Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers

by Michael Dahl

  “I'm hungry.”

  What do you call 2 half rabbits put together?

  Arabbit “whole.”

  What do you call a really strange ant-eater?

  An “odd-vark.”

  Why did the stallion need a cough drop?

  He was hoarse.

  What Beatles song do fish everywhere love?

  “Twist and Trout.”

  What do you get when you cross Sir Lancelot with a horse?

  A“knight-mare.”

  What did one cat call the other when he wouldn't play fair?

  Cheetah!

  FUN FACT

  TICKLE ME FUN

  Did you know it is impossible for you to tickle yourself? It's true; one of the things needed in tickling is the element of surprise — not expecting to be tickled. Not sure? Try it for yourself.

  What is bald but has its head covered?

  The bald eagle

  Which one of these does not belong to the set? Lion, tiger, elephant, and polar bear.

  The elephant, because he has no fur

  When a small campground was robbed last week, the police brought the only witness in for a line-up. All of the animals were brought in and placed in a line. When it came time for the witness to point out the bandit, she said she couldn't be sure which one had done it, because the robber looked like he was wearing a mask. Do you know who it was?

  The raccoon

  One night Tommy had a bad dream. There was a bull chasing him all around the arena, but just as the bull was about to ram him, Tommy got away. Do you know how?

  He woke up

  Which one of these does not belong in the group — shark, whale, and swordfish?

  The whale, because it's a mammal

  Egg is to chicken as acorn is to what?

  A tree

  TRY THIS

  An Anagram of Your Own

  Have you ever tried to make your own anagrams? An anagram is a word or phrase formed by recording the letters of another word or phrase, like “late” and “tale.” How many anagrams can you and your friends come up with?

  Loop the Zoo!

  Find the path through the zoo that takes Zack to three of his favorite animals. Along the way, collect the letters that spell out three different answers to this riddle: What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?

  Where does a mother robin keep her money?

  In a nest egg.

  What do cows do for fun?

  They go to the “moo-vies.”

  How do sheep go to sleep?

  They count people.

  Why was the cow so excited when a horse moved in next door?

  He had never had a “neigh-bor” before.

  What was the last thing the frog did before he jumped?

  He croaked.

  What time is it when you sit on your cat?

  Time to get anew one.

  Andrew has amazing pets. His dogs and cats would get along, but they eat each other's food. How does Andrew keep this from happening?

  He feeds the dogs during the day, while the cats are sleeping; he feeds the cats during the night, while the dogs are asleep

  Take a look at the following sentence:“Ants busily crawl, doing everything fast.” What's special about it?

  The words are in alphabetical order by first letter

  Words to Know

  Pun: A pun is a play on words using two meanings of the same word or two words that sound the same but are spelled differently. For example, the word “sew” in the following joke: “Why do I have to?” the little sewing machine asked his mother. “Because I said SEW!” she replied.

  Fish swim and birds fly, but does it ever happen the other way around? Do birds ever swim and do fish ever fly? Can you think of any examples?

  Penguins swim; flying fish can fly for short periods of time

  What do horses have at night?

  “Night-mares.”

  What do you call 2 insects that raise their young?

  “Pair-ants.”

  Why did the fox sell his fur?

  Because he “pelt” like it.

  Why does the duck walk everywhere he goes?

  Because he can't drive.

  Why shouldn't you make a tired canine tell the truth?

  Because you're supposed to let sleeping dogs lie.

  Do possums really hang upside down from trees all night?

  It's a “possum-bility.”

  FUN FACT

  AN APRIL 1 TRADITION

  Are you an April Fool? Being foolish is a tradition given to us long ago. Back then, the New Year was celebrated from March 21 to April 1. When it was decided the New Year should start on January 1, anyone who celebrated the old date became an April Fool.

  One day, cows from the Busy “B” ranch and cows from the Lazy “1” ranch got all mixed up. The ranch cowboys were confused. How can they tell the cows apart in order to separate them?

  Most cows are branded, so they should look for a “B” or a “1” brand on each cow

  When the circus came to town, everyone was surprised — even the lion tamer, as he discovered 7 new lion cubs in the lion cage. Before long, everyone agreed it would be best to separate the feisty cubs. But how? Then the ringmaster had an idea: “I know a way you can place 3 large rings to make 7 sections, one for each cub.” Do you know how to do that?

  Place the first 2 rings so that ones lightly overlaps the other — that's 3 sections; then, place the third ring in the center of the 2, to make 7 sections

  What's am I?

  I work all day turning letters to help our contestants try to solve a riddle. Not only do they have a “wheely” good time, but they also have a chance to win a “fortune.” Who am I?

