“You disobeyed me,” Alex snarls as he folds his paper and leans forward a little, his size seemingly increasing as he does so. Oh god, what have I done?
“Yes, and I will continue to do so if it is for your own benefit,” Pascal replies as he leans away and takes a sip of his drink. “Do not concern yourself with the outcome. I can assure you she wouldn’t have gone through with it had I pushed her.” Really? I’m not so sure. It was him who twirled me away if I remember rightly. I didn’t stop anything.
“That’s not the point, Pascal, and you know it. Had I wanted you to share her, she would have been offered at the time.” My head snaps to his. How dare he assume I would have done that? Even if I might have, that’s not the point at all. He doesn’t even look at me, just continues staring at Pascal, who somehow still manages to look completely unaffected by Alex’s harsh tone and size as he lounges on his chair and smirks again.
“You amuse me, Alexander, with your puzzlement. It makes you all the more appealing. If you didn’t want to share her, why did you let me hear her scream? Hmm? Did you want me in there with you that night? Ice, wasn’t it? Come here, my Rose. I’ll show him now,” he replies as he delves his hand into an ice bucket. Images fly through my brain of the time in his limo after I’d run from them – his hands on me, his distinctive grasp, unlike Alex’s. Oh god, I’m drooling at the thought. The clinking of the ice bucket brings me back to reality as I watch Alex grab an ice cube and hold it out to Pascal.
“Open your mouth,” he says quietly. What the hell is going on now? Pascal leans forward and does just that until Alex shoves the cube between his teeth. “Don’t let it melt.” What? Pascal just relaxes back again and still manages to smile while holding onto the ice cube.
“Umm... not sure that’s possible,” I interject, sarcastically.
“No, but it will shut him up for a while at least, stop more of that incessant intelligence pouring from his lips. Why didn’t you tell me about what happened?” Shit.
“I... Well, I... It’s difficult. He’s difficult, and I didn’t want you getting angry about what happened. He’s right. Nothing happened, not really. Well, that’s not entirely true, I suppose.” Honesty, Beth. Just be honest. “You know what he’s like, and he… We... Okay, I wanted him, even then. It stopped, but I don’t know if I wanted it to. You can’t put a girl in front of him. It’s seriously not a safe thing to do.” A chuckle emanates from the other side of the car. It’s vampiric to say the least. I narrow my eyes at Pascal as Alex takes his drink from my hand.
“Hmm, so you’re telling me that even at that early stage, before you really knew anything, you would have fucked him?” Christ, does he have to be so blunt?
“Yes, I... uh, yes, if you’d have asked, I suppose looking back on it now, I would have, maybe.”
“Interesting,” he replies. That’s it, nothing else to give away how he’s feeling about the fact that I just said I’d have screwed his friend when we started dating.
That’s not normal, is it?
But the hand that’s suddenly on my thigh and gripping tightly is very normal indeed. Pascal chuckles again and looks down at my legs while mumbling something through his teeth. I’m not sure what it is but it sounded very much like ‘won’t be owned by anyone’ to me.
I have no idea what he’s talking about.
Chapter 13
Elizabeth
W e’ve been on the plane home for about six hours. We drove straight here from the club because it appears Alex was very serious about making this right with Belle and Conner. Apparently, it’s important that I’m okay with her because, and I quote: “You need to be ready to concentrate.”
I can only assume by that he’s referring to that concentration thing I did at the auction, and then when he took me to Pascal’s office. He’s right, to be honest, because the only thing that keeps flying through my head is worry for whether Belle is okay. Well, that and him screwing other women – that little vision isn’t leaving me any time soon, it seems. I know she may seem to the rest of the world like the biggest bitch alive but I know her better than that. She will be in pain about Conner. I’ve tried phoning her again but she won’t pick up. She’s clearly refusing to budge on the topic and I can’t say I blame her, but I still wish she would. I just want her to understand. Even if I don’t quite get it myself, I need to know that she accepts this, that it’s part of me now.
