by Cassie Mae
“Where were you on Friday?” Keira gives me that you-totally-hooked-up-and-ditched-your-friends look. I take a deep breath and put on my fake smile. It’s like I have to triple act around her so she likes me. She’s a jealous one. Not saying I’m hotter or anything, but the boys tend to flock toward me and Hope more than her, and she seems a little bitter about it.
“Got my butt grounded.” Excuse number two is what I decide to go with.
“How’d you pull that one off?” Keira takes a sip of her diet soda and strokes the top of her cleavage with her fingertips. I think it’s out of habit now. A guy from third period walks by not even pretending he doesn’t notice her doing this.
“Being a bitch to my nosey parents.” I roll my eyes to keep up with the act. My parents are anything but nosey, but according to Popular Zoe, parents are evil people who want to take control of every aspect of their child’s life.
“That sucks.” Though she sounds like she doesn’t care. Her eyes flick toward Cody across the cafeteria and mine follow. He’s got his arm around his next victim and when he catches me staring, he rams his tongue in her mouth.
“Sexy.” Keira laughs. “I take it you two aren’t… you two anymore?”
I’m so not talking about the freaky attack with her. I mean, if I wouldn’t even tell Hope…
“Well, it’s been a month.”
“Oh wow. I didn’t realize you two had been together that long. You’re right. Time for fresh meat.”
She gazes around the cafeteria, and I’m happy she’s momentarily distracted so I don’t have to talk about my ex.
Douchebag.
“Is there a guy here you haven’t dated?”
I force a giggle. “There are lots, but I’d rather gouge my eyes out than kiss any of them.”
She nods. “I know, right? But there must be someone.”
She’s still scoping out the room, her eyes hungry for the next Mr. Livingston.
“Well, there’s Levi,” she says after a minute, pointing at him from across the cafeteria. He’s got his drumsticks out—like always—and is patting a beat against his legs. His smile is pretty cute. But he’s two years younger, so I’m surprised Keira mentions him at all.
“He’s a sophomore.”
“Yeah, but look at him. He’s got the muscles, the eyes, and the hair. He plays the drums. And I mean look at his feet. If anything you’ve got something very satisfying to look forward to.”
I burst out laughing, which isn’t very attractive, but I can’t help it. “Why don’t you take a stab at him, then?”
“I already have three boyfriends. A fourth will complicate things.”
And three isn’t complicated. Yeah. Sounds like Keira. I shake my head. “I don’t think Levi is my type.” Yeah, my type watches Spider-Man documentaries and wears a Star Wars keychain.
“Fine. We’ll find a shrimp for you.” She straightens in her seat to scan the room again.
“There’s a lot more pickin’s for you in this department.” She laughs. “I mean, have a go at anyone at the Dungeons and Doofus’ table.”
I get to my knees to get a better look at the scrawny nerds, all leaning over their game board. I don’t let anyone know of course, but I could totally whoop their butts at D&D, and I kind of want to.
I give a fake shudder as I settle back down in the booth. “I think I threw up a bit.” Total bull.
Keira giggles and takes another sip of her drink. “Well, let me know which one you want to deflower. I’ll make a public announcement.”
I chuck my crumpled napkin at her.
“Shut up.” I grimace at her before getting up and walking to the main cafeteria doors. The guys we hang with are grouped there, and I’d much rather talk to them than her right now.
I only make it about three steps before I hear my name being shouted across the room.
“Yo! Zoe!” Levi jogs up, jamming his drumsticks in the side pocket of his khakis. “Hey, I heard you and Cody broke up.”
Subtle.
“What gave you that idea?” I ask, the sarcasm soaking my tone as I gesture to the tongue-dancing across the room.
He smiles. Wowza. He’s pretty smoking hot actually. My stomach does a little flip, but it’s a somersault compared to the backhand spring I get when Zak smiles. Darn boy.
“You okay? You want to talk about it?”
