by Laura Burton
When he pulled back, he whispered, “To be honest I’m in love with you but I know it’s too soon to tell you. These last three weeks have been heaven for me as we’ve gotten together.”
Love? How could he be in love with me when I haven’t even asked for his forgiveness? It’s too soon.
But I could not stop my heart from agreeing with him. I had never experienced this type of happiness with other guys. Nor had I wanted to be with someone as badly as I had with him.
“Love can’t happen this quickly can it?” I squeaked out.
“Of course it can. It has with me.”
“How would you know?”
His fingers caressed my jawline producing all the warm feelings over my entire body.
Matt leaned in and kissed me again before he said, “I dated in college and medical school and thought I was in love a couple of times but what I feel for you is ten times more than what I felt with them. I did enjoy hanging out with them but when we were apart I didn’t think about them. But with you, I want to be around you all the time. And during the week and weekend all I can do is think of you. I fill my time thinking of every time I held you close during our dances and wanting to do it again. I would give anything for you to say you’ll date me.”
“Of course I’ll date you.” I leaned and kissed him until I couldn’t breathe. “I can’t stop thinking about you too. All freaking week, I walked around with a goofy grin on my face.”
“Ah, so we’re acting like fourteen years old with our first crush?” He grinned. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one.”
“Definitely not.”
“It’s funny that after twelve years of letting that tray fall on your table we would be in my car confessing our feelings for each other.”
I pulled back. “Didn’t the tray slip from your fingers?”
He gave me a sheepish smile. “Well, if we’re confessing I might as well be honest and let you know that I purposely allowed it to fall. I wanted to meet you. When Brian bumped into me I opened my hands and it landed perfectly in front of you.”
I stayed quiet with my lips pursed, while I processed his confession and remembered the feelings of embarrassment. The afternoon I spent in the shower crying from the feeling of knowing that the next day I had to face all those people who made fun of me in every afternoon class.
What if he orchestrated the whole thing to get a laugh and become the funny guy?
Was it a practical joke for the new girl? Did he pretend not to know anyone to make it funnier?
“You okay?”
“No, I’m not okay.” I crossed my arms. “I can’t believe you purposely let go of that tray. The tomato splashed all over my hair and ruined my new silk blouse that cost me about half my savings. I was the new girl, who had just made a few friends. Do you know how much angst you caused me as every classmate laughed at me? I can’t believe you would do that.” I grabbed my purse and pushed open the door. “You’re not a perfect gentleman, you’re a jerk. Number one in my book. And you can forget about us dating because after the wedding, I never want to see you again. Do you hear me?”
I slammed the door and rushed to my car with the longest strides I could muster.
What a mean thing to do to me.
Tears rolled down my cheeks, the ones he had been caressing a few minutes before.
With a flick of my wrist, I turned on the engine and grabbed a packet of tissues to wipe away his touch.
My tears hit my blouse a couple at a time matching the rain that began to fall.
Once I pulled into the empty driveway, I grabbed my files from the trunk and locked my car door before marching into my house.
After I showered and changed into comfortable clothes, I sent a message to my family that I wasn’t feeling well and turned off my bedroom light.
And there I allowed the deluge of tears to drench my pillow as I thought about how foolish I had been.
I’ll never talk to him again.
Never, even if my heart breaks into tiny pieces will I talk to him again.
12. Matthew
I stood in the parking lot watching her car’s taillights fading into the evening. A cold feeling invaded my bones.
The time passed by and I didn’t budge until huge raindrops fell.
How could she have overreacted like that? Didn’t she know that the only reason I dropped the tray was because I wanted to meet her? That it was the only reason I let go of my tray?
She didn’t even give me the opportunity to tell her.
I hadn’t known that it would splatter her or that she would be made fun of for the rest of the day. And we were freshmen so we were all new.
She’s crazy to have overreacted like that.
Unreasonable.
I can’t deal with a woman who will fly off the handle and not be willing to hear what I have to say.
Her reaction led me to think that she held a grudge for all those years and maybe she had planned to make me fall in love with her.
It must be it.
No way can I be in love with a woman who storms off without waiting to discuss what happened when we were fourteen and who holds grudges.
I’ll be over her in a week, two weeks tops.
By the next dance lesson my heart will be completely healed of the empty space it has right now and I’ll be able to treat her like any other woman. A beautiful woman, I held in my arms.
Two weeks will be all it takes.
I’m glad I found out now and not later.
Friday afternoon, I headed to the beach around four.
I had spent my studying session thinking about her and not more than an hour of productive studying.