She wanted me to get out there a bit more, and that’s what I’ve done. Okay, maybe this is a bit more than she thought I’d be delving into, but I am stronger now because of this. I am more aware of who I am and what I need. I have a good business, which should be moving into a new building very shortly, and a good man. Well, not a good man, but one I love nonetheless, and one who I know loves me, in his own way. I know he’d kill for me, I know he’ll always protect me, and I know he’ll be there with me as long as I want him. I know these things in my core somehow. They’re like a part of me now, swirling around inside and creating a bond I never knew was possible. There’s no denying or running from this anymore because we’re like a force of nature together, a storm and a silver lining that flit between light and darkness. So comfortable, and yet so on edge as we continue to lose ourselves in each other and drift in and out of differing realities, to find our balance together, so I can help him, and he can guide me, over and over again.
No matter how much I may dislike who he’s been or what he’s done, he is mine. Mine. He means it when he says he won’t leave me. His own set of standards wouldn’t offer that lightly unless he meant every single word. It’s like having my own personal Mafia guard, who happens to want me to screw other men, too, and be in love with him. I’m to show him those emotions he’s never had before and accept everything that comes out of his mouth unless I disagree. Then I’m to fight him.
Simple really.
I don’t know why I’ve found it so confusing before now. I just need to shake off some of my own lingering thoughts regarding the mayhem that is his past and all will be perfect. I’m positive it will be.
I’ve been sitting here most of the journey, dozing in and out of sleep and watching them both together. Neither of them have slept, only proving my point that Pascal is indeed Count Dracula, and Alex is some sort of demigod, maybe because I couldn’t keep my eyes open two minutes after entering the plane. They’ve been more relaxed than I’ve ever seen them, as if they’ve found some sort of peace together that they’ve never found before. I haven’t even asked them to explain it because I can see it as plain as day. Pascal is home, like being here with Alex is everything he’s ever wanted, and Alex clearly feels like he has nothing to prove anymore. There isn’t one ounce of a barrier in between them now. In fact, the only thing that is confusing either of them, I think, is me. I must be a conundrum to be worked out between them, a mystery of how this should work, who does what, to whom, when?
Giggling to myself at the thought, I ponder if I should make their decisions for them – if maybe I should be the one to initiate something and see how that flows. Pascal clearly isn’t allowed to, and Alex seems hesitant to for some reason.
I’m just building up to the idea when I realise I need a shower before I even entertain it. I need to scrub away the rest of this weekend and just relax. I feel like I’ve been in the same clothes for a bloody lifetime, and the plane is bringing back too many memories of Tara, who thankfully isn’t on the plane. There’s a very shy thing called Amy here instead. I’m surprised she hasn’t joined the mile high club by now, to be honest, because Mr. Van Der Braack has been incredibly suggestive as Alex has looked on and chuckled. Never once has he joined in, though. He just keeps walking past me and brushing his fingers over my choker, reminding me that he’s here for me, only for me.
“We’re about twenty minutes out, Sir,” Amy says as she scoots past Pascal’s fingers for the hundredth time, clearly trying to remain professional. I don’t know why she’s bothering. We’re all obviously completely deviant and neithe
r of us would mind in the slightest if he screwed her, but I suppose it is nice to remember that some people aren’t. There’s not a hint of jealousy either, not from Alex or I. It’s like a conversation we’ve all somehow had without mentioning it, that Pascal will still be able to continue being exactly who he has been with no interference from us.
I know I won’t have another woman in the room with us, but I wouldn’t stop him doing whatever he wants elsewhere. And given that Alex is still not gay – well, I assume he’s not – he certainly won’t be stopping him getting out there and doing whatever the hell he wants with anyone, which suddenly has me questioning the one thing I hadn’t thought of at all.
“Umm, Pascal?” He swings his head round from the sofa and smiles softly. It’s so very lovely when he does that. I could almost swoon. Alex continues with his chess game and frowns at the board.
“Yes, my Rose? What do you need me for?” That was so loaded.
“Well, umm...” I can’t believe I’m even partially nervous talking about this, given the circumstances between us all. “Umm... Condoms?” He pulls three out of the inside of his jacket instantly.
“Who are you doing first? And really, you could have asked earlier. We are somewhat pushed for time now.”