I glance behind him at Keira, who winks at me. Word around here spreads faster than the Enterprise at Warp-10. I’m sure our conversation was heard by twenty people around us, catching up to Levi within seconds. Hence, why he stands in front of me, waiting to be rebound boy.
I flick my gaze to Cody, who’s glaring at me. I get a sick satisfaction from his anger. It’s like I can punish him by throwing myself at someone else.
“I don’t really want to talk,” I say, taking a step closer to Levi, making my intentions clear. He raises his eyebrows, and his mouth pops open in audible shock.
“Uh, wh-what do you want to do then?”
Get back at the dickwad who attacked me.
I roll my eyes and get on my tippy toes to reach him. I smack a gooey kiss on his lips and pull him close.
The only thing going on in my head right now is the look I imagine on Cody’s face. I bet he’s seething at my public display with some kid I’ve talked to maybe twice in my whole life.
I know I’m a total bitch for using Levi like this. But that’s who I am in school. A bitch. A bitch who gets asked out and ogled and fawned over. A complete act that’s getting easier and easier the longer I’m in it.
I don’t even notice Levi’s frenching me until someone taps on my arm and I have to extract my tongue from his mouth.
“I’m a pretty tolerant teacher, but this isn’t exactly appropriate during school hours.”
Ms. Weber’s interruption sort of brings me back to life. Why am I so stupid? This isn’t going to fix anything.
I glance around the room. Cody’s mouth is turned down in disgust, but he’s looking at Levi like he feels sorry for him, not angry. But that isn’t what throws me over the edge.
It’s Zak.
He’s standing by the D&D table, looking at me with such loathing I can’t seem to concentrate on anything else. He crosses his arms over his chest, his muscles intensely frozen. His friends try to get his attention back to the game, but he ignores them, storming across the cafeteria and out onto the school grounds. He heads for the bleachers, with Ariana following shortly after.
“Miss Livingston.” Ms. Weber is still waiting for me to untangle myself from Levi.
I take a step away from him and mumble an apology, and before I permanently turn red from embarrassment, I bolt out the doors after Zak.
Chapter 7
If there is any more touchy feely crap,
I’m going to kill her.
I can’t talk to him. Not here. Not where everyone can see me. I’m pretty sure no one noticed me staring, or following him, but I can’t risk it.
So I’ll eavesdrop instead. He’s sitting in the middle section of the bleachers with Ariana, and my stomach plummets into my feet making it hard to walk. Why is he with her again? I sneak around back and crouch underneath the seats and try to keep my footfalls quiet, though it’s really hard wearing heels. And no way am I taking them off with all the trash on the ground. Sick.
“Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?” Ariana sighs and stares Zak down. She’s wearing a skirt so I can see straight up it, giving me full access to purple granny panties. I cringe and try to keep my eyes on Zak. I guess it’s better than a thong though. I do not want to see a full moon.
“What?”
“You’re not talking because you’re upset about her, right?”
Zak shrugs.
“And you’re taking it out on me?” She inches closer to him, and I feel like yanking her hair out.
“Sorry.” He moves his backpack so it’s nestled between them. He’s pretty smooth about it, but I can tell he doesn’t wa
nt to be close to her.
“You know I hate it when you shut me out.”
I hear a grinding noise and it takes a minute for me to register it’s my teeth. How long has she been his “go to” girl?
“Sorry,” he says again. “I know.” Zak picks at a loose thread in his jeans, and it’s quiet for what seems like an eternity. “I thought, after this weekend, things were getting better.”
This weekend? Does he mean after I pulled a fugitive move out his bathroom window?
“Zak…” She scoots closer still, almost sitting on top of Zak’s bag. I really want to scream at her to take the hint.
“Don’t.”
“What?” Ariana’s hands are on his forearm now.
“Don’t say it.”
“Say what?”
“You know what.”
She lets out a huge breath from her nostrils. “I don’t get why you let her do this to you.”
