Giant Book of Jokes, Riddles, and Brain Teasers
Page 18
Comic Contest
These four people have entered into a comic contest. Count the number of not-quite-normal things you can see about each contestant's costume and pet. For example, contestant number 1 is wearing a “baseball” cap. The winner has the most comic accessories! Make your lists in the spaces below.
TRY THIS
Brains of Jell-O
Do you know anyone who's so silly, it's like he's got a brain full of Jell-O? Now you can make one yourself. Take a batch of cookie dough and press it down in a bowl, making two big dents (for brain lobes) in it. Cover your dough mold with plastic wrap, making sure it's completely protected, and then pour prepared liquid Jell-O inside. Refriger-ate your Jell-O brain for several hours. When the Jell-O hardens, you can move it from the cookie mold to a platter, and use the cookie dough to make brain cookies to go with the Jell-O.
For Daddy's birthday, Victoria helped Mommy bake a birthday cake. When Mommy walked away for a moment, she told Victoria, “Don't forget to put in the flour.” So she did. When Mommy came back, she couldn't stop laughing. What did she find?
There was a daisy in the mixing bowl
Silly Sally can turn around 25 times in 2 minutes. If she wants to break the town record of 37 minutes of spinning, how many times will she need to spin?
475 times
What's the missing word in the last pair? Little lightning bugs, small snails, mini mice, turtles.
Tiny
Ever since Dan got dressed this morning, he's had the strangest feeling that he's going the wrong way. Do you know why?
His clothes are on backward
What has 10 fingers on each hand?
Apair of gloves.
Who is the only person the tooth fairy won't visit at night?
Count Dracula.
What would the Count say if she did?
“Fang you” very much.
Why couldn't the jester get his medicine bottle open?
It was “fool” proof.
What did Pinocchio say when he was asked if he was lying?
Who nose?
How much sleep did the insomniac get?
Nod awink.
What's am I?
Many still believe I had the greatest mind of all time. My theory of relativity was the beginning of many new inventions that we have today. Science was my favorite subject.
Who am I?
Albert Einstein
What is a woodpecker's favorite dessert?
“Tap-ioca” pudding.
What object in space is never hungry?
The full moon.
What does Cyclops drink out of?
Eye glasses.
What type of fishing do the Three Billy Goats Gruff like to do?
Trolling.
What did the mother bolt say to her baby when she tucked him in bed?
Sleep tight.
What's the difference between April 1st and April 2nd?
One day.
When Nate told his mother that he could turn an open bottle filled with water upside down and the water would not pour out, she said, “I'll believe it when I see it.” And she did. What did Nate do in order to keep the water in the bottle?
The bottle was in a tub of water and he never raised it higher than the opening of the bottle.
One day Backward Betty decided to try a mud bath like the stars take. The nearest mud puddle she could find was in the neighbor's driveway. As Betty began to bathe, something seemed strange. What was wrong?
It wasn't mud — it was cement
FUN FACT
SIZING UP YOUR BRAIN
In the past, some experts wondered if the size of your brain decided how smart you could be. Now they know that it's not really true. But here's another fact — did you know that the size of your head compared with your body changes considerably as you grow? At birth, your head is ¼ of your body size. By the time you're an adult, your body catches up and your head is only 1/10 of your body.
Color Us In!
“Jack and Jill went down a hill to fetch a pail of dirt. Jill fell down and broke her foot, and Jack came tumbling after. What's wrong with this story?
Everything is backward
When it was finally Mr. Smiley's turn at the Laughs-R-on-Us booth, they told him he had better take his turn now, as they were about to run out. So what did Mr. Smiley get?
The last laugh
Silly Sally
Can you guess what Silly Sally likes? Take a look at the following clues:
EXTRA FUN: The picture of Silly Sally shows several things that Sally likes. Can you figure out what they are, and why?
Silly Slogans
Write each numbered word in the correct box. Now, rearrange the words to finish the silly slogan for each business!
Why was the King of Hearts so upset?
Because his Ace was in the hole.
What do you call it when 5 royal cards get together?
A full house.
When the scientist didn't like Frankenstein's attitude, what did he do about it?
He “changed” his mind.
Why was the garbage man so sad?
He was down in the dumps.
Why was the cowboy so tired?
Because his giddy-up-and-go gotty-up-and-went!
What do you get when you drop a 500-pound potato off the top of a sky-scraper?
500 pounds of s-mashed potatoes.
What do you call a really cold puppy?
A chili dog.
If Lilly licks a lollipop while watching 3 30-minute cartoons and she only licks halfway through her lolly, how long will it take to finish it?
