by Iris Gower
Like most weak men Edward could be quite vicious at times. Alice stared at him, despising him more as each day passed. Why had she helped him out of the mess he was in? Would it not have been better to have taken the money herself and gone back to her father? He would not have been in the least surprised to hear the marriage had failed.
‘Shut up, Edward!’ she said loudly. ‘Don’t you dare to talk to me in that way. You know that Eynon is romantically involved with Llinos Mainwaring, so why keep on? I can’t help it if my husband is a failure, can I? Apart from which you are the most unattractive man it has ever been my misfortune to meet. If you keep on bullying me, I shall leave you, Edward, and then how will you cope?’
He stared at her for a long time, his eyes burning like coals in their sockets. He clenched his hands into fists and she thought, for a moment, he might hit her, then he subsided and put his hands over his face.
‘Alice, what would I do without you?’ he wailed. Now he was a little boy crying for his mamma. Alice rose to her feet and swept across the room.
‘I will not speak to you again until you apologize for your crass behaviour,’ she said in her most haughty voice. ‘I find you the help and support you could not get for yourself and what is my thanks? I get accused of the most vile of crimes.’
She made her way slowly upstairs to her bedroom. She felt so weary, she could hardly keep her eyes open. Her body was ungainly, heavy and she hated it. Just wait until the birth was over and done with, there would be no holding her. Edward could go to hell and back for all she cared.
‘Are you all right, madam?’ Rosie had followed her upstairs and her sweet voice touched a chord, the girl was really concerned about her. Suddenly, Alice felt like weeping.
‘No, I’m not feeling well, bring me some tea, Rosie, please.’ She paused. ‘Rosie, you are a good girl and I’m grateful to you.’
Alice sank onto the bed and lay back feeling the soft pillows behind her head with a sense of relief. She realized quite suddenly that she was lonely; that the love she had always craved had never been hers. No wonder she had grown a protective shell around her. With no-one to love and care for her she had always been forced to fend for herself.
Tears of self-pity flooded into her eyes and when Rosie entered the room with a tray on her arm Alice looked up at her. ‘Rosie, would you say I’m a bad person?’ she asked, struggling to sit up.
Rosie put down the tray and helped her to get comfortable, patting the pillows into shape at Alice’s back.
‘’Course not, madam,’ she said. ‘No-one in the world is all bad.’ She smiled her gentle smile. ‘We all have a spiteful side to us, I know I have.’
‘That’s hard to believe, Rosie.’ Alice for once was being totally sincere. ‘You are a sweet trusting girl, you look out for yourself, watch you don’t get hurt.’
‘I’ve been hurt already, madam,’ Rosie said. ‘I’m not a widow as I led you to believe. I married a man who didn’t love me. I couldn’t stand that so I left him even though it tore my heart to shreds to do it.’
She handed Alice the cup. ‘It was my husband who came calling the other night. He’s been over here quite a few times asking me to go back but I never will.’
‘Oh?’ So the girl was married; it was a bit of a surprise but then Alice was not going to lose any sleep over it. So long as Rosie did her job she suited Alice.
‘Sit down by the bedside for a minute, Rosie,’ she said. ‘Tell me all about yourself.’ Talking to Rosie was better than lying in her room alone thinking about the pathetic man she had married.
‘Your husband, is he working at a decent job?’
‘Oh yes, he’s a manager over at the pottery, you know the one Llinos Mainwaring owns?’
That was interesting, this Llinos was one of the victims of Edward’s little tricks. He seemed to dislike the woman intensely. No doubt she had not knuckled under to his high-handed manner. Where Edward got his pomposity from Alice would never know. The man was such a mixture, one minute bullying and the next cringing in fear. With hindsight, Alice marvelled that she had ever agreed to marry him.
At first, though, he had seemed presentable enough. A little on the thin side and not cut from the best of cloth. Edward was not one of the élite who formed society but he was a better prospect than the one her father had offered her. If she did not marry soon, she would be cast off without a penny.
She had known right away that Edward was not the material good lovers were made from. He had fumbled at her in bed, eager at first to taste the fruits of the voluptuous woman he had made his wife. But he was inept and their coupling had been swiftly over and had left Alice feeling high and dry. Had Edward proved proficient between the sheets she might have forgiven him everything.