  Vanna White from Wheel of Fortune

  What do you get when you wake a sleeping bear?

  Trouble!

  What are three words you never say to a raccoon?

  Coonskin cap.

  What do you call a really picky cat?

  A“paw-ticular” feline.

  How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?

  There's a “fur sale” sign in the yard.

  What do you give to a 500-pound alligator when he knocks at your door?

  Anything he wants.

  How do fish finish their floors?

  They “carp it.”

  Say What?

  On each line, add the first and last letter to complete the name of the animal that is suggested by what that animal is saying. Then, read DOWN the shaded column to answer this riddle:

  TRY THIS

  Take the Laughing Test

  How do you think you would do on a laughing test? To try the challenge, record someone laughing, then play back the tape to see if you can keep from laughing yourself. They say laughter is contagious. Can you come up with laughing tests of your own?

  A vet has 10 sick hamsters, 10 sick dogs, and 10 ill cats. Unfortunately, he can't leave them alone as they are not too sick for the dogs to attack the cats, and the cats to try to eat the hamsters. At the end of the day he decides to take them home to keep an eye on them. What is the smallest number of trips he can make across town and how?

  2: On the first trip he takes the cats and on the second trip he takes the dogs and the hamsters

  What do stripes, mane, tail, and hooves have in common?

  They're all traits of a zebra

  Which creature doesn't belong — wasp, bee, spider, or ant?

  The spider — it's an arthropod, not an insect

  Birds and fish are to worms as cats and snakes are to what?

  Mice — birds and fish eat worms; cats and snakes eat mice

  What do you call a sleeping baby goat?

  A“kid napping.”

  What happens when you blend a reptile with a back street?

  You get an “alley-gator.”

  What travels faster than the speed of dog?

  A cat!

  Why was the rabbit so excited about her engagement ri
ng?

  It was 5 carrots!

  Why did they take Polly away?

  She went crackers!

  What did the giraffe say when he bent down to talk to the fish?

  LONG time no sea.

  Feel Better

  A riddle and its answer were put into the large grid, and then cut into eight pieces. See if you can figure out where each piece goes, and write the letters in their proper places. When you have filled the grid in correctly, you will be able to read the puzzle from left to right, and top to bottom. HINT: The black boxes stand for the spaces between words.

  When Mini's family pulled up at the motel, Mini, her parents, and 12 brothers and sisters poured out of the car. How could that happen?

  Mini and her family are mice.

  What do a shark, a mouse, and a mole have in common?

  All of their babies are called “pups”

  Where do hogs go when they need a loan?

  To the piggy bank.

  What did one mouse say to the other mouse who held the door open for him?

  Why, that was very “mice” of you!

  What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?

  Let's “snake” on it.

  Why did the cub get in trouble with his mother?

  She caught him “lion.”

  Why couldn't the dog say, “Ahhh”?

  Because the cat got his tongue.

  FUN FACT

  A HUMAN SURVIVAL GUIDE

  Over time people have studied how the human brain and body work together. One thing your brain knows is that you need at least 5 things to survive — water, food, oxygen, shelter, and clothing.

  The minute Rastus laid eyes on the rattlesnake, it lunged at him, but it could not bite the boy. Can you guess why?

  Rastus was at a zoo and the snake was behind glass

  What's So Funny?

  When Ted arrived home one evening, he was startled by a bear in his yard! After his initial panic, he stopped and breathed a sigh of relief. The bear was no danger to him at all! What's so funny?

  The bear was stuffed

  TRAVEL THE WORLD

  Words to Know

  Enigma: An enigma is a phrase or question that is confusing or hard to understand. Enigmas or riddles have been used throughout time to test one's ability to solve a puzzle or mystery.

  How did the snow pile get across the sea?

  It went a-drift.

  What did the P. E. teacher ride in to the ball?

  Acoach.

  How did the train engine know he was lost?

  He was on the wrong side of the tracks.

  How long does it take for a person to fly to Chicago?

  People can't fly, silly!

  What kind of water greets you?

  An ocean wave.

  What does a train say when it has a cold?

  Ahhh Choo-Choo!

  When the storm hit and the plane attempted to land, everyone in the air and on the ground was speechless. Yet somehow they communicated the directions to land. How?

  They used signals

  What do the stop light, fire truck, and stop sign have in common?

  They're all red

  When Anna's family decided to take a vacation, everyone wanted to go. So Anna, her mom and dad, her two brothers, their Aunt Lucille, their Uncle Ed, and Grandma rode the bus together all the way from New York to California and back again. How many people in all made the trip?

  9, including the bus driver

  What's am I?

  There was no mystery I could not solve. All I needed was a magnifying glass and my good friend. It's elementary, my dear. Who am I?

