“Holy shit,” he cried. “Oh God, I’m . . . I’m . . .”
He came in my mouth, and I hadn’t been ready so it was sloppy as all hell, but I swallowed what I could.
Then I moved back up his body, past his heaving chest, so that I could see where he lay, his hands thrown over his eyes, his mouth moving soundlessly.
I moved his hands, but his eyes were squeezed shut. “Hey.”
He didn’t move.
I lightly tapped his cheek. “Hey, look at me.”
He opened one eye slowly. “I’m so sorry.”
“So sorry for what?”
“That was . . . fast. Like teenager-fast, and I didn’t warn you. I’m the worst.”
I couldn’t help it. I kissed him, a swift, hard-pressured kiss. I pulled off with a smack and looked down at his two wide, blue eyes. “I loved it. It was a compliment that I got you that hot. Unless you were thinking of someone else. Like . . . Channing Tatum.”
He smacked me. “I promise I wasn’t thinking of anyone but you. And especially not J. R. Butler. Ugh.” He sighed dramatically. “That guy is awful.”
“Horrible human being.”
“Did you hear he eats all the marshmallows in Lucky Charms first? First? What kind of monster does that?”
I rolled onto my back, laughing, and Quinn came with me, lying across my chest. He smiled at me and gently pulled my shirt off, then began to slowly work his way down my body, leaving hot kisses in his wake. I sighed as he swiped his tongue across the base of my throat, and shivered when he gently tugged on a nipple.
I gripped the towel beneath me when he circled my belly button. And I couldn’t stop the groan from escaping my mouth as he lowered my board shorts and began to suck me.
He went slow, taking as much of me in his mouth as he could before slowly pulling off with hollowed cheeks. I lifted up on my elbows so I could watch his slender body kneeling between my spread thighs.
When I came, it was a slow orgasm, one that started in my balls, then rushed out through my dick and echoed into every limb, every digit in my body.
I collapsed onto my back and wrapped my arms around Quinn as he stretched out on top of me. We didn’t speak for a long time, and when Quinn broke the silence, his voice sounded hoarse. “We could take one of the safety boats. We’d steal out in the middle of the night, and use the North Star to guide us. We’d find some little deserted island. And we’d make a shelter. That would probably be your job because I’m really not a good architect. Can you build stuff?”
I closed my eyes. “Yeah, I can build stuff.”
“Good,” he said. “That’s settled then. I could probably cook our meals. I know how to make food stretch as a broke college student. Oh, and I would totally find a plant that has some sort of oil that we’d use for lube.” His voice was rising in excitement, and I smiled as he continued to talk. “Yes, that’s it! I’d find a natural lube. And we’d swim all day and fuck all night with the lube I made and the shelter you built.” His fingers flexed against my side. “That’d be fun, huh?”
I didn’t open my eyes. Because I knew I wouldn’t be able to handle the longing in his, the same emotion that was currently tugging at my heart, pulling it in a million different directions. Sure, that’d be fun. But there was my job and Darren and . . . was this what it was like to be an adult? To feel like every single decision I made was the wrong one?
***
Quinn
I think we dozed in that closet, lying on a towel, our shorts around our knees. There was no effort to move, no desire to return to the complicated world outside the door.
In here it was safe. And we could be together.
In here, Jay didn’t have to worry about money or cameras.
And I didn’t have to worry about consequences.
I lifted my head eventually, and pulled my phone out of my pocket. “It’s almost dinnertime,” I mumbled.
Jay’s eyes were closed. “Not hungry.” His stomach growled beneath me like it had its own brain. I scooted up his body as a smile spread across his face and his eyes opened. “Oops.”
I kissed him slowly. “Man, am I glad I jumped with you.”
He ran his fingers through my hair, sifting the strands between his fingers. “Me too.” He met my eyes. “What’re we doing, Quinn? What is this?”
