“This has nothing to do with our relationship,” he interjects. “It has to do with the fact that you were attacked twice and almost killed. If you think I’m going to leave you alone after that, you’re fucking crazy. Until this person is incapacitated, dead, or rotting behind bars, I’m going to be here. No one, no one, fucks with my family, and whether we are in a relationship or not, you’re blood to me. You’re my family now, and I will do everything in my power to keep you and my son safe. For the foreseeable future, that includes my staying here.”
“But—”
“No,” he says firmly. “This is nonnegotiable, Livvie. You do not realize how close I came to losing both of you. How lucky you are that the bullets only did minimal damage and the police came in time. I don’t talk about it much, but I’ve seen people not be so lucky and…” he pauses, clears his throat. “Sorry… but I won’t risk that with you. Or with Cole.”
OLIVIA SPUTTERS, BUT I put a hand over her mouth. “There’s really no use in arguing, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”
Her face is abnormally gray and there are shadows underneath her eyes. My fingers twitch at the sight, though hell if I know what I can do to make it better. What I do know is that I won’t be leaving her side, no matter how much she bitches about it.
She relaxes against my thigh and pulls my hand away. “I’m too tired to argue with you right now.”
“Probably smart, because you won’t win.”
“Says the man picking on a woman when she’s down,” she retorts, curling into my legs. Every possessive male part of me wants to keep her there, where I know she’s safe.
“Relax. I’ll listen out for the little guy. You need a nap.”
She shakes her head against me. “No, I can’t. He needs a careful eye after surgery, especially cause of the past couple of days.”
“I’m here, I’m going to be here. We both might as well get used to it.”
Her lids flutter against her cheeks. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay with him?”
“I’ll be fine, Liv. I was only seventeen when the twins were born. I can diaper like a pro.”
“He’s not a normal baby, you have to be careful with him,” she says in between yawns.
“He’s a Hart, isn’t he? I’m sure he’s tougher than you think.”
“If he seems like he’s having trouble breathing or he—”
“Livvie, I’m trained in combat medicine. I can handle whatever happens. Now turn off that brain of yours and go to sleep so you can argue with me later.”
She mumbles something in response and drifts off a few minutes later.
When she’s nothing more than dead weight on top of me, I carefully shift out from underneath her and cover her with a blanket. I put the T.V. on a station that’s guaranteed not to have any coverage about the shooting and make sure the volume is on low. I check on Cole and note he’s still asleep. Even though I’ve got shit to do, I can’t help but stare at him for a while as he sleeps.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and I step out of the room so I don’t wake up the kid. I note Logan’s name with a tense sort of anticipation. I almost hope he has a name for me. A thick, black rage has been building underneath my skin since I saw Olivia on the news. I just need one reason to let it loose.
“Better have news for me,” I answer. Livvie’s dog is whining at the back door when I make it back downstairs so I let him out.
“Depends on what you consider news.”
“Don’t fuck with me, man.”
“What do you know about Olivia’s boyfriend Chad?”
I think back to my limited set of interactions with the guy. “Seemed kind of pissed when he found me with my hands all over his date. Why?”
“A couple of people mentioned that he was spewing shit about Olivia this weekend. He has a vehicle that matches the description of the one at the scene. Just wanted to give you a heads up that we’ll be bringing him in for questioning as a precaution.”
“Appreciate it. He didn’t strike me as the type for retaliation and I’d be shocked if he could tell one end of a gun from the other. I don’t think he’s your guy.”
“I’ll keep an eye out and let you know if anything comes from the interview.”
“Thanks, man. You ever come up with anything from the break-in?”
“Went cold, not much to go on. Couple people saw a male, average height, average build in the neighborhood, but no one could I.D. the guy. We’ve got a couple prints, but nothing that matches anything in our database. You double check her security? The locks?”
“Yes, Dad. I’m staying for a while until this cools down. Make sure they’re safe.”
Logan lets out a low whistle. “I bet she loved that.”
I chuckle, my eyes automatically going back to her slumbering form on the couch. “Nah, not too much.”
“She ever hear anything about her family?”
“What do you mean?”
“She asked me a while back to look into her parents. Probably forgot with all that’s been going on. Lemme know if she needs anything, okay?”
“Will do. Thanks for checking in. Let me know if that Chad guy has anything.”
“Right. Later.”
I spend the next half hour messing with her security system and checking on all the entrances and exits. I spot the grooves in the window where the bastard must have broken in as I’m looking around. I can’t tell if the resulting burn in my stomach is anger or shame. I can’t help but feel like I should have been here. Strike one. I shouldn’t have turned her away after I got out of the Marines. Strike two. Hell if I’m going to let there be a strike three.
The monitor squawks so I jog upstairs feeling like I’m all thumbs. I hadn’t been lying when I said I was used to kids. The twins practically made me their bitch when they were born, but this kid is different. This kid is mine.
Fuck if that isn’t equal parts amazing and terrifying.
