by Kay McKenna
“Holly,” I whispered.
“Please, stop.” Tears welled in her eyes and immediately I felt like shit.
She raced off the dance floor as I chased after her. Her only two rules were not to touch her and not to kiss her, and I broke them both. I’d taken her trust in me and destroyed it.
We stood there on the dance floor, chests heaving, and dumbfounded. At least I was. I wanted to say so many things, yet I couldn’t get words to form. She was beautiful.
She shook her head and walked away.
“Holly, wait,” I called after her.
I reached her in the hallway of the restrooms. Grabbing her arm, I hurled her around to face me.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Her eyes were welling with tears and I hung my head low in shame. The low beat of the music pumped through the hallway, but it wasn’t as loud in the hall. No one was around, and I felt like kissing her again.
“Kevin, please don’t do that again.”
“I know, I’m sorry.”
“I think it’s the holidays, it’s making us do stuff we wouldn’t normally do,” she said.
Was this the case? Was I just feeling this way toward her because of the holiday?
“It won’t happen again, promise. I won’t ever touch you again. Did you want to go back out there and watch the people dance?”
She twisted her finger in her mouth as her blonde hair fell along her shoulder. “Sure.”
“We can even make fun of a few of them if you like.”
This statement earned me a laugh from her and we walked back out to find a table near the dance floor. We sat together watching everyone laugh and dance around the club. Holly crossed her arms along her chest as we watched.
“Look,” I said, pointing my finger toward Brandon and Abigail. The two of them were on the dance floor, unaware of the world around them.
I felt happy for my little brother. He was exactly where he should be and for a moment the jealousy was back. Not jealous because he had Abigail, but because he had someone.
I really thought for a moment Vivian could have been that someone for me. Oh, how wrong I was. She and I would fight over every little thing. I glanced at Holly for a moment as I contemplated my life.
Would I ever find someone?
Did I deserve someone?
Holly noticed me staring and turned to face me. She smiled and I could feel my face lighten up. Just being near her made my dick twitch in my pants. Was I really this lonely?
I grinned at Holly and focused my attention back on everyone around me. After an hour, Brandon and Abigail were ready to head home.
As we sat in the car driving home, Holly gazed out the window on the night sky. Brandon and Abigail cuddled in the back seat and as I drove, I wanted to reach over and touch Holly’s hand.
I didn’t.
10
Holly
Kissing Kevin was more than I could ask for. His lips, his tongue, his hands all over me-I couldn’t comprehend it. Yet, when I pushed him away, I needed him to understand I wasn’t here for that.
I couldn’t fall for him. The money, I needed to focus on the money. I needed to focus on the train wreck which was my life. I was turning thirty. I had nothing to show for it. Where did I go wrong?
Kevin appeared nice and I was sure after this whole holiday fake romance we would be friends, but that’s it.
He wasn’t boyfriend material.
As thoughts swirled through my head, Kevin leaned over and turned the radio up as my favorite Christmas song came on. Carol Of The Bells. “I know you love the Christmas tunes.”
“Thanks.” Why was he being so nice? Ugh! Why couldn’t we go back to hating each other? It was easier.
I closed my eyes as the music entered my soul. I didn’t know what it was about Christmas music I loved so much, but it made me happy. An emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time. When my ex-boyfriend Ricky left me taking all my money with him, I’d dropped into a major depression.
It was hard to get up in the morning and focus on any one thing. I stopped making my handbags, and was so sad I ended up losing my job. My job, what a joke that had been. I worked as a barista at a local coffee shop, and I couldn’t even keep that job.
I was a loser in every sense of the word, yet once I came here. Once I could pretend to be anyone, I felt better. I had smiled more in the past two days than I had in a really long time, and I couldn’t let this false sense of happiness lead me into bed with Kevin.
I wanted him, and on the dance floor I’d almost given in to him. His kiss was everything a kiss should be. It was pure, and full of hope. It made me believe I could do anything, be anyone.
When he held me close, I felt secure. I felt that he really did care about me. But, I knew it was all a façade.
Why couldn’t it be real?
I shook my head as he pulled up to the house. The lights were off. Brandon and Abigail got out of the car and Kevin and I didn’t budge.
The car was still running, and as we both sat silently watching Brandon and Abigail enter the house our breathing was the only sound.
Kevin shut the engine and turned to me. “Ready?”
Ready? Was I ready? Ready to go and sleep in the same bed as him, ready to pretend, I didn’t know how much longer I could pretend.
Then I remembered the money, I had to do this.
“Yep,” I answered as I hopped out of the car.
When we entered the house, Kevin turned to me . “Go on upstairs, I’ll be up later.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just go to bed. I’ll be up shortly.”
“Goodnight.”
He nodded to me as he walked toward the kitchen. After I finished dressing in my night clothes, I crawled into bed.
It felt weird not having him in bed with me, and my curiosity started to eat away at me. After tossing and turning I finally fell asleep.
The next morning, I glanced over to Kevin’s side of the bed but it was untouched and empty. He hadn’t slept here last night.