“Tests,” Alex says opposite him, still frowning, although why he doesn’t counter with his bishop, I have no idea.
“Ah, never fear, my rose. God here has made it abundantly clear that I am to be thoroughly poked and invaded before I indulge in you. It should be amusing if nothing else. I’m quite partial to that small, brown haired youngster that hovers around me at the clinic.”
“Is that why we haven’t-”
“Yes,” Alex cuts in. Oh, right. And on that note, did he have tests done after that expulsion of aggression with those women? Because I might need to have some done if he didn’t.
“Did you have -”
“Yes, Elizabeth. Would you like to see the file?” Arrogant bastard.
“Would you like to move your fucking bishop?” I snap in reply. I can be a smart arse, too, and I’m still not entirely happy about him having sex with other women.
“My bishop is becoming confused about whose bishop we are currently discussing,” Pascal says as he looks at me and smirks.
“Both of your bishops,” I reply, irritated, as I cross my arms and stare at Alex. I’m having another conversation about that at some point. It might not mean a great deal to him but it bloody well does to me.
“My bishop is flawless, and so is his as far as I’m aware. Actually, perhaps you should let me inspect it for you, Alexander.”
“Pascal, shut up.”
“My rose, will you please explain to this man how thoroughly tempting I am. I was hoping this -” he waves his hands around in a circle, “-thing might involve me actually attaining him at some point, preferably with his bishop involved.”
Alex doesn’t move, aside from a slight eyebrow lift as he continues studying the board, so I stare at his mouth and wonder how he feels about that. Does he want that? He always said he didn’t, but now, looking at the two of them, I’m really not so sure. And oddly, I’m strangely comfortable with the idea.
He lifts his hand to move something and then licks his lips and replaces it in his lap again, almost as if he’s questioning his thoughts on the topic rather than the chessboard. He’s confused, and my heart thaws a little at the thought. That little boy in the rain keeps coming back up again to haunt him, doesn’t it? Showing him he’s not God after all, not quite as in control as he thinks.
I smile to myself and realise that this is nowhere near as clean cut as he would like me to believe, and that maybe Mr White is out of his depth, that maybe he hasn’t gotten his head around this as much as I have, even though I don’t actually know what’s going to happen. Maybe I’m just more relaxed about the whole thing now I’ve accepted it. Or maybe it’s just that I don’t know any better and therefore nothing is too alarming yet. Either way, my body and mind are comfortable with this, as if fighting it, or over thinking it before just made it more difficult to comprehend. Now it just seems, well, almost normal to me somehow. Just an extension of what was before, now that we’re all playing ball instead of hedging around the topic.
“You’re smiling, Elizabeth. Is something amusing?” Alex says as he eventually lifts his hand and moves that bishop. “Check mate.”
“I just think Pascal is definitely tempting, Alex. And as you’ve asked, I’ll voice my opinion on the matter, in case you’re confused about anything.” He smirks a little in reply and wanders over to his seat for landing, still looking unfairly attractive in that black suit, with that ruffled, tired look.
“Clever girl,” he says quietly as he sits opposite me and reaches forward to tug harshly on my belt. I wince a little in response and sit up straighter. “Don’t be too smart for your own good, though, will you? You could get into all sorts of precarious situations.”
“What on earth do you mean?” I feign an innocent voice. Flirtation has nothing on me, it seems.
“I haven’t kissed you yet,” he says, dead pan, not a hint of humour as I smile back and let myself melt into those eyes again. They’re cool at the moment, light and airy, like a weight has been lifted from his shoulders now that he has me next to him again. “I haven’t kissed you since we took off for New York.”
“I’m not sure you deserve a kiss. I am still a little on the pissed off side of happy.”
“I’m quite sure I don’t deserve anything at all, but I’ll be taking it the moment we’re alone nonetheless.”
“Right, well, I’ll consider that then.”
