by Cassie Mae
“What?!” she squeals, making a jerky stop at a light. “Is he crazy? You’re Zoe Livingston!”
I laugh. “I know, right! He doesn’t know what he’s missing.” I’m totally using a joking tone, but I’m half serious. I’m the popular one. Shouldn’t I be rejecting him?
That’s usually how the world goes ’round. But both Zak and I know who the better person is between the two of us.
Oh gosh. Forget about it, Zoe.
“Well, I know about twenty guys who are ready to pounce now that you’re single. Want to know a few from the list?”
Shaking my head, I force a giggle and flip my hair over my shoulder. “Nah. I just want to have fun tonight.”
“That’s what I mean.” She winks, pulling up against the curb outside Jesse’s massive house. “A boy to help you have fun.”
“I got it.” ’Cause I do. Levi is target boy number one. After all, he’s hecka hot, not a bad kisser—from what I remember of that kiss—he’s the perfect person to help me get over the geek next door.
The music pumps through my body before we even get inside. Jesse always has a DJ at his parties because he can afford that type of stuff. This is also why I’m never a party host. People would totally realize I’m a fake with the money stuff. That and it’s too much work. Jesse can also hire someone to clean up after. Trust funds. Must be nice.
“Hey, bitches!” Keira calls from the table she’s dancing on. “It’s about time you showed up!”
She hops down and plants a sloppy kiss on my lips then does the same to Hope.
“Holy hell. Someone’s had a few shots.” Hope laughs as Keira loops her arm through both of ours.
“Come on. Let’s dance!”
I wiggle her off. “I’m gonna go find someone,” I shout over the music. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
Hope’s mouth pops open, but I don’t hear what she says before she’s dragged away.
Now to find drummer boy. There’s no way I’m going to look in this crowd. I’d be stopped by a million people before I found him. That and Cody is trying to catch my eye. Bleck. He needs to stay the hell away from me tonight or he’s going to be punched in his diseased junk. Stupid jackass attacking me then spreading rumors.
Just chalk it up to more things I need to forget.
Someone walks by with a shot and without even thinking, I snag it and toss it back. Whew. That’ll help the nerves.
Pulling out my phone, I cross over to a less crowded hallway. After a few hugs and “heys” I send Levi a text.
Where r u?
It’s a few minutes before my phone vibrates in my hand, and I have to shake off a guy who appeared out of nowhere to offer me a beer. One shot is usually my limit at these things.
Right here.
Huh? I look up and down the hallway, but I can’t see the darn boy anywhere. Taking a step into the next room, a hand wraps around my wrist and whirls me around.
“Hey.” Levi smiles as I whack him in the chest. Then I see his eyes rake me over and as he takes in my skin-tight dress his face flushes. I pucker my lips as I speak, attaching the strings on Popular Zoe’s next victim.
“Hey.” Taking his hand, I pull him upstairs. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”
There’s not any conversation on the way to the bedrooms, but he’s not fighting me. Why would he? Here’s the booty call he’s been waiting for.
And this will totally make me forget about…
Oh gosh, I can’t think about it now. That’s why I’m here. To forget.
We get to an empty room—only took two tries to find one without a we’re-doing-it rubber band on the knob—and I open the door for him.
He walks past me and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room while I shut the door behind him. “So, what did you want to talk about?”
Pulling him by the arm, I drag him to the bed, shoving him down so I can leap on top of him. He’s sitting upright against the headboard as I straddle him. I only see his surprised face for a split second before curling my tongue around his to make my intention clear that I don’t want to talk.
I. Want. To. Forget.
He wraps his massive hands around my waist, but instead of pulling me closer, he pushes me back.
“Whoa, Zoe,” he says catching his breath. “Hang on a minute.”
I ignore him and trace my lips along his jaw line and watch him squirm underneath me. Moving my hands to the button on his pants, I try to pretend I know what I’m doing, that I’ve done it millions of times.
