by Z. B Heller
XOXOXOXO
Mom
PS. Make sure you were those Spanx I got you. They suck in that jelly you tend to have near your stomach.
I snapped my laptop shut. I was truly surprised that I had made it into my adulthood without being heavily medicated because of that woman. That thought twisted my stomach even more, but I didn’t have time to obsess about it. I had to get ready for the evening.
I entered Dickies feeling slightly better than I had that afternoon. One of the things that helped was that I felt amazing in this dress. Sexy, confident and tucked in all the right places, thanks to the Spanx. I figured if it came down to David and I getting dirty, I would have to sneak into the bathroom to rip the sausage casing off. But this time Martha was right, and it did hide my rolls.
I realized something that could be a problem. I had no fucking idea what David looked like. For all I knew, he could be that toothless hag in the corner eating his bar nuts like it was his last meal.
“Moxie?”
I looked to my left and a handsome man was sitting at the bar. He had dirty blond hair and brown eyes that were so dark it looked like his iris and pupil were one. He was well built, but different than Miles. He seemed to be more toned, instead of bulging with muscles, at least from what I could see over his dark maroon dress shirt. Overall, he wasn’t so bad to look at.
“Yes, the last time I checked my driver’s license, that was me.”
“I’m glad you’re not the toothless hag in the corner,” the handsome man replied. “I’m David.” He reached out his hand.
I shook his hand and noticed the nice firm grip. Yes, you could definitely tell this man was an athlete. “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked.
I was still feeling somewhat queasy from earlier so I decided to just stick with water. When Simon handed us our drinks, he flashed an all-knowing smile. Great! He figured I was on a blind date.
“You look quite stunning in that dress.” David’s eyes roamed over me. I didn’t mind too much that I was being gawked at, since I knew I looked hot in it.
“Oh, this old thing?” I said in my best southern drawl.
“Thanks for meeting me on short notice,” he said.
“Oh, well, it was no problem really. The White House Staff thought they would be able to run things without me for a few hours.”
David shot me a grin. It was a sweet grin that made him look a little boyish. My stomach started to rumble, but the thought of food seemed unappealing. I did feel a bit more relaxed and I didn’t feel nervous about the date anymore.
“So you’re a Kindergarten teacher?”
I tried to refocus my mind from my stomach back to David. “Yes, corrupting one child at a time.” I threw him a smile. It was starting to feel hot in the bar. Beads of sweat were beginning to gather by my hairline.
“What made you want to become a teacher?”
“In high school I had a male P.E. teacher that would try to get into all of the girls’ pants,” I answered.
“And how did that make you want to become a teacher?” David looked at me, puzzled.
“I figured that I would become a teacher so I could end up working in the same high school he did. Then offer to play with his balls in the P.E. locker room. But when I went to apply, I found out that he had retired.”
“You’re very funny. Kindergarten is quite the leap from teaching high schoolers, don’t you think?”
“Yes, but I was freshly out of college and it was the only opening they had. Plus, if I didn’t get a job soon, my stepmom would have made me work for my Uncle Martin.”
“Would that have been so bad?”
“He owns his own fertilizer company. So yes, it would have been a shitty job.”
David laughed, but I couldn’t really concentrate on it. The room started to spin a little and I could have sworn that David had a twin brother next to him. That, or I was starting to see double.
“So you’re liking Chicago so far?” I asked, trying to concentrate on the conversation.
“It’s not too bad. There are worse parts of the world.”
“Working for Sanco, you must really be into fitness.”
“Umm, yeah, you can say that.”
It started to seem that he was pulling out the mysterious card again.
“Do you like to play sports or work out?” he asked.
“I do this workout with my fingers where I press the remote until I find a channel that I want to watch,” I said, trying to put some humor into a subject that was beginning to make me uncomfortable.
“You should try swimming. It’s really easy on the joints.”
I wondered why he was trying to push exercise on me, when I decided to change the subject.
“Going to school in Arizona must have been nice,” I said as the room was now spinning faster.
“It had its perks. I got to hike a lot. There are beautiful trails in the mountains. It’s a great place to ride your bike as well.”
David nervously cleared his throat. “You’re very pretty. You have, umm, big eyes. I mean they’re bight.”
I couldn’t help but feel like he was trying to come up with a compliment just to make me feel good. He was probably just nervous about the date, like I was. I reached for my water to cool myself down. I glanced up from my glass and saw the door open behind David’s shoulder. While I was thankful of the breeze that came in, I was not so thankful for Miles stepping into the bar. He was wearing those same jeans from the other night, the ones that gripped his ass, and a fitted gray shirt.
“Shit,” I whispered to myself.
“Excuse me?” said David.
“Fit, I said fit. You seem very fit. I’m sure it’s related to your job.”
“I play tennis, but not as much as I used to, since coming back to Chicago.”
I had no idea what David had just said because I was watching Miles walk in our direction. He stopped right next to David. My heart sped up, and if my stomach hadn’t felt like an alien was going to burst out of it, I might have found these two men standing next to each other appealing.