“She just gets to me!” Zak’s arms fly up and Ariana pulls away. “I don’t know why either, but she does. And I don’t know how much more of it I can take.”
“Then don’t take it anymore!” I see Zak’s surprise as Ariana yells back. I have to admit, I’ve never heard her voice this loud either.
“But…” He can’t seem to finish his thought.
“Come on. She’s not worth this and you know it. You have to drop it.” Her voice softens. “She’s not your friend anymore. You have to let her go.” She rubs his back to soothe him.
“Don’t you think I’ve tried? It’s harder than it looks.” He shrugs her hand off, and I can’t help but feel happy he keeps rejecting her touch. If he hadn’t, I probably would’ve gone all Gollum on her even though I have no claim on the boy.
Ariana’s face darkens, flushing to the color of a fire engine. “I guess if you’re into shallow girls who sleep with every guy they see, I suppose she would be hard to get over. But I thought you were different than that. Better.”
Holy Batman. Maybe I’m not exactly popular with everyone. I’ve changed almost one-hundred percent and people are still talking about me behind my back.
My cheeks blow up, and I force the tears away.
Breathe, Zoe. Breathe! You have to breathe!
I can’t, though. It hurts too much. It’s like it’s two years ago again, and I’m right back to where I was. Being insulted and gossiped about. It doesn’t matter that Ariana’s one of the loser girls. It feels close to the same as it did before. Only this time, she’s making fun of someone I’m trying to be, and not who I really am.
I guess that’s not as bad.
I’m breathing again.
I’m also trying not to notice Ariana said “get over.” I had no idea he had to get over anyone, let alone someone who hasn’t given him the time of day since middle school. Someone like me.
“Don’t believe everything you hear. I know she’s not really like that.”
There goes my heart again, pumping so loud I wish I could turn it on mute.
“You keep saying that, but I think you’re in denial.”
“She’s not like that.” His voice isn’t mean, but it gives the impression he’s done talking about it.
How the heck does he know I’m not really like that? Just from this weekend? Or do I always revert to Geek Zoe around him?
“Well, you need to face facts,” Ariana says, standing. She stumbles a little and Zak reaches out to steady her. When she gets her bearings, she folds her arms. “She’s changed. She’s a slut who doesn’t think about anyone but herself. She doesn’t want anything to do with you because you like things that aren’t ‘socially acceptable’.” With every syllable of her air quoted words, she cocks her head to the side. I’m about ready to reach up and yank her skirt down, just to watch her face get red. See how she feels when someone humiliates her. But that would make me a major hypocrite. “It’s stupid and shallow and weak. And you deserve better than that.” She pauses to catch her breath. Zak looks at the football field, seemingly lost in thought. “I hate to be the one who has to keep knocking sense into you, but someone has to.”
He nods.
Crap. He’s not defending me this time. Why would he? Ariana’s right.
She’s right.
Oh my gosh.
I am a huge-ass hypocrite.
Stabbing pains shoot all over my body. I’m about to buckle over, but the ground is so nasty.
Ariana clomps down the bleachers, leaving Zak alone. Should I say something to him? How do I do that without him knowing I was here this whole time?
The warning bell rings, and I know I have to go. I can’t be late for my last class, but my feet aren’t moving. Zak punches his bag before picking it up, and stomps off after Ariana.
***
Hope gives me a ride home. I’m so glad I found her before I found Keira. I don’t want to act anymore, and though I still have to hide everything in the Harry Potter closet in my mind, I can at least somewhat be myself with Hope.
I stuff my Chemistry book between my legs as I buckle in. I haven’t spoken a word to anyone since lunch, and Hope eyes me with a tentative smirk.
“I heard about Levi.” Hope is anything but subtle.
I nod.
“Does he taste as good as he looks?”
I nod again. I’m not interested in gossip, and I’m way beyond putting up my false persona. I want to get home and erase the conversation I overheard.
“Could you feel it?”