  Sherlock Holmes

  What do you call an imaginary yacht?

  A dream boat.

  How did the dentist get across the river?

  With a “tooth ferry.”

  How do you fasten a railroad track together?

  With a railroad tie.

  What do you call an angry ship?

  A steamed boat.

  When does a truck sleep?

  When it gets “tire-d.”

  What is the opposite of a put-down?

  A pick-up.

  If three friends moved to the same town, and one lived on E-X Avenue, while another lived on E-Y Road, where does the third one live?

  E-Z Street

  What doesn't belong? Snow skis, Jet Ski, bus, motorcycle.

  The Jet Ski — it's the only one that does n't travel on land

  When Juan's plane left the ground it was 2 p.m. After flying for 2 hours, it landed — but the clocks at the airport showed that it was still 2 p.m. How can this be?

  The air plane flew through 2 time zones

  FUN FACT

  LAUGHING OUT LOUD

  Did you know that the older you get, the less you laugh? Babies laugh on and off all day long, while someone who is older may laugh only once a day. Now, make sure you don't miss your chance to laugh your head off!

  Do you know what a watch does on vacation?

  Time travel.

  What did the space travelers eat on their flight?

  Astro-nuts.

  What's the last thing you see when a train goes by?

  Its tracks.

  Why wouldn't the police officer cross the road?

  Because the light wasn't green.

  Why did the army sergeant's car die?

  Because its “tank” was empty.

  What do accountants ride in?

  A“tax-i.”

  Words to Know

  Amusement: What people do or use in order to entertain themselves or someone else. Silly or fun things are used to amuse people every day.

  What's So Funny?

  Ike the famous bike rider pedaled for hours on his bike only to find that he was right back where he started. What's so funny?

  He was on his exercise bike at the gym.

  What doesn't belong in this list? Pen, paper, spatula, notebook.

  Spatula

  Joey and his sister Hannah like to play “I Spy” when they travel in the car. They decide that this time the first person who “spies” the most legs on the trip wins! Joey sees 2 deer, 11 cows, 2 cats, and a spider. Hannah sees 1 turkey, 7 cows, 3 sheep, and 4 cats. Who won?

  Joey with 68 to Hannah's 58

  The class was really puzzled when the teacher asked them: “When can you see through the desert?” Do you know?

  When it is heated to almost 3,000 degrees and the sand becomes glass

  Funny Flight

  First, figure out what word each picture puzzle represents. Then put the words in the proper order to finish what this silly traveler is saying. Write the numbers in the upper left-hand corner of each picture.

  What did the thief get when he stole the tram?

  Bus-ted!

  What does an elephant always take on safari?

  His trunk.

  What do girl scouts put on their S'mores when they camp at the swamp?

  ”Marsh” mallows.

  Where does dinnerware go on vacation?

  To China.

  As Mrs. Rockefeller was leaving the airport, she found herself accidentally trapped in the revolving glass doors. She had no luggage, no tools, and nobody was around. She eventually made a hole and escaped. How? Hint: Her name.

  She cut a hole in the glass with her diamond ring

  No matter how long the new department store clerk walked down the stairs, he could never seem to reach the basement. Why?

  He was walking down the “up” escalator

  Where in the World?

  First unscramble the names of eight different places around the world. Then match each one to a riddle to discover eight popular vacation spots!

  What's am I?

  I am the brains behind Garfield's intelligent tricks. I also try to help Odie think of ways to get back at him. I have been “drawn” to fun for years. Who am I?

  Jim Davis

  Sydney and Sadie are cousins. One day,
Sydney and Sadie went on vacation to Japan. Sadie's flight took 7 hours while Sydney's took 33. Both flights were nonstop and Sydney and Sadie both left home at the same time from the same city in California. How can this be?

  Sadie's plane flew west; Sydney's plane flew east

  If flying to California takes 1½ hours, and flying to Texas takes 2, and flying to Hawaii takes twice as long as a trip to both places, how long is your flight to Hawaii?

  7 hours

  What vehicle travels over the ground at speeds much faster than a car but can also go through mountains?

  A train

  Where do skydivers put their laundry?

  In the “para-chute.”

  What did the child say to the captain when their boat hit rough waters?

  I can't steer this, “canoe”?

  Where do restless travelers like to go?

  To Rome.

  What place do worms like to visit the most?

  The Big Apple.

  What is one way to save money when you go to the lake?

  Buy a “sale boat.”

  TRY THIS

  Stare Me Down

  Have you ever tried having a stare down contest? It's fun and easy. All you need is a friend and a lot of concentration. While sitting straight across from your friend, your challenge is to see who can stare into the other person's eyes the longest without blinking or laughing. It's that easy … or is it?