My hands shake, and Geek Zoe is screaming at me to stop, but I can’t. I have to get Zak out of my head. I have to stop fighting between two different versions of myself. I have to take control over this whole thing I’ve made a mess of.
When I get his zipper down, I take a deep breath and close my eyes before pressing against him through his boxers. My stomach leaps off a cliff. Holy crap. I’m touching a guy’s penis. How did I get to this? Do I move my hand around? Or leave it here? Do I keep going downward?
Oh, I’m totally in over my head with this stuff.
“Um, Zoe?” Levi’s voice cracks, which makes me feel like maybe I’m doing something right even though I’m just pressing against him.
“Yes?”
“Is everything okay?”
That’s a bizarre question, given the position we’re in. Crap, I knew I wasn’t doing this right. I whip my hand out from his pants and go back to what I know how to do. Making out is just fine anyway. This whole thing is starting to remind me of what Cody did to me and it’s making me a bit sick.
“Yeah. I just want you.” I flutter my eyes and lean in to suck on his neck. His pulse jumps in my mouth, but he pushes me, gently, so he can look at my face.
“You… you don’t seem okay.”
I’m totally shaking as I look at him. His eyes are the sexy blue color girls get lost in, and his blond hair could rival Edward Cullen’s. And he’s staring back at me with concern, honest sincerity. Something I don’t want or deserve.
And I feel nothing.
No attraction, no physical pull, no emotional one either. I want to stop thinking. Get lost in someone else so I can erase Zak from my memory. But as I take in his perfection, I wish those blue eyes were darker, his golden bouffant was styled downward covering his eyes, and dyed dark brown.
Damn it.
The heat shoots up my neck. I’m not sure if I’m more embarrassed or angry, and my beast of an attitude screeches through my tone.
“You a virgin or something? Seriously, I’m on top of you. You’re not going to take advantage?” Because anyone else would.
“No, Zoe. I’m a virgin, yeah, but that’s not why I’m stopping this.”
I crawl off him, taking a spot on the floor instead.
“Then why?”
He sits next to me, stroking my hair from my face. It’s the sweetest thing ever, but I still don’t feel anything. It’s not like how I feel when I’m with Zak.
“I’m not one of those guys. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you these past few days so I could talk to you about what happened.”
“It didn’t mean anything. That kiss at school. You may not be one of those guys, but I’m one of those girls. You should know that already.”
“I don’t believe that.” His hand moves from my hair to my cheek, stroking it softly with his thumb. “I want to be your friend. If you need someone to talk to.”
My forehead crinkles, and I crane my neck so I can see his face. He’s joking right? No guy ever wants to be just my friend.
“Why?”
He mashes his lips together, shifting his position so he’s closer to me.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you seem so…” He pauses. Not like the pause people do when they try to search for the right way to say something, but the hesitation before people drop a word they don’t want to say, but feel like they have to.
“Lost.”
I shift away from him, worry lines spreadin
g through my face. He’s onto me. Better set him straight. “I’m not lost.”
He raises an eyebrow, and my pulse skyrockets. That’s Zak’s thing. Seems everything about this kid reminds me of him. I’m supposed to be forgetting the damn boy! Ugh.
“I’m not,” I say again.
“If you weren’t lost, you wouldn’t have attacked me, twice. You don’t even know me.”
“That’s the point,” I say, throwing my head back against the mattress.
“Well, I don’t want to be some random guy in your life. The rebound. The one-night stand. The guy you use to forget all your problems.”
My eyelids snap shut. I won’t cry. Not in front of him. “How old are you again?”
He chuckles as he pulls my chin down to look at him. “I’m sixteen, but not naïve. I know what people say about you, but that’s not what I like about you.”
What people say about me? My popular rep I hope. That I club and hang out with Hope and Keira and I’m someone who can really kiss. That stuff’s okay to fly around behind my back. But besides that, I can’t imagine anything else but a hot body being the source of anyone’s attraction to me. “Then what?”