‘Did you enjoy his lovemaking, Rosie? That can be enough to make a marriage happy, you know.’
Rosie blushed. ‘I might have if I thought he loved me. He was in love before and I don’t think he ever got over her.’
‘Poor girl,’ Alice said. ‘Well perhaps you are better off out of it then. Now tell me, how is Mrs Mainwaring?’ Alice realized that Rosie was sitting on the edge of her seat, uncertain if she should stay or go. ‘Did I hear that her husband has walked out on her?’
‘I don’t know, madam. Even when Watt and me were together, he never talked about Llinos – Mrs Mainwaring’s – private life.’
‘How boring, no wonder you left him. He wouldn’t be in love with this Llinos, would he?’ She could see by the clouding of Rosie’s eyes that she had struck a chord. ‘I mean they grew up together and, from what I gather, together saved the pottery from disaster.’
Rosie sighed. ‘No, it wasn’t Llinos he was in love with. Watt was living with a married woman whose husband had run off.’ Rosie’s eyes were downcast. ‘But Maura died of the whooping cough.’
Alice reached out to catch Rosie’s hand. ‘And he married you on the rebound, is that it, Rosie?’
‘I suppose so, madam.’ She looked up, her expression one of sadness. Alice felt an unwelcome pang of guilt.
‘I shouldn’t be prying into your personal life, Rosie,’ she said with a genuine feeling of pity for the girl. ‘But you and I have much in common, my husband doesn’t love me either.’ She sighed heavily. ‘He married me for my father’s money.’
‘Oh, madam, I’m sorry!’ Rosie said at once. ‘And do you love him?’
She was very naive but so sweet that Alice smiled at her. ‘I don’t think I do, not now,’ she said truthfully. ‘If I were to be honest, I never loved him but you never realize what a man is truly like until you live with him, do you, Rosie?’
‘No, madam.’ She rubbed her wrists. ‘At first I was dazzled, I thought Watt loved me but now I see he only married me because he was lonely and because he felt obliged to help the family out.’ She hesitated. ‘He’s a good man and I don’t blame him for not loving me but it does hurt.’
‘Well look, Rosie dear, ask him to visit you properly, talk things over with him, you could be wrong about him, have you thought of that?’
Rosie shook her head. Alice watched her for a moment, summing up the situation. This man, her husband, he sounded interesting. And he might be able to tell her a great deal about Llinos Mainwaring and her business. He might be close-lipped with Rosie but then she was inexperienced with men. Alice on the other hand used her guile to get the information she wanted.
‘I don’t think I’m wrong,’ Rosie said softly. ‘I know Watt likes me and he made me his wife and all that, but I just feel here,’ she pressed her hand against her heart, ‘that he is still in love with Maura even though she’s dead.’
‘Ah but you are very much alive,’ Alice said. She was not quite clear why she was trying to make the girl feel better, it was out of character and Alice knew it. Still she persisted. ‘Love can grow, Rosie, and if Watt is coming to see you, don’t you think he must feel something for you?’
‘Maybe he does. Can I really ask him to visit, madam?’
‘Of course you can,’ Alice said and then added, hastily, ‘but don’t give in to him right away. I mean if he wants you to go back to him hold out for a time. Men don’t value what comes to them easily, I’ve learned that much.’
She did not want to lose Rosie; she was a good maid and was turning out to be a very good cook. However, she was beginning to feel genuine warmth towards the girl and that was a new experience.
‘Go on, then, take some time off, go and see your husband, ask him to call on you just as if you were walking out.’
‘I don’t think I could do that,’ Rosie said doubtfully. ‘Though I could see Mam, ask her to talk to him.’
‘Right then, that’s settled.’ Alice was suddenly tired of the matter. ‘I shall have a sleep now, you may go, Rosie, but draw the curtains first, there’s a good girl.’
It was good to lie in the quiet darkness in the softness of the bed, where she could pretend that everything in her life was fine. Where she could pretend that she had a husband like Eynon Morton-Edwards, a man who was skilled at lovemaking, a man who was rich and a powerful force in the town. Slowly, weariness overtook her and Alice fell into a dreamless sleep.
