He remembered every fucking second he was with Connor. Zane managed to nod his head as he tried to fight back the rising desire that was beginning to roll through him like a tidal wave. This couldn’t be real…Connor couldn’t actually love him.
“It was the first time I’d made love with anyone,” he admitted. “That’s what it was, right?” Connor murmured as he shifted his weight so he was lying completely on top of Zane.
“Yes,” Zane bit out. “It was mine too,” he added.
Connor smiled against his mouth before he gave him a quick kiss. “I knew I was a goner when Mrs. Finney handed you her little bag of tools and asked if they were what you needed and you said they were perfect.”
Zane felt a small smile split his lips because he remembered the dread that had gone through him when he’d seen the tools and realized how much longer the job would take him.
When Connor brushed another kiss over his lips, Zane opened his mouth in invitation and groaned when Connor took him up on it. The kiss was slow and deep and he wasn’t ready for it to end. But when Connor drew back just a fraction and whispered, “I love you, Zane,” against his mouth, Zane’s throat closed up with the overwhelming rush of emotion that consumed him.
Connor kissed him again and any response Zane might have had died on his lips as Connor shifted so that their cocks were lined up and rubbing against one another through the pajama bottoms they were each wearing.
“Connor, your stomach-”
“Don’t care,” Connor moaned just before he nipped at Zane’s lips. “All I feel is you.”
Zane’s whole world shattered and he reached down to close his hands over Connor’s ass. He pushed beneath the smooth fabric of Connor’s pants and curled his fingers around each cheek so that he could hold Connor in place while he rubbed their cocks together. A hand reached between their bodies and pushed down their pants so that the silky skin of their shafts connected but when Zane tried to increase the pace, Connor drew to a halt.
“I need you inside me,” Connor said.
“We need to check with the doctor before-”
Connor shook his head and kissed him hard. “Please, Zane. I need this.”
Zane knew it wasn’t the best idea but he also needed Connor just as badly as Connor seemed to need him. “Promise you’ll tell me if you’re hurting.”
“Promise,” Connor said as he lifted himself off Zane long enough to pull his pants off. Zane reached into the nightstand drawer for lube and a condom and as soon as he turned back, Connor was climbing back on top of him and kissing him hungrily.
Connor snatched the lube from him and dumped a generous amount over his fingers before he reached behind himself. It was on the tip of Zane’s tongue to tell Connor to turn around so he could prepare him but his protest fell apart when he felt lube slathered onto his dick…his bare dick.
“Connor-”
Desperation seemed to have consumed Connor because his mouth sought Zane’s out as his hand fumbled to get Zane’s dick in position. But using his non-dominant hand was proving to be a problem for Connor. “Help me,” he said in an almost guttural sob of need.
Zane’s whole body lit up at the proof of how badly Connor wanted him. Between the admission of love and the prospect of being inside of Connor without any barrier to separate them, Zane lost what little control he had and surged into a sitting position as he wrapped one arm around Connor’s waist to hold him in place. He used his other hand to guide his dick to Connor’s entrance as Connor lifted his hips.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Connor cried as his body began sucking Zane in. Every small lift of Connor’s hips had him sinking farther down onto Zane and the pure sensation of feeling Connor’s smooth walls gripping him had Zane seeking out Connor’s lips in the darkness.
They kissed over and over as Connor began to ride him but when Connor added a twist on his downward motion, Zane tore his mouth free so he could let out a guttural curse that didn’t even sound human. Connor’s hands closed around Zane’s neck to steady himself and not even the feel of the splint against Zane’s skin could make him slow his upward thrusts.
“I need to see you!” Zane snarled and he managed to hold on to Connor as he reached behind him and turned on the light on his side of the bed. The sight that greeted him caused a rush of pleasure to shoot down his spine. Connor, slick with sweat, was staring at him with eyes that had gone nearly black with pleasure. His teeth were biting into his lower lip so hard that Zane actually reached forward to lick his lips over Connor’s mouth in an effort to make him release the harsh grip. His move worked because Connor began kissing him again but they both kept their eyes open. Any doubt that Connor really did love him fled as Zane saw the truth in Connor’s intense gaze.