“I don’t know,” I said softly. “I-I’ve thought about this a lot, wondering if you’re only interested in me because I’m a gay guy on the ship—”
“Hold up,” he said. “I managed to keep my hands off every person I’ve found attractive since I’ve been on this show. It’s not because you’re available, Quinn. It’s because you’re you.”
I tried not to show how much those words affected me, but I must have done a shitty job, because he cupped my face. “Aw, damn, look at you.”
“In my head,” I said, letting out a long exhale, “I’m calling it a spring break fling, but my heart is telling me something else. And I get that this can’t go any farther, but it’s going to break my heart to see you in public and miserable.”
His eyes closed slowly. “Fuck, you’re such a sweet guy. So fucking sweet, Quinn.” He pressed his lips to mine, a kiss that started out chaste, but soon had us rutting against each other. Jay reached down, wrapped his hand around our shafts, and stroked us until we both came.
I could have napped again, but our phones were beeping, and we needed to leave our cocoon. After grabbing more towels and cleaning up, we dressed.
Jay glanced at the door. “I fucking hate that we have to make a getaway plan, but we do.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“Can you take a look outside and check to make sure the coast is clear? You can slip out and then I’ll wait and get out in a few minutes.”
I hated this a lot, but I knew this situation wasn’t anything like my situation with Alexander. I’d do this for Jay. I cracked open the door and stuck my head out, peering up and down the hallway. There was a kid a couple doors down fiddling with his lock, but other than that, no cameras. I turned back to Jay. “It’s all good.” I hesitated. “Will I see you later?”
His features were soft, and I liked knowing I got to see him like this. “The big party is tonight, right? The last hurrah?”
“Yeah.”
He chewed his lip. “I don’t know how much . . . shit, and it’s the last night, too.” He slammed his hand against the wall. “Motherfucker!”
“Hey.” I shut the door and grabbed his hand. “At least we had this.”
“I wanted . . .” He shook his head. “Never mind. Can we meet tomorrow morning? Our spot?”
“Yeah, of course. I’ll be there.”
“Me too.”
After another quick kiss, I was out the door, speed-walking to my cabin. I wanted to cheer that we’d gotten away with it, that we’d beat the house.
I should have known the house always wins.
Chapter Sixteen
Jay
I was out of the shower and getting dressed when the door to my cabin flew open and Levi rushed in, slamming the door behind him.
He looked at me with wide eyes. “Uh, Houston, we have a problem.”
I had just pulled on my shorts and stood with my shirt in my hands. “What?”
“Where were you this afternoon?”
“With Quinn.”
“Where?”
I ducked my head. “Uh, in a supply closet, actually. There were cameras swarming the cabin.”
Levi grabbed his laptop and sat on my bed, his fingers a blur as they flew across the keys.
“Yo,” I said. “What’s the deal?”
“This,” he said with a final click of the keys, “is the deal.”
It took me a minute to understand what I was reading, and then I swore a wave crashed over my head. I couldn’t breath
. I couldn’t do anything but stare at the message boards for Trip League, which were flooded with posts about J. R. cheating on Andrea with a girl named Quinn.
Holy shit.
My knees buckled, and I fell to them on the floor, not taking my eyes off the screen. I took the laptop and set it on the bed, my finger scrolling down the track pad. It was everywhere, and there were links to gossip sites and . . . “Oh fuck, I’m going to be sick.”
I rushed to the bathroom and threw up what little I had in my stomach.
A shadow loomed over me as I sat hunched over the toilet. A cool cloth was placed on the back of my neck. “Tell me what Doug’s saying,” I said.
“J. R . . .”
“Just fucking tell me, Levi.”