Oh my gosh, is she serious? I give her a look and she’s stifling a huge grin. “Are the rumors about him true?” She’s laughing now, and I finally break down in a fit too.
“I really have no idea how big his wang is since I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Ah! I knew it!” she says slamming her hand on the steering wheel.
“Knew what?” I still can’t stop laughing.
“I could get you to crack a smile.” She winks. “Now tell me what’s wrong.”
I’m a freaking horrible person who made out with some random guy before stumbling after a guy who I’m face-over-feet for and I don’t know why. And I just… I miss being me.
I end up shrugging and looking out the window. Would Hope understand? Or would she be the next person to spit out a bunch of stuff behind my back?
“Are you surfin’ the Red Sea or something? You’re really quiet, girl.”
“Sorry.” And then using her question as an excuse I say, “And yes, I’m on my period. So I’m just a little out of it today.”
“I guess I’d be upset too if I was PMS-ing on top of breaking up with my boyfriend, my sister crashing my uber cute sports car, and then getting grounded for… how long was it?”
Oh that’s right. I’m “grounded.”
“Who knows? My dad didn’t get to that part.”
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”
No.
Well, maybe.
“Give me a hug?”
She smiles as she pulls over bumping against the curb. “Whoops,” she says, her face flushing. Even if she did drive stick, I don’t think I’d ask her to teach me.
We hop out and she pulls me in her arms. I guess faking to be someone else has worked. I know I wouldn’t have her if I still hung out with Zak and all the other D&D players.
We pull back, and I smile.
“Thanks for the ride, dirty skank.”
She laughs and socks my arm. “No problem, slut. See ya tomorrow.”
She drives off, leaving me standing in my front yard, heels sinking into the grass. I flick my eyes to my new car and puff up my face.
If I was a nice person, I’d leave Zak alone. Ignore what I overheard today and move on. Do what I’ve been doing. Be friends with Hope, keep getting the attention I want, and minimize getting tormented by all the kids in school.
But I’m not a nice person. I’m an egotistical, stuck-up, selfish beast. That’s who I’ve become. And all I can think about is what Ariana said. “You have to drop it. You have
to let her go.”
I don’t want Zak to let me go. Not when I just found out he had to. The problem is, I don’t know why I feel like this. It’s not like I can be his friend without suffering the consequences.
I let out the air stuck in my face and walk down the sidewalk. I’m going to talk to Zak. And this time, I won’t crawl out his window to get away from him.
Chapter 8
Only Zak would reference Star Wars
during a driving lesson.
Thunk, thunk, thunk.
Oh gosh. I think my stomach has fallen into my butt permanently as I stand at his door. I’m trying not to blow up my face, knowing how stupid I’d look if he caught me.
He opens the door smiling, but when he sees me, his face falls. He doesn’t say anything.
“Uh, hey.” How lame am I?
He narrows his eyes. “What do you want, Zoe?”
He’s still mad. He should be. From how I left on Friday or what I did at lunch I’m not sure. And I stammer out my next sentence. “I-I wanted to say I’m… like, I’m totally sorry about leaving the way I did on Friday.”
His eyebrow goes up and his ears go red. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. That wasn’t cool of me. And I don’t really have a good excuse for it.”
He shrugs and moves to lean against the doorframe, but misses and falls smack into me.
I’m trying really hard not to laugh, but I’m not successful. When he stabilizes himself he moves about ten feet away from me, but I can still feel the heat coming from his face.
“Uh…” He stumbles over the small syllable. “D-did you need something else?”
My breath catches as he jams his hands in his pockets. His holey jeans look so damn good on him. Usually, I’m always focused on his feathery hair and those dark eyes. And his jaw line is so chiseled, I can see the muscles contract as he chomps his teeth together, waiting for one of us to continue the conversation. Even his Fallout shirt under his black plaid does it for me.
“Zo?”
I shift my eyes, hoping he didn’t notice me checking him out. “I wondered if you were still okay teaching me how to drive?”
“I thought you were grounded.”