He stares up at me and reaches out his hands. I lift him up and cradle him awkwardly in my arms. The smell coming from his little butt ranks up there with the smell of uniforms and gear after a long stint in the field. I take him to the table in the corner and try to remember how the hell you change a diaper. If I could direct million-dollar aircraft, I can handle this.
His tiny pants tangle around his legs and it takes a good five minutes just to convince him that I’m not playing some sort of tug-of-war with him. By the time I actually get them off he’s smiling at me, which I’ll take as a success.
“You’re making this difficult, you know. We could have been done by now. I bet you don’t pull this kind of nonsense with your mom.”
He answers by blowing spit bubbles.
“I see you’ve got her attitude. Which is a hell of a good thing. Just don’t tell her I said so.”
Butt clean and redressed, I lift Cole up and turn to find Olivia watching us.
She clears her throat. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spy on you guys. I called for you, but you must not have heard me.”
I ignore that, not wanting to get into it. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. I told you I would be.” She holds out her hands for the kid, but I angle him backwards.
“Doctor’s orders. You need to be resting. No heavy lifting or strenuous activity,” I tell her.
“Ben, c’mon. He’s not that heavy. I would hardly characterize that as heavy lifting.”
I frown at Cole. “I think we should be insulted.” The kid actually mimics my frown and surprises a laugh out of me. “See?” I tell her.
“Ganging up on me already, I see.”
She tries to hide it, but I can see the beads of sweat on her hairline and the pallor of her skin. I’ve known men twice her size that bitch about wounds a lot less severe. “Get used to it later. Right now you need to get your ass back down on the couch. I’ll order something for dinner.”
“You’re still not staying here, Ben.”
Cole laughs at her and I can’t help my smi
le. I haven’t felt this good in a long time. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Let me get those for you,” I say, taking the empty paper plates from Olivia as she tries to get up from the couch. Cole holds out his arms to me from his spot on the floor. I manage to balance him and the plates. Out of the two of them, she’d given me more trouble than the kid.
I’d managed to keep her corralled through the afternoon with minimal fuss. The color had finally returned to her cheeks and she’d regained her spunk around the time I forced her to watch all four Lethal Weapon movies in a row.
“Please tell me there isn’t another one. Seriously. I’d rather eat another runny hospital breakfast.” She sits up on the couch and brushes the hair that’s escaped the ponytail away from her face. Even in sweatpants and an old T-shirt, I still want her. In another time, in another place, I could have had her. I look away until the feeling passes. When I’m reasonably sure I can control myself from slipping behind her on the couch, I turn back.
Her face is tight with concern and I can tell by the way her eyes flick to my ear that she’s studying my hearing aide. I sit back down on the chair and bounce Cole on my knee to keep my hands busy. Might as well go ahead and get it over with, much as I don’t like talking about it she was bound to ask sooner or later.
“I’m sorry,” she says, “I didn’t mean to stare. I’d heard around that you’d been hurt.”
“You don’t have to apologize.”
“No, I do. People used to see Cole sometimes, even people we knew, and would stare. You can’t even tell anything is different about him. Not really. But most everyone around here knows me. They can’t help it, really, but I get it. I get it and I should know better.”
“You get used to it.”
“I want to ask what happened, but I don’t want to pry.”
I swallow thickly. “Can’t we go back to the surprise baby news? That was a much more interesting conversation.” The pity in her eyes doesn’t help. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s over. I’ll never be able to hear out of my right ear, but the gadget helps. I’m alive.”
Realization dawns on her face. “I’ll try to be more aware when I talk.”
“Don’t. You don’t have to treat me any differently.”
“Is that why you got out?”
The credits from the last movie come to a stop and the DVD resets to the menu screen, but neither of us move to change it. The soundtrack fills the dim room with background noise and lulls the little guy into a stupor against my chest.
“I couldn’t stay in, not with my injuries.”
“Injuries?”
I tap my head with a finger. “TBI. Traumatic brain injury. But let’s not talk about me. What about this guy?”
She smiles at him, her love for him brightens everything about her. Not something I ever thought I’d find attractive about a woman, but on her it’s beautiful. “It’s been rough, I’m not going to lie. But I didn’t do it alone. Jack and Sofie were there for me every step of the way.”
“I’m glad. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you. I never really planned on having kids, but I want you to know that I’ll do right by the both of you.”
“I don’t expect you to do anything other than get to know him. I would love for you to be a part of his life. But…” she trails off, her fingers picking at the blanket covering her legs.
“But, what?”
“I only want you to do that if you plan on being there, for everything. For always. I don’t want him to lose as many people as I have. If I can protect him from even the smallest part of that pain, I will. I just don’t want him to get hurt.”
She doesn’t say it, she doesn’t really have to, but I can tell a part of her pain was caused by me.
“I promise you this, Liv. I will always be there for him. That’s one thing that you won’t ever have to worry about again.”
“Thank you,” she says, her voice thick with emotion. “And I know I said it before but I’m sorry for not trying harder to tell you. For being a coward, basically. There was so much going on after my dad’s heart attack, then dealing with Cole’s surgeries. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement. That doesn’t excuse it, but that’s all I’ve got.”