For all my talk about being over her in a week, my feelings for hadn’t changed.
I found a spot away from the tourists and college kids, and stared at the ocean thinking about her.
How could she have not known that the reason I allowed my fingers to let go of the tray? Why couldn’t she have asked me why I did instead of storming off?
The waves rushed in and out, over and over again not caring who they splattered with its salty water or what it carried away.
It had been two weeks without seeing her and my heart missed her.
I can’t go on like this.
I need to study and not go over every moment we were together. It’s a waste of time.
This is ridiculous. I need to pull her out of my head and heart.
I stood and brushed the sand from my jeans and pulled the cap over my head.
If only I could.
13. Lilliana
Two weeks later, I sat in my office with the lights off holding my stomach. The dark clouds hovered low in the distance. They slowly made their way toward the shore, ready to unleash their raindrops on the unsuspecting beach goers.
My phone dinged and I didn’t have to look to know it was five. Ginny hadn’t made the dance appointment because she had to fly out to New York and wouldn’t return until eight.
I was on standby to pick her if Enrique was tied up at his part-time job working for his cousin.
I hadn’t wanted to go home and hang out with my parents or friends.
For two weeks, I didn’t feel like it.
Nothing brought me pleasure.
A couple of tears fell as I thought about how we would have been danced that evening. How he would have sneaked in a cuddle or two into our dance just to hold me closer.
I miss him.
I don’t want to but I do.
I thought about our the runs to the coffee shop, how I felt when he held me as we danced together, how he inspected my ankle to make sure it was okay, and how he always listened to my stories about my week.
The tears made their path down my cheeks, again.
How many times hadn’t I burst out in tears that week? The week before? Too many to count.
It seemed as every time I had a moment, I cried.
He’s never done anything except the tomato incident.
&nb
sp; The hurt returned from all those years of feeling alone.
This has to stop. I can’t continue not eating, barely sleeping, and crying all the time.
In two weeks I haven’t made any progress and I worried that my bosses would notice. They believed my story that my allergies had kicked in early but I couldn’t have continued the story for much longer.
I dabbed my cheeks before I picked up my bag and left the office.
For fifteen minutes I drove around aimlessly until I decided I wanted to return to where it all began.
The parking lot outside the fence was almost empty. I grabbed my purse and headed to the main entrance. I leaned against a huge banyan tree and stared in the direction of the cafeteria.
“You look so sad.”
My head jerked as he slowly strolled toward me. I straightened my back and replied with my professional voice, “What are you doing here?”
He half-smiled and shrugged. “I was at the beach but didn’t want to go home. It’s peaceful here despite all the memories.” He lowered the corner of his lips.
“I didn’t realize you’d be here.” My fingers stroked the handle of my purse.
“It’s not as if I advertise where I’ll be via social media every second of the day.”
I grimaced. “I wouldn’t know because we’re not friends.”
“I know.” He moved closer to the fence. “So many memories all tied to this place.”
I asked unsure of his answer but wanting to know. “Sad ones?”
“No, not all. Some but definitely not all.” He smiled. “I’ll always have a special place for that building.”
He pointed at the arts and crafts building.
“You enjoyed art class?”
He chortled. “Not really. I can’t even draw stick figures. No, it’s where I crotched the hats for all the preemie babies. Crazy to think that they’re all now in elementary school. Life is passing us by so quickly.”
“It is.”
He leaned his right side against the fence and faced me.
“Why are you here?”
My heart raced because I didn’t want to admit it but he was right life was to short and I missed him.
“I wanted to return where it all began. High school. To remember the good and the bad times. Nostalgia hit me hard today.”
“More bad than good?”
“Yes, I would say so.”
“Am I part of the bad memories?”
“Truthfully, yes and no. You caused me the most heartache behind those walls.”
He ambled over and stood in front of me. “I’m so sorry for any pain I might have caused you. Please know that I never intended to cause you any.” He put his hands inside his pocket and jiggled his keys. “That first day I didn’t mean for everyone to laugh at you.”
“But you left me there without noticing that my hair and top was splattered with tomato sauce and everyone was laughing at me.”
“I know and I’m so sorry.”
“Why did you do it?” My throat almost croaked as I said the words.
“You don’t know?” He took one of his hands out of his pocket and he pushed back his hair.
The hair I wanted to touch and see if it was a soft as it looked despite all the waves.
“No, I have no idea. And I’ve been thinking about it for two weeks now.”
“I did it because I thought you would think it was funny and you would like me.”
“Really? Was it planned with the football player?”