“Love you,” Connor panted against his mouth just as he slammed his body down on Zane’s once more and then ground his pelvis against Zane’s. Hot jets of semen hit Zane’s stomach a second later and he yelled Connor’s name as he tried to bury himself even deeper inside of Connor’s body. Pleasure exploded in his chest and surged through his bloodstream until every cell in his body was overcome with blissful agony. Connor bucked against him as more come shot over Zane’s abdomen. And then it happened – Connor whispering his name in his ear as Zane’s seed flooded Connor’s channel. Long arms went around his neck as Zane’s hips continued to pump through each aftershock and he pressed his head against Connor’s chest and reveled in the sound of Connor’s heart racing beneath his ear.
As the tremors began to ease, Zane reached beneath him and gently pushed his finger into Connor’s body. Connor moaned at the added pressure and then let out a whimper of protest when Zane removed the finger. But when Zane lifted his finger to Connor’s mouth, Connor eagerly opened and sucked it inside. Once he was sure Connor had licked all the come from it, he reached between them again and sought out more of the sticky substance. Connor was already opening his mouth when Zane pulled his finger free of Connor but Zane bypassed Connor’s mouth and inserted his finger into his own mouth. Connor watched his tongue with such open need that it didn’t surprise Zane one bit when Connor reached up to yank Zane’s finger from his mouth so that he could twine their tongues together instead. And as their tongues played, Zane felt his dick begin to harden inside of Connor and when he thrust up gently, Connor met him with a slow twist of the hips. Between the sound of his come squishing inside of Connor and Connor’s desperate pleas for more, it took Zane only minutes to fill Connor up again and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that nothing he did – no amount of success he achieved - would ever compare to what Connor had just given him.
“Don’t call Jagger in the morning, okay?” Connor breathed against his neck.
“Okay,” Zane whispered.
Chapter 10
“Hey,” Connor said as he opened the door to let Jagger in. He gave the guy standing in the hallway a quick nod. It was strange knowing that the man was solely there to protect him.
“I’ve got this if you want to take a break, Ray,” Jagger said to the man.
Ray glanced between Jagger and him and then nodded. “Be back in fifteen.”
“You guys know each other?” Connor asked as he used his crutches to maneuver to the couch while Jagger closed the door.
“Yeah, we’ve worked a couple of jobs together. Ray’s a good guy.”
Connor lowered himself to the couch which had turned out to be a lot more comfortable than it looked. He’d been at Zane’s apartment for nearly a month now and while it still lacked the hominess he associated with his own place, it was slowly growing on him.
“Where’s Zane?” Jagger asked.
“He went back to work earlier this week,” Connor said. He’d had a hell of time convincing Zane he was okay on his own and Connor was guessing that if whatever case Zane was working on hadn’t been so important, he wouldn’t have gone. Zane’s work wasn’t something they talked about much since he was limited by what amount of information he could actually share. The few times
Connor had asked how things were going, Zane’s responses were non-committal. But it wasn’t something Connor took personally because in every other area, Zane was attentive and open.
“How you doing?” Jagger asked cautiously as he glanced at the splint on Connor’s hand. He hated the way Jagger seemed so cautious around him but he knew that was his fault. Like everyone else, he’d pushed Jagger away in the days after he’d left the hospital. But that was only part of it because Zane had told him that both he and Jagger had figured out that Connor had been keeping the truth about Jason’s phone calls from them. And while he hadn’t technically been dishonest with Zane about them, he’d out and out lied to Jagger’s face.
“There’s still some throbbing but I should be able to get the splint off soon. My physical therapist is pretty sure I’ll regain full use of it which is good because trying to do things with my left hand sucks.” Connor realized Jagger’s eyes had locked on the scars running across the palm of his left hand.
“Press been bothering you?”
