Ryan looked up at the ceiling. “Oh, how I’ve longed to have this conversation with you for the ten millionth time. My prayers have been answered.” She resumed her annoying scrubbing as she continued, “Like I’ve told you before, I’ve never had a dishwasher and I don’t know how to use one.”
“But I showed you.” Ben set the pan on the burner and then got a bowl to crack his eggs into.
“I wasn’t paying attention. And before you offer again, I’m not going to pay attention at any future point in time either. I like washing them by hand. It calms me.”
Ben leaned against the counter and crossed his arms over his bare chest. “Why do you need calming? It’s eight o’clock in the morning.”
She turned to glare at him for a few seconds before returning to her task.
“What’s that look for? Are you saying I’m the reason you’re not calm?” Even as Ben said the words, he knew he was blowing this entire thing out of proportion. But he’d felt like the tension between them had grown to the point of detonation. And judging by the harsh look she was throwing his way, it was an atom bomb that was about to go off.
“Can you focus on cooking your eggs and let me clean the way I want to?” she gritted out.
“Sure. If you want to keep wasting your time, be my guest,” he muttered as he turned back around to his eggs. He heard the silverware she’d been cleaning clatter into the sink.
“What does it matter to you what I do with my time?”
He twisted his head to see that she was facing his direction. He moved so he could meet her stare more comfortably. “You’re staying here so we can get to know each other better. Not so you can partake in some kind of weird cleaning therapy.”
“Oh, I’ve gotten to know you all right, you smug jerk. You want to hear what I’ve learned?”
“I’d love to.”
“First,” she said as she held up a finger. “You seem to think tiny elves appear and clean up after you. You leave shit everywhere and act like it’s magically going to get back to where it belongs. It’s infuriating.”
“What? I’m an asshole because I let my cleaning service do what I pay them for?”
“Second,” she continued as if he hadn’t interrupted her. “You have an annoying habit of blasting your music throughout the entire apartment. And this may come as a shock to you, but not everyone enjoys nineties’ R&B. I’ve heard enough Jagged Edge over the past week to last me a lifetime.”
“Sorry. I’ll try to mix in some Spice Girls or whatever shit you listen to.”
“Third, you seem not to realize that there’s more to life than your job. I know it’s what you do for a living, but I don’t want to watch vintage games, I don’t want to see ESPN highlights, and I don’t want to hear you explain the rules to me. I get it. Men with sticks beat the shit out of each other to get a little black dot in a net. Can we check that one off the list now?”
Ben rolled his shoulder at that one and forced his breathing to remain even. Truth was, it bothered him that she had zero interest in something that meant so much to him. Big time. It also bothered him that he cared what she thought in the first place. She was basically his employee. Her opinion shouldn’t matter to him at all. But even though she drove him utterly insane, he also really liked her. Ben wasn’t sure how that was possible, but evidently it was.
“Fourth, you look at yourself in almost every reflective surface you pass. You don’t need to worry. I’m pretty sure your gorgeousness isn’t going to disappear if you don’t check yourself out every five seconds.”
Even though he’d been ready to levitate with anger moments prior, he quickly found himself trying—and failing—to suppress a smile. “You think I’m gorgeous, huh?”
Ryan groaned, but it came out as more of a growl. “Five, you only hear what you want to hear.”
Ben hadn’t realized it, but over the course of their argument, they’d both moved closer to one another. Ryan was standing directly in front of him, looking up at him with defiance and irritation. It was a sexy look on her. He reached over and pushed a strand of dark hair behind her ear before letting his arm drop back to his side. “Is it my turn to say what I’ve learned yet?”
Her shoulders drooped a little as if some of the fight went out of her, but her voice was still gruff as she said, “What?”
“I’ve learned that you look really good in my shirts.” He let his finger toy with the hem of his flannel she had on.
“I washed it, so that makes it mine,” she said.
“I can live with that.” He tugged on the material to pull her even closer to him.
“What else have you learned?”
“That you’re probably the only girl I’ve ever met who I think looks more beautiful the less she tries. My favorite is getting to see you first thing in the morning.”
Ryan snorted. “I look like a troll first thing in the morning.”
“No. You look perfect.”
She stepped into him, her pert breasts pressing against his torso. “You’re not playing fair.”
“I’m not playing at all.” And with that, he bent down and took her lips in a blistering kiss that finally shut her the hell up. Ben couldn’t lie, some of the things she’d said pissed him the hell off. But in that moment, with her lips pliant under his, some of his tension eased away. They’d both been running hot lately, taking digs at one another in situations that didn’t warrant them. But as his hand came up to tilt her head so he could devour her more easily, he decided to at least temporarily chalk it up to sexual tension. Because one thing was certain: He sure as hell wasn’t going to stop so they could analyze it.
* * *
Ryan felt as if she was being consumed. And not only because Ben’s mouth on hers was dominant and intoxicating. Ben had a way about him—an intensity that made every look—every touch—seem possessive and proprietary. It didn’t seem like a conscious action, but rather like something that he often tried to keep dormant was released as soon as their bodies connected.
Ryan liked it.