“I can watch you fuck, fuck her myself, but not watch you kiss her?” Pascal cuts in as he makes his way to his chair, still looking just as bloody good as Alex in a different way, although he’s in a white suit instead. Blue, green, black, white. They’re both beautiful in very different ways, bodies different, skin tone different, hands, fingers, gait, voice. As I watch Pascal tapping his thigh, I raise my eyes up to meet his. They’re devilish again, harsh even, utterly intoxicating and dirty as hell. I tilt my head to try and hear his voice inside my head like I did at the club. What does he want? What’s he asking for with those eyes?
“No,” Alex replies, breaking me from my lust-driven daze. My head snaps back to him in an instant. His tone is firm all of a sudden, angry even, and I’m not at all sure why because he’s watched us before, hasn’t he? It shouldn’t be a problem in the slightest.
“Alexander, really, what are you going to do? Pop in and out of the room naked for a linger of romance behind closed doors before you bring her back to me. My dear boy, you have not thought this through at all, have you? Elizabeth, do you mind if I watch you?”
Alex is out of his seat and towering over Pascal before I know what’s happened, eyes of steel locked on as he glares down at him in fury. I can see the tension radiating out of him, as if another word uttered from Pascal’s mouth might well drive him to cause some serious damage. Within seconds, Pascal has dropped his gaze and his frame to the floor in front of him. It looks so odd, Pascal down there. It’s strange, and my eyes widen as Alex stares at him until those eyes deaden. I’ve seen them that way before, and felt them in all their might, so I suck in a breath and hope to hell Pascal just stays put, even if I don’t like it much.
“Lower,” he says. It’s clearly a command, because just like Tara, Pascal’s forehead is pressed into the carpet immediately. Two more minutes like this and eventually I watch as Alex’s frame softens very slightly, just an inch of relaxation as his shoulders drop a touch. This is clearly my chance to intervene. His lip curls at me. Maybe not. Oh, this is ridiculous. We’re supposed to be happy in this, aren’t we? We’re supposed to be comfortable with each other, learning each other. I unclip my belt to stand, but the sudden glare that’s directed at my face has my arse planted immediately back in place. “Stay still, Elizabeth.”
“But…” I hear a grunt of pain that has
me glancing down at Pascal to find Alex’s shoe on the side of his face, now pushing it into the floor even more. It’s so wrong, to see him down there, to see him in pain and taking it. My throat constricts at the vision, part annoyed, part terrified, and part confused again. Why? “Alex, let him up.” He just continues to stare at me, eyes now lost again to his other place as I hear another wince beneath us and watch his mouth rise into that deadly smile.
“Why?” he eventually replies. My mouth gapes because I have no idea why, other than the fact that it’s not very nice, and this isn’t normal. “Endure, Elizabeth. Just stay down. His leash is being clipped.” He turns his head from me, effectively finishing my involvement in the conversation, and stares down at Pascal again.
“What have you learned from this?” he asks Pascal as he continues to glower and squashes his cheekbone again.
“Never to question you, Sir,” is the instant reply. My eyes widen at his submission – no come back, no typical Pascal naughtiness, just an immediate answer. I’m not sure how I feel about it at all, but I stay still just as he’s asked and assume there’s some reason for it I’m absolutely not aware of.
“And?” Alex growls again, that voice of his now low and aggressive.
“To always call you Sir, Sir.” Alex’s foot lifts away gently as he takes a small step forward and reaches his hand towards me, wiggling his fingers. I have no idea what he wants, so I just stare at his hand.
“Cane, Elizabeth,” he snaps. “Get up, Pascal.” I’m not sure what he’s about to do, but I’m a lot more comfortable with the vision of white getting to his feet again so I pass the cane to Alex and narrow my eyes at what’s to come. Pascal keeps his eyes very firmly on the floor; whether it’s out of fear or submission, I don’t know, but my body is primed for throwing myself in between them if this kicks off. After what feels like an eternity of staring, Alex eventually smiles again as those lighter eyes come racing back. “Lift your chin.” Pascal does, but there’s not a hint of humour or amusement in his expression. He is humble and ready to do exactly what Alex says, take whatever he decides to deliver. They stare again until Alex lifts the cane to Pascal’s throat. “Grip it until I tell you to let it go.” Pascal drops his chin again to grasp it to his neck, and with that, Alex turns and straps himself back into his chair.
Absorbing White Page 21
