“Maybe.” I chuckle. “I’ll be there as soon as I can, OK?”
“No worries, mate,” Elliot says before disconnecting the call.
Slipping my phone into my back pocket, I walk through the restaurant, taking in the quiet before service starts. It feels strange that I’ll miss it tonight. This place has been my home for quite some time now. It feels odd leaving the Saturday service to someone else. Maybe I should stay…
Or maybe I am stalling.
Sighing, I stop at the large glass windows Quay is famous for and check the sky over the harbour. It looks so clear and blue, far too happy for the amount of nerves swirling about in my gut.
“Thought you had tonight off?” Ruby asks, coming to stand beside me.
“Just helping Gus with prep.”
“Forever the control freak, huh?” she teases.
“Something like that.” I tear my eyes away from the view and turn to her, taking in the less than put-together look she’s sporting—wrinkled shirt, dark circles under her eyes. There’s definitely something up with her. “Are you OK?” I ask. I've barely had the chance to speak to her after our altercation last weekend.
She nods. “Of course we are. I was upset, and I took it out on you. I'm sorry. How's your hand?”
“My hand’s fine. I've just been worried about you. It's seemed like you've been avoiding me.”
“I've just got a lot on my mind. But everything's fine, and it won't affect my work, I promise.”
I look at her for a moment, seeing the lie in her eyes and knowing that she isn't OK at all. “I'm off tonight, but if you need me, call, OK?”
She breaks eye contact and laughs. “Why would I need to call you?”
I place my hand on her shoulder, and she flinches slightly as if in pain. I pretend not to notice it, but it definitely causes my concern to increase. “Just…just in case you do, OK?”
She nods and goes back to her prep work. I double and triple check everything until I’ve run out of reasons to stay. Then I head home to get ready, trying to ignore the beating of my heart that sounds a lot like a name…
Dakota
Twelve
Dakota
“He's not here,” Stacey says as I nervously scan the room. I can't seem to stop fidgeting, and it's giving my true feelings away.
“What if he doesn't come? What if he does? What happens if he won't talk to me? And worse still, what happens if he does want to talk to me at all?” The questions tumble out as word vomit.
Stacey places her hands on my shoulders, her blue eyes looking into my brown eyes. “Calm the fuck down. OK? Freaking out doesn't help anyone, and you’re making yourself sweat. And sweating is not hot.”
I close my eyes and take a breath. “I just don't know what I'm going to say.”
“How about you get out there and mingle with the people who are here? Have a glass of wine and calm the hell down. You’re no good to anyone if you’re all worked up.”
I let out my breath and nod. “OK, you’re right. I’m freaking out, and that isn’t helping.” I smooth my hand down the front of my dress. I’d tried on so many different styles and colours, that it took almost an entire day shopping to decide on the right one. The entire time, I tried to tell myself that I wasn’t doing it to try and look good for him. I tried to convince myself, when I chose an emerald green dress that hugged my curves and flared out when I spun around, that I hadn’t chosen that colour because I knew he liked it. But I did. Of course I did. Despite all the years and everything that has happened in between, I’ve still thought about him every day.
Maybe I should tell him what really happened ...
* * *
Brad
Running my hand over the stubble on my face, I wonder whether I should shave or go as I am. If I’m freshly shaven, will I look like I’m trying too hard? Or will leaving the stubble make me appear as though I don’t care? Or am I trying too hard to look like I don’t care?
I let out my breath slowly. I’m making this way too complicated. But then, things between Dakota and me have always been complicated. There was the age gap, and the continued tension between us despite that age gap. There was the guilt I held inside because I couldn’t stop thinking about her, and the fact her father had entrusted me of all people to keep an eye on her. I’ve often wondered if he was purposely trying to torture me, or if he legitimately trusted me with his daughter.
Terrible decision on his part because I broke that trust. Hard.
And after that, when I thought he was keeping her away from me, I confronted him. He was infuriatingly calm as he worked on repairs on the engine to his speedboat. He simply told me to go home and calm down. I did go home. But I never calmed down. I also never went back. Tonight will be the first time since that day.
After showering and shaving, I dress in a pair of black pants with burgundy braces and a white button down shirt that I roll up at the sleeves, revealing all the tattoos over my forearms. I pause and look at them, the colourful images representing life and death, reminding me of all I’ve lost, my only family, my only love. Aunt Sara died of old age but my mother left simply because she wasn’t interested in raising a child. Then Dakota left too. It was The beginning of a stream of women who walked out on me. Am I that unlovable?
As I nervously drive out to Lane Cove, I wonder if I should just let it all go. What happened between us was over seven years ago now. Surely she’s with someone else, and she’s probably forgotten all about me, just like my mother did. So when I pull into the parking lot, I’ve decided that I’ll say hello to her and treat her the same as everyone else. I won’t go in there looking for answers, there probably aren’t any that I haven’t already thought of myself. At the end of the day, she probably regretted her decision to come to my house that afternoon, because she left, and she never came back. Elliot is right, I really need to move on.
Even though my brain has made its decision, my body seems to be acting on its own. And I spend some time sitting my BMW, gripping the steering wheel as I try to work up the courage to go in there.
I’m being ridiculous. I know I am. People see their exes all the time, and they manage just fine. I mean, I haven’t seen Dakota since I was nineteen, and she was sixteen. It’s been years and so much has happened in between. This shouldn’t matter now. We’re adults. We can be civil, and we don’t even have to rehash the past.
“Just move forward,” I say to myself, as I open the car door and head toward the kayaking club. I can smell the damp earth of the water’s edge, as the gravel crunches under my feet, transporting me right back to my teen years and the hours I spent here every day. For a long time this place was my refuge.
In the distance, the sun is setting, and as I approach the club’s entrance, I can hear the music and the pinging sound of poker machines from inside. I drag my hand through my dark hair, feeling strange coming back here after so long. For three years, my world was cooking and kayaking. They aren’t the most cohesive of couplings, but it worked for me. I was happy back then because my life was filled with everything I loved. Now, I’m lost. And I don’t think it’s possible to be found again. Not until I let go of the memories that began here.
Always forward, never back.
As I step through the door, there’s a sign that instructs me to go to the ‘White Water Function Room’. I look around, seeing that everything is the same, but also different because of the renovations. My unsettled feeling grows.
Never back.
“Are you lost?” a young girl of barely eighteen appears when I continue to stand in the foyer.
“Ah…um… I’m here for the fundraiser.”
Always forward.
She smiles at me and points down the hall. “It’s right down there.”
I thank her, even though I knew where it was. The White Water Room was here when I was. It’s the room we had award nights in, and where all previous fundraisers have been held. Although, back then I was one of the kayakers.
Never back.
/>
I’m a different man now.
None of this matters.
Walking down the hall, I push the door open, and a girl with a clipboard asks my name and hands me a name tag. She says something else to me as well, but my eyes are too busy scanning the room. Then I find her, and that whole pep talk I just gave myself means absolutely nothing. I feel like I’m sixteen all over again, and I want answers.
Thirteen
Dakota
“Cody?”
I turn to the sound of a male voice, and when I turn, it takes me a moment to recognise him.
“Elliot?” I can barely believe my eyes as I take in his cropped hair, his broad shoulders, and his massive height. He still has those iridescent blue eyes, so I know it’s him, but he’s about twice the size I remember him, although it’s all muscle. He looks amazing.
He smiles and gives me a friendly hug. “It’s been a long time. This is my wife, Paige.”
The obviously pregnant woman at his side gives me a beautiful smile and holds her hand out to shake mine. She’s a little taller than I am at five-foot-eight. She has beautiful brown curly hair, and interesting amber coloured eyes, which give her an otherworldly quality. They’re a stunning couple, and I feel as though I’m staring. But I can’t stop.
“It’s lovely to meet you. Elliot’s been telling me all about his time here. Sounds like you all had a lot of fun,” Paige says, when she withdraws her hand from mine.
“We did,” I confirm. Then have a brief conversation with them to catch up on the last seven years of Elliot’s life. “Sounds like you’ve been really busy. Have you kept in contact with anyone else from your squad?” I try to slip the question in there naturally.
He smiles knowingly. “I still talk to Brad. He should be here soon. He just had a few things to do at work before he could come.”
“Oh, I didn’t mean…”
He pats me on the shoulder. “He wants to see you too.”
The blush creeps up my cheeks before I can stop it.
“Elliot!” Paige reprimands. “You’ve gone and embarrassed the girl.”
I shake my head. “It’s fine, really. And he’s right. I am asking about Brad. I don’t know how much you know, but it’s been a long time and things didn’t exactly end well. I’ve been worried he might still be angry and wouldn’t want to speak to me.”
“It was a long time ago,” Elliot says, kindly. Then another male voice speaks up from behind me.
“It feels like yesterday being back here though.”
I freeze at the sound of his voice and stay that way as he greets Elliot and Paige before turning to me. He smiles. I can’t breathe. He still looks the same but the lip and brow rings are both gone. There’s a small scar in his right eyebrow where the ring was torn out.
That scar is my fault, I think, as my eyes graze over him, noticing all of the tattoos covering his forearms. One side is new. He didn’t have both sides done before. The realisation of missing out on so much of his life hits me in the chest and twists like a knife. I wish things were different, I really do…
“Dakota,” he says, and my name rolls off his lips like a fine piece of music. I long for him to call me Cody like he did back then.
“It’s so good to see you. How have you been?” I ask breathlessly. My heart beats in my ears, and I feel incredibly warm, and a little shaky.
He drops his gaze to the floor for a moment and slides his hands into his pockets. “I don’t want to small talk with you, Dakota.”
I’m a little taken aback. “You don’t?”
He shakes his head. “No. Will you walk with me?”
I have to force myself to swallow as a fear grips my heart. If I tell him now, he’ll go away forever. I just got him back. I want to keep him for a moment…just a moment. Then I’ll let him go.
“But…but there’s dinner… and… and…”
He holds out his hand. “I don’t want to wait any longer than I already have.”
Apprehensively, I slide my hand in his, knowing that mine will feel warm and clammy to him. How is he acting so calm?
As his hand closes around mine, I close my eyes, taking a brief moment to acknowledge that it feels like home. It feels right. It feels the same.
He escorts me out to the balcony then down the stairs that lead to the pontoon. He releases my hand at the bottom and slips his hands back in his pockets again.
Before I was feeling warm. Now, I’m cold.
“I guess you brought me out here for some sort of an explanation,” I state, after we walk along in silence for a few moments.
“Well, it is the great mystery of my life. It’s supposed to be the guy who ditches and runs, not the girl.”
It’s his attempt at a joke, but neither one of us laughs. I think we’re both caught in the same memory; the last time we were together before he asked me to wait for him, and I didn’t…
“Are you OK?” he asks, lying beside me, as he holds a warm compress between my thighs.
I nod and lightly run my hand down the side of his face, my finger touching the ring in his brow and ending at the ring in his lip. He’s so beautiful. He’s everything I’ve wanted or even hoped for.
He turns slightly and kisses my fingertips.
“I’m perfect,” I whisper.
He smiles, leaning down to lightly kiss my lips. “Yes. You are.”
“I love you,” I tell him.
“I love you,” he whispers in return, taking my mouth in his…
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I say, trying to blink away the tears that sting my eyes when I remember what we lost.
“How about you just tell me why you left?”
I take a deep breath, thinking back to that day, and wanting to tell him. Even if I just tell him that I didn’t leave him. I was forced away…
I look at him, my mouth opens to speak but all I manage is “I…I…”
“You what?” he presses, and I clamp my mouth shut before shaking my head.
“Cody,” Stacey interrupts, holding out my phone. “It's Riley. He's saying he needs you to go home.”
I wince because Brad doesn't know about Riley.
Stacey glances over to Brad. “Oh, uh…hi, Brad, I didn't know you were here.”
He looks from me to her, and there's a ticking in the side of his jaw. “Actually, I was just leaving.”
* * *
Brad
I don't really drink. Well, I do, but I'm not known to hit the bottle when I'm pissed off or upset over something. Instead, I cook. And right now, my kitchen looks like I've just created Quay’s entire menu ten times over, and my Instagram feed looks like foodie heaven.
Really, I shouldn't be upset. It's been years. Of course she's moved on; of course she's with someone. Riley. And I can't blame her. I haven't exactly been celibate. There have been other women since her. Now that I know she’s with someone else, maybe I can finally put her behind me and move on properly. Maybe I can finally get over her and become more serious with someone else...I don’t know what I’m going to do. I just know that I thought I’d finally get some answers tonight, and all I did was come home with more questions.
Placing the finishing touches on a salted caramel mousse, I hold my phone up and prepare to take another shot. Just as I'm applying a filter, there's a knock on my door.
It causes my heart to jump up in my throat as I remember when Dakota knocked on my door that night. It was the night she gave me her innocence. It was the night we admitted how we felt. It was also the last time we saw each other. Shit.
The knocking sounds again. “One minute.” I grab a tea towel to wipe my hands then head to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it. I gasp. “Holy shit! What happened?”
Fourteen
Dakota
“You know I was working tonight, right? It was kind of important,” I say to Riley, as I walk into the bedroom and sit on the side of the bed. I remove my earrings before I set them on the bedside table then pick up
the copy of Gulliver’s Travels.
“I know. But Nora is the worst babysitter ever. She sends me to bed at seven-thirty. Seven-thirty! I’m six and a half now, not four. I’m not even tired at seven-thirty.”
I straighten up the blankets and tuck him in a little tighter. “OK. But is that really such an emergency that you needed to call me away from the fundraiser? I’ve just left nan and pop there to deal with it all by themselves.”
He folds his arms. “You know, I think they can manage without you for one night. After all, it’s their club, not yours.”
My mouth forms an O shape, and I try to fight my smile. My son has obviously overheard one too many arguments between my parents and me.
“Well, my sweet boy, who acts way too old for his age, that’s not really something for a young boy to be worrying about, much less repeating. And you’re forgetting the rest of it—one day, the club will be mine to run, and I can make all the decisions myself if I want to.”
“Yeah, if poppy doesn’t run it into the ground before then,” he scoffs, and I have to bite my lip. Where does this kid come up with this stuff?
“I think we need to make sure these ears of yours aren’t turned on when we’re having grown up discussions.”
“You can’t turn your hearing off, mum. It’s always on.”
Reaching out, I run my hand lovingly over his sandy blond hair. “Did you read any of this?” I ask, holding up the book.
He shakes his head. “Nora didn’t want to read it. She thinks it’s too old for me.”
“Nonsense. I’m going to have to have a chat with her before she looks after you again.”
“Or, you could just let me stay home on my own.”
“Nice try. Now skooch over; I’ll read to you until you fall asleep.”
Taste: Beautiful Series, Book 6 Page 5