He was silent for a moment. “They’re scrambling. Some live-feed cameras caught you telling me that you were going to our cabin to meet Quinn. And I made some sort of joke about using my condoms . . .” He winced as I nodded, remembering that had been right after the beer pong game. Fuck, how could we have slipped up? Levi’s fingers skimmed my head. “Everyone assumes Quinn is a girl because you’re . . . straight. Doug doesn’t know how they missed it. But this is drama and right now, I’m sure there are cameras outside our cabin door waiting for us to come out.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. That time in the supply closet felt like years ago. I wanted to regret it all, but I couldn’t. I loved every single minute of my connection with Quinn, eating crabs and playing craps, dancing and eating Lucky Charms and taking that leap into the pool.
I groaned, flushed the toilet, then stood up to brush my teeth. Levi stood in the doorway, his arms crossed. “What’re you going to do?”
I shrugged with my toothbrush in my mouth. Then I spit and washed my hands. “What do you mean? I’m going to stay in my lane, I guess. I can’t risk them finding out who Quinn is, and I don’t want Quinn to be shoved into the spotlight. That’s not fair to him.”
“He’s already been on camera—”
“But not linked romantically to me, and no one knows his name.” I walked past him into the cabin and pointed at his laptop. “They’re freaking out, and they think he’s a girl. Can you imagine if the real truth came out? No.” I shook my head. “Absolutely not.”
Levi chewed on his lip and stared off to the side.
“What?” I asked.
“I don’t like this,” he said, spearing me with a glare. “I don’t like it at all. You’ve been . . . different since you met Quinn. Happier. And the way you looked at each other when we were playing beer pong? Hoo-boy. Did you plan to see him tonight?”
“I was going to try, and then we were going to meet tomorrow morning.”
He nodded and straightened. “Then you’re going to see him tonight. I’ll make sure of it. It’s my mission, and I’ll enlist the others.”
I held out my hands. “Wait, what? No.”
“It’ll be fine! Everyone thinks Quinn is a girl. You can totally have one more night with him.”
“Dude . . .”
“I know we got off to a rocky start—”
“It was jealousy. I hated that you could be yourself.”
His smile was sad. “I see that now. But we’re a team, this cast. And hell, I don’t really have anything better to do on this trip. So let me talk to the rest of the cast on the down low—”
“What?”
“Well, I can’t get everyone together at once and talk about something top secret. The cameras would be there.”
“Wait, are you . . . going to tell everyone?”
“Is that okay?”
Was that okay? I didn’t even know anymore. The Internet was blowing up and my head was still fuzzy from my Quinn-induced orgasms. Most of all, I was tired. Bone fucking tired of the bullshit and the lies. I blew out a breath. “I feel like . . . I’ve been living inside this little brick tower, and one by one, the walls are being torn away. I’m so fucking scared about what it’s going to be like once everyone can see in, Levi.”
His face softened. “I get it. I so get that feeling. So what do you choose? The tower or the view?”
I met his steady gaze and swallowed my nerves. “The view.”
He smiled. “Leave the mission to me, then.”
“The mission?”
“The mission.” He shrugged. “All you gotta do is make the most of it when you get the shot, okay?”
“Levi—”
“Promise, okay?”
I pulled Levi to me and dropped a quick kiss on his head. “Promise.”
***
Quinn
It was our last night on the ship. Tomorrow, we’d pull into the dock, where Colin and Riley would be waiting, all smiles and eager to take us back to school.
That would be it—the end of the trip that had managed to make me look at myself as someone completely different. As someone actually prepared to make a tough decision and take risks and . . . be an adult, on my own, and without my parents guiding my steps.
I had Jay to thank for that. And Jess. And mostly myself, I guessed. I had to want it for myself.
Jess wore a blue sundress that swirled around her thighs. She clutched my elbow as we walked into the ballroom where the big party was being held.
It was our last hurrah. I hoped I was able to find some time to spend with Jay, but I was trying to be realistic. There were cameras everywhere and way too many people.
Jess jerked beside me, and I turned to see Casey tugging on her arm. A camera was nearby, but Casey ignored it. “You look great, babe.”
Jess blushed. Blushed. Wow, this trip had changed both of us. “Um, thanks,” she said.