‘Gawd! Would you just look at this!’ Polly was holding up a newspaper and there, in the centre of the page, was the drawing Lily had done of her. ‘Would you believe it, they’ve got my picture in this week’s issue of the Swansea Telegraph.’
Lily and Matthew had been invited to the big house to have supper with Jem and Polly. Matthew, who could scarcely keep his hands and eyes off Lily, chatted to her incessantly over supper. It had been over a week since she had seen him; his old wife had been sick or something and strangely enough she had missed him. Now both men had retired to smoke their cigars.
‘Look then!’ Polly insisted. ‘I’ve kept this as a surprise for you. Aren’t you excited to see your work in the paper?’ She shook the page flat and placed it on the table, pushing aside the plates and cutlery with complete disregard for the fine china and silverware. ‘See, it says you are my friend and a “friend of the Right Honourable Matthew Starky” Ha!’ She laughed. ‘Friend, so that’s what they call it when a married man sets up home with another woman.’
Lily was pleased; the picture of Polly looked even better in the paper than she imagined it would. She stared at it critically. ‘Perhaps next time I draw you I should give it a bit more thought,’ she said. ‘See, the edge of your gown is not quite right.’
‘Stop it!’ Polly ordered. ‘I have more news for you if only you will listen.’ She put down the paper and smiled widely. ‘The editor Mr Granger wants you to do a whole series of these.’
‘What? Pictures of you?’
‘No silly! Not of me but of other people in the town, people like my Jem, Matthew and Eynon Morton-Edwards.’ She paused for effect. ‘Mr Granger is even willing to pay you!’
Lily began to feel more enthusiastic. This could lead somewhere, she might even become famous. That would be one in the eye for the people who had scorned her, people like Llinos Mainwaring and Watt Bevan.
‘Well, what do you feel about it?’ Polly was impatient for a reaction and Lily hesitated.
‘Well, it sounds all right. I’ll do it if Matthew doesn’t object.’ She had to be careful not to jeopardize her situation with Matthew Starky. It was doubtful she would make enough money from her drawings to live on.
‘He’s thrilled to his bootstraps!’ Polly said. ‘He’s so proud of you anyone would think you were his wife.’
That hurt. She was as good as his wife and one day Matthew would regularize their position, Lily was sure of it. She concealed her thoughts from Polly, who simply would not understand. Polly had never cared about belonging, about being respectable. And yet, ironically, it was Polly who had found respectability with Jem Boucher.
‘I’ll talk it over with him all the same,’ Lily said obstinately. ‘Matthew is a good man and I don’t want to upset him.’
‘Please yourself.’ Polly shrugged. ‘Come on, let’s go and make nuisances of ourselves to the men. It’s about time they finished their brandy or port or whatever and paid us some attention.’
In the drawing room, Matthew took a seat beside Lily. She could see by his eyes that he was happy to be with her again. He put his arm around her waist, his fingers searching upwards to her breast. Lily caught Polly’s eye and Polly winked.
‘Someone’s in for a good time tonight,’ she said gleefully. She pinched Jem’s cheek. ‘Hope you’re feeling as randy as I am, my boy!’
Jem shrugged. ‘What can I do with her?’ he appealed to his friend.
Matthew smiled back at him. ‘Go on, Jem, you love every minute of it.’
He was right, Jem was lapping up Polly’s attentions, his eyes gleaming at the thought that she wanted him. Perhaps that was the secret to a man, to play on his lust and praise his ability to please in the bedroom. On an impulse, she slipped her hand through Matthew’s arm.
‘Come on, Matt,’ she said softly, shyly, ‘I want to be alone with you. Please take me home.’ The way his face lit up at her words proved she was right: flatter a man’s vanity and you could get anything you wanted from him.
She sighed softly as she sat in the carriage beside Matthew. She snuggled against him and rested her head on his shoulder. It must be wonderful to fall in love. What was wrong with her, that she had never known the feeling? Still, she had her protector and, now, she had a career, however small, as a contributor to a newspaper; and for the time being that was enough.
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
It was the worst time of Llinos’s life. Not even in the dark days when her mother died, when she was left to run the pottery single-handedly, had Llinos felt as alone as she did now.