“Brian? No way. I vowed to stay away from him because he bumped into me but when I tutored him sophomore year we became friends.” He smiled. “When I saw you sitting there with all your friends, I thought about how I could sit near you. When Brian ran into me, I thought I could let the tray go and it wouldn’t make a mess because it was a deep bowl and it wasn’t that much higher than the table. Unfortunately, the sauce still splattered. I’m really sorry I didn’t foresee it. So much for my knowledge of physics.”
I stared at his face thinking about how for two weeks I couldn’t get him out of my head. How for twelve years I had held a grudge and my heart softened.
“I’ll leave now and left you have your memories.” He turned and walked toward his car.
Am I going to let him leave?
14. Matthew
My heart tore into pieces with each one of my steps taking me away from her.
But if she didn’t love me the way I loved her, I couldn’t stay and beg.
I wouldn’t want her to pity me.
No matter how much my heart wanted to remain there, I knew I needed to leave.
I clicked my fob.
“Wait, Matthew.” It was the first time she had ever said my first name.
I turned and watched as she sprinted toward me.
“Before you leave I just want to say that I’m sorry for all those years that I rejected your friendship and I want to especially ask for forgiveness for brushing you off the night of the dinner. As an adult I shouldn’t have done it. I was rude and I know better. Will you please forgive me?”
I looked at her and smiled. “Of course, I forgive you. You held on to that memory and I can understand the embarrassment and hurt you must have felt. I won’t ever hold it against you. I’ll see you at the next dance lesson.” I opened the door.
“Is that it? You’re just going to leave?”
I scrunched my eyebrows and faced her. “Isn’t that what you wanted? My apology and my forgiveness? I’ve given them to you.”
She rubbed her hands together. “What if I’ve been wrong all these years? What if I want more?”
I tilted my and stared at her. “Define more? You want a pound of my flesh for something I did as a stupid fourteen year old boy?”
“No, I don’t mean that. What if I’m so sorry of the mess that I’ve made? What if I realized that I was stupid back then and two weeks ago? What if I want a relationship with you?”
“Are you serious?” I didn’t know whether to believe her or not. What would cause her to change?
“Yes, I’ve spent two weeks thinking about you and I can’t stop. I’ve never stopped thinking about you.”
“Really?” I closed the door and reached for her hand. “You don’t hate me for what I did?”
She shook her head. “I’ve been so stubborn all these years because something you did that while it embarrassed me it was a moment and later nobody remembered. I don’t want you to disappear from my life.”
I reached over and surrounded her with my arms. “I never wanted you to disappear from my life.” I leaned down and kissed her with all the feelings I had pushed down for twelve years. “I’ve been in love with you since high school so if you’re willing to give me a chance I’ll show you that I really am a good guy.”
“You don’t have to try because I know you are.” She stared at me with her amber eyes. “I finally admitted to myself that the reason it hurt so much that you dropped the tray wasn’t because everyone laughed but because I really liked you when you walked into that cafeteria. But I didn’t want to admit it because I was scared. Scared you would reject me.”
“Oh, no. The moment I saw you I knew I wanted to get to know you. I love you.”
She smiled. “I love you too.”
We stayed there for hours, finally able to truthful about what we felt for each other.
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Audrey Rich
Side Hustle by Kaci Lane
Copyright © 2020 Kaci Lane
All rights reserved.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, organizations, places, events and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
No part of this word may be reproduced, or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means without written permission from the author.
Created with Vellum
Chapter 1
Angie’s stomach twisted when her phone, once again, pinged out the familiar tone. She’d have to answer soon, but she couldn’t get caught checking her phone in class again. Not that her students would notice. By this time of day, their minds were set on the final bell. Except maybe for Johnny. He swayed behind the podium, his face reddening with each stanza he read.
Angie slid her arm over her phone to try and muzzle it. Another notification sounded, and Johnny jumped, sending scattered chuckles across the room. She pressed her lips together, then reached under her arm to push the silence button. Middle school sucked. Reading aloud was a rite of passage for students, but Angie still felt sorry for them. Remembering those days made her cringe.
The phone buzzed, louder than it had pinged. Silence, my rear end. Angie pulled open the bottom drawer to her desk. With her other arm, she slid the phone to the edge and let it drop into the drawer. A cushion of papers and Expo markers provided the noisemaker an ironically hushed landing. Just in case, Angie shimmied off her cardigan and wadded it on top. She pushed the drawer to close it, but it stuck halfway. She shoved harder, with no luck. Countless hours of cardio had done nothing for her strength.