“No, I think they’ve given up. Mrs. Finney says they stopped hanging out in front of my apartment a couple weeks ago and I guess Mr. Sutter is keeping a low profile ever since his rant that day at the hospital.”
Connor only remembered bits and pieces of that day when Lionel had called him a murderer but it had been played on the news enough that Connor had seen the whole fiasco from beginning to end. The hatred he’d seen in Lionel’s eyes was the main reason he’d agreed to Zane’s insistence that someone be camped outside the apartment 24/7 and accompany them every time they left the apartment.
“You been back to work?”
Connor shook his head. “Zane took me to see Mags last week but I couldn’t go in,” he admitted. He remembered the exact moment when Zane had opened the door for him and he’d just stood there and stared at the dingy laminate floor. There hadn’t been a speck of blood but that was all he saw anyway.
“It’ll take time,” Jagger offered.
“I can still smell the blood…taste it. I can hear him gurgling as he choked on the blood after I stabbed him.”
“Maybe you need to talk to someone…” Jagger said softly.
“Already had my first appointment,” Connor said as he forced a smile to his lips. “Zane got Dr. Barnes’ number from Ren and asked me to try one visit. Talking to Dr. Barnes made me realize it’s something I should have done after the bombing.”
“But you always seemed okay…I mean, as okay as anyone could be after something like that,” Jagger said quickly.
“After I lost my parents, I learned pretty quickly that I had to take care of myself because no one else was going to do it. When I lost my leg I knew it would be harder but not impossible. But when I found out about the brain injury…” Connor shook his head and sucked in a deep breath. “I never told you about the first time I had an episode after I left the hospital, did I?”
Jagger shook his head.
“I got a job as a teaching assistant at an elementary school. It didn’t pay much but I thought it would be the perfect job while I worked to get my degree in education.”
“I remember you told me you wanted to become a teacher,” Jagger said softly.
“Yeah – not college kids like my mom though. I always wanted to work with little kids. Anyway, my first day on the job I was sitting and reading to the kids while the teacher was meeting with the principal. Next thing I know, I’m standing in the middle of the room and there’s just a handful of kids crying in the corner of the room. The teacher was screaming at me to get out and the principal called the cops…I had no idea what was going on until the cops told me I’d been screaming at the kids about a bomb going off and my comrades being dead.”
“Jesus,” Jagger whispered.
“It was after that that I realized there would always be times where I couldn’t take care of myself. Didn’t matter if the episode lasted ten seconds or ten minutes. And to not remember what I said or did…to not know if I’d hurt someone…”
“You’ve never lashed out at anyone during an episode, Connor.”
“Not yet, but maybe it’s just a matter of time.”
Jagger shook his head. “I don’t believe that.”
“Look what I did to Jason.”
“That’s different and you know it,” Jagger argued. “I saw the tape – I saw the exact moment your training as a soldier kicked in. You weren’t having an episode when you did what you did. Ren told me what happened in that storeroom when Jason went after you. Even after Jason hit you, you didn’t fight back.”
Connor fell silent as he considered Jagger’s words. “I’m sorry I lied to you, Jagger. I knew you’d want to jump in and fix everything when you found out Jason was still bothering me.”
“You were trying to protect me,” Jagger said. “Because you knew what I’d do.” Jagger sighed. “I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like you couldn’t take care of yourself. I guess I tend to be overprotective of the people I really care about.”
“You wouldn’t be you any other way. I need to work on accepting my limitations, not letting them define me.”
He wasn’t surprised when Jagger dragged him over and plopped a kiss down on his head. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, got it?” the big man said and Connor knew he was referring to the attack.
They both heard the door open and Connor saw Zane’s eyes shift between them. “Everything okay?” he said.
“Everything’s good,” Connor said as he stood. Jagger gave him a quick smile and then walked towards the door. Pleasure went through Connor when he saw Jagger reach out his hand when he got to Zane.
“Devereaux,” Jagger said with feigned gruffness.
Zane looked at Jagger’s hand as if he was expecting it to do something besides grip his. But Jagger didn’t budge until Zane took it. “Varos,” he murmured.
Jagger disappeared out the door.
“I think he’s really starting to like you,” Connor said with a chuckle. Zane glanced between him and the door Jagger had left through.
“You’re home early,” Connor said and he felt a thrill go through him when Zane dropped his bag on the floor and then reached for Connor’s crutches. Connor automatically reached his arms around Zane’s neck when the crutches were taken from him and he was rewarded with a searing kiss that he felt everywhere.
“Good day?” Connor asked when Zane finally released him and handed the crutches back to him.
“Better now,” Zane said as he headed towards the bedroom. Connor followed and leaned against the doorframe as he watched Zane work his tie loose. “I thought we’d go over to Mrs. Finney’s so I can install her new showerhead. She invited us to stay for dinner – she said to tell you she’s making her world famous pot roast.”
Connor had seen Mrs. Finney several times since he’d lifted his self-imposed embargo of no visitors. Since she didn’t drive, Zane always went and picked her up and then took her home. He’d loved watching how well Zane and Mrs. Finney got along and she spent most of her time at Zane’s apartment baking treats for them while she got Connor caught up on all the goings on in the neighborhood – not that there was much that happened where they lived but Connor never got tired of all the shenanigans Mrs. Finney managed to get herself into.
“You going to wear your new tool belt?” Connor asked as he watched Zane strip off his shirt. Connor had picked out the tool belt the previous week when he and Zane had stopped by the hardware store after Connor’s physical therapy session. Zane had spent several hundred dollars on some new tools so he could install a garbage disposal for Mrs. Finney and Connor had plunked the leather tool belt down on the checkout counter at the last moment. When Zane had flashed him a questioning look, Connor had leaned over and whispered a couple of choice words about the fantasy he’d had about Zane and a tool belt ever since he’d seen Zane bent over Mrs. Finney’s toilet. It was one of the few times he’d ever seen Zane flustered in public but they’d had a hell of a good time once the
y got home later that night.
“Probably not a good idea,” Zane said with a chuckle. “We almost didn’t make it out of the car last time, remember?”
Yeah, he remembered. He remembered every amazing thing Zane did to him. His ass was still smarting from the rough ride he’d gotten this morning when he’d given Zane a particularly lusty kiss before Zane left for work. He’d ended up bent over the kitchen table with Zane’s hand covering his mouth to stifle his screams of pleasure as Zane slammed into him over and over again. Then Zane had led him to the shower where he’d cleaned him off and then made love to him against the tile wall.
“You and Jagger work everything out?” Zane asked as he stepped out of his pants.
“Huh?” Connor asked as his eyes roamed the curve of Zane’s ass. He always wore tight black briefs that clung to him like a second skin and the sight never failed to get Connor going. Of course, Zane could wear a parka and Connor would still be hungry for him. But it wasn’t just the sex that was electric. Everything else just clicked when they were together, even when their tastes differed greatly. Zane never got tired of the endless reality shows that Connor was obsessed with even though he’d said more than once that they weren’t really a reflection of reality and Connor loved to listen to Zane rant and rave about politics even though he had no interest in the topic himself. Movies, books, music – it didn’t matter. If they didn’t agree on something, they worked through it. If they did agree, all the better.
“Connor.”
“What?” Connor asked.
Zane’s knowing smile spread as he deliberately turned so Connor could get an even better view of his ass and then took his time working his jeans on. God, he loved Zane in jeans.
“I asked if you and Jagger worked everything out.”
Connor didn’t realize he was stroking himself until Zane’s eyes flashed to where his hand was pressed against his crotch. A thrill went through Connor when Zane stopped zipping up his jeans and walked over to where he stood instead. His crutches were once again discarded but the make out session ended way too soon. “Mrs. Finney’s expecting us,” Zane murmured against his lips.
Freeing Zane (Barretti Security Series, Book 4) Page 15