There had been no word from Joe since he had come storming into the house a week ago, and Llinos had expected none. He had made his views quite plain; he wanted Sho Ka rather than his wife. It was a bitter thought and Llinos could scarcely bear the pain and humiliation of it.
There was one bright spot in all the gloom: there had been an upturn in trading. Shop owners from Swansea and Carmarthen were taking large quantities of china wares and selling the goods faster than the pottery could provide them.
Watt had sorted out matters at the bank and all the bills were paid up to date. Still, Watt felt she should make a move to another bank and she would, just as soon as she regained control of her emotions. It was ironic, she thought, that while her business life continued to improve, her private life was in chaos.
Llinos was startled out of her reverie by the sound of the large doorbell resounding through the house. She saw that the fire was burning low and knelt near the hearth to place coals on the embers. She really should call the maid but Llinos was used to looking after herself and had no compunction about getting her hands dirty.
She was still kneeling, her dusty hands held out, when the door opened and the maid led a visitor into the room.
‘Sho Ka!’ Llinos said. ‘What are you doing here?’ She scrambled to her feet trying to appear composed but her heart was pounding. ‘Take a seat.’ Her voice was cold, formal. ‘I won’t be a minute, I need to wash my hands.’
Why had she allowed herself to be caught at a disadvantage by her husband’s beautiful mistress? And why was Sho Ka here? Her heart was beating swiftly as she rinsed the coal dust from her fingers.
She hurried back to the drawing room, anxious to know the reason for Sho Ka’s visit. The Indian girl was sitting in one of the armchairs, her head high, looking elegant in spite of her pregnancy.
‘Is Joe all right?’ Llinos asked breathlessly. Sho Ka’s dark eyes met hers.
‘No I don’t think he is,’ she said. ‘He is missing his family life here with you.’
‘Why doesn’t he come home then?’ Llinos could not keep the asperity from her voice. ‘It’s his choice that he stays with you, not mine.’
‘You don’t understand our ways,’ Sho Ka said softly. ‘We Mandans can acc
ept other women who might be important to our man, it does not mean that Joe loves you any the less because he has me.’
Llinos stared at her for a long moment and it was Sho Ka who looked away first. ‘It is not our way,’ Llinos said. ‘Here, we marry one man for life.’
‘That is not quite true though, is it?’ Sho Ka said softly. ‘Where we live in Neath there is a man, a farmer, who has a wife and a mistress. No-one seems to be upset about that.’
‘Well I am upset about Joe being unfaithful to me,’ Llinos said angrily. ‘I never thought Joe capable of such a betrayal. I put him on a pedestal, I worshipped him, can’t you understand that?’
‘And can’t you understand he never meant to hurt you?’ Sho Ka said. ‘He brought me back here because he was sorry for me.’ She looked up, eyes deep dark pools of tears. ‘I needed someone to help me through my grief. I had lost my husband, I was so unhappy and I felt Joe was the only one in the whole of the world who cared if I lived or died.’
‘And so you invited Joe into your bed and he accepted,’ Llinos said flatly. ‘Well somehow that does not make me feel any better.’
‘Soon, my baby will be born,’ Sho Ka said. ‘Then I will return to the rivers and the hills and bring my child up as a Mandan. That will fulfil the prophecy made by Mint that the offspring of Wha-he-joe-tass-ee-neen will put new blood into the tribe.’
‘How wonderful for you!’ Linos said. ‘A ready-made excuse for adultery.’ She paused to take a calming breath. ‘And am I supposed to welcome Joe back with open arms when you leave?’
Sho Ka shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It’s what he wants, I do know that.’
Llinos walked to the window and looked out, not seeing anything of the kilns or the wall at the end of the garden. Her eyes were blinded; jealousy was a hard stone inside her as she thought of Joe making love to Sho Ka.
‘I can’t forgive him, ever,’ she said. ‘Now, Sho Ka, if that’s all you’ve come to say then I’ll bid you goodnight. I’m very tired.’ Suddenly she was, she was weary to the bone. What was her life worth without Joe to share it? She spun on her heel and faced Sho Ka.
