Keeping On Keeping On

Home > Fiction > Keeping On Keeping On > Page 52
Keeping On Keeping On Page 52

by Bennett, Alan

LILLIAN

  She’s stubbing her cigarette out on the table. It was my mother’s.

  STANLEY

  It’s the Arts, Lillian. Shut up.

  PLAYER 1 (BLANCHE)

  You will find them in the heart-shaped box I keep my accessories in.

  LILLIAN

  Some of us manage to combine a love of the theatre with a respect for other people’s property. The blighters.

  STANLEY

  It’s Alternative Theatre.

  PLAYER 1 (BLANCHE)

  And Stella … Try and locate a bunch of artificial violets in that box, too, to pin with the seahorse on the lapel of the jacket.

  PLAYER 2 (STELLA)

  I don’t know if I did the right thing.

  LILLIAN

  Yes, and we’re going to have to get an alternative carpet.

  PLAYER 1

  (aside)

  Another satisfied customer.

  SCENE 29: STANLEY AND LILLIAN’S LIVING ROOM

  NARRATOR

  The play is over and the cast are getting changed. Stanley and Lillian are still arguing while Charles talks to the actor who played Blanche, who is the leader of the group.

  PLAYER 1

  Does it run to a garden? We like to do the battlements stuff alfresco.

  CHARLES

  (eagerly)

  Oh yes. Big garden.

  PLAYER 1

  What kind of access?

  CHARLES

  French windows.

  PLAYER 1

  French windows. Heaven! I’ve always wanted to be in a play with French windows.

  PLAYER 2

  What play?

  PLAYER 1

  Hamlet, at this gentleman’s house. Next Wednesday.

  Player 2 groans.

  LILLIAN

  (to Charles)

  You must be mad. They’ve ruined a lovely candlewick bedspread.

  STANLEY

  This is Art, Lillian. I never liked that bedspread anyway.

  CHARLES

  You do do the play scene?

  PLAYER 1

  Look, dear. It’s not ‘Great Moments from Shakespeare’. Of course we do the play scene.

  LILLIAN

  You’ll never do it here again.

  CHARLES

  And the scene in the play within the play when the wicked uncle pours the poison into the king’s ear.

  PLAYER 1

  Dans l’oreille.

  CHARLES

  I want you to change it.

  PLAYER 1

  Tamper with the text? Moi?

  CHARLES

  Don’t put the poison in his ear. Give him it in a glass. Like a drink.

  PLAYER 1

  Cost you another five quid.

  SCENE 30: SITTING ROOM

  Music under, slowly fades out.

  NARRATOR

  At home, a few days later, Harriet is arranging the sitting room, as for a play, with the stage by the fireplace.

  HARRIET

  … So in the play Hamlet asks the players to adapt the play within the play to fit the circumstances of his father’s murder. All right so far. Now Charles is asking these players to adapt the play within the play to fit the circumstances of Dad’s death. Which, if this were a play would make this Hamlet. Only the play the players are putting on is Hamlet. I think a cigarette is called for.

  She lights cigarette ineptly.

  Because where do I fit in? I must ask Miss McArthur if anybody’s ever suggested Hamlet had a sister.

  SCENE 31: INT. VAN/STREET

  A van drives up and stops, engine switches off, doors open. Footsteps, Banging on back door of van.

  PLAYER 1 (BARNARDO)

  (from inside the van)

  Who’s there?

  PLAYER 2 (FRANCISCO)

  Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself.

  Back van doors open and Player gets out.

  PLAYER 1 (BARNARDO)

  Long live the King.

  PLAYER 2 (FRANCISCO)

  Barnardo?

  PLAYER 1 (BARNARDO)

  He.

  PLAYER 2 (FRANCISCO)

  You come most carefully upon your hour.

  Van doors slamming shut.

  SCENE 32: SITTING ROOM

  GEORGE

  They’re late.

  NIGHTINGALE

  They’re young.

  ROGERS

  They’re coming from Croydon.

  GWEN

  Are they students?

  GEORGE

  Are they students?