“Like I said, you don’t have to apologize. How about we consider this a clean start? And don’t consider this as anything other than a self-serving offer. I was a jerk to you.”
“Deal.”
Cole shifts against my chest. “When do they start talking?”
“He could start any time now. He’s mostly an observer though, so I think it could be a while,” Olivia says around a yawn. “I’ve been trying to get him to say Mom for weeks, but he hasn’t.”
“I’ll have him calling me Dad in no time.”
“Fat chance,” she says, grinning at me.
“Time for bed. I’ll put him down and then come help you up if you need it,” I tell her when Cole starts to fuss.
She sighs. “Ben, seriously, you don’t have to do all of this.”
“Complain one more time.”
“I’m just sayin’—”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Fine. If you want to be stubborn and unreasonable, you go right ahead. Sleep on the couch for all I care.”
We head upstairs where she breaks off to her bedroom and I go to the kid’s room. He murmurs as I lay him down in his crib, but settles back into sleep. I make sure the monitor by his bed is on and take the other set with me. I pull his door closed a ways and find Olivia in the master bath.
I’d dumped my shit in her closet so I go and retrieve my toothbrush and a change of clothes. She doesn’t say anything when I come back in the bathroom shirtless, but I don’t miss the way her eyes flicker over my bare chest. Shoulder to shoulder, we brush our teeth. All the while she’s trying to ignore me in the mirror which makes me want to smile. I’m such a dick for enjoying her nearness so much.
She finishes and rinses, high-tailing it out of the bathroom like she couldn’t wait to get out of there. I follow and plug my phone into the outlet beside her bed in case Logan has any updates for me. The more time that passes, the more I worry they’ll never catch the asshole. I won’t feel comfortable until they do.
“Do you want me to get some blankets for the couch?” Olivia asks after grabbing some clothes from her dresser. She hovers in the bathroom doorway, clutching them to her chest.
“Don’t need ‘em.”
Her brows furrow. “Are you sure? It can be chilly sometimes.”
“Not sleeping downstairs, Liv.”
Her eyes flicker to the bed. “You don’t mean you’re going to sleep with me.”
“I do and I am.” I pull back the covers and slide in. The scent of her curls around me and I can feel every muscle relax and tighten at the same time. That scent has haunted my dreams for fucking months.
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” she says timidly.
“I’m not gonna try anything. You’re in too much pain for that right now.” I let the implication that she may not be in so much pain later hang in the air.
“You would be fine on the couch.”
“I’m going to be fine right here.”
We have a little Mexican standoff as she glares at me from across the room. She huffs, spinning around to the bathroom. When she comes out in a pair of shorts that barely cover her ass and a skimpy tank top that leaves not a whole helluva lot to the imagination, I almost swallow my own tongue.
Maybe sleeping in the same bed wasn’t such a good idea.
MOVEMENT WAKES ME and I’m thankful that I’m in my own bed this time. My eyes adjust to the darkness and I see Ben beside me thrashing on the bed. His muscles are coiled beneath his skin, sweat sheens his forehead and his heart beats a visible pulse in his throat. As my nerves calm, my mind races to catch up. I don’t know what to do. I’ve heard of PTSD and the resulting nightmares, but I can’t remember if I’m supposed to touch him or wake him or what. A crying baby, I can h
andle, but I don’t know what to do to help the man beside me. Ben comes awake with a jerk, his eyes finding mine in the darkness.
He doesn’t say anything, he just pulls me down and fits himself against my back. Finally, I ask, “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m good.” He gasps for breath. “Just give me a few minutes.”
I don’t know what to say. I don’t know if it’s smart to have him hold me like this when everything is so messed up. The only thing I do know is that I want to take his mind off of whatever horrors he just relived.
“Does that happen often?”
“Nah, not really. Talking about it yesterday must have brought back the memories is all.”
Sadness wells in my chest. Without thinking about it, my hand moves to cover his around my waist. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“Don’t be.” We’re quiet for a few minutes and then he asks, “If I woke you up, I don’t mind sleeping downstairs in case it happens again. It’s pointless of me to be here if you aren’t getting any sleep.”
With the memory of his fear fresh on my mind, I say, “No, it’s okay. I’m used to waking up every couple hours with Cole.”
“Are you sure?” His hand flexes against the bared skin of my waist.
“Yes,” I manage. “Yes, it’s fine.”
“Tell me something,” he says.
“About what?”
He squeezes me tighter. “Anything to get my mind off it. Just talk to me.”
I blurt the first thing that comes to mind. “Did you know I started looking into my birth parents?”
“Logan may have mentioned it.”
I shake my head at him. “I swear you three are worse than a bunch of chicks. He learned they were very poor—to the point where child services was called several times. They’d filed bankruptcy a year or so before I was given up. The notes in the file said that my biological father got involved with drugs. There was some sort of incident—they didn’t go into too much detail and I don’t remember it. Anyway, that’s what I’ve learned so far.”
Warrior (First to Fight #1) Page 13