90 more minutes
Clarence the clown took off his big shoes, curly wig, baggy pants, polka-dotted tie, all of his makeup, suspenders, and his gloves. On the way to his trailer, a little girl stopped to say, “You're a clown, aren't you?” How did she know?
He forgot to take off his red nose!
Some days Jack felt really up, and some days Jack felt really down. Why?
He's a Jack-in-the-box
What's am I?
I liked to make people laugh and I would use anything I could think of — songs, poems, stories, art, and cartoons. I wrote several fun and silly books for children, like Where the Sidewalk Ends. Who am I?
Shel Silver stein
Words to Know
Memory: Ability to store information in your brain. Without your memory, you could never remember your brother's birthday or where you put your favorite book. And did you know that memory is one of the things required for laughter?
What type of print will you never find in a newspaper?
A footprint.
What can adult teeth have?
Baby teeth.
How do clouds make other clouds get out of their way?
They use their foghorns.
How can you tie something so you will always remember it?
With a “forget-me knot.”
What did one “Most Wanted” poster say to the other?
I've been framed!
Every once in a while, the workers at the perfume factory smell a horrible, strong skunk smell. Why is this?
Some perfumes are made from the smelly spray that comes from skunks
What object can go up and come down all by itself?
Ahelium balloon — when you blow it up it goes up, but in a few days it comes back down
What two things combine to look like a miniature tornado?
A bathtub drain and water
What's So Funny?
Jordan has some very silly dreams. One night he dreamt that he was a clown and when he woke up his nose was a little red. The next time he dreamed he was a king, only to find when he woke up that his comforter was around him like a robe. But tonight's dream had to be the silliest of all! Jordan dreamt he was sleepwalking! What's so funny?
When he wokeup he was in the yard!
CROSSING OVER
FUN FACT
USE YOUR HEAD!
Ev
eryone has a pons (meaning “bridge”). Your pons is a part of your brain that is in charge of many things, like sorting all of the information you take in to decide what is important enough to think about.
When Geoffrey wrote a paper about crossing the English Channel for English class, he left out the crossing part. Because of this, no one could read his paper. Why?
He didn't cross his t's
How can 6 toothpicks have only 6 points?
When you make 2 triangles out of them
Do you know how to get a riddle really upset?
Take away its d's and you'll “rile” it.
What do you get when you cross 40 robbers with a herd of sheep?
Ali Baa Baa and 40 thieves.
Why did the math teacher cross the road?
Because he had “2.”
Who wrote the book 1001 Crosswords?
Chris Cross.
What do you get if you cross a movie theater with a palm reader?
Show-‘n’-tell.
Why did the playground cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What's am I?
I was a powerful Egyptian queen, known for my beauty, intelligence, and power. Unfortunately, it all came to an end because of a Roman general. Who am I?
Cleopatra
When Maggie and Annette found 2 nails on the ground, one lying across the other, Maggie bet Annette she couldn't get them apart without touching them. Maggie lost the bet. How did Annette manage to do the trick?
She used 2 magnets
If a train going 40 miles an hour reaches a railroad crossing in 40 minutes, how long will it take a train going 20 miles an hour to reach it?
80 minutes
What's So Funny?
Sam was very superstitious. He never walked under ladders or went anywhere on Friday the 13th, and he always carried his lucky penny everywhere he went. All in all, his plan worked very well — until one day everything went wrong. “This just can't be possible,” Sam thought. What's so funny?
He hadn't noticed that a black cat had crossed his path!
Cross Plumber
Cross out the letters that appear more than three times in the letter grid. Collect the remaining letters from left to right and top to bottom, and write them in order on the blank lines. When you are finished, you will discover the answer to this riddle:
Why Did the Lion …
Find your way from START to END, collecting the letters. When you read them in order, you will discover the answer to this riddle:
Why did the lion cross the grassland?
Words to Know
ESP: Extrasensory perception is the believed ability to have a type of sixth sense. Someone who claims to be able to read your mind or know your thoughts is said to have ESP.
What do you get when you cross a snow-man with a pickup full of carrots?
Frozen food in adelivery truck!
What do you get when you cross an automobile with music?
Cartoons (car tunes).
What time is it when you cross an alarm clock with a skunk?
Time to go!
Why did the cheater have 2 X's on his head?
He had been double-crossed.
Why did the fish cross the road?
Because he was already “caught” in the middle.
Why did the fertilizer cross the road?
Because the grass wasn't greener on the other side!
As Cami began crossing the railroad tracks, she realized a train would be there soon. She saw no train, heard no sound, but knew it just the same. How did she know?