Casey’s gaze snapped to me once and back to her. “So, did you hear the rumors?”
“What rumors?” she asked.
“J. R.’s been messing around on Andrea.”
The breath left my body, like I’d been stuck with a pin. Jess’s grip on my arm tightened, and I turned my back to the cameras to fake a cough, when really I was gasping.
“What do you mean?” Jess’s voice sounded far away as white noise filled my ears. Was I going to pass out?
I risked a glance at Casey, who was watching me again. He knew. I could see it all over his face, in the way he studied me, clearly checking my reaction, eager to see me crumble when he spilled the truth. That asshole. I clenched my jaw, unwilling to show any emotion, then opened my mouth, but Casey cut me off. “Yeah, the rumors are that it’s with some girl named Quinn.”
I was definitely going to pass out. Watching Casey now, I’d misread him.
There are things the cameras don’t show.
Casey was warning me, in the only way he knew how, with our every move on camera. And if I wasn’t mistaken, there was sympathy in his tone. I swallowed, managing to muster up my voice. “How’d you hear about this?”
“The live-feed cameras picked up some conversation and the message boards blew up.”
I sucked in a breath. Shit, I hoped Jay was okay. All I could say was, “Wow.”
Casey smiled a little. “Yeah, so he’ll be here, because he has to be, but he’ll be laying low, you know?”
I nodded, understanding the message. “Makes sense.”
Jess looked at Casey with a little bit of adoration on her face, probably because he’d done something nice for me. I checked out the ballroom and saw Levi flitting from cast member to cast member, whispering to them whenever he got them alone.
Something was up, but I didn’t see Jay. I rubbed my palms on my pants and wiped away the sweat that was beading at my temple. “You okay?” Jess asked me.
“It’s hot in here, right?”
Jess patted my cheek. “Yeah, sure. It’s hot in here.”
I blew out a breath. “Let’s get something to drink.”
Casey squeezed Jess’s shoulder and
said something in her ear, then left us alone.
“What did he say to you?” I asked.
“Just that he’d see me later.” She hid her eyes from me and I wondered what she wasn’t telling me.
“Why the change of heart about him?”
She shrugged. “He’s complicated. I like it.”
I snorted and ordered piña coladas from the overworked bartenders. We clinked glasses and began to drink.
***
The night went fast after that. Jess and I danced and ate and drank more. We were on the dance floor—Jess pretending to reel me in because we were dorks like that—when J. R. walked into the room, a camera behind him. I stopped moving toward Jess like a fish while J. R. slunk around the outside of the ballroom, a scowl on his face. He held his body stiffly, and I knew he was submerging himself back in J. R. Butler mode. My Jay wasn’t anywhere in that face.
“Hey, you’re not playing along,” Jess grumbled, then turned her head in the direction I was looking. “Oh.”
She pulled me off the dance floor while my stomach flipped and flopped. I couldn’t stop glancing at J. R., but every time I did, his sullen expression was a punch to the gut.
Jess directed us to Casey, who stood along the wall. He jerked his chin at her, and when she reached his side, he tugged her to him. His eyes flicked once to me, then to Selena, who stood a couple feet away.
In the corner of the room, a shout went up as the DJ began to play a new song. Paisley climbed up on the bar, swaying a little. Using her fist as a mic, she began to lip sync.
She wore a skimpy dress, something I’d never seen her wear in her life, and every time she twirled, the crowd below her got a clear view of her underwear. Or whatever she had—or didn’t have—on under her dress. Her hips swayed and her long hair, which was usually in a ponytail, was down around her shoulders in waves. She looked beautiful and it was pretty impossible to take my eyes off her.
That was . . . until Adriana showed up.
She decided it was time to lay on the bar as a line formed to take body shots off her. I watched some guy take his shot, lick the salt off her neck, then bite the lime from her lips, except he spit it out and kissed her instead. She curled her arms around him and leaned into the kiss.
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