“Moxie, nice to see you,” Miles smirked.
“Miles,” I said in surprise. “What brings you all the way out to Dickies? I thought you were celebrating a special occasion with a friend of yours.”
Miles narrowed his eyes at me as if I was letting a secret out of the bag.
“We celebrated earlier,” he quipped. “Sorry for my rude behavior, I’m Miles Dane.” Miles snaked his hand out to greet David.
“David Goldman. How do you know Moxie?”
Miles’s eyes returned to mine. “My son is in her class, but I ran into her at the mall when she was trying on that dress.”
I choked on the glass of water that was in my hand. This dude had a set of balls big enough to fill this bar.
“Well, I certainly am thankful that she decided on that one, because she’s beautiful in it,” David said to me with wild eyes.
“Really? I think it makes her ass look big,” Miles declared.
That’s all it took. The bile that had been sitting at the bottom of my stomach leaked up into my throat. I dropped the glass on the floor and stood up to dash the bathroom. But it was too late and I knew I had a problem. I bent over, clutched my knees and introduced my digested food remains to Miles Dane’s shoes.
I stood frozen with my hand over my mouth. David’s mouth hung open and Miles didn’t seemed fazed in the least. I was horrified. I’d just emptied the contents of my stomach not only in front of my date, but also on Miles for the second time. He was going to starting thinking that I have a problem with bulimia. But after that comment he’d just made, Miles deserved a lot more than what had been rotting in my stomach.
“Moxie, are you ok?” David questioned.
“Well, I think that’s not the case here,” Miles said sarcastically.
“I’ll go get some things to clean up. David rubbed my back and headed towards the bathroom.
“I’m tak
ing you home,” Miles said as he took a bar napkin and started to wipe the vomit from his shirt.
“The hell you will,” I seethed.
“I think it’s a safe bet that there won’t be a second date, so why don’t I just take you home and that asshat can hit up the hag in the corner.”
“Here you go.” David returned with some paper towels. “I think I should probably take you home.” David let out a little sigh and grabbed my things for me.
“I can take her,” said Miles. “I know where she lives.”
What? This was news to me. Was he stalking me? Would I need to call Dateline and set up an investigation? How the hell did he know where I lived? Oh, God, I hoped he didn’t know about my extensive vibrator collection, too. I’d added a new member named Miles Junior. But with the way he was behaving, all my vibrators would have a new name soon, because he didn’t deserve my orgasms.
“I certainly don’t think that’s needed. It wouldn’t be very gentlemanly of me if I did not see her home. I’ll just get my car from the lot. Meet you up in front. Are you going to be ok until I get back?”
“Yeah, I think so. I’ll have Simon refill my water and I’ll sip on it while I wait.”
David gave me a faint smile and walked out. Miles was still standing in front of me, glaring. Truthfully, I was too humiliated to go home with David, but I’ll be damned if I was going to give Miles the satisfaction of taking me anywhere. I sipped on some cold water and took a napkin to blot my forehead. Even though I’d had immediate relief after chucking out my food, I was beginning to feel a little ill again.
“How do you know where I live? Did you sneak a GPS in the dress before you rushed out of the dressing room?” I snarled.
Miles looked pissed.
“No, I asked Ryan for your address so I could come and apologize for acting the way I did at the mall earlier. I shouldn’t have run out, but I had something important to take care of.” His expression changed from angry to soft. I was starting to become convinced this guy was bipolar. “Ryan said I might find you here if you weren’t home.”
I’ll have to remember to put cyanide in Ryan’s coffee the next time we meet. He’s such a shit stirrer. It’s like he loves to play Days of Our Lives with real people. Next thing I know, my dead relatives will come back or I’ll find out I was switched at birth. However, the thought of having another mother didn’t sound so bad.
“Well, thanks for the apology. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the FBI to beg to be put in the witness protection program so David can’t find me,” I mumbled.
“Moxie…” He grabbed my arm as I walked past him.
“Don’t,” I whispered quietly. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. Especially after insulting me in front of David. So I ripped my arm back and headed to the door.
David had his Land Rover waiting for me out front. He got out of the driver’s seat and came around to open my door. This only made me feel worse. He was being a perfect gentleman, and all I could do was offer not to vomit in his car.
“I don’t always barf on first dates. It’s usually more peeing down my leg or my boob popping out of my dress.” I looked at him with embarrassment.
“Then it looks like I got the short end of the stick. I could have worked with your boob popping out,” he chuckled.
I gave him a small smile and looked toward my feet. “It was nice talking to you for the short time we had. I’m sure it will be a good story to tell your buddies about. Crazy lady spews all over in hopes of being the next exorcist.”
“Nah, I wouldn’t tell them. But you could give the exorcist a run for her money. And something tells me that it wasn’t pea soup that you threw onto that asshole’s shoes.”
“He really isn’t an asshole,” I said. “I think he was having a bad day.” I remembered how annoyed he’d got in the dressing room when his phone started to ring.
“In my opinion, he’s an asshole and apparently blind if he can’t see how hot you look in that dress.”