  CHARLES

  Gwen imagines everyone under the age of twenty-five is a student.

  GEORGE

  Pretty safe bet if you ask me.

  CHARLES

  They’re actors, George.

  GEORGE

  What time do they call this? Time for another, Mrs Davenport?

  Drink being poured.

  GILLIATT

  I feel responsible, Mrs Davenport.

  CHARLES

  Gwen, Gwen, George. George, Gwen.

  Rustling of chocolate-box paper.

  NICOLA

  I’m eating these chocolates.

  GEORGE

  Why not telephone?

  ROGERS

  I hope they haven’t had an accident.

  GEORGE

  Hope followed a muck-cart and thought it was a wedding.

  HARRIET

  There’s somebody in the garden.

  The French windows burst open.

  NARRATOR

  The door of the sitting room is thrown open and the players rush in.

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  O, that this too too solid flesh would melt,

  Thaw, and resolve itself into a dew!

  NARRATOR

  The stage Hamlet perches on a chair next to Charles, in a parody of Charles’s earlier gloom.

  SCENE 33

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  … Or that the Everlasting had not fix’d

  His canon ’gainst self-slaughter! Oh God! God!

  How weary, stale, flat, and unprofitable

  Seem to me all the uses of this world!

  NIGHTINGALE

  I often wonder if I should have been an actor. I did have the chance, only I thought banking offered more …

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  Fie on’t! ah fie! ’tis an unweeded garden,

  That grows to seed; things rank and gross in nature

  Possess it merely.

  GWEN

  I am enjoying this. It’s so real.

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  That it should come to this!

  But two months dead: nay, not so much, not two:

  So excellent a king; that was, to this,

  Hyperion to a satyr.

  GWEN

  It’s so real.

  GEORGE

  First-rate.

  SCENE 34: BEDROOM

  Music.

  PLAYER 1 (PLAYER KING)

  Full thirty times hath Phoebus’ cart gone round Neptune’s salt wash and Tellus’ orbèd ground, And thirty dozen moons with borrowed sheen About the world have times twelve thirties been, Since love our hearts and Hymen did our hands Unite comutual in most sacred bands.

  NARRATOR

  The play within the play takes place upstairs in the bedroom where Charles’s father died.

  PLAYER 2 (PLAYER QUEEN)

  So many journeys may the sun and moon

  Make us again count o’er ere love be done!

  But, woe is me, you are so sick of late,

  So far from cheer and from your former state.

  NARRATOR

  We see the King in the play asking the villain for a drink. The villain at first refuses, then gives him one. The King collapses. The villain comforts his widow and kisses her. During this Charles is intently watching George’s reactions.

  PLAYER 1 (PLAYER KING)

  Lights, lights, lights.

  GEORGE

  Yes, come on, somebody, sw
itch it on. Let the dog see the rabbit.

  CHARLES

  Well?

  GEORGE

  Well what?

  CHARLES

  Don’t you see? (To Gwen.) Don’t you see?

  GWEN

  See what, dear?

  CHARLES

  He killed him, then took his wife.

  GEORGE

  Of course he did. Give us credit for a little intelligence. And now he’s wrestling with his conscience, right? We’re not stupid. (To Gwen.) Your son is pathetic.

  SCENE 35: SITTING ROOM

  NARRATOR

  In the sitting room the King is slumped in an armchair staring at a blank television screen, wrestling with his conscience. Hamlet appears behind him and picks up an ornament as if about to smash it over the King’s head.

  GEORGE

  Go on. Go on. Give him what for.

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  Now might I do it pat, now ’a is a-praying;

  And now I’ll do’t – and so ’a goes to heaven,

  And so am I reveng’d. That would be scann’d:

  A villain kills my father; and for that,

  I, his sole son, do this same villain send

  To heaven.

  Oh, this is hire and salary, not revenge….

  GEORGE

  He’s such a wet, this boy.

  SCENE 36: BEDROOM

  Music under.

  NARRATOR

  The Players followed by the audience move upstairs to Gwen’s bedroom, where the scene between Hamlet and Gertrude takes place. Around the bedroom door George and the others crane to see what is happening in the bedroom.