She’d seen the tight rein he kept on himself in the games she’d watched online, as well as in his daily interactions with people. Reserved was maybe the best word for it. But he wasn’t that way with her, and she wondered if he realized it. Even when they were getting on each other’s nerves, there was a certain way he touched her—a firm hand on her lower back, a gentle caress down her arm—that spoke volumes about his true feelings for her. The fact that he seemingly had little control over himself when she was around made her feel special. It was a feeling she worried she could get a little too used to. Something she could come to need if she wasn’t careful.
However, in that moment, with his tongue tangling with hers and his hands roaming roughly over her ass, the alarm bells that were sounding in her head were put on mute. She’d worry later. Much later. Hopefully after she rode this gorgeous man’s cock like her life depended on it.
Ben squeezed her ass before hoisting her up into his strong arms. Her legs wrapped around his hips, allowing his erection to slot between her thighs and rub over her sensitive bud. She was only wearing a pair of boy short underwear under his flannel, so the stimulation was intense through the thin material. Ryan threw her head back and moaned long and deep.
Ben took that opportunity to kiss, nip, suck, and lick down the column of her neck. Slipping one arm under her, he supported her one-handed while using the other to push his sweatpants down.
She felt his long, hard cock pop free when it made contact with her underwear. She closed her eyes for a moment and rubbed against him before meeting his gaze again.
Ben was smiling. “That was so fucking hot.”
“What was?” she asked, her voice husky.
“You rubbing yourself on my dick.”
“I can’t help it,” she said. Ryan ground against him again. “Part of me wants to suck it. Another part wants to watch you slide it between my tits. But I think mostly I want it inside of me.”
“Fuck,” he muttered before twirling her around and carrying her through the kitchen and down the hall to his room. He laid her gently on his king-sized bed and instantly covered her body with his. Kissing her intensely, Ben continued to grind himself against her. After a bit, he leaned on one arm so that the other could begin to pop open on the shirt she was wearing. He did it slowly and methodically, drawing out the erotic moment between them.
Finally the fabric fell open and her breasts were exposed. Ben immediately latched onto her nipple, pulling the pink nub into his mouth and sucking lightly on it. Then he licked a trail between her breasts to lavish the same attention on her other nipple.
Ryan was so turned on, she wondered if she would come from the nipple stimulation alone. But while she was close, she couldn’t quite crest the hill so that she could plummet into orgasm. “Please,” she whimpered. “Please, please, please.”
Ben pushed up quickly, hooking his hand in the waistband of her underwear and pulling it down her body before tossing them to the floor. He then did some kind of impressive, sexual plank so that he could lower his sweatpants below his knees, and then kick them off. It took him a moment longer to retrieve a condom from the bedside table and roll it on. Then he was pushing slowly but steadily into her.
Despite the fact that they’d had sex before, her body still needed to stretch to accommodate him. She loved how full she felt when he was seated all the way inside her, his cock rubbing against her slick walls.
He stayed kneeling as he watched his cock plunge into her. He draped her thighs over his so that her ass was elevated off the bed. His thrusts were powerful and rhythmic, his pace never faltering.
Watching him fuck her was almost as pleasurable as feeling him fuck her. The way his arm muscles bunched up, the flex of his abs as he moved, the rapid way his chest rose and fell with each hard breath, and how his eyes never strayed from the place where they were joined together as one. Then he sucked his thumb into his mouth and lowered it to her clit, rubbing circles over it, his touch there gentle in comparison to how deep his thrusts were.
It was all too much. She felt as if she were somersaulting as her orgasm thundered through her. Like lightning was shooting from her clit to everywhere else in her body. Her body seized in pleasure as he continued to rub and fuck her through it. So lost in pleasure, she almost didn’t notice his pace becoming more erratic, his rhythm slipping. It was as if he were on the last hundred meters of a marathon, and even though his body wanted to give up, he continued to propel it forward from sheer will.
She felt his cock pulse, his hands on her thighs tighten, and his body tense as he came. There was a stray thought in her head that wished she could feel his cum fill her, but it was quickly pushed away as her body came down and began to relax.
He gave a few more shallow thrusts before he collapsed on top of her, careful to hold most of his weight off her despite their bodies being connected at nearly every point. They lay there breathing together for a few moments before Ryan felt a need to break the silence.
There were so many things swirling through her mind—things she wanted to say but knew she shouldn’t. “I think we really needed that,” was what she finally settled on.
Ben lifted his head, his hand reaching up to toy with the tips of her hair. He looked at her for a long moment before giving her a small smile. “I think so too.”
Chapter Twenty
They lazed in bed for a while longer, Ben absently playing with Ryan’s hair as she rested her head on his chest, her fingers stroking his chest hair. Ryan couldn’t quite get over how right it felt to be there with Ben. It was as if all the irritation that had been sparking between them for the past few days dissolved and left complete contentment in its place.
Why Ryan couldn’t leave well enough alone and continue to enjoy the moment—who knew. Certainly not her. “I lied earlier.”
Ben shifted under her. “About what?”