I thought back to what Miles’d said about my hot looking butt and my tits sticking out for anyone to grab. The waves of nausea were rising again. “You can just drop me off at the corner. I can walk from there,” I said.
“Moxie, I’m not a shmuck who is going to drop you at the corner like a hooker. I want to make sure you get into your apartment ok.”
I didn’t know how to respond to that. Why on earth would he want to do anything for me after I heaved lunch, breakfast and probably the thirty Kit Kats I ate earlier?
“That’s very nice of you,” I responded, not wanting to act like an ungrateful bitch.
David found a spot by my apartment building and we both got out of the car. He came around and put his hand on my lower back as if to guide me into the building. It was sweet, and again, I wondered what hidden camera show I was on to be treated this way. We got to my apartment and I dug out the keys for the door.
“I’d like to see you again,” he confessed.
“What? Are you a glutton for punishment or do you get off on watching people make an ass out of themselves?”
He laughed. “There is just something about you that I’m attracted to. Vomit and all.”
“And here I thought I was the mentally ill one, but I think you get to officially hold that honor. But I’m not kissing you goodnight, unless you want to taste the sushi I had for lunch.”
“Umm, I think I’ll take a pass on that,” he said with a grimace on his face. “I’ll get in touch with you in the next few days.”
“Great, and thanks again for the water. It was the best 1935 bottle I believe they make. Very rare, I hear.”
He laughed and turned to walk back to the elevator bank. When I closed the door behind me, I leaned against it, then slid down to the floor. The wood floor was cool against my balmy skin, so I decided that I was going to spend the night right there. I heard a bing come from my purse, so I grabbed it and took out my phone. It was a text from Ryan.
Ryan: I just wanted to say I enjoyed lunch so much! I’ve just experienced it all again in the bathroom, several times.
It was the sushi. Ryan did mention that it smelled odd to him.
Moxie: Yes, apparently my date got to see everything we had for lunch as well. He was very jealous of the California roll. I thought he might lick it off the floor.
Ryan: Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.
Moxie: That wasn’t even the best part of the evening. That award goes to me spewing all over Miles again.
Ryan: What does Miles have to do with it?
Moxie: He came to the bar looking for me after YOU told him where I live. Said that he wanted to apologize.
Ryan: I felt bad for the guy.
Moxie: You wanted to stir the pot, dip shit.
Ryan: Me??? Never
There was a knock at the door. Had David come back to say that he changed his mind about seeing me again? Or maybe he came back to ask for deodorizer for his car ’cause it smelled like vomit.
Moxie: Gotta go, someone’s at the door. I think it’s the guys with the straitjackets.
I dragged myself off the comfort of the floor and opened the door. Holy shit, there was Miles, standing there with a bag in his hand.
“Don’t you ask who is at your door before you open it?” he chided.
“I figured it was the government coming to tell me that my suspicions that Mel Gibson is really a celestial being were right. What do you have in the bag? Were you planning on playing ding dong ditch and leaving dog shit at my door?”
The corner of his lip tipped up.
“Not exactly. I brought over some Ginger Ale and saltines.”
My eyebrows shot up with a stunned expression.
“Why?” I asked.
“I was hoping to save someone else’s shoes from being the victim of your wrath.”
“Come in.” I waved my hand to gesture him in my apartment. “Seems as though I got hit with food poisoning. Ryan has the same thing. Although, if he puked on Tom�
�s Cole Hann shoes, there would be a story in the news about murder.”
“Go change into something comfortable. I’ll get you a glass of Ginger Ale and you can lay on the couch. Are you still vomiting?” he asked as he headed to my kitchen.
“No, I think I just saved it to be everyone’s evening entertainment. At home I just conjure up ways to make myself seem like a complete ass. Wait until you see tomorrow’s show,” I groaned.
“Where are your glasses?” he asked as he put the groceries on the kitchen counter.
“Third cabinet to the left.”
He opened the cabinet and grabbed a glass, then a sleeve of crackers, and came back into the living room. “Do you need help changing?” He smirked. I saw something change in his eyes. Something from compassion to desire.
“Nope, I think I can manage that task on my own.” I walked back into my room in a haze, imagining what it would be like for Miles to strip me bare.
Chapter Nine
I threw on a pair of comfy sweats and a concert t-shirt that was old and battered, from high school. The last thing I felt was sexy, and I really didn’t give a rat’s ass what Miles thought of my outfit. I slipped into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I could still taste the vomit and I didn’t want to offend Miles with my death breath. I trudged down the hall and into the living room, where Miles was sitting on my couch, a Ginger Ale waiting in his hand. I sat beside him as he patted his knees in a signal to put my feet on them. He grabbed the Afghan my grandma made for me from the back of the couch and covered me and his legs.
“Thanks for playing nurse,” I said. “But don’t you have to get home to Dillion?”
“Dillion is at our neighbor’s house. He loves being over there because their kids are older and Dillion worships them. I think it’s because he’s mature beyond his years and they make more sense to him than kids his own age.”