She could feel the vibration on the tracks
As Rhonda saw the “walk” sign light up, she started to cross the street. Instantly, several cars screeched to a halt inches from her. Why?
She was looking at the sign for the other direction
TRY THIS
Testing for ESP
Do you or someone you know have ESP? One test for ESP that you can try on your friends is to make a few cards with circles, wavy lines, or dots on them. After you have shown them the cards, look at one of the cards and ask your friend to sense which one you are looking at. You can take turns testing each other to see who does best.
Why wouldn't the first skeleton cross the road?
No guts!
Why did the second skeleton cross it?
No brains!
And why didn't the third skeleton cross it?
He just didn't have the heart to!
Why wouldn't the rooster cross the road?
He was too much of a chicken.
Where does an X always sit?
In the cross section.
Why did the bee cross the road?
He wanted to see his “honey.”
In science class, Amanda learned that when you put salt on a slug, something very horrible happens. Do you know what?
The slug melts
When Lila told her mother she would come straight home after school, her mother knew it wasn't true. How?
She saw that Lila's fingers were crossed
“I spin, yet I am never dizzy. I have clouds, but have no rain. As I cross the land, you cannot see how deadly I am.”What is it?
A dust storm
FUN FACT
A RIDDLE OF A NAME
“Rumpelstiltskin” is a well-known fairy tale, maybe because it was part of the famed Brothers Grimm collection of fairy tales. In the tale, Rumpelstiltskin tells the Queen that she has to guess his name, or he will take her firstborn child. Do you remember how the Queen solved this riddle?
Hinky Pinkies
The answer to each Hinky Pinky riddle is two rhyming words of two syllables each. Write the answers into the numbered grid. EXTRA FUN: When you're finished, read down the shaded column to find the answer to one more Hinky Pinky:
What do you get when you cross a monster with someone who works at your school?
What do you get when you cross…
… a sticky candy with a hot breakfast drink?
… a comic book action hero with a detective?
… a lawyer with a large bird of prey?
… a South American pack animal with a serious play?
… a baby cat with a winter handwarmer?
…a comedian with a rabbit?
…a werewolf with Tinkerbell?
…a molecule with a violin?
… a tired person with a pointy tent?
… a king with a small hunting dog?
… a mad scientist with a white and yellow flower?
… a large tropical bird with an orange vegetable?
… a hot pepper with a boy named William?
… a field of daisies with a generator?
…a reptile with a magical man?
Which pair of the following words, crossed exactly in the middle like a crossword, will join at the same letter? Party, money, stand, brunt, flash, salad.
Stand and flash
Crossing what two things creates a lot of foam and so may be used to simulate a volcano?
Baking soda and vinegar
Mr. Wilson pulls up to a pedestrian crossing, but no one is there. Can he go on? The answer is no! Why? Hint: Is there something else that is stopping him?
Yes — the light is still red
FUN FACT
CRAZY TALK
Did you know that between your left brain and your right brain you have a corpus callosum that allows the two sides of your brain to “talk”? The corpus callosum lets you hear something on one side of your brain and then picture it with the other side.
What's am I?
I had a theory or idea that man may have started out as a chimpanzee or ape and then slowly changed or evolved into what he is today. Who am I?
Charles Darwin
Why did the Martians keep bringing more men?
They needed “Xtra terrestrials.”
Why did the bank teller cross the road?
He didn't have any cents.
W
hy did the rhino swim to the other side of the river?
He wanted to get his “point” across.
Why did the squirrel cross the busy road?
Iguess we'll never know!
What did the Troll warn the Three Billy Goats Gruff?
Don't cross me!
Why did the electrician light up?
His wires were crossed.
What do you get when you cross an ape with a magician?
Hairy Houdini (Harry Houdini).
How did George Washington and Huck Finn cross the river?
George chopped down the cherry tree and Huck made araft out of it.
Why did the owl cross the road?
Whooooo cares?
Why did the book cross the road?
It was looking for cover.
How did the pharmacist get all of his medicine across the road?
He “drug” it.
Why did the nail cross the road?
He was bent on it.
Words to Know
Rebus: A kind of puzzle in which a picture represents a word or part of a word. Sometimes a rebus will be used in a storybook to introduce new words, or in a game to challenge the guesser to solve the picture puzzle.
TRY THIS
Tell a Story in Pictures
You can make a rebus of your own by writing a short story or retelling a familiar one using pictures that you draw in the place of some of the words. An example could be the story of Goldilocks and the Three Bears. You could substitute a picture of a bear each time the word “bear” appears.