I dressed in jeans and a dark blue sweater the same color as my eyes and threw my hair in a ponytail. I traveled downstairs and saw Kevin in the kitchen, making breakfast and feeding Skye.
I stopped at the bottom of the stairs as I watched him with her. He was smiling and being so adorable with her. She started to cry and he lifted her from the highchair and cuddled her into his strong arms. He rocked her around the kitchen, singing her a lullaby.
My chest warmed at the sight as I walked into the kitchen. “Hi,” I said.
I walked closer and held my hand out to touch Skye’s arm. Kevin jumped a little when he realized I was there, standing beside him.
“I didn’t see you come in. Did you sleep well?”
“Yes. Where did you sleep?” I dropped Skye’s hand and walked to the fridge.
“I slept down here, so I would hear her when she woke up.”
“Oh.” I didn’t want to admit how much I had missed him last night.
The next two days were filled with holiday cheer and lying around the house playing games. Kevin and I slept in the same bed every night, but we didn’t talk much. We tried to avoid each other as much as possible, while still keeping up the pretend relationship.
I loved talking to Amy and Abigail the most. They made me feel like a part of the family and even included me whenever they would rush off to gossip about the guys.
I’d learned a great deal about Kevin and him growing up here. How he went to law school and his job in the city. He was a respectable lawyer and appeared happy with the career he’d chosen.
Everyone would gather around the table for dinner, and every moment I felt myself falling for Kevin. Which I tried to hide and keep under control. Life was going to suck once we returned back home, but this was turning into one of the best holidays I could ever remember.
As I sat in the living room watching a movie with Abigail and Amy, the men went to the store to do some last minute holiday
shopping. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve, and they still had a few things to get.
I felt weird for not getting anyone a gift, but Kevin assured me he would buy a few gifts and add my name to them.
Everything about being here felt right. Which is why I knew I couldn’t fall into the feelings that I was feeling.
It sucked, but every night when I would lie my head on the pillow I would dream this was real. I would dream about Kevin’s lips on me, and oh how I wanted so much more. I wanted him to touch me, but he had kept his promise and hadn’t touched me since the night at the club.
When they returned, Kevin walked into the house, smiling. His smile was wide, and I found myself staring.
His eyes met mine, and I tried to turn away. I tried so hard.
While we ate dinner, the men had bought a few bottles of wine, and I drank a few glasses. My mind was feeling the effects, and I couldn’t stop giggling next to Kevin.
“Okay, I think this little lady has had enough to drink. I’m taking her to bed,” Kevin said.
He grabbed my hand and helped me from the table. I said goodnight to everyone and stumbled up the staircase as Kevin held me tight. His hands on my side, guiding me up the stairs felt right.
When we entered the room, I bombarded him against the door.
I kissed him, hard across his lips. I wanted him, and maybe I was feeling brave from the alcohol, but it didn’t stop me from trying to feel him.
I pressed him against the door, and plunged my fingers into his short, dark hair.
11
Kevin
This is so wrong, but it feels so right. I’d made a promise to Holly I didn’t want to break, but feeling her lips against mine, I wanted her.
I’d been wanting her for the past few days. Since our first kiss under the mistletoe. I’d wanted her more and more each day. Yet, I knew she was drunk, and I wouldn’t take advantage.
My hands were wrapped around her waist, trying to keep her steady on her feet. I felt myself harden in my pants as she dug her nails into my back.
“Fuck, you feel good,” I said the moment our lips broke apart.
“Kevin, please. I want you.”
I stared into her intoxicated eyes. Begging the universe for a moment, please let her sober up. I ran my hand down my jaw as she tugged at the hem of her sweater. Please don’t take it off.
She did. Her sweater flew across the room, and I couldn’t turn my eyes away. She had the same purple bra on and her breasts heaved against her chest. They were full and plump, and I wanted so bad to take them in my mouth.
Fuck. Why couldn’t she be sober.
“Holly, we shouldn’t.”
She stepped closer and her hands were fidgeting with the buckle on her jeans. Please, no.
I was harder than ever, my body burned with desire. I couldn’t move. She lowered her jeans to the ground. She stood before me in her bra and purple lace panties. Her body was stunning, and I swiped my hand across my mouth to be sure I wasn’t drooling.
“You’re so beautiful,” I breathed.
She moved to the bed, and positioned herself across the comforter. I needed to end this, I needed to walk away. Yet, my body was at war. I wanted her.
“Holly, you need to go to bed.”
“Come with me.” Her eyes were on fire, and the shade was darker than ever. Her voice dropped a few octaves and was the sexiest sound I’d ever heard.
“Fuck, we can’t do this.”
“You don’t want me?” Her eyes glowed against the moonlight and I growled.
“Holly, please. You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk,” she said as she tried to sit up in bed. She ended up falling sideways off the bed and I rushed over to her side.
“Holly, are you okay?”
“Get off me. Leave me alone.” She tried to push me away, but I picked her fragile body up and placed her under the covers.
Pushing back a strand of her hair, I kissed her cheek. Her big eyes just gazed at me, and I took a deep breath.