“Not sure how to put it. Just something in your eyes. Tells me you’ve got a lot more going on in there.” He prods the center of my forehead with his soft fingertips.
“Are you sure you’re not older than sixteen?”
Shaking his head and smiling, he tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, “Pretty sure. I guess I’m mature for my age. Had to grow up fast, you know? Dad ran off when I was a kid, left my mom, sister and I to fend for ourselves.”
There he goes again, reminding me of Zak. It seems like the perfect situation. An acceptable, datable guy who has the qualities of the guy I really want.
But he’s not the guy I really want.
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs. “Happened a long time ago.”
“Still.”
“Yeah.”
We sit in a tense silence, his eyes flicking over my face, my body, a smile lingering on the corners of his mouth. And every second he’s here makes me ache for someone else.
What was I thinking? Acting like the person people think I am, just because I want to get back at someone for being mad at me. Someone who totally has every right to be pissed.
And I feel dirty. And wrong. This isn’t who I am, but who I feel like I have to be.
I have to get out of here. Will there be anyone who will help me get over the boy next door?
No. There won’t be. Even when I’m Popular Zoe, Zak is all I can think about. Him, and who I am with him.
The room is getting really hot. And stuffy. I get off the floor, tripping a little on my heels. Levi reaches out to help me, and I push him back.
“Don’t,” I snap.
“Zoe—”
“Please, Levi. Just… just leave me alone.”
There’s a beer with my name on it.
Chapter 15
Who says drinking helps anything?
The music thumps through my chest as my whole body moves to the beat. I’m dancing with one of the random football players. I think his name is Caleb, but I don’t remember. He’s got his arms around my front as I slide my butt back and forth against him. I can tell he’s totally into me, and my mind is too muddy from alcohol to care about the trouble I can get into.
His lips trace the back of my neck and a goofy grin forms on my face. Then suddenly he’s raking his warm tongue across my ear.
Ew.
I shove away from him and head over to the opposite side of the room where they’ve got all those little shot thingies I tried earlier. I don’t know what’s in them, but they are super yummy.
“Hey, Zoe!”
I blink a few times, looking for whoever is shouting my name. Things are way fuzzy. Like, I’m really trying to remember how I got here.
“Huh?”
“Body shots! Get your hot ass over here!”
That sounds like fun! But I don’t know where I am. The room is kind of tilted or something.
I take a step and next thing I know I’m flat on my face.
“Zoe?”
Strong hands clasp my upper arms and pull me up. Bad move, buddy. Stomach turns and I think I’m gonna…
“You okay?”
Yeah, I know he asked me a question. My brain goes on rewind, but my reactions are so slow. I can’t think straight with all the stomach sloshing and stuff.
“I gotta find my friends.” At least I think this is what I say. It probably came out like, “I gosha feen ma frindsh.”
I scan the room to find the girls. Someone who looks like Hope is making out with a guy on the plush couches near the DJ. And it looks like Keira’s flirting with about three different people by the bathroom. Instead of going to either one of them, I go straight to the kitchen. I want another drink, damn it. I still haven’t forgotten what happened with Zak, or what happened with Levi, and I want it banished from my memory.
Alcohol will do the trick if sex won’t.
Some kid slaps the shot in front of me. I give him a knowing grin, which probably looks stupid since I’m hammered, and toss the plastic cup back.
“I think that should be your last one,” someone says in my ear. I roll my eyes, which is a bad idea because the room shifts, and I end up toppling to the floor.
I hear someone laughing, but a different someone than whoever it is that keeps helping me off my ass.
“Come on, Zoe. I’ll take you home.”
Levi? I look up and sort of make out his face. Yeah, I think it’s him. There are drumsticks hanging out of his back pocket. I feel the earth shift again, and I stumble even though I was just standing there.
“Whoa. Let’s get you out of here.”
I nod, the slush in my head slopping around. That actually sounds like a good idea. I’m not feeling so hot.
