ask me to explain, I don’t even understand what I feel myself but since our baby died, I just feel as if I’ve lost my sense of direction. Don’t try to push me, Llinos, not now when I’m so confused.’ He left the room and the door closed behind him with a snap of finality.
Llinos sat on the bed and tears flowed hot and bitter down her cheeks. She wanted Joe to thrill her as he used to. Joe loved her, didn’t he? Why then had he ceased to desire her?
He used to make her feel beautiful and cherished. She would lie back on the bed and look at his lean, golden body. He was so wonderful, so handsome. But if he had changed when the baby died, he had changed more since he had come back from America.
He was out a great deal, sometimes he returned home in the early hours of the morning. She knew because she could not sleep until he was safely indoors. Even when she knew he was back she often lay awake wanting him.
‘I love you, Joe,’ she whispered. She imagined his silky hair brushing her face, his warm lips against hers. The bed was big and empty without him. ‘Oh, Joe! What’s wrong with us?’
She closed her eyes with a picture of Joe behind her lids. When he loved her it was beautiful, he made her body sing with happiness. Every time he made love to her was like the first time. The sensations transcended time and place, lifted her to the clouds, to fly with the eagles, to become one with him.
Afterwards, in the glow of their lovemaking, she would cling to him knowing if ever she lost him she would be only half a woman. But he would never betray her, she knew that. He would never stray to another woman’s bed the way some men did. He belonged to Llinos body and soul and she to him. Why then was she so lost and lonely, why was she lying in her bed alone?
The next day, Llinos hardly saw Joe at all. He went out in the morning and stayed out all day. But towards suppertime, he came home. He looked tired, as though he had a great deal on his mind and Llinos would have gone to him, put her arms around him but he avoided her eyes.
‘Joe, what’s wrong?’ she asked, her voice cracking with fear. He moved past her, his shoulders tense.
‘Not now, Llinos, I’m in no mood for a quarrel.’ He looked up with a smile as his sister came slowly down the stairs. He took her hand and led her into the dining room. He seemed to be his old self now, smiling and at ease. Llinos sighed softly. Something was very wrong and Joe would have to talk to her about it sooner or later.
As they sat at supper, Charlotte sprang a surprise on them both. ‘I’ve made a will,’ she said proudly. ‘Well at least the solicitor wrote it up for me and I signed it.’ She smiled at Joe, a sisterly smile and reached out to touch his hand.
‘The money you gave me, Joe, and the money dear Sam left me, it must all go to Lloyd.’
‘Charlotte! Don’t even talk about such things!’ Llinos said quickly. ‘You are still young and sprightly.’
‘Well, I am heading towards my three score years and ten, you know.’ She smiled. ‘You sometimes forget I’m a great deal older than Joe.’
Charlotte lifted a spoonful of soup to her mouth and then dabbed her lips with the pristine napkin. ‘Anyway, why I want to leave it to Lloyd is because I want him to have the very best education and the best life any boy could ever want. I hope one day he’ll find a fine girl to settle down with.’ She held up her hand as Llinos opened her mouth to protest.
‘Now, I know you two would never see your little boy go without and the bulk of your estate will go to Lloyd, that is right and natural, but I want to give him something too before I leave this earth. I love him as though he’s my own son.’
‘Hush, Charlotte!’ Llinos said softly. ‘You must do what you see fit with your own money but my advice is to enjoy it, spend it on yourself. Buy a new outfit, travel the world, anything.’
Charlotte smiled. ‘What need have I for new clothes? I have more than I will ever wear as it is. As for travelling, my old bone
s would not allow it. No, I am content with my quiet, peaceful life here in Swansea. I have no wish to be anywhere else on earth. Except . . .’ She broke off and looked directly at Joe. ‘Except when I die I want to be buried at home, the home where I was born and brought up.’
She sighed. ‘I loved our house on the edge of the River Wye, Joe. Can I go back there, to rest in peace, please?’
‘Of course you can. We’ll say no more about it,’ Joe replied. Llinos looked at him sharply. Was he troubled about Charlotte’s health? Was concern for his sister the source of his strange behaviour?
‘Would you like me to carve you some beef, Charlotte?’ Joe said, proceeding to do so without waiting for a reply. If nothing else, Charlotte had a good appetite and enjoyed her food enormously. She was still small and bird-like in spite of the puddings she tucked away.
Llinos looked at Charlotte carefully. She appeared well and strong, as if she would have many more years than the three score and ten she spoke of. But perhaps Joe knew something she did not about his sister’s health.
Later, when Charlotte had retired, Llinos tackled him about his strange mood. ‘What’s wrong, love? Are you worried about Charlotte?’
He was silent for a long time and then he looked past Llinos towards the window where moonlight slanted into the room. ‘No, not worried. I think she can see the end coming, though, she is an old woman now. She wants to put her affairs in order, make her wishes known while she has a clear head.’ He put down his napkin and pushed back his chair. ‘But I don’t want you to worry about her, Charlotte will leave this world in the most peaceful of ways and when she goes it will be her time and she will be ready.’
Watt examined the glaze, he lifted a ladleful of the thick liquid and let it drop back into the pot. ‘It looks fine, Pearl,’ he said. ‘We just need to watch the temperature in the kilns now not to spoil the load.’ He rested his hand on her shoulder.
‘Are you sure you’re fit to be back at work? You are still very pale.’