  PLAYER 2 (HAMLET)

  Nay, but to live

  In the rank sweat of an enseamèd bed,

  Stew’d in corruption, honeying and making love Over the nasty sty!

  GEORGE

  That’s it. Now you’re talking. You tell her, the bitch! The dirty cow!

  GERTRUDE

  Oh speak to me no more,

  These words like daggers enter in my ears.

  No more, sweet Hamlet.

  HAMLET

  A murderer and a villain;

  A slave that is not twentieth part the tithe

  Of your precedent lord; a vice of kings;

  A cutpurse of the empire and the rule,

  That from a shelf the precious diadem stole,

  And put it in his pocket!

  SCENE 37: KITCHEN

  NARRATOR

  Detached as ever, Harriet sits in the kitchen, smoking and with a drink.

  Door opens, Charles comes in.

  HARRIET

  Congratulations. They’re loving it.

  CHARLES

  Why? Why?

  HARRIET

  Why what?

  CHARLES

  Why can’t they see themselves?

  HARRIET

  It’s a play.

  CHARLES

  It was a play in Shakespeare. They saw themselves there. The King saw the play and recognised himself and was conscience-stricken.

  HARRIET

  But that was a play too. The whole thing was a play. This isn’t a play.

  CHARLES

  Look at Queen Elizabeth. She was always seeing plays and kicking up because she thought they had a message for her.

  HARRIET

  That’s allegory. I haven’t done that yet. Miss McArthur says –

  CHARLES

  Oh, sod Miss McArthur.

  Door bursts open and Players rush in.

  CHARLES

  Oh Christ.

  NARRATOR

  The King falls dead at George’s feet. The Queen also dying, holding up a glass.

  GERTRUDE

  No, no, the drink, the drink – O my dear Hamlet – The drink, the drink – I am poisoned.

  NARRATOR

  Hamlet is dying. George is very moved.

  GEORGE

  Poor sod.

  Doorbell.

  NIGHTINGALE

  (knowledgeably)

  Fortinbras.

  SCENE 38: FRONT DOOR

  Front door being opened.

  LABOUR CANVASSER

  I’m canvassing on behalf of the Labour Party but I don’t know who this other gentleman is.

  GEORGE

  Fortinbras, you twerp.

  FORTINBRAS

  For me, with sorrow I embrace my fortune.

  I have some rights of memory in this kingdom

  Which now to claim my vantage doth invite me.

  SCENE 39: STREET

  The Players’ van driving off.

  GWEN

  Thank you, thank you.

  GEORGE

  (calling)

  Come again! Goodbye.

  Front door closing.

  NIGHTINGALE

  Come along, Nicola, time we were going.

  NICOLA

  (kiss)

  Goodbye, George. (Kiss.) Goodbye, Gwen.

  ROGERS/GILLIATT

  Goodnight, Gwen. Goodnight, George.

  GWEN

  Goodnight.

  NIGHTINGALE

  Goodnight, George.

  GEORGE

  Goodnight.

  SCENE 40: SITTING ROOM

  NARRATOR

  George with his arm round Gwen leads her back into the house, which is pretty much a shambles. George rights a chair or two.

  GWEN

  (meaningfully)

  Leave it. Come on up, darling.

  GEORGE

  Won’t be long.

  SCENE 41: BEDROOM

  NARRATOR

  Charles is waiting for Gwen in her bedroom.

  GWEN

  Allow your mother just a little share of happiness. You’re young. It was no joke being married to your father.

  CHARLES

  Frank, you mean.

  GWEN

  Your father. It’s so long since your mother was appreciated. A little kiss even.

  CHARLES

  It’s not just a little kiss, though, is it? It’s full-blown sexual intercourse.

  GWEN

  Please. You make it sound so clinical.

  CHARLES

  You don’t –

  GWEN

  We’re people, Charles. Human beings.

  CHARLES

  Human beings? You’re fifty. Look at you.

  GWEN

  Well? I’m a fine figure of a woman. I look younger every day.