He leads me to his car… I think. And I pass out on the seat.
***
“Hey.” Someone slaps me across the face. “Hey, wake up.”
My eyes flutter open. The world is blurry, but I know I didn’t take my contacts out last night.
Wait a second. Where am I? Whose car is this?
“Is this your house?”
I rub my face before pressing it against the car window. Yeah, that looks like my house.
“Uh huh.”
“Oh good.” Levi sighs, and I hear him undo his seatbelt. “I couldn’t really understand you when you gave me your address.”
Huh. I don’t remember that.
“Come on.”
Hey, when did he get out of the car? And when did he start carrying me?
Oh gosh, I don’t like that. It’s making my stomach churn.
“Put me down!”
I push him off, kicking and screaming slurred obscenities.
“Okay, okay.” He sets me down, but doesn’t leave my side.
No. No. No. My parents cannot see him.
“You can go home now.”
“I want to make sure you get in okay.”
I growl at him before opening my front door a crack. “I’m fine. I don’t want my parents to wake up.”
Please tell me he understood that through all the slurs.
“All right…” He hesitates, then takes his sweet time getting to his car.
I wait till I see his headlights disappear before opening my door all the way. Everything is still so blurry and spinning and something’s not sitting well. It’s really hot.
Oh shit.
Bolting off the porch I make it to the bushes in time to spew all over them. Sick. Sick. Sick.
More vomit sprays the ground and I fall to my knees until it passes. Forget drinking. This stuff sucks.
When I stumble back to my feet, I take a few breaths and wipe my chin before going inside. Gosh, I hope Mom is in bed and Dad is still at work. They’ll kill me if I’m caught totally smashed. It’s dark in the entryway, and everything blurs
when I flick on the light and makes my head pound a little. I trudge upstairs and head straight to the bathroom.
Must. Brush. Teeth.
Someone’s in the shower. Maybe it’s not as late as I thought it was. And it’s my shower, so it’s probably Sierra. Mom and Dad use their own bathroom. I go in anyway. She’s seen me drunk before and I’ve seen her naked. So nothing new here.
I shuffle through the cabinet, looking for my purple toothbrush, but the one I find is green, and kind of looks like the Hulk is plastered on it. Maybe my drunk eyes want to nerd out right now.
As I brush away all the filth from the upchucked alcohol, a voice echoes through the bathroom.
“Is someone in here?”
My stomach shrinks to the size of a peanut. Zak is in my shower?! What the hell?!
He peeks out from behind the shower curtain and his eyes bug out of his face. “Z-Zoe? What are you doing?” He whips a towel off the rack and climbs out not bothering to shut the shower off.
“What am I doing?” I shriek. “What are you doing? Get out of my house!”
“Are you drunk?”
I guess he didn’t understand me through the slurs. But he’s got to get out of here! He can’t see me like this, and no way will my parents be cool with a naked boy in my shower. I flail my arms, trying to push him out of the bathroom. I kick and yell, making a big fool of myself.
He wraps his hands around my middle, pinning my arms down. “Zoe! You’ve got to calm down.”
I keep yelling, struggling against his wet torso and praying to the Master of Jedis the towel stays around his bottom half.
I hear him growl, and he whips the shower curtain back open and tosses me under the water. He turns it to chilling cold and some of my senses jolt back into focus.
Wait. The shower head is on the wrong side. And the shower curtain has glow-in-the-dark Star Trek Enterprises on it.
Oh sweet mother ship.
He leaves me there. Gosh, I hope he’s getting dressed. I start shivering and turn the water back to warm.
Holy hell. How did I get here? Someone took me home. Levi? Right after I… wait… Did I have sex tonight?
No. I’m pretty sure Levi stopped me from making that huge-o mistake. Then I drank way too…
Oh my gosh. I almost had sex! With someone I don’t even really know. What in the name of World of Warcraft was I thinking?