“Go to sleep, baby. I’ll be back later.”
Her eyes drifted closed and then she mumbled. I scooted closer. “What did you say, Holly?”
“Will you hold me tonight?” My chest tightened with her request. She appeared peaceful, angel-like in the bed and I wanted more than anything to hold her.
I slipped under the cover as she placed her head on my chest. Running my fingers through her hair, I listened to her breathing.
“Kevin, thank you.”
“Of course.”
“No, I mean thank you for bringing me here. I’ve never had this before.”
I leaned up a little to stare at her. She scooted just enough to where are faces were inches apart. “What do you mean?”
“It’s always been me and my mom for the holidays. She usually worked, and I would spend Christmas alone. Once she got married to my stepfather, everything changed. He was a creep.”
“What do you mean?”
Her eyes appeared troubled as she tried to fight off tears.
“Well, he came onto me right after they were married. I was eighteen, and he told me he wanted to have a taste. See if I tasted like my mother.”
I hugged her tight as she spoke. My fingers traced up and down her back as she nuzzled her nose into my chest.
“I’m so sorry. What did you do?”
“I moved out.”
“Good for you. You never told your mother.” Her eyes held mine as she spoke and I could feel her breath on my lips.
“I tried, but she wouldn’t listen.”
“You were so brave for trying, and for leaving.”
We both lay there, breathing each other in. She placed her hand on my face and I leaned in and felt her lips against mine. I closed my eyes as I tried to remember why this was so wrong.
Why wasn’t I inside her?
Everything in this moment felt so right. I deepened the kiss as my mind came up blank as to why I should stop. She scooted up on the bed to where we were lying side by side, kissing.
I ran my hand along her leg, so smooth. She moaned as I touched her, and I lifted her leg to drape it across my body.
“Holly, we can’t.” I didn’t know why these words were leaving my lips.
“Shh, I want this. Kevin please.”
In an instant, I remembered. She was drunk. I tried to pull away, but my body wouldn’t budge.
“You’re drunk. I want you, but not like this.”
“I’m not that drunk anymore, please.” Her tiny whimper made my body come alive. I stopped touching her and propped myself up to where she was slightly underneath me. Gazing into her eyes, I searched for any signs of why I shouldn’t take her. Why I shouldn’t be inside her.
Her eyes were more clear, yet I couldn’t be sure. I wanted her, I needed her. Inviting her here was the best decision I’d ever made. She was making me feel again.
While I sat there staring down to her, she ran her finger along my jaw.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
My mind was spiraling out of control with reasons why I should or should not, but I pushed them aside. Maybe I was being selfish, maybe she would hate me in the morning, but right now it didn’t phase me. I needed her.
I kissed her, with everything. I climbed on top of her as she wrapped her legs around me. Her body was tight and firm, and my hands moved everywhere. I tried to focus on anything but the heavy feeling in my chest.
I grinded my body on top of her, digging my erection into her warmness.
I still had my jeans and shirt on, and she was in her panties and bra. Needing to taste her sweet skin, I moved my lips down her neck, toward her breast.
With one hand, I felt along her back for the bra strap and removed it away from her body. She had the greatest tits I’d ever seen. They were full and her hard pink nipples were in my mouth before I could stop.
Every nerve ending of mine is ablaze with fire, and yet I know this is wrong. My body is in trans
it, to a destination of the best moment of my life, yet I need to stop.
I suck on her, making her squirm. She moans and it fuels my desire. My mind is in battle, fighting to remain on course.
I stop kissing her and lean up on both arms. “We can’t.” I shake my head and crawl off her.
Her blue eyes glare at me with fury, and I head into the bathroom. Turning the shower on as hot as I can, I remove my clothes.
Fuck, why did I stop?
As the water sprays over me, my hardness calms. Every inch of her body engulfs my mind as I stood there, feeling like a fool.
Her smile entraps me, her blonde hair and dark blue eyes caress me. I needed to remember why she was here.
After washing my body and trying to scrub away my yearning for her, I left the shower.
As I tiptoed back into the room, Holly was fast asleep in the bed. I dried off and threw on some boxers. When I lift the covers I see she is only in her panties, and I groaned.
I was hard all over again as I listened to her even breaths. Gazing at the ceiling, I tried to sleep.
12
Holly
A pounding in my head is the only sound I heard when I opened my eyes the next morning. As much as Kevin claimed I was too drunk to remember anything, I did. I remembered it all. I wanted it all.
His body was lying, fast asleep next to me. I twisted in bed to stare at him. His jaw was covered in a light stubble which had grown heavier overnight.
His dark hair fell across his forehead, and his features were mesmerizing. I couldn’t stop staring. One brown eye opened and shut just as quickly.
“Are you watching me sleep,” Kevin said.
“Yes.”
“Will you stop?”
“No,” I giggled.
He opened his brown, dazzling eyes to me and smiled. I loved his smile, it would immediately make me smile.
I craved it. I crawled out of bed and made my way to the bathroom. When I came back, Kevin was up and getting dressed.