  CHARLES

  It’s in such bad taste. I’m trying to find some guilt here.

  GWEN

  Guilt? I’m all woman, Charles.

  She opens door.

  (Calling.) George!

  CHARLES

  Your husband has just died.

  GWEN

  Don’t exaggerate. It’s two months ago at least. I know. I wrote it down.

  CHARLES

  Mother!

  GWEN

  That word again. What?

  CHARLES

  George killed Father.

  GWEN

  Did he? I thought it was pneumonia.

  CHARLES

  No. It was like in the play. George gave him a drink and it killed him.

  Telephone rings downstairs and stops as George answers it.

  GWEN

  Isn’t that George all over. He gave me this new nightdress. He just can’t say no.

  GEORGE

  (from downstairs)

  Hello …

  GWEN

  (calling)

  George! (To Charles.) You see, dear, Frank drank. That’s what killed him. It isn’t like the play. Life isn’t like plays. I mean if it was like the play there’d be that old man behind the curtains calling out at this point and you’d have to kill him. You aren’t going to kill anybody. People don’t do such things.

  George comes into the bedroom.

  GEORGE

  That was Birdie. Their car’s broken down. Be a sweetie, Charles, and nip over and give them a lift home. I’m knacke
red.

  NARRATOR

  Indifferent to Charles, George unzips Gwen’s dress and kisses the back of her neck.

  CHARLES

  Oh God!

  NARRATOR

  Charles watches horrified.

  GEORGE

  Away you go, Charles. And take care.

  Car starting and driving off.

  SCENE 42: KITCHEN

  Car crash.

  HARRIET

  Birdie and Nicola were sitting in the car, parked on the road, waiting for Charles. He drove smack into them. Birdie was killed, Nicola’s in a coma, both cars were a write-off, everybody’s heartbroken and the funeral’s this afternoon.

  SCENE 43: SITTING ROOM

  Music.

  NARRATOR

  Harriet sits at her table in the sitting room, doing her homework. Charles is on the sofa, in his funeral suit, one leg in plaster.

  HARRIET

  ‘Is the fate of Shakespeare’s tragic heroes inevitable?’

  CHARLES

  Shakespeare doesn’t work. Life isn’t like Shakespeare. Right now it’s Ibsen. I feel like shooting myself. Hamlet meets Hedda Gabler. What’re they doing?

  HARRIET

  Not that. They’re in the kitchen.

  CHARLES

  I woke up at four this morning. They were at it like knives. If this were Shakespeare they’d be racked with guilt. Do you think I ought to paint my cast black?

  HARRIET

  What for?

  CHARLES

  The funeral.

  SCENE 44: KITCHEN

  NARRATOR

  In the kitchen Gwen is peering into the fridge-freezer.

  GWEN

  Hello again, quiches.

  NARRATOR

  While Gwen gloats over her store, George’s hand caresses her bum.

  GEORGE

  My little gooseberry tart.

  NARRATOR

  He embraces her as she holds out a frozen quiche behind him, and, while he kisses her neck, reads the label.

  GWEN

  Leek and raspberry? That can’t be right … How’s the cup going?

  GEORGE

  Bit short on gin. This our total stock?

  GWEN

  Oh, I knew there was something I’d forgotten. But there’s that stuff in the shed still. Frank’s residue. In the cupboard.

  GEORGE

  Good old Frank. I’ll go and fetch it.

  Music.

  SCENE 45: SITTING ROOM

  NARRATOR

  George carries a punch bowl into the sitting room and places it down, with the glasses arranged neatly round it. It is orange and evil-looking.

  SCENE 46: BEDROOM

  Tennis ball on cricket bat, birdsong. Music fades out.

  NARRATOR

  In the garden, Charles and Harriet in their funeral clothes are playing French cricket. Gwen watches them through her bedroom window. George comes up and puts his arms around her.

  GEORGE

  Time for a quick one, eh?

  GWEN

  George. We’re going to a funeral.

  GEORGE

  I think that’s what does it. I’ll nip down and get a drink first.

  GWEN

 

‹ Prev