“Tony?” he asked quickly and the taller of the two men looked up. “Where is he?” he nearly shouted.
“Are you Zane?”
Zane nodded but the words in his throat died when he saw the blood smeared on the gurney’s dark mattress.
“Come with me,” he heard Tony say though he sounded far away. He was glad when Tony’s fingers closed around his upper arm because Zane couldn’t make himself move past that gurney. So much blood.
Zane finally managed to snap out of his daze when Tony tugged him through a pair of doors that were marked Authorized Personnel Only.
“Dr. Casper, this is his friend,” he heard Tony say but Zane couldn’t focus on the young woman in the white coat who was stripping off a pair of latex gloves. Like the gurney, they were covered in blood.
“Please,” Zane managed to whisper.
“Sir, what’s your name?” the woman asked as her hand closed over one of his.
“Zane,” Zane grated out.
“Zane, does Connor have any family?” the doctor asked.
Connor had a big family but he knew that wasn’t really what the doctor was asking so he shook his head.
“Can you make medical decisions for him?”
Zane felt light-headed but he quickly nodded. “Yes,” he added for good measure.
“I need your permission to perform surgery on Connor. He’s bleeding internally and I need to find the cause.”
“Yes, do it,” Zane said instantly as his vision blurred. He managed to wipe at his face with his arms but he couldn’t stem the tears that kept falling as the doctor asked him about Connor’s medical history. They were all questions he couldn’t answer.
“Can I see him?” Zane asked.
“He’s still unconscious but you can stay with him for a few minutes while we prep him.”
Zane nodded and sucked in a breath as he followed the doctor into the room. The sight of Connor lying pale and lifeless in the bed as a half a dozen bodies worked on him had Zane freezing in place. He was naked except for some bandages covering part of his stomach and abdomen and both his hands were wrapped in gauze that was stained through with blood. Smears of blood were all over his face and in his hair too and a dark bruise had started to form around his throat. What remained of the clothes that had been cut off him were covered in splotches of dark red.
A hand pressed at his back and helped him maneuver around the people working on Connor and by the time he reached the head of the bed, Zane was shaking uncontrollably.
“Let him know you’re here,” a woman’s voice said softly and he glanced down to see an older nurse in purple scrubs rubbing her hand up and down his arm. It was strange that he couldn’t feel the contact.
“Can I touch him?” Zane asked as he looked at all the tubes and wires crisscrossing Connor’s body.
The nurse took his hand and guided it down to Connor’s arm above where an IV needle pierced his body and Zane carefully leaned over and pressed a kiss to Connor’s forehead.
“I’m here, baby,” he whispered. “I’m right here.”
There was no response but he was glad to feel that Connor’s skin was as soft and warm as it always was. But his face lacked the same peaceful look he got when he slept so Zane couldn’t pretend they were back in Connor’s apartment, wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Is he in pain?” Zane asked as he ran his fingers through Connor’s hair. The crusted blood dragged against the skin of his fingers.
“No,” the nurse said as she injected something into the Connor’s IV.
“Okay, we’re moving people!” the doctor ordered. Someone tugged Zane back so the staff could move Connor’s bed but he quickly surged forward and pressed his lips to Connor’s before stepping back once more.
***
“Zane?”
Zane could hear the tremor of fear in Jagger’s voice as he repeated Zane’s name. He would have expected Jagger to yell or shake him to get the answers he undoubtedly wanted but to his surprise, Jagger pushed a cup of water into his hands. He forced some down before he looked up at Jagger whose hulking figure made the waiting room chair look tiny. His big fist was clutching Ren’s who was sitting next to him.
“Where’s Declan?” Zane asked as he tried to blink away the stinging in his eyes.
“I’m here,” Declan murmured from his other side. It was then that he realized Declan was holding his hand and Jagger was rubbing him gently between his shoulder blades.
Oh God, were they trying to prepare him for bad news? Panic overtook him and he shot to his feet.
“Just tell me!” he shouted, ignoring the startled looks of the other people in the waiting room. “He didn’t make it, did he?” Zane said in a choked cry.
All three men looked at him in horror but Jagger quickly recovered and said, “Zane, we just got here. We don’t know how he is. The ER nurse told us to come up here and we saw you…”
Zane snapped his gaze back and forth between the three men and then glanced at the clock on the wall. It wasn’t even three o’clock yet. Not even an hour had passed since he’d gotten the call from the paramedic and it had been less than twenty minutes since Connor had been taken to surgery. And looking around the waiting room, he realized that he wasn’t even in the ER waiting room – somehow he’d gotten from Connor’s blood stained trauma room to this room and he couldn’t remember any of it.
“They took him to surgery,” Zane said stupidly. He supposed the fact that they were sitting in the Surgery waiting area would have made that pretty obvious but he was having trouble pulling his thoughts together.
“Zane, sit down,” Declan urged.
Zane did as he was told. “They said he was bleeding internally,” Zane stammered. “They needed someone to give permission to do surgery…there wasn’t any time.”
“You did the right thing,” Jagger said as he took the cup of water out of Zane’s hands. It wasn’t until Jagger ran a tissue over his hands that Zane realized he’d spilled most of the water at some point.
“There was so much fucking blood,” Zane whispered.
“Was he awake?” Declan asked.
Zane shook his head. “But they said he wasn’t hurting so that’s good, right?” he asked Jagger desperately.
“Yeah,” Jagger said patiently. “That’s really good.”
“Zane, is there anyone we can call for you?” Ren asked.
For him? He was about to ask Ren why he would ask such a thing when he noticed how all three men were staring at him. Like they were worried…about him.
“No, there’s no one,” he said. His only “someone” was lying on some metal table somewhere with a group of strangers trying to put back together what that monster Sutter had torn apart.
“It’s my fault, Jagger,” Zane said quietly. “I answered the phone. I set Sutter off.”
“You can’t set someone like Sutter off, Zane. You can’t predict that kind of insanity,” Jagger said gently.
Zane shook his head. “I didn’t even tell Connor I knew. I was too afraid it would cross a line in our relationship.” Zane shook his head and then looked at Declan. “Did they catch Sutter?”
Declan’s eyes shifted above his shoulder – to Jagger probably – before returning to meet his. “He’s dead, Zane. Connor killed him.”
“What?”
“Some guy passing by the bar found Connor and Sutter and called 911. Connor stabbed Sutter in the throat – he bled out.”
A chill washed over Zane as he climbed to his feet. “My client’s invoking his right to remain silent, Detective Hale. If and when he’s ready to make a statement, I’ll contact you,” he said numbly as his mind began to race with everything he needed to do. He saw Jagger stand from his peripheral vision but then Declan was in Zane’s space and closing both his hands around Zane’s arms.
“Zane, look at me,” he ordered. The command seemed odd but it wasn’t until Zane managed to focus on Declan’s face that he realized he hadn’t really been seeing h
im – he’d just shifted into another mode…the only mode he knew he could protect Connor in.
“Connor’s not going to be arrested,” Declan said carefully…slowly. “Mags installed security cameras in the bar after Sutter attacked Connor the last time. She was able to email me the feed and I watched it on the way over here. There is no doubt whatsoever that Connor was defending himself.”
It took a minute for Declan’s words to sink in. “I’m sorry, Declan. I don’t know what’s happening to me…I can’t think straight.”
“You’re in shock, Zane. Ren’s already gone to get you something to drink and Jagger and I are going to stay here while we wait to hear about Connor, okay?”
Zane nodded numbly and let Declan lead him back to the chair he’d been sitting in. Sure enough, Ren had disappeared and Jagger was watching him with a mix of confusion and concern.
After that, Zane lost track of time and only managed to follow the commands that were given to him. Drink this, eat that. People hugged him and spoke to him but none of it really registered. His mind kept flashing between the sweet kiss Connor had brushed over his lips the night before when he’d dropped Connor off at work and the lifeless one from the ER room. It was the only time Connor hadn’t kissed him back.
“Zane, the doctor’s here.”
The voice sounded far off and it wasn’t until Jagger gently pulled his hands down from where he’d covered his ears to try to block out every sound that Zane realized Jagger had been speaking to him. Zane lurched to his feet at the sight of the doctor who’d asked him for permission to operate. For the life of him, he couldn’t remember her name.
“How is he?” Zane asked.
“He’s stable,” the doctor said. “We were able to stop the bleeding and he’s in recovery now. He has a laceration on his abdomen that we stitched up and there was extensive damage to his hands. Some of the tendons in his right hand were severed but the orthopedic surgeon is hopeful that there was no nerve damage and that with physical therapy, he’ll regain full use of the hand.”
“Can we see him?” Jagger asked.
“Give us about an hour,” the doctor said. “Only two at a time until he’s in a regular room,” she added as she looked around the room with a small smile. It wasn’t until then that Zane realized at some point more than a dozen people had filled the room. Even Mrs. Finney was there though she had remained seated in the corner of the room. Her normally pale skin looked even paler and the bright eyes that had teased him the first morning they’d met looked red even from where he was standing.
“Thank you,” Zane murmured as relief coursed through him. All the people around him began talking at once and hugging each other but his entire focus was on Mrs. Finney and when he finally reached her side, she looked up at him with watery eyes.
“Our boy okay?” she asked.
Zane dropped down into the chair next to her and placed his hand over the one she had resting on the armrest, ignoring the damp tissues she had wadded in her fist.
“Yeah, Mrs. Finney. He’s okay.”
“Promise?” she whispered.
“Promise,” he said as he settled one of his arms around her tiny shoulders and drew her against him.
Chapter 9
He heard the beeping first, rhythmic and sharp. Each piercing sound seemed to match the throbbing in his hands but it was his gut that felt like it was on fire. And his head felt like it was going to twist and pop off his head.
“Connor, open your eyes, baby.”
He wanted to follow the instructions but only because he wanted to see the forest green eyes behind the silky, deep voice.
“Mr. Talbot, can you hear me?”
A voice he didn’t know. He tried to nod his head but he wasn’t sure if he pulled it off. Light finally began to seep through the edges of his lids but a searing pain pierced his brain when he cracked them open just a little bit.
“Just take your time, Mr. Talbot. Let your eyes adjust.”
Warm fingers coasted over his face.
“He likes to be called Connor,” he heard Zane say softly and he could hear the smile in Zane’s voice when he said it. Zane’s touch continued as Connor relaxed his eyes and opened them again. The pain wasn’t as sharp so he let his lids just hang there as he tried to focus on one thing. But everything looked hazy and white so he tilted his head until a swath of color appeared. Not green but black. A sharp shade of black that almost looked blue under the right light. Which meant if he lowered his gaze just a little, he’d find the green he wanted.
“Hi,” Zane whispered when Connor’s eyes finally eased open all the way and he was glad to see that Zane was just inches from him. He wanted to reach up and pull Zane down for a kiss but his limbs felt heavy. Luckily, Zane read his need and leaned down to brush their lips together.
Connor tried to say “hi” back but no sound came out. A cup with a straw sticking out of it appeared and Zane took it from whoever was handing it to him and gently pressed the straw beneath Connor’s lips. The water felt cool against his parched throat and he managed a few more sips before nodding his head to indicate he was done. The simple act had felt like a monumental effort and the idea of trying to form even a simple greeting seemed too daunting.
“Connor, how’s your pain?”
It took every effort for Connor to turn his head to look at whoever was talking to him. He’d figured out he was in a hospital from the moment he’d heard the dreaded beeping of the heart monitor but in looking at the petite young woman with her pale hair drawn up into a tight ponytail, he couldn’t tell if she was nurse or doctor. There was no white coat but he knew that didn’t mean anything so he tried to focus on the laminated card the woman was holding in her hand. It too was familiar since every doctor and nurse who’d interacted with him at the military hospital after the bombing had had a nearly identical one and asked the same question. His intent was to point at one of the sad faces near the end of the card since his whole body hurt like hell but even though the card was at bed level, he couldn’t manage to get his finger to move. When he finally looked down to see what the problem was, he let out a guttural cry at the sight of his hand completely covered in bandages.
“Baby, look at me,” Zane said quickly as Connor’s eyes flew to his other hand which was also buried in gauze and bandaging.
The heart monitor began beeping in earnest as fear radiated through every bone in his body. He couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t…no way was he strong enough to live without his hands. He’d seen others in the VA do it but he wasn’t strong enough.
“Connor, look at me right now!” he heard Zane snap. The harshness caught Connor off guard but the second he looked at Zane, he knew Zane had only used the tone to get his attention because his features were still soft. “You still have your hands, baby,” he said quickly.
Connor quickly looked back down at his hands and then up at Zane again. He’d felt the pain in his hands when he’d first woken up but that had been the case with the leg he lost too. Phantom pain, they’d called it. It could be the same thing with his hands. But the earnest look in Zane’s gaze had Connor relaxing.
“The doctor says you’ll be able to use them again…they just need some time to heal,” Zane explained as he began stroking his fingers up and down Connor’s arm. “Okay?”
Connor nodded and closed his eyes while he tried to get his panic under control. It was on the tip of his tongue to try and ask what his hands needed to heal from but then a rush of warmth sifted through his body and the pain started to fade as did the light that still burned his eyes.
***
“He’ll be out for a while,” the nurse said as she dropped the syringe into the sharps container.
Zane nodded but didn’t take his gaze off Connor as his breathing evened out and he fell back asleep. A drugged up Connor was a thousand times better than a nearly lifeless one but he still didn’t have the same look of contentment that he got when he nodded off in Zane’s arms. Not that they’d had enou
gh nights together where Zane could just enjoy watching Connor sleep but all it had taken was one time for the memory to be burned in Zane’s brain. That and the way Connor curled up against him and slung an arm across his waist as if to prevent Zane from leaving him.
“Hey, I brought you some coffee,” he heard Declan say as he entered the room.
“Thanks,” Zane murmured though he couldn’t bring himself to look the man. Guilt still gnawed at him for the way he’d treated Declan in the waiting room when he’d instantly assumed Connor would be the target of a murder investigation.
“The nurse said he woke up,” Declan said as he pulled up a chair on the opposite side of the bed.
“Just for a minute.”
“How are you holding up?”
“I’m good,” Zane automatically said as he let his fingers sift through Connor’s hair.
“Zane.”
Zane glanced up at and saw that Declan wasn’t satisfied with his go to answer. Zane sighed and settled into the chair he’d spent the last twelve hours in.
“I can’t stop fucking shaking,” he said as he lifted his hand in the air long enough to let Declan see the tremor in his hand.
“It’ll get better once he’s awake and talking.”
Zane let out a raw laugh that sounded ugly even to his own ears. “Will it?” he barked. “What about everything else, Declan? Will that get better too?” Zane clenched his fist briefly before lowering his hand so it was resting on Connor’s forearm.
“Will this need to always be touching him ever go away? Will I stop missing him even when he’s in the next room? Will I ever stop craving his laugh or his smile or the way he says my name?” Zane shook his head. “I was so busy worrying that he’d want more that I never even saw this coming.”
“What?” Declan asked gently.
But Zane couldn’t make the words leave his mouth so he remained mute.
“Is this because of Blake?”
Zane snapped his eyes up and saw Declan looking at him with a mix of sadness and understanding. “How?” was all Zane managed to say.
Freeing Zane (Barretti Security Series, Book 4) Page 13