“About the hockey thing. What I said was kind of mean, and it wasn’t the complete truth. Don’t get me wrong—watching old hockey games and sitting around talking about the rules with you is pretty brutal—”
“Can we get to the part where you lied?” Ben interrupted, his voice an odd mix of amusement and annoyance.
Tucking in more tightly to him, Ryan wrapped her arm across his stomach. “I do like watching you play hockey.”
Ben tightened his arm around her in return. “Really?” He sounded surprised and more than a little pleased.
It made Ryan feel like an asshole for being so harsh to him earlier. “Yeah. I don’t know if it’s because I’m more invested in you winning, or because you’re all big and alpha when you’re out there. Maybe it’s both.”
As he pressed a kiss to her forehead, Ryan could feel his smile against her skin. “That’s nice to hear.”
As they settled back into silence, Ryan felt . . . unsettled. The moment they were having was pure and perfect, but the entire reason for her being there was a lie. She felt it taint the air around them, spreading like a cancer until she had to come clean about something, anything to make things a little more honest and real. “I also lied about why I didn’t ever want you to drop me off at my house.”
Ben tilted his head so his cheek was touching the top of her head, but he didn’t speak.
“I was embarrassed for you to see it. I was staying in my friend’s apartment in a pretty rundown section of the city. I didn’t want you to think I was trashy or something.”
“Did I ever make you feel like I’d react that way?” Ben didn’t sound offended, but rather like he genuinely wanted to know.
“No. But the first time you offered, we’d just met and I didn’t want to make a bad impression.”
“What about all the times after that?”
Ryan shrugged the shoulder she wasn’t lying on. “I guess I figured, why chance it.” She sighed, wanting to explain more but unsure of how far to go. She didn’t want Ben to pity her. But ultimately, it was hard to know a person when you had no idea where they’d come from. And even though she knew it was probably a bad idea, she wanted Ben to know her. Or as much as he could know without firing her on the spot. “I’ve told you a little about my parents. We never had much money and were judged for it more often than not. The sins of the father and all that. Though in my case, it was the sins of my mother. We were from a small town, and she was a known drug user. People made assumptions about me because of who she was.”
Ben kissed her head again. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
He didn’t say it like he pitied her or like she was damaged. It was a simple utterance of fact: It had happened, and he was sorry that it had.
“It wasn’t all bad. We lived with my grandparents, and they were good people. I mean, my mom had pretty much run them into the ground between stealing from them and then sucking them dry to pay for rehabs, but they loved me and that was enough. They lived in a good neighborhood and I always felt safe with them.”
It had been more than enough actually. Ryan had never even realized she was poor until one day a classmate called her “poor white trash” on the playground. She hadn’t known what it meant at the time, but it hadn’t been all that difficult to figure out.
“Do you see them often?”
It was a simple question with an answer that was difficult to answer. Ryan cleared her throat. “My grandmother died ten years ago, my grandfather followed six months later.”
“So you were what, sixteen?”
“Yeah.”
“Who did you stay with after that?”
Ryan swallowed thickly around the lump in her throat. “No one. Well, technically my mom had custody of me, but she didn’t stick around long.”
“She just left you?” The disbelief in Ben’s voice spoke volumes. His childhood had clearly been much more gilded than her own.
“I kicked her out, actually. My grandparents were always pretty weak when it came to my mom, but there was one rule they stuck to and
never wavered on. My mom was not to bring drugs in the house or around me. When they died, she thought she could do whatever she wanted, but there was no way I was going to let her disrespect their memory that way. So whatever she brought in, I either flushed, buried, or ruined somehow.” Ryan gave herself a second, letting her head rise and fall to the rhythmic cadence of Ben’s breathing. “Eventually, she and I had it out one last time. She turned physical, we fought, I won and told her to get the hell out and never come back. That was the first time she ever listened to me.” Ryan laughed, but it was a brittle, hollow sound. She hated dredging all of this up—hated how much her mother could still hurt her almost ten years later.
“Jesus,” Ben muttered. He rolled so he was facing her and her head rested on his arm. “Who took care of you after that?”
“Nobody,” Ryan said simply. “My grandparents had owned the house outright at one point, but somewhere along the way they took a second mortgage out on it. There was no way I could afford to stay. Not to mention the fact that Child Services caught wind that I was there alone. So I packed up my stuff, chose a city, got on a bus, and ended up in Philly.”
“Why here?”
Ryan smiled. “Why not here?”
Ben released a long, slow exhale as he watched her as if memorizing every detail of her face. And for the first time in a long time, she let herself be vulnerable. Let him see all the cracks in her veneer.
“I don’t know what to say,” Ben finally said.
“There’s nothing to say. I told you I adapted well. There have been ups and downs: times when life was really good and other times when I was struggling to stay off the street.” Like now, she refrained from adding. “But I never did anything illegal and I’ve never compromised who I was as a person. For me, that’s a win.”
Bringing a hand up to her cheek and caressing her skin lightly, Ben said, “You’re amazing.”
Ryan let her smile suffice as a reply. It was nice to hear, even if she wasn’t sure it was true.
The Proposition Page